entityzero Posted April 28, 2009 Posted April 28, 2009 Hey guys would love a bit of input into some texts i got from my ex.. Quick background, she broke up with me almost 6 months ago and hooked up with a mate straight after.. She's always been nice with me since but i dont hear from her at all, but i txted her about some money she owes me and would love to hear what you think of this: First txt to her: Hey you owe me blah blah blah... First txt from her: Thanks for letting me know and thanks for the birthday msg i appreciate it Second txt back to her: No worries! Shame we couldnt catch up for a drink so a txt had to do! Hope you're well:) Second txt from her: Yeah doing well, was in melbourne for my birthday, we should catch up soon we dont need an occasion! Are you doing well? (Note: WHY would i want to know she went away with HIM for her birthday??) Thrid txt back to her: Im ok, as good as can be.. As much as id like to see you i still miss you everyday and dont think it would be good for me now, i dont wanna hear how he makes you happy Third txt back from her: Thats fair enough, i understand, glad works going well, talk to you soon ok? Last txt to her: I know you dont feel the same but its hard to let you go ya know? Take care ok? So yeah, not much there but from not hearing anything for a few months to something, i just wanna get others opinions on it. To me it sounds like: Im over you completely so it wouldnt be a problem for me to see you. And that makes me sad:( Do you think theres ANYTHING else to be read from that? Why would she wanna catch up?? And she didn't say any I miss you too's.. She didnt deny he makes her happy...god i f**king hate him!!! And miss her so much..
TaraMaiden Posted April 28, 2009 Posted April 28, 2009 She is doing nothing, but the pain you feel is self-inflicted. Did the money really matter? if it had done, you would have sought repayment earlier. This was just an excuse for you to contact her in order to feel her emotionally close to you again, but of course, that did not work. You don't hear from her at all, but you contacted her... This is the equivalent to taking a spiked stick and beating your self on the head with it. You would not do that... so stop doing this. It stops hurting when you stop lying to yourself that this is still ok. because as you have now found out, it is not ok, and no amount of hope on your part is ever going to make it so. finish looking back and begin to look forward. What other choice do you have....? Oh yes, I know.... that stick again..... _/l\_
Author entityzero Posted April 28, 2009 Author Posted April 28, 2009 Yeah the money matters, she owes me $800 which needs to be payed by December and we had an agreement that she would pay it in installments, which she's doing, so I just txted her to let her know how much was left. I wasnt even expecting a reply let alone all of that. But you would still say that those txts she wrote have nothing in them?
BW007 Posted April 28, 2009 Posted April 28, 2009 I can understand exactly ( from personal experience) how you are trying to read love between the lines of the scraps she has offered up to you. She was polite, but that is all I see man. Be cool, you said it yourself to her that it wasn't in your best interest to see her. Believe yourself. I wonder what this will be like for me as well when this happens at some point.
TaraMaiden Posted April 28, 2009 Posted April 28, 2009 But you would still say that those txts she wrote have nothing in them? I would say it is the texts she did not write that had something in them.... And she didn't say any I miss you too's.. She didnt deny he makes her happy... your texts were based on Hope. And predictably, they were dashed. Are you really surprised?
Author entityzero Posted April 28, 2009 Author Posted April 28, 2009 Yeah well i cant deny i hope everyday they break up, and she realizes he's a useless piece of crap.. I guess yeah, i wanted her to give me SOMETHING, and i thought her asking me or suggesting we catch up was something, but I guess not... Does it all translate to: "I have no feelings for you and nothing to offer you"? She obvioulsy doesnt feel much pain for me if she wants to catch up while she's still with him right?
BW007 Posted April 28, 2009 Posted April 28, 2009 Honestly, she just is respecting your boundaries. I can feel how much you want her back. She did open the door to a lets be friends moment, but I think it would just kill you inside, so please don't get your hopes up. I really have been through the same one sided text message BS and it is just freaking haunting. I hate texts, they are a horrible history sometimes when things are out of balance. Stick to the hard path and keep moving forward with your life. Don't let this be a huge setback for you.
Author entityzero Posted April 28, 2009 Author Posted April 28, 2009 I guess if she wasnt happy with him she wouldnt tell me anyway.. Still... I guess shes pretty f***ing happy if they're going away for her birthday, i just need to accept that this isnt a fleeting thing and they're gonna be together for a while, she doesnt think shes made a mistake by throwing away someone who loved her so much.
Steadfast Posted April 28, 2009 Posted April 28, 2009 You're doing an awful lot of assuming. You are assuming she is happy, assuming she doesn't care, assuming her feelings. You have to stop. One, you'll make yourself crazy trying to figure it all out and two, even if you do, what can you do about it? She will decide for her. You decide for you. What you need is some good old fashioned self respect and esteem. The only way to get that is to accept the facts and move on. Judge her by her actions, not her words. Right now you're trying to touch her heart by telling her how you feel...to somehow make her understand what she is missing. She knows. What's the old saying? People want what they can't have? Well, she has you and she doesn't want you. You can bet your ex-mate is playing it cool; keeping her at arm's length and keeping her interest high. He's a challenge, you're in the bag. You need to get out of the bag and be on with it. Let go! Look, I understand. There probably isn't a person reading this that has not tried to reach out, to convince. Me included. Here's another old saying; 'Love is blind'. Open your eyes and look at who she really is; not just how she looks or makes you feel, but how she is as a person, how she has -really- treated you and your feelings. When you have cancer you want it cut out or destroyed, to be done with it. It is painful and scary. Cut her out. At some point, when you've proven that you have truly moved on, she will probably contact you to see what is happening. I think all women (and maybe men) do this...it is kind of like checking your bank balance. What have I got in there? When that happens you'll be forced to deal with another situation. Hopefully, at some point you will meet someone who you truly connect with; someone who cares about you more than anything. Remember, if you REALLY love someone you will not cheat on them. You'd die for them, you would NEVER do anything to hurt them. That is true love. She can't give you that. You deserve better. Get well man and keep your chin up! I'll bet someday you look back at this time and feel thankful that it happened. Not because you like pain, but because you found what it is you were truly meant to do. Hang in!
Author entityzero Posted April 29, 2009 Author Posted April 29, 2009 Thanks so much for that level headed piece of insight Steadfast. Damn I know you're right, she does have me in the bag and she knows it, and I know he is definitely keeping her at arms length and playing it cool, taking his time, and I must look like such a chump in her eyes for still offering myself after how she treated me. I hate that she knows she could have me but she'd prefer to be with him, that kills me.. It lessens the chance that she'll ever want anything to do with me coz she thinks im an emotionally heavy sap.. if only i could of hated her straight away and shown it. This has really made me see that she has completely and totally moved on and thats why she gave me the see each other as friends s**t, WHY the hell would i wanna see her when she's going home to him?? She obviously thinks and feels its been long enough and that the breakup isn't a sore spot in her life anymore. Whereas for me, the pain of them being together haunts me everyday!
TaraMaiden Posted April 29, 2009 Posted April 29, 2009 ...And I think we have been successful in pointing out that this pain is completely self-inflicted. There is no deliberate effort on her part to deliberately keep you in this pain. her motives to keep you as a friend are meant well, but they are misguided. You have told her that this is still too painful for you. She heard that. If she persists in being affectionate in a friendship way, you will have to propose that she does not do this.... but this would not be a reproach, this would be to protect you. You really do have to move on. Mea (a member on this forum) is practising meditation to calm her mind and settle her over-thinking. She has a thread titled 'meditation'. Perhaps it would be of benefit to you, if you considered it also......
Steadfast Posted April 30, 2009 Posted April 30, 2009 It may not seem like it now, but the situation is only temporary. You WILL heal and move on, but she (or anyone who heartlessly jumps from person to person) will waffle; looking for love, the thrill of a 'new' romance and the roller coaster of emotions one feels when they live a self-centered existence. So you love her and wish you could be together? So what? What's wrong with that? Do we have a light (love?) switch we can turn on and off? No. The thing you need to realize is that your normal; you have honest, healthy feelings of love and caring and those feelings got trampled on. Someone once told me "Don't feel bad about feeling bad". See, if you didn't, there would be something wrong with you. Finally, when you factor in the ego and emotional needs we all have, it can seem pretty overwhelming. What you have to remember is only you can choose for you. If you decide you have to move on -really let go and move on- it isn't going to happen right away. Don't try to push the heart's time table...it will heal if you let it. Just let it. Don't pressure or punish yourself. Start slow and let it happen. An altered state of mind is not the answer. Someday, she will see you and know -because of the kind of person you are- that she made a mistake. I promise you that. She may not try to approach you because of her pride or fear of rejection, but she'll want to. Be real. Real people don't walk on each other, and real love doesn't either.
Author entityzero Posted April 30, 2009 Author Posted April 30, 2009 Thanks again Steadfast some really wise words there... I guess its just beginning to get beyond a joke that im still hung up on her, how much i miss her, her body, the things we used to do... it'd be easier if she was with someone i didnt know, or still alone, but the fact shes with my "mate", it just haunts me everyday, i think about what they're doing all the time coz i can picture him and his smug grin, having sex with her in my old house... it just makes me sick and everyday they are together i cant escape it! I'd love to beleive she'll realize she made a mistake but i want that NOW, how long can I wait for the satisfaction of them breaking up and her realizing what she lost?? I'll go mental before that happens coz i know she's happy with him now.. i cant deal with that rejection and he takes my place, he literally took everything about my life i loved away from me. I know i need to just FORGET the whole thing but i carry the weight of their relationship on my shoulders everyday
9Lives Posted May 1, 2009 Posted May 1, 2009 Thanks so much for that level headed piece of insight Steadfast. Damn I know you're right, she does have me in the bag and she knows it, and I know he is definitely keeping her at arms length and playing it cool, taking his time, and I must look like such a chump in her eyes for still offering myself after how she treated me. I hate that she knows she could have me but she'd prefer to be with him, that kills me.. It lessens the chance that she'll ever want anything to do with me coz she thinks im an emotionally heavy sap.. if only i could of hated her straight away and shown it. This has really made me see that she has completely and totally moved on and thats why she gave me the see each other as friends s**t, WHY the hell would i wanna see her when she's going home to him?? She obviously thinks and feels its been long enough and that the breakup isn't a sore spot in her life anymore. Whereas for me, the pain of them being together haunts me everyday! I know it is very hard. Listen to Steadfast. he is so right. Listen, if you met her..you can meet someone again who is just as beautiful as she was but only better for you. YOu are still living so something good is going to happen to you. Let go I had to do the same thing. It has been 18 days and he txt me something weak about me being on his mind. It did not respond. It is hard. I miss him but I need more from him or I need to be my own again in order to contact him.....YOU ARE NOT READY Please dont tell her how you feel anymore. You look weak. She dont get to know how you feel anymore
headlesschicken Posted May 1, 2009 Posted May 1, 2009 is your sig an old green day lyric or am i making things up in my head? sounds like she's moved on, yeah. i'm sorry for your pain but at least you know for sure.
Author entityzero Posted May 1, 2009 Author Posted May 1, 2009 Hey yeah spot on with the Green Day lyric, love it! Well.. as much as I hate to admit it I know in my heart shes moved on, it hurts so bad to think I still sit here wishing she felt something for me, but she's happy, she's happy she chose to throw me away and date my "friend" instead, how the hell do I be ok with that?? I know that telling her how I feel makes me look weak, she must think im a pathetic douche bag, and I guess it lessens the chances that she'll want anything to do with me in the future coz she knows it took me this long to get over her, so why would she want to involve herself with me again? Do you think everytime she hears how I feel she just laughs and reminds herself how lucky she is she got of a realtionship with such an emotionally intense person? I cant help but want her to know how I feel but its only doing more damage right?? I cant beleive we could go from what we had to her being ready to be friends, its heartbreaking.
TaraMaiden Posted May 1, 2009 Posted May 1, 2009 And this is your problem. You are always trying to see things through her eyes, and trying to guess what she thinks, and what she feels. Leave this alone. The more you do this, the less you are thinking straight for yourself. Really, to keep torturing yourself by trying to see things in the way she is seeing them, really is so foolish, because it weakens you. It makes you feel pathetic, and the more you do this, the more you will begin to look pathetic. It is time you stopped the 'poor me' way of thinking, stop whingeing, and begin to snap yourself out of it. really, your posts are very plaintive, but you are focussing the wrong way, don't you understand? Do you see yourself like this in 5 years' time? I hope not. so don't see yourself like this now....you have to drop this weakening behaviour.
Steadfast Posted May 1, 2009 Posted May 1, 2009 ... i cant deal with that rejection and he takes my place, he literally took everything about my life i loved away from me. I know i need to just FORGET the whole thing but i carry the weight of their relationship on my shoulders everyday The time has come for you to take the next step. You are suffering and you feel trapped in it. I understand. I'm sure a lot of people here do. When we are consumed by our feelings, good or bad, it tends to block out everything else. This isn't good. In time, we can even get 'addicted' to suffering. I actually know people like that. Don't you? That's a loser's game. You must now find something to do for someone else. When my wife left, my Sunday afternoons (which before had been filled with happy family) were suddenly spent alone. It was awful...all I'd do is think. I realized one day that the local rest home was filled with lonely people, so I approached the home to ask if I could read to some of the patients. It was hard! I wanted to be alone and grieve. But I was consumed and I knew it. Funny thing was, it didn't really "change" the way I felt, but when I got home I was exhausted from it. For the first time I started sleeping better. I knew then I was on the right track. Snap yourself out of this cycle of pity and pain by doing for others. Take your mind off of you and put it somewhere else for a while. I promise it will work. Start slow and work your way up. Find something tolerable. Do it.
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