Vodka Posted April 28, 2009 Posted April 28, 2009 older men that are married? A bit of background, I am in my mid 20's and have a good job. My Father has been in my life since the day I was born and always took great care of my sister and I. When I was 23, I had sex for the first time with someone who was more than twice my age. Then, I met an older married guy and while we are still email friends today, there is nothing sexual anymore. Then I met a married co-worker who told me he was attracted to me, and we had something like a 4 month long affair. I always stay friends with these people afterward, and I never seem to form an emotional connection. Sure, I grow to like them a lot, but I know it will never be more, so I do not involve myself. I do not sleep around, and so I pretty well have to know them fairly good to sleep with them. Anyways, now at work, there are a couple guys who come in as clients that I am attracted to, and I have no idea why. They are older and married, but not really my type, so why I feel attracted to them, I have no idea. Not that I could even do anything about it anyways, since when I see them I am at work. I know this probably isnt normal, but I just wonder why I do this sometimes?
bentnotbroken Posted April 28, 2009 Posted April 28, 2009 Shouldn't you be asking a professional that question?
2sure Posted April 28, 2009 Posted April 28, 2009 Sometimes there is no deep seeded reason for the things that turn us on. Sometimes there is no figuring it out. A lot of times it doesn't even matter why, because its harmless. But this isn't - it has real potential to blow up in your face, emotionally attached or not. Think career killer if nothing else. I don't think being attracted to a guy specifically because he is older is unusual or unhealthy. It doesn't have to be a "daddy complex" . Many women have given them a whirl, just like "bad boys" , and other various types we try out. The fact that you are attracted, to the point of affairs , to married older men ....screams that you like the TABOO factor. Hey, taboo is fun. No denying that. But drama is not. Pick another one. Something legal and drama free. Or, get ye to therapy.
Nikki Sahagin Posted April 28, 2009 Posted April 28, 2009 Maybe you like the lack of involvement? You like the sex etc but you know they are emotionally committed to their wives, so you don't need to change your life in any massive way to accomodate them. If may be that you don't want a committed relationship so you seek out those who already have prior committments; that way theres no danger of them infringing on your freedom and your life, but you still get the excitement, the mystery and the danger of it all.
Author Vodka Posted April 28, 2009 Author Posted April 28, 2009 I think you might be right Nikki. Ive never been to big into having a relationship, always having to have someone around and always having to go out and do things with the person. But, in not dating, I miss the sex. Maybe I like having someone to have sex with without having to answer to anyone. And since I already know they are taken, I can do whatever I want. Hmmm.
Lucky_One Posted April 28, 2009 Posted April 28, 2009 They are older and married, but not really my type, so why I feel attracted to them, I have no idea. Actually, they sound EXACTLY your type! I would definitely caution against trying to hook up with them outside work or trying to seduce them, though. Companies do NOT like it when their employees mess around with clients; after all, if the company loses the clients, then you all lose your jobs.
OWoman Posted April 29, 2009 Posted April 29, 2009 I think you might be right Nikki. Ive never been to big into having a relationship, always having to have someone around and always having to go out and do things with the person. But, in not dating, I miss the sex. Maybe I like having someone to have sex with without having to answer to anyone. And since I already know they are taken, I can do whatever I want. Hmmm. This sounds very like I used to be. Enjoy it while it lasts
Owl Posted April 29, 2009 Posted April 29, 2009 This sounds very like I used to be. Enjoy it while it lasts Yep...all you have to do is to learn to rationalize away the damage done to the MM's wife and family as "not my problem", and you're set for life. Sorry Owoman...but that's been the "fly in the soup" for that mindset for a very long time. If EVERYONE felt the way that you do about monogamy/marriage/etc...there wouldn't be any issue at all with thinking this way. But they don't...which leaves a wake of devestated familes and lives when the people who DIDN'T sign up for that "let's step out and have fun" idea are impacted by these choices. Personally, I don't have a single thing against the idea of polygamy/polyamory...as long as the decision is made in a way that doesn't devestate others or violate vows previously made. People who feel that way about relationships should simply NEVER get involved in one where there is the expectation of committment...nor should they get involved with someone who is already in a commited relationship.
whichwayisup Posted April 29, 2009 Posted April 29, 2009 Maybe I like having someone to have sex with without having to answer to anyone. And since I already know they are taken, I can do whatever I want. Hmmm. There are TONS of single guys looking for just 'sex' no strings attached.
OWoman Posted April 29, 2009 Posted April 29, 2009 There are TONS of single guys looking for just 'sex' no strings attached. I'm not sure what age the OP is (20s?) or what age group of men she's interested in ("older" could mean anything from 30s to geriatric!) but certainly as one gets older (or one's target age group gets older) that is no longer the case. At that point, SGs are either: * newly D, with lots of recent and intense baggage (ie bad sex, lots of emotional laundry) * long D, with chronic baggage, bitter & twisted (kinky sex, often with sinister undertones that leave you checking discreetly for the axe hidden under his bed...) * never M - because they're hideous or because they're closeted or because they have "impossibly high standards" (ie they have issues AND they're closeted) or because they've been in prison all that time or because they've just gotten out of their rubber room. Thanks, but...! That does of course leave toyboys, but if you prefer men to be men and not boys, they're out of the question. I can see why Lesbianism has become so popular lately
wildsoul Posted April 29, 2009 Posted April 29, 2009 OW, that was entertaining. Dunno where the OP and others live, but here on the west coast of the US, there are tons and tons of handsome polyamorous guys looking for no-strings sex and/or open relationships. Where I live, it's a completely valid lifestyle choice. So much so, that it's hard to find (desirable) men who want (hot) monogamy. Those guys are the elusive unicorns! You can't throw a rock here without hitting a poly guy.
OWoman Posted April 29, 2009 Posted April 29, 2009 You can't throw a rock here without hitting a poly guy. Maybe your aim is just very accurate? It probably is location-dependent, though - I live in a tiny village in the UK where even the students lead Noah's Ark lifestyles and you have to search for condoms in the supermarket. In my home country, polygamy is legal but more frequently (particularly in more "traditional" areas) it's accepted that men will have OWs on the side, M being very expensive. Polyamory tends to be found in the cities (though usually among youonger guys) and in the more liberal areas which have a 60s hippy vibe to them (some of the surfing hot spots, as well as craft havens - fine if your conversation is limited to "shoo wow man, pass the doob", and your taste to lanky hair fringing burgeoning baldspots, bad dentistry and questionable personal hygiene). Clearly West Coast USA is where it's all happening!
wildsoul Posted April 29, 2009 Posted April 29, 2009 It probably is location-dependent, though - I live in a tiny village in the UK where even the students lead Noah's Ark lifestyles and you have to search for condoms in the supermarket. Suddenly, your entire posting history about SG's always wanting a commitment makes sense to me now! It's so opposite my experience here, that I've wondered if it was geographical or perhaps just one of those things where we have a hard time attracting what we want. A girlfriend and I went out for a drink the other day, and she asked, "Do you need a condom?" Then she pointed out a basket of them in the bar on top of the cigarette vending machine.
OWoman Posted April 29, 2009 Posted April 29, 2009 Suddenly, your entire posting history about SG's always wanting a commitment makes sense to me now! It's so opposite my experience here, that I've wondered if it was geographical or perhaps just one of those things where we have a hard time attracting what we want. A girlfriend and I went out for a drink the other day, and she asked, "Do you need a condom?" Then she pointed out a basket of them in the bar on top of the cigarette vending machine. I'm in a remote village NOW, with my H, but I used to live in a very liberal city where you'd as likely find condoms as sugar in the bowl on the table in the restaurant, and EVERY restroom in any public building had (free) dispensers, state funded. But, liberal attitudes aside, guys beyond A Certain Age just want to make mini-me's and have some hot female real estate to decorate their lad pads, IME! The culture clash is quite funny. The first time I left condoms in his (15 y/o) son's bathroom there was a stunned silence followed by an awkward "but I haven't got a GF" discussion. That hadn't even occurred to me - I've just always had them on hand - like soap or toothpaste or aspirin - as one of those things that if you need, you need now, not to have to go and get at the shop. My own kids grew up that way, forever checking the dates on them and throwing out the old ones and telling me to stock up on more - whether or not they were being used. It's quite different here - but then I guess the UK does have the highest rate of teen pregnancy in Europe, so perhaps not having them to hand when things get frisky does have consequences
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