SCooke Posted April 28, 2009 Posted April 28, 2009 Hi, My ex (dated for 3 1/2 yrs) broke up with me about 4 months ago. She's going to be traveliing abroad soon, and she told me that when she gets back, she wants to pursue school on her own. We broke up because she knew I was not ready to take the next step with her. In fact I had told her I didn't see a long term relationship for us after she got back from her trip (mind you, I really didn't think this through, I just felt like I was too young to get serious) . I know she felt like i slipping away from her and she told me she needed something more from a relationship. When she broke it off, she was pretty fair to me, but also very strong. i begged her to take me back, and she stood firm. I think she was prepared for a while. I was a mess because you know guys don't think until there's a crisis. She did however, tell me that she "really sees a future for our relationship", but just not now, not in the immdediate future. We tried being friends after the breakup,but it wasn't working for me as I was too attached still, so I went NC about more than 2 weeks ago. i told her I'd contact her when I was ready to be friends.... My question is, I know her trip coming up is very important to her. Do I drop a qucik email wishing her good luck? Do I call? i know breaking NC is not ususally good, and I'm really commited to moving on (can't wait around for "the future" ). But I also want to be nice and civilized because I have no ill will or anger towards her. I don't know what to do!
Chinook Posted April 28, 2009 Posted April 28, 2009 My question is, I know her trip coming up is very important to her. Do I drop a qucik email wishing her good luck? Do I call? i know breaking NC is not ususally good, and I'm really commited to moving on (can't wait around for "the future" ). But I also want to be nice and civilized because I have no ill will or anger towards her. I don't know what to do!Nope. Like you have said, unless you are ready to be friends or more, its not a good idea. She's going away and she wants to enjoy that, respect that and let her go. Maybe when she comes home, ask how it was and whether she had a good time. Contact for the sake of contact is not worth it. If you contact her now it will upset her and likely place a cloud over her trip. Just my 2p.
Author SCooke Posted April 28, 2009 Author Posted April 28, 2009 It's hard not to think about coming off as rude if I don't. I know I should really just worry about me, and not bother about what she might think of it, but I can't help thinkin about it.
bluewolf17 Posted April 28, 2009 Posted April 28, 2009 I can tell you really want to give her a "goodbye" before she leaves on what sounds like a very important trip. But the fact is, she already knows how you feel. You told her. Not only that, but you told her that being friends wasn't good enough for you (good job!). I would leave this one alone. Sometimes, saying nothing says a lot. If she doesn't want to be with you, just stop stroking her ego by contacting her. Trust me, you will feel much better about it later. And just a note, your right. Men tend to not think things through until chaos has broken loose. Just take this as a lesson. The next time you love someone (and you will) remember the lesson you learned here, and you will be much better off the next time. Good luck, and don't call!
Author SCooke Posted April 28, 2009 Author Posted April 28, 2009 bluewolf17, Thanks so much for what you wrote. I think you're right. She knows. She knows I care about her and her trip (she's going to volunterer in an orphanage in africa) , so there's no need for saying anything... I won't do it! As far as learning lessons, you're absoultly right. Whatever happenes from now on, if we never get back together or even have a friendship, i know that at least I learned a lot about what it is to say I love you to someone, and the responsibility that comes with those words. I guess the next girl I find is lucky that I went through some real pain, because I sure as hell won't make the same mistakes with her. .. anyways, thank you so much!
Author SCooke Posted May 18, 2009 Author Posted May 18, 2009 So, I am still contemplating about writing her an email to say goodbye. It's been over a month and half since I've talked to her. Over this period, I think I've made a lot of progress. NC is definetly the best way to heal. It's an up and down journey, but I feel like I'm going in the right direction. I am at peace with the end of our relationship and I no longer wish to get back with her. I now fully realize that i have a bright future ahead of me, and I need to go after my career goals and also date other people and see what else is out there. However, I still think about her a lot and lately I've been getting some anxiety when I think about her because I have a feeling she's seeing someone else (I slipped and been checking her FB page and she has many pics with this one guy...) To be honest, I'm not sure if I'd be too hurt if I found out she's seeing somebody because I know it will eventually happen, I just wanna know for sure one way or the other i guess. .. Anyways, although I'm at peace with the end of our relationship, I still care for her a lot as a person. She is a tremendous girl, and after a lot of thinking i realize the breakup was the best thing for both of us. She never hurt me and i have no resentment towards her. I wouldn't mind if we are good friends eventually. So do I write her to say goodbye? She leaves this week. After reading about my emotinal state, do you guys think I'm ready to contact her, or do I have some ways to go before I do? HELP!
Author SCooke Posted May 19, 2009 Author Posted May 19, 2009 So I just wrote her. It just felt like it was the right thing to do, .I'm not expecting anything from it. i think I just wanted to let her know that I'm not bitter at her or going NC to play games, because I truly went NC to heal myself, and i believe I'm on the right track. I just hope this doesn't set me back! . This is what I wrote: "Hi, I know you're leaving this week and I wanted to wish you a great trip to Africa. I know how much this means to you and your family. I hope you all have a fun and rewarding experience. You will do a lot of great things there! Please tell your family I wish you all the best. I hope you're doing great. Take care and good luck," Was that too much? Uhhg!
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