You'reasian Posted May 7, 2009 Posted May 7, 2009 No, she has another post about him being jealous of ex boyfriends that she doesn't talk to and don't contact her. He is just a psycho loser. Yeah, she needs to seperate herself from him so she can rebuild herself.
scootncash Posted May 7, 2009 Posted May 7, 2009 Hi Crackerjax9, Dr. Laura is Dr. Laura Schlessinger. She is the author of several books. She is a therapist. The book Im quoting her from is 10 stupid things couples do to mess up their relationships. Another is 10 stupid things women do to mess up their lives. she has a radio talk show and a website. www.drlaura.com Another great book my therapist asked me to read is Love Must Be Tough. Awesome Book. By Dr. Cloud and Dr. Thompson. I had a list of books from my therapist and they all helped me in different ways but Love Must Be Tough was by far the bestl. Dr. Laura ranks right up there with them. But be warned, she doesnt sugar coat anything. Please go pick them up and read them. A light bulb is going to go off when you realize what you've allowed to happen to yourself. Then you realize what you can do to stop it and live an incredible life! Good Luck and God Bless, Scootncash
Joker77 Posted May 7, 2009 Posted May 7, 2009 You need to dump this piece of trash asap. If he's getting physical, it's going to only get worse. I had a friend who was in a marriage and her ex husband completely terrorized her. Choked her, beat her, all kinds of terrible things. She finally wised up and left him. Is that the type of life you want? Get out now.
scootncash Posted May 7, 2009 Posted May 7, 2009 I wanted to send you the chapters so you can get an idea of what this book is about. 1. Stupid Secrets- withholding important information for fear of rejection 2. Stupid Egotism- asking not what you can do for this relationship but only what the relationship can do for you 3. Stupid Pettiness-making a big deal out of the small stuff 4. Stupid Power-always trying to be in control 5. Stupid Priorities- consuming all your time and energies with work, hobbies, errands, and chores instead of focusing on your relationship 6. Stupid Happiness-Seeking stimulation and assurance from all the wrong places to satisfy the immature need to feel good 7. Stupid Excuses-Not being accountable for bad behavior 8. Stupid Liasions-not letting go of negative attachments to friends, relatives, and others who are damaging to your relationship 9. Stupid Mismatch-Not knowing when to leave and cut your losses 10. Stupid Breakups-disconnecting for all the wrong reasons These chapters will definitely give you something about yourself. I found pieces of me in just about every chapter, and my ex as well. Hope this helps you out!
amaysngrace Posted May 7, 2009 Posted May 7, 2009 convince me this isnt okay No offense but you might need couseling to be convinced this isn't okay. It seems you don't want to admit that you still think it's okay. Otherwise you'd have walked by now instead of going back to him over and over again. You must think you deserve the abuse. And nobody can change your mind about that but you. Keep going back and it sends the message that you think you deserve to be abused more than you don't. So go on and keep getting the crap beat out of you and let him treat you real bad. If you don't care about yourself why should we? Really I think you need help. Until then quit complaining about how you're being treated. Do something about it or shut up. You sound like a victim.
Author crackerjax9 Posted May 8, 2009 Author Posted May 8, 2009 geeze a little harsh.. if you're going to be a jerk about dont bother posting im asking for advice not someone that tells me i sound like a victim and should shut up
7117 Posted May 8, 2009 Posted May 8, 2009 If someone yells at you is one thing but when he starts to grab or hurt you that is horrible in my opinion.You may love some of the good days you guys have shared but he does not love you.He to me sounds like a jealous fool who has no confidence in himself or any respect for you. By you taking him back over and over will only allow him to keep this pattern he will think well it don't matter she won't leave.You have to let family or friends know about this it will only get worse.
Ayla Posted May 8, 2009 Posted May 8, 2009 Hello, Firstly - there are some people that have posted some quite harsh words on your thread. For those people - I am guessing they have never had any experience with emotional abuse. Telling someone that they are acting childish or that they shoudl shut up - is a) not what this forum is for b) clearly shows a lack of understanding. Secondly - CJ9, you do need to try and get some professional help to get help provide you with the tools to get out of this relationship. What you have been experienceing is emotional abuse and is used by weak men to manipulate and control people. Unfortunately it is just as damaging as physical abuse and people find it hard to get out of these relationships becuase they do not think they deserve any better....they have been manipulated and conditioned to to think of themselves as unworthy. It is becuase of this - that you are finding it so hard to move away from him even though you know he is no good for you. So please try and do the following: 1. Get professional help asap - thye can give you the tools to help you get your confidence back 2. Block his phone number on your phone, so that he can not contact you 3. Ask your family and friends for more support and explain to them that you need them to be strong for you 4. Try and keep yourself busy 5. Look in the mirror each morning and each night and say outloud "I am a beautiful, smart and confident women who only deserves the best". I know it sounds sounds stupid - but it works after a while. It is all about reconditioning yourself. Positive reinforcement. You can do this, but you do need help from others to move on. He is nothing but a worthless weak peice of s**t, and you do deserve better. Good luck.
TaraMaiden Posted May 8, 2009 Posted May 8, 2009 geeze a little harsh.. if you're going to be a jerk about dont bother posting im asking for advice not someone that tells me i sound like a victim and should shut up Oh good - at last!! A bit of anger! This is what you should be directing at him! You see? this resentment and hostility is what will get you through this! If you can be angry at comments here - should you not be 1000 times more angry with the abusive man in your life - ? You have spirit and determination! use them!!! _/l\_
era Posted May 8, 2009 Posted May 8, 2009 ive been called every name in the book.. c*nt..b*tch..wh*re..everything I am SHOCKED to hear this!!! If my b/f called me any of those names I would kick his butt to the curb, and NEVER speak to him again. crackerjax9 - please wake-up
amaysngrace Posted May 8, 2009 Posted May 8, 2009 geeze a little harsh.. if you're going to be a jerk about dont bother posting im asking for advice not someone that tells me i sound like a victim and should shut up Oh and see I thought you liked to be spoken to this way. I said Do Something About It or shut up. If you aren't going to do anything about it you get no sympathy from me. I tried to help you. That was my third post to you. This one makes four. But there is no getting through to you. You want everyone to convince you it's not okay. Wake up. You know it's not okay. Or is it?
amaysngrace Posted May 8, 2009 Posted May 8, 2009 Firstly - there are some people that have posted some quite harsh words on your thread. For those people - I am guessing they have never had any experience with emotional abuse. Telling someone that they are acting childish or that they shoudl shut up - is a) not what this forum is for b) clearly shows a lack of understanding. Are you referring to me? Because if you are you could not be more wrong.
Author crackerjax9 Posted May 8, 2009 Author Posted May 8, 2009 Are you referring to me? Because if you are you could not be more wrong. i dont need sympathy from you nor do i need you giving me advice when you don't understand. go somewhere else and post your unhelping advice.
amaysngrace Posted May 8, 2009 Posted May 8, 2009 i dont need sympathy from you nor do i need you giving me advice when you don't understand. go somewhere else and post your unhelping advice. Fine. Go get beat up and called rude names. I only called you a victim. I'm sorry that the truth hurts. Now that I think about it you are probably just as abusive to your boyfriend as he is to you. You must like drama. Enjoy your little theatrical life. All I can say is I'm glad I'm just a voice on a public forum. It sure beats the hell out of being a cop in your town.
Lostgurl Posted May 8, 2009 Posted May 8, 2009 Cracker, are you still broken up with him? Keep it that way please. It's NOT OK. I've been stuck in the same position as you for 4 years now. But i have never sat there and took it, i've fought back. So i guess you can call me an abuser too. I've fought back and said nasty things in retalliation while fighting as well. I'm sure that you have too. Only a vegetable could NOT do anything. But anyway, we've been split up for a week now, and it's basically the longest amount of time we've ever been broken up. I'm starting to see the positive things about being away from him... and when ever he comes around (he's keeping an eye on me ) i feel all that positiveness fade away, and am left feeling on edge and filled with tension. Stay away from him for awhile, and pay attention to how your moods change. Not having to deal with all the general negativity, and the comments addresssed to you alone will make a HUGE difference. I'm not telling you to break up with him forever. Only you will know when you are able to let go. But do me a favor and do this with me ok? We'll see how long we can go, and watch how it affects us. Do you live close to your family? Spend time with them. Ever since we've broken up my family has been calling and coming over constantly. I haven't broken down yet in front of them... but they seem to know, and don't want him anywhere near me. It's all said clearly without any words at all. It feels good to have people around you that care about you.
anni1979 Posted May 8, 2009 Posted May 8, 2009 Oh and see I thought you liked to be spoken to this way. I said Do Something About It or shut up. If you aren't going to do anything about it you get no sympathy from me. I tried to help you. That was my third post to you. This one makes four. But there is no getting through to you. You want everyone to convince you it's not okay. Wake up. You know it's not okay. Or is it? It can be incredibly difficult to leave an abusive relationship. Staying does not make you weak, or stupid, and it does not mean that you deserve it or like it. Ever. Crackerjax9: whether or not you stay away from him, you need to talk to a victim support worker. This is very important. I don't know where you live, so I can't offer any help finding resources, but maybe try googling it. At this point you probably have little or no faith in your own capacity for independence. A support worker can help you rebuild that and hopefully move on. Good luck!!
amaysngrace Posted May 8, 2009 Posted May 8, 2009 It can be incredibly difficult to leave an abusive relationship. Staying does not make you weak, or stupid, and it does not mean that you deserve it or like it. Ever. I agree it's hard to leave. It took me years to leave my marriage. He hid the money from me and kept me on an allowance. I had kids so I couldn't just up and go to a shelter. I could but I didn't want to put my kids through that. It took me years to be able to get us a house. But I didn't slap him. Or go into his cell phone. I didn't try to control him. I fought back once and nearly killed him. He punched a window and had his hands around my throat. I was pregnant with our son. I couldn't breathe and I was worried the baby couldn't breathe. I picked up a piece of broken window glass and stabbed him in his neck just missing his jugular. He needed eight stitches. I knew if I fought back again I would kill him. So I just took my hits and was treated like crap until I could leave. In between treating me like crap he'd treat me real nice. He'd buy me flowers like crackerjax's guy does. He'd buy me really nice jewelry at Christmas for putting up with his sorry ass all year long. He took me on vacations. One vacation I got a tattoo. He took a picture of my tattoo and there are bruises on my arms from the night before from when he grabbed me too hard. My harsh message to crackerjax was an attempt to get through to her. The niceness wasn't working. Others have posted to her as well yet she only responds to the name calling. I've read her other posts. This has been going on for months between her and her boyfriend. Pretty much everyone says she needs help. She herself keeps asking for help. Believe me I want to help her. I wish I could. But it doesn't seem like she wants to get help. She needs to love herself just a little bit. That's all it will take. She needs to see she is better alone than in bad company. She needs to see this guy is no good for her. That she is better off alone. She needs to learn how to be her own best friend. And to be okay by herself. And I know it doesn't take a whole lot of self love to get there. It takes just a little bit. Unfortunately sometimes you have to hit rock bottom. I was just hoping to get through to her so that she could love herself just enough to say "f#ck off" to him and mean it. But she doesn't think I understand.
Author crackerjax9 Posted May 9, 2009 Author Posted May 9, 2009 haven't texted him in 3 days.. havent seen him in a week.. he texted me last night saying he misses me and hopes all is well.. grr the times he doesnt text are the hardest.. i just hate thinking of him getting with other girls blah
Author crackerjax9 Posted May 10, 2009 Author Posted May 10, 2009 urg i cracked and answerd one of his texts this morning.. i woke up to one saying i wish we made it to one year.. and i said : i wanted to be with u this summer but you didnt want to help mebuild back up ur trust u were sketchy & dont seem to care im hurt and im accepting that its not working someone who loved me wouldnt send texts like that to other girls.i loved you and u took advantage of it... thought it was a good message but havent gotten an answer back for four hours and its pissing me off
Joker77 Posted May 11, 2009 Posted May 11, 2009 urg i cracked and answerd one of his texts this morning.. i woke up to one saying i wish we made it to one year.. and i said : i wanted to be with u this summer but you didnt want to help mebuild back up ur trust u were sketchy & dont seem to care im hurt and im accepting that its not working someone who loved me wouldnt send texts like that to other girls.i loved you and u took advantage of it... thought it was a good message but havent gotten an answer back for four hours and its pissing me off I've been reading on and on in this thread and I don't understand how seeing your own posts doesn't convince you that you should be through with this clown. You sound like you don't have a lot of confidence in yourself otherwise this would be a non issue and you would go find yourself someone who would treat you well.
Author crackerjax9 Posted May 11, 2009 Author Posted May 11, 2009 im home from college and going from college to home is a big difference... i had alot of friends at school and have only one or two here... my friends dont like to go out they like to sit home and do nothing.. im bored and depressed and don't know how to keep my mind off this
cn283 Posted May 13, 2009 Posted May 13, 2009 I agree it's hard to leave. It took me years to leave my marriage. He hid the money from me and kept me on an allowance. I had kids so I couldn't just up and go to a shelter. I could but I didn't want to put my kids through that. It took me years to be able to get us a house. But I didn't slap him. Or go into his cell phone. I didn't try to control him. I fought back once and nearly killed him. He punched a window and had his hands around my throat. I was pregnant with our son. I couldn't breathe and I was worried the baby couldn't breathe. I picked up a piece of broken window glass and stabbed him in his neck just missing his jugular. He needed eight stitches. I knew if I fought back again I would kill him. So I just took my hits and was treated like crap until I could leave. In between treating me like crap he'd treat me real nice. He'd buy me flowers like crackerjax's guy does. He'd buy me really nice jewelry at Christmas for putting up with his sorry ass all year long. He took me on vacations. One vacation I got a tattoo. He took a picture of my tattoo and there are bruises on my arms from the night before from when he grabbed me too hard. My harsh message to crackerjax was an attempt to get through to her. The niceness wasn't working. Others have posted to her as well yet she only responds to the name calling. I've read her other posts. This has been going on for months between her and her boyfriend. Pretty much everyone says she needs help. She herself keeps asking for help. Believe me I want to help her. I wish I could. But it doesn't seem like she wants to get help. She needs to love herself just a little bit. That's all it will take. She needs to see she is better alone than in bad company. She needs to see this guy is no good for her. That she is better off alone. She needs to learn how to be her own best friend. And to be okay by herself. And I know it doesn't take a whole lot of self love to get there. It takes just a little bit. Unfortunately sometimes you have to hit rock bottom. I was just hoping to get through to her so that she could love herself just enough to say "f#ck off" to him and mean it. But she doesn't think I understand. She knows your right but she doesn't want to bring herself to completely get rid of him as evidence of her last post. I don't think there's a way to help someone that refuses to be helped. There are a lot of great posts on here with extremely constructive suggestions and advice but she glosses over them and comes back with MORE DRAMA! I think some one else on here said she was into the drama of it all and I think they were right. Get counseling, it's a no brainer. Work on yourself, because NO ONE with good self-esteem would hang around this dude. Once you start working on yourself, the rest should become obvious. GET INTO COUNSELING!!!!
Author crackerjax9 Posted May 14, 2009 Author Posted May 14, 2009 She knows your right but she doesn't want to bring herself to completely get rid of him as evidence of her last post. I don't think there's a way to help someone that refuses to be helped. There are a lot of great posts on here with extremely constructive suggestions and advice but she glosses over them and comes back with MORE DRAMA! I think some one else on here said she was into the drama of it all and I think they were right. Get counseling, it's a no brainer. Work on yourself, because NO ONE with good self-esteem would hang around this dude. Once you start working on yourself, the rest should become obvious. GET INTO COUNSELING!!!! i didnt need your advice thanks tho!
cn283 Posted May 14, 2009 Posted May 14, 2009 i didnt need your advice thanks tho! So what exactly do you want to hear? You've heard people give you advice on all sides but don't seem to be taking it...What is it you would like? Honestly I'm not here to offend you or make you feel bad, I think we all genuinely want to help you
Author crackerjax9 Posted May 14, 2009 Author Posted May 14, 2009 who said i wasnt taking anyones advice? its very easy to say something then to actually do it.. im trying!
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