crackerjax9 Posted April 28, 2009 Posted April 28, 2009 hey guys.. i really need your help...ive been dating a guy for 11 months and really need to get out of this relationship..hes been mentally abusive and its getting a little physical.. ive been called every name in the book.. c*nt..b*tch..wh*re..everything we broke up for about our 10th time almost 3 weeks ago.. this weekend i took him back .. but hes made me cry every day since saturday.. bringing up past guys from almost 4 years ago that have nothign to do with him! he says horrible things to me .. hes always claiming i have a thing for a guy i say two words to.. hes always insinuating im a slut when im FAR from that. i would never ever hurt this kid,. im not that kind of girl . i dont get whats going on. today he pinned me down and wouldnt let me leave his house unless we talked. this has happened before... either him grabbing my hands or squeezing them.. or cornering me so that i have to talk. i wind up freaking out 10x more and literally break down and cry every time he does this.. i love him so much but know i deserve better than this... this isnt how its supposed to be... please please please people help me get through this. i keep going back to him cuz i love him and miss him & alwayas belive him when he says hell change but every time he promises me hell stopp saying mean immature things or bringing up my past relationships he doesnt do it. im an idiot . i hate myself for wasting so much time. my heart is so broken right now
Juristhea Posted April 28, 2009 Posted April 28, 2009 This is unhealthy. You deserve someone better than that schmuck you're seeing now. Get over the pain and move past it.
Nubemeister Posted April 28, 2009 Posted April 28, 2009 It is understandable that bc of the time invested and feelings you feel hurt and see that if you break it off youd be upset....and you might think you might never get over it. But this isn't good for you. The heart breaks but time and putting a little bit of ourselves helps, trust me. this isn't good for you, the relationship isn't healthy. You deserve someone that is willing to see how good of a person and soul you have. WE might be scared of going through the emotional pain but sometimes that is the only way we might see things clearly and understand, learn. Break it off, move on to better things and enjoy life the way it is meant too. Not this way.
Author crackerjax9 Posted April 28, 2009 Author Posted April 28, 2009 just so hard.. i went three weeks and was absolutely miserable..i love him why cant he just love me and treat me right? say nice things? make me feel special? ugalksdjfjdflakjdf i hate life
Nubemeister Posted April 28, 2009 Posted April 28, 2009 Ive gone through a break ups before with the same man. I loved him so much but there are times when you realize that maybe it just isn't meant to me and yes at that moment you think, this blows. It hurts, but sometimes it is the only way you can learn and move on. Whenever you feel like you might go back or make a decision to call or just anything...call up a friend, talk, hang , do something even post on here..I know there is thread here where you can post instead of contacting exes, trust me in the long run youll see you made the right decision by just making YOUrself happy. You can do it! Love should be mutual, clean. Not what your describing. Life does suck...but were only human right? We go through our moments but sometimes your given the chance to see whats happening and change it...question is are you willing too? Do you want to continue with life sucking?
Juristhea Posted April 28, 2009 Posted April 28, 2009 Life goes on depending on the choices we make, like staying with the same old hurtful bastard, or moving on with our lives... It is completely up to us to change our future, with one single decision.
Author crackerjax9 Posted April 28, 2009 Author Posted April 28, 2009 its so easy to say it though " i want to move on" than to actually do it.. i literally go insane when we break up
amaysngrace Posted April 28, 2009 Posted April 28, 2009 This is about you and not about him. Why do you think so little of yourself to allow him to treat you that way? What if your best friend were with a guy like him? What would you tell her?
Nubemeister Posted April 28, 2009 Posted April 28, 2009 yeah it is easier said than done. You've broken up and given in. Your either going to keep going like this or something worse is going to happen. We dont want to see anything bad happen to you. Again, you need to make the decision and will yourself to stay away. YOU need to try as much as you can possible. Occupy yourself, learn to make cake, something lol. There is only so much I can say or someone can say, but its up to you. I know you know its bad. I know you know this is relationship is not great or good. It's just bad. You just need to actually do something about it, dont give in. Either you make the decision to break it off, go through the pain and force yourself to not contact, work through it all and find some kind of peace and mental peace or you keep going back until something bad happens. You have a choice, your being presented with it....
Juristhea Posted April 28, 2009 Posted April 28, 2009 This is about you and not about him. Why do you think so little of yourself to allow him to treat you that way? What if your best friend were with a guy like him? What would you tell her? Absolutely true... You'd be telling your friend to stay away from the guy instead of watching her follow into your footsteps. Yes, moving on is quite terrible and difficult but it's all worth it in the end.
sallymax Posted April 28, 2009 Posted April 28, 2009 I was in a lousy marriage for a lot of years, and with the person almost 2 decades. When I look back at the time, I wish I had paid so much more attention to some of the more subtle signs along the way. It only gets worse with time, and as the two of you become more interwined. It ended with a very ugly custody battle, and a lot of other equally unpleasant features. Take everything you've been through and multiply it exponentially over and over. It doesn't get better. Just worse. If after a period of time apart, you still crave that type of interaction, I'm sure you can find it elsewhere. It's utterly difficult and painful when your emotions are involved, but this is what I would tell myself with hindsight.
Author crackerjax9 Posted May 4, 2009 Author Posted May 4, 2009 wound up staying with him.. basically back in the same position cept this time i found several inappropriate text messages between him and other girls...how do i just walk awayyyyy
sotired Posted May 4, 2009 Posted May 4, 2009 There's no magic key...you just have to walk away. Are you happy? Can you go another year feeling the way you do now? You have to love yourself more than you think you love him. And it's not love, it's addiction. I bet when he's good, he's really good...and you think that if you stand by him, one day he'll magically quit abusing you because you proved how much you care. That NEVER happens. He has major issues and men like this always turn violent. On another site a girl posted something very similar to this. Everyone told her to get out....she stayed....eventually she did leave after he punched her in the face and threatened to kill her. After she left, he promised to change....She asked if she should give him a second chance...Everyone said No, she met him for coffee...He followed her home, broke into her apartment and pulled a knife on her...I think that was about the time she got the hint. Men like this are addicting especially to women with low self esteem. The best thing you can do is leave and cut off all contact. If you have doubts just read your posts here again and again until it sinks in.
amaysngrace Posted May 4, 2009 Posted May 4, 2009 i hate myself for wasting so much time. my heart is so broken right now Until you love yourself enough to walk away he will treat you like crap. And there is nobody here who can make you love yourself. That's up to you. Hanging out with him will only make your opinion of yourself worse. He brings you down to where you think you need him. If he loved you he'd make you feel good and not bad. I think you need to call a woman's shelter and speak to someone there. They can help you break the cycle of abuse you are obviously caught up in. Google "cycle of abuse" and you will see that what you have isn't so special. It's actually all too common. And it will only get worse until you decide to walk away.
boogieboy Posted May 4, 2009 Posted May 4, 2009 wound up staying with him.. basically back in the same position cept this time i found several inappropriate text messages between him and other girls...how do i just walk awayyyyy Theres no way to do it pain free. It's gonna hurt, and you will have to push though it, no matter how long you wait to start. Ask yourself "how many times should I go though this before I get tired of it?" I dont know if youre in love, but i think youre just heavily infatuated and addicted to hoping he'll change. He won't. Picture yourself away from him, and not thinking of him, totally happy. Picture yourself thinking about how crazy you had to be to put up with such a guy (because you have another bf that adores you) Start some new hobbies with your friends read this board more (it works great for me) Catch up on some movies. It works alot easier if you cut off complete contact with him. Maybe even go to some bars and get your confidence back when other guys hit on you. ZThis guy obviously doesnt care for you whatsoever. In your case, I'd go as far as to change your phone number so he cant contact you. What a F*ckin brute he is.
Author crackerjax9 Posted May 4, 2009 Author Posted May 4, 2009 maybe i am just addicted to him... maybe i am in love but this is not what love should feel like.. im so upset...hes making me feel crazy texting me calling me psycho and stuff... i messaged the girl that he had been texting and she nothing went on between them two but that he does send her innappropriate text messages...she said she hopes we can work through this.. shes prob bull****ting me cuz he prob already talked to her.. how do i stop myself from texting him? i wish there was a way where i could just not get his texts for awhile on my phone and put it somewhere else so maybe if i wanna read them i will.. he just distracts me when he texts me & makes me miss him..and then when he doesnt text or call i go crazy even tho i blocked him on facebook i still see his profile by going on my sisters .. idk what to do
MichiganMan222 Posted May 4, 2009 Posted May 4, 2009 In never ceases to amaze me how scumbags like this can convince nice girls to make conscious decisions to stay in their *****ty lives when the complete opposite is waiting for them somewhere else. Girlfriend, image falling in love with a man that loved you back and treated you like you were the only thing on the planet. Your life would go from S$%t to Heaven. That's not a fantasy. That happens all the time. If you're tired of a sh$%ty life, follow these steps: Step 1 - Dump the turd Step 2 - Keep the turd dumped Step 3 - Enjoy the rest of your life
Author crackerjax9 Posted May 5, 2009 Author Posted May 5, 2009 weve been texting back and forth the whole day just yelling at eachother.. i cant stop.. how do i just keep no contact.. i hate this im so depressed
headlesschicken Posted May 5, 2009 Posted May 5, 2009 i know it's hard but you need to be strong. you need to realize that it will NOT get better, that every time you go back to him you are going to get hurt worse. it might soothe that panic inside you momentarily but you will end up hurt worse. i know how hard it is. do you have friends, family, hobbies, anything to keep your mind occupied? you should NOT have to beg, cry, and be scared of him to get his love. he does not have your best interest at heart. yes it will hurt. will it hurt any worse than the way you already feel when he hurts you, is verbally abusive and puts his hands on you? you are worth more than this!
TaraMaiden Posted May 6, 2009 Posted May 6, 2009 crackerjax9 it's time to be harsh, so I am sorry - but you are behaving like a childish idiot. I feel like removing your mobile from you and hiding it somewhere. Like the toilet. Try giving your mobile to somebody else for 24 hours. You have to prevent yourself from responding. To keep doing this is just to keep the relationship going, in the most destructive and toxic way possible. God, you know, you are better than this. Why are you behaving in such a ridiculously feeble way? Flex your femininity and be strong. He is doing nothing to you. You are permitting this to happen, so effectively, this is you, harming you. Why keep dong that? Just stop this idiosy now.
scootncash Posted May 6, 2009 Posted May 6, 2009 I suppose my first question to you is what on God's green earth is he actually doing that gives you the impression that you are the love of his life? I mean if its real love then his actions should show you that. Dr. Laura said it best: There is no love where there is fear. There is no love where there is no emotional health or abiltiy to communicate about emotional and practical issues. There is only desperate attachment. These desperate attachments are cementing people into destructive relationships. People need to stop using "love" as their rationalization for tolerating what they shouldnt and to change what they should. She goes on to say: You have to look at your life and ask- Do I want to stay unhealthy to have him in my life-never get better, never have better, and to be tortured like this forever? And the caller responds with a distinctive NO and then says but in other areas he's got a lot to offer. Dr. Laura says: "Thats nice. But, when people arent stable, what they have to offer becomes useless." My second question to you is are you willing to continue with this destructive behavior and demoralization of you that he obviously uses to make himself feel and look better? For this type of dysfunctional realtionship I have to agree with TaraMaiden. You are unable to detach from this destructive behavior. He will destroy you if you continue to stay in this relationship. Not only does he have destructive, unhealthy, toxic tendencies, but you do as well. You contribute to the toxicity of this relationship and you need to really ask yourself why you do. Love is not enough. Is it even love at all? No I think its really desperate attachment. Textbook example. The good news about leaving this nightmare is that you get he chance to be free to work on you and move onto something healthy. The bad news is that its going to hurt for a while. Dont set your sights on what is now, the sorrow, the pain, the loss. Set your sights on what will be possible. It is so disheartning to see how many people cant sustain themselves through the difficult and painful period of change. It just takes determination and a will to have a better life and a better love. I wish you luck. You have recieved some significant advice from the people here. They are pouring out to you whats really going on and what you need to do. You deserve a better life. Just step out that comfort zone and let go of fear. Remember FEAR = False Evidence Appearing Real.
Author crackerjax9 Posted May 6, 2009 Author Posted May 6, 2009 im leaving school tomorrow to go home.. hes half hour away from me at home.. he hasnt contacted me since yesterday and im getting really upset because im leaving tomorrow.. it makes me sick to my stomach thinking of him talking or getting with other girsl... its not what i wanted.. i wanted HIM but hes choosing to not help me build back up trust with him so i cant be with him.. friends is out of the question right? i mean my feelings for him are still there so that wouldnt work correct?
Author crackerjax9 Posted May 6, 2009 Author Posted May 6, 2009 I suppose my first question to you is what on God's green earth is he actually doing that gives you the impression that you are the love of his life? I mean if its real love then his actions should show you that. Dr. Laura said it best: There is no love where there is fear. There is no love where there is no emotional health or abiltiy to communicate about emotional and practical issues. There is only desperate attachment. These desperate attachments are cementing people into destructive relationships. People need to stop using "love" as their rationalization for tolerating what they shouldnt and to change what they should. She goes on to say: You have to look at your life and ask- Do I want to stay unhealthy to have him in my life-never get better, never have better, and to be tortured like this forever? And the caller responds with a distinctive NO and then says but in other areas he's got a lot to offer. Dr. Laura says: "Thats nice. But, when people arent stable, what they have to offer becomes useless." who is dr laura? is this a book cuz id really like to read it
You'reasian Posted May 6, 2009 Posted May 6, 2009 hey guys.. i really need your help...ive been dating a guy for 11 months and really need to get out of this relationship..hes been mentally abusive and its getting a little physical.. ive been called every name in the book.. c*nt..b*tch..wh*re..everything we broke up for about our 10th time almost 3 weeks ago.. this weekend i took him back .. but hes made me cry every day since saturday.. bringing up past guys from almost 4 years ago that have nothign to do with him! he says horrible things to me .. hes always claiming i have a thing for a guy i say two words to.. hes always insinuating im a slut when im FAR from that. i would never ever hurt this kid,. im not that kind of girl . i dont get whats going on. today he pinned me down and wouldnt let me leave his house unless we talked. this has happened before... either him grabbing my hands or squeezing them.. or cornering me so that i have to talk. i wind up freaking out 10x more and literally break down and cry every time he does this.. i love him so much but know i deserve better than this... this isnt how its supposed to be... please please please people help me get through this. i keep going back to him cuz i love him and miss him & alwayas belive him when he says hell change but every time he promises me hell stopp saying mean immature things or bringing up my past relationships he doesnt do it. im an idiot . i hate myself for wasting so much time. my heart is so broken right now Are any of these past guys talking to you? trying to get back with you? or doing something that kinda crosses the comfort boundary? Is he perceiving something in this way? If these guys have nothing to do with you and aren't trying to get with you and you don't want them, his behavior is extremely unhealthy for this relationship. That being said - I would let him no that what he's doing is not good for you and that the two of you need some time apart - that you may or may not come back - but you need time apart to heal and get yourself together. Best of luck! Be strong!
sotired Posted May 6, 2009 Posted May 6, 2009 Are any of these past guys talking to you? trying to get back with you? or doing something that kinda crosses the comfort boundary? Is he perceiving something in this way? No, she has another post about him being jealous of ex boyfriends that she doesn't talk to and don't contact her. He is just a psycho loser.
Recommended Posts