Ex-boyfriend question (My GF's ex)

[canadaguy98]

Hola

 

I wrote some rather depressing posts on here last summer/fall. My fiancee of 9 years just decided to do something else and up and left me for no real reason after a year of being "unplugged", I dealt with infidelity, blabla all of it. Well I went through a horrible rebound relationship afterwards and finally got that lying cheating cow out of my life and started looking for something better.

 

Well things are certainly looking up for me these days!

 

I by sheer force of fluke (or destiny, depending on your take on things) met the greatest girl for me I think I've ever met. The compatibility is insane it's like I'm with a virtual clone of myself.

 

But I'm not posting this to write about the past or to brag about what a wonderful girl I've found and connected with.

 

My question is with regards to her ex-boyfriend.

 

The ex is her boss, he's a total A-type personality, a real girl-picker-upper. He's got about 8 inches of height on me and about 80 pounds. I'm 5'7" 140 in great shape but this guy is like 6'5" 240. He's not in that great of shape, but they work in law enforcement so he's no pussy either. Moneywise he is probably miles ahead of me (I run my own home based business).

 

They broke up 5 months ago. The guy always had girls on the go apparently until he met her. AFAIK she is the first girl that ever dumped him, he was always the one doing the heartbreaking. Which made him want her more. Apparently he hasnt dated anyone since they broke up, he's been trying to get her back ever since. From the stories I've heard from her, he's tried literally everything; no contact, being cocky, being an jerk, being nice, he's thrown on pretty well all the masks.

 

I met this girl a month ago and we clicked so well that we literally haven't spent a day apart since we met, neither of us wants to be apart. We feel the same way about eachother. We've actually talked about marriage, kids, childrearing, all of it. We're not rushing into anything blindly we want to take our time, but we can just TALK if you know what I mean. I know she looks at our relationship as something she wants to do the right way and take it to the full extent of serious, by taking time and communicating and I feel the same.

 

She let me know today that buddy who never ever cooked a meal in his life came and brought food for her at work today, a seafood pasta that is her favorite. He tried to give it to her and she said she wasnt hungry, but he insisted in front of other people at work. She tried it and told him it tasted horrible (I know, kind of mean I wouldn't have suggested she do that either) and she said he almost had tears in his eyes. Her co-workers made her apologize to him.

 

The reason he did this is kind of obvious. I'm a sous chef so for me to make her a nice dinner and throw in a bit extra to make her a gourmet lunch in a 2 meals for the effort of 1 is nothing. So she's periodically been coming to work with some really good food. She works in an enclosed area, so I'm sure that when she pops this stuff in the microwave it probably fills up the entire place because I really like this girl so I dont just do it half-baked, I sautee the spices and do it all to the full extent.

 

So he in a way is trying to compete with me, trying to show that he can do what I can do sort of thing.

 

I feel for the guy, he's obviously got good taste in women, this girl is a supreme catch. If he's half as smitten with her as I am I can only imagine how difficult it would be to work with her without thinking of trying to get back together.

 

I'm secure enough that I dont really feel threatened by it, she's kind of worried that I might be and offered not to tell me things like that, said that she just told me because she feels comfortable enough to be totally honest. I'd much rather that she be totally honest and because I'm not threatened by it I just told her that I know if she wanted him back she could have him back in a nanosecond -- she could just stay late at work and hang out with him -- but instead she zips off the second her shift ends and comes straight to my place and doesnt leave until work the next day.

 

I guess what I'm asking for here is any advice in how to approach the situation BEFORE it becomes a problem. While I'm not threatened by his antics, relationships have their ups and downs and it isn't a great thing to have buddy at her work constantly trying to wiggle back in there. Plus it's not her fault that she ends up around him, she has a pretty wicked job as a supervisor and he's her manager (she was dating him before she started working in this location). I wont and cant ask her to leave her job or anything like that, if she wanted to do that I'd let her come to that decision on her own steam. So she can't quite avoid him. Plus where they work is pretty close quarters so its not like she can just close the door to her office.

 

So any advice on how to deal with this situation from my perspective? Obviously it's her boss and that means it affects her job. To boot they're both in law enforcement so kicking the guys ass is out of the question (nice way to land my butt in jail). To boot the guy is way bigger than me anyway. Lol. I know that this is not my problem to deal with, it's between him and her. I respect and appreciate the way that she's dealing with it so far, but it seems that he's trying much harder now that he knows that she's growing attached to me.

 

I dont know. Dont get me wrong, it's not a problem at all. I just sense that it's one of those things that could become a problem so I'm curious on some other people's perspectives. I think I'm going about it all the right way, since it doesnt even really bother me. I trust her and appreciate that I'm the lucky guy she's chosen to be with and who she chooses to spend her time with. Thats the way I'm looking at it right now, anyway.

 

BTW_ The guy knows about me, but doesn't really know how serious we're getting. Kind of not one of those things you talk about at work, so I understand why she hasn't brought it up.

[loser101]

I think at this stage the best thing to do is to keep reassuring her that she can talk to you about any aspect of her ex's behaviour so you always know what's going on. I don't think it's possible to predict what he is going to do next so try not to think about that too much. It sounds like she has her head screwed on though so try not to think that whatever is going to happen next, you will have to take it by yourself. It will always be the two of you dealing with the ex.

[mental_traveller]

"I met this girl a month ago and we clicked so well that we literally haven't spent a day apart since we met, neither of us wants to be apart. We feel the same way about eachother. We've actually talked about marriage, kids, childrearing, all of it. We're not rushing into anything blindly we want to take our time, but we can just TALK if you know what I mean."

 

Sounds like you have nothing to worry about with this girl.

 

If you feel the need to do something, why not go and meet the guy and talk with him, tell him that you and this girl are serious now, and you'd appreciate it if he showed some respect and backed off.