Kaii Posted April 28, 2009 Posted April 28, 2009 Ever since I started dating in my teens, this has been an issue that has followed me around. I am not sure what to do about it. I tried counselling, but maybe I didn't go for long enough. At this point, I feel like it's just a part of my personality. I am incredibly insecure. I never feel that I am enough. I never feel smart enough, sexy enough, nice enough, I never feel that I give enough to the other person. Because of all this "not feeling like enough", I am very jealous and always doubt the other person's intentions and feelings. I need a lot of emotional reassurance and I am with a guy right now who doesn't really give that to me. I feel insecure all the time with him, always worrying that he is going to find someone else and leave me. He is a very hands on, rational type and doesn't need reassurance all the time. He is more of a an "actions not words" type of guy. Intelligently, I know that I am a good GF. I have a good career, I am financially independent. I am kind and softhearted. I am intelligent and funny. I am attractive and sexually adventurous. But why don't I believe it all deep down, where it counts? What is wrong with me? This has affected every single relationship I have ever had. When I went to therapy for it a few years ago, the therapist said it had to do with the relationship I had with my father. I had a 15 yr old mother and a 19 yr old father. In addition to the (sometimes) physical and (always) emotional abuse, I always felt like a bother and that I had ruined my parent's lives. I was never "Daddy's little girl", I was more like "Daddy's little pain in the ass". I don't know how to get past this as it has taken me all these years to finally let go of my anger towards my parents....but I am still needy and insecure. It is deeply impacting my current relationship. WTF is wrong with me and how do I stop it????
scootncash Posted April 28, 2009 Posted April 28, 2009 Hi Kaii, I went through a similar therapy over a boyfriend of 8 years who left me for someone new. I went through therapy for approximately a year. My therapist told me that the amount of time you spend with a therapist all depends on the individual, in other words, everyone works at their own speed. Im thinking unless your therapist saw the necessary changes and understanding and told you that you were at a point where your insecurity had been addressed and worked through then maybe you didnt spend enough time sorting it out and healing. I am not sure what to do about it. I tried counselling, but maybe I didn't go for long enough. At this point, I feel like it's just a part of my personality. I still find myself today calling her if I really have a problem and Im not sure that Im working it out clearly but its rare. I have always found out that Im handling it the way I should. But insecurity is the devil and it can definitely ruin a relationship as it played a big part in mine. I think maybe a little more one on one might help you out. You obviously have reached the point where you know what the problem is you just havent worked all the way through it so that you can change your attitudes, your objectives, your actions, and your reactions. Counseling really does help and I used to be an advocate of "if you need therapy then you must be weak." That statement coming from an insecure woman. I was never daddy's little girl and I went through hell for it in my relationships but I stuck with therapy and man did it help. I wish you luck and hope this helps. Let me know if you need anything. Scootncash
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