UCFKevin Posted October 19, 2003 Posted October 19, 2003 Okay, so I found this place by happenstance a while back by doing a search for some topic to see what others thought about it. I ended up finding this place very interesting and rather helpful, I found that giving others advice and helping others out made me feel a little better, which is a blessing since I haven't felt that great recently. I haven't really talked about my situation, which has a lot to it, so I figured I'd give it a shot and see what you people think. Ultimately, only I can decide what to do with my life, but it's always good to get others' opinions. This is going to be long, though, so you've been warned. I kind of have a penchance for writing, so I'm sure I'll overdo it all. Sorry about this, but there's a lot of story to tell. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Fate. It's never been a concept I've been too keen on. I never liked the idea that I didn't have control over my life or my future. I always felt like I should be the decision maker, I should be able to choose what happens to me. But sometimes, something happens that makes you rethink your gut instinct. Back in 1999, my grandmother died while I was in my sophomore year in college. It hit me hard. Very hard. So hard, in fact, that I couldn't care about anything else and I was in a horrible crawlspace. Because of this, I ended up doing rather poorly in my classes. This brought down my GPA big time, to the point where I was placed on probation, where if I screwed up again, I would get kicked out of school, albeit temporarily. I was able to keep my grades up the subsequent semester, so I was sitting pretty. However, in the fall semester, when I got money from my father to buy my school books, I didn't. I bought a DVD player. Ridiculously stupid, yes, but in retrospect, it's a mistake I'd gladly make time and time again. As a result of me not having any school books, I ended up doing not so great in class. Although, given the circumstances, I didn't do THAT badly, since I didn't have books, but I did bad enough to get kicked out of college. I quickly looked for options and found a local community college that would let me do some classes that could be applied to my original college, so I went for that. It was the summer of 2001. While at this community college, I took a class that had a girl that immediately caught my eye. At the time, I was not looking for any kind of relationship. I enjoyed being with my friends and being single. Of course, as everyone knows, when you aren't looking for something, you'll find it. Or it'll find you, one way or the other. I sat somewhat close to this girl, and we would talk every so often and flirt every so often. I would have some wonderful lines that would make her laugh and smile. One time in class, which was a psychology of business class, the professor attempted to hypnotize the class, or at least those willing to be hypnotized. The class had to shift around in the room, moving to different seats. The girl, Mary, said to me, "I'm going to sit by you." So she did. Everyone closed their eyes as the professor began his hypnosis mumbojumbo. Now, the entire time, I was thinking, "Wow, she's sitting right next to me, what does this mean?" At one point, I realized that the hypnosis thing wasn't going to work so I opened my eyes and happened to look next to me. The first thing I saw was Mary, looking back at me. It was then that I realized I liked this girl. Eventually, the class met at a local mall for a lecture, to people-watch, and to do a project, which was to see how customer service varies from store to store. I saw Mary go off to an ATM machine and went up to her and asked if she'd mind if I tagged along. She said she'd love that. So we walked around the mall, talking, getting to know each other, and it went wonderfully. Afterwards, we decided to go to Friendly's, an ice cream parlor/restaurant kind of place. We continued talking and getting to know each other there, and it was really quite exciting. I was flying high. Here was this gorgeous girl, with the absolute definition of a girl next door appearance. Then it happened. She said that she had a boyfriend. My posture changed, my shoulders slumped, my eyes darkened and my smile went away. The night was over, as far as I was concerned. Before we went our separate ways, we gave each other an exceptionally tight hug. I wanted it to be so much more than that but I didn't do anything. I didn't want to be someone who breaks up a relationship. For the next few days, I was in such a jaded limbo. Nothing felt right, I was extraordinarily disappointed and couldn't get her out of my head. We would talk online sometimes and continue the flirting a little, but I wasn't pushing anything. Then, one night, I invited her over. It was about 2 in the morning, and I wasn't expecting her to come, but she did. We watched "Out of Sight," on my bed (well, it was my roommate's bed but he was in California for the summer) and talked a little. Every time she slightly shifted in bed, I looked at her to see if she was looking at me or if she was attempting to kiss me, but nothing really happened. I asked her if she wanted to spend the night, since it was so late, and she obliged. Before we settled, I kissed her on the forehead and we both got in our sleeping positions, but we were facing each other. I would open my eyes every so often and there she would be, looking at me. Temptation got too powerful for me to withstand, so I inched towards her, and she inched towards me, and we kissed. The kiss was probably the single most emotional, special, satisfying kiss I've ever experienced. The kiss led to other stuff, but we didn't have sex. It wouldn't take too long for that to happen, though. The next morning, we woke up to a Bugs Bunny marathon on the Cartoon Network. We would see each other a few times after this, including our class. I felt bad that she was with someone else, but my feelings for her overpowered my guilt. She decided to break up with her boyfriend, which I've never really asked too much about since I didn't feel it was my business, but all I know is that it didn't go too well. But after that happened, I told Mary that I wasn't looking for some short fling. I wanted her to be my girlfriend. So I asked her, as high school as that is. But she accepted. And I was on cloud nine. We would spend so much time together. I completely neglected my friends for her, which I guess is pretty common in relationships. I didn't feel too bad about it, though. I loved being with her. I never felt so comfortable with a girl ever in my life, it was just incredible. At one point, we were talking about the past, and she brought up a sexual escapade she had once, a threesome with two guys, and that upset me big time. I didn't really show it and we didn't really talk much about it, but it built up inside. I hated that she had done that. I hated it. In fact, I hated it so much that it almost made me rethink how I felt about her and if I really wanted to be with her. I didn't act the same, I felt almost jaded like before, like something was off. We ended up going to a nearby park after our next class to talk about it, and talk about it we did. At the end of it, I felt a little better about things. I know it's stupid to obsess over the past, since it's IN the past, but I'm only human. It got to me. But I got over it. So the honeymoon phase continued. And it lasted quite a while, as a matter of fact. I stopped neglecting my friends, though, who all loved Mary. She's just one of those people who has an infectious smile, such a wonderful, cheerful personality. We would spend so much time together. She would come over all the time, spend the night all the time, and we just got along so perfectly. We had a lot of sex but it wasn't just about that. It was about how happy we made each other in general. I had never experienced anything like that before. I remember one weekend, she went away with her friends to the beach, and I missed her. I missed her a lot. That was when I realized that I was in love with her. When she came back, I decided to tell her. We were laying in bed and about to go to sleep, and I told her, "I'm going to say something, and I don't want you to feel like you're obligated to say it back, because I'm not expecting you to." She asked what I wanted to tell her, so I told her, "I love you." She kissed me and we held each other for a while and then got into our sleeping positions. About twenty minutes later, she said, "Kevin?" I turned around to face her. "I love you too," she said to me. I'm not sure, I can't quite remember, but I think a tear came out of my eye from the sheer joy I was feeling. From that moment on, "I love you" became quite a common thing for us to say to each other, and the funny thing is, it never got old. It never felt like it was just a catchphrase, something to say when it wasn't meant. It was fully meant, every single time it was said. We were madly in love with each other and it greatly showed. We were happy. I was happy. Happier than I've ever been with anyone. Cut to almost two and a half years later, this past August. Things were pretty much as wonderful as they were for the past two years, both of us were very happy and very much in love, but there were some problems. I wasn't talking too much about things, which bothered her, and I never really did much to change that. I don't know why. Additionally, when we'd be together, we would just hang out at my apartment and watch TV or a movie. If we'd go out, it was to see a movie or sometimes go out to dinner. We wouldn't go out with her friends, I wouldn't go to her family's house, we would primarily do what I wanted to do, when I wanted to do it. I got very selfish, but it was the kind of selfishness that you don't really realize. I never thought anything was really wrong, but I was wrong about that. She'd always be with me and would neglect her friends. When she WOULD go out with her friends, I made her feel guilty about it and comment how lonely I am without her, which I wasn't being too serious about because getting time to myself meant watching movies she doesn't like or playing video games or whatever. But stupid me, I took it too far. But basically when we saw each other, it would be all because of her. She would do all the legwork, she'd come over to my place and she would always try to initiate conversations that I never really felt like taking a part in. My current situation basically all began one night when we were going to go out with her mom and her mom's boyfriend to dinner. I wasn't enthusiastic about it to begin with. I was tired, had a long day and didn't feel like doing anything. I got such a cheery, happy, excited email from her telling me the plans, that I would have to get a little dressy for the dinner. SHe called me later and asked if that was okay, and I doomed the night by saying, "I don't have much of a choice, do I?" I have a tendency to say some really stupid things. Previously, a few months earlier, she was about to tell me something that happened that day, and I asked her, "Am I going to care?" I was jokingly asking that, expecting her to say, "No, but I'm going to tell you anyway," but that wasn't what happened. She took it completely seriously, which isn't necessarily her fault, and it really affected her. That's primarily when the communication problem heated up, more or less, the fact that she thought I wasn't willing to listen to her or talk about things with her. Anyway, after I commented on the not having a choice about getting dressed up thing, she got upset and said, "Well, nevermind, I'll go by myself," and I assured her I would go. I went into the night with such a pisspoor negative attitude and it really bothered everyone. Both of my best friends had moved away, which was very upsetting, but I shouldn't have been such a bastard as I was that night. If I could go back to any point in time in my life and change things, it would be that night. A few days later, she invited me to dinner to her house and I declined because, once again, I didn't feel like doing anything. I was in a funk when I didn't really feel like doing anything other than watching TV and cuddling with her. This upset her too, to the point of her thinking that I didn't like her family. I reassured her that that's not the case whatsoever, that I just didn't feel like doing anything. A week later, she asked me what we have in common. Apparently, she had been hanging out with her friends and they were all saying how their relationships with their boyfriends are wonderful, how they're all best friends with them and talk about everything. This bothered her because it wasn't what we had. Shortly before, Mary commented how she would always talk about us and me to her friends and say how happy we are, and I joked, "Oh, we're just fooling ourselves, we should just end it," which resulted in us laughing and hugging each other and kissing each other. We would have so much fun and make each other so happy. But when she saw what others had, I guess she wanted that too. To add to this, at the time, she was starting a new semester at college. She was learning the ropes to become a respiratory therapist, which is a lot of work and takes up a lot of time. She was also working at a hospital as a patient advocate. In short, she didn't have a lot of free time. One night, I emailed her telling her how much I love her, which I would do out of the blue every now and then. The next morning, I checked to see if she had read it, which you can do on AOL, and she did, but she didn't respond back to me. Something about that bothered me. Given her attitude before about us not having things in common other than hanging out and sex and watching movies, I was worried. We talked on the phone after I got home from work and I asked her about it. She said that she got home and was too tired to write back and was just on automatic pilot. That answer didn't sit well with me. She was going to come over in a little bit so I figured I'd try to see if that was true or not. Turns out it wasn't true. She came over and I asked her about it and she didn't say anything at first. Then she told me that she didn't want to tell me that she wasn't going to have any time for me anymore. This was heartbreaking to hear. The next three hours turned out to be the saddest, most horrible, miserable period of time in my life. At best, I would see her on the weekends, and even then it wouldn't be a guarantee. She wanted to spend more time with her friends and by herself. I told her I didn't want a weekend girlfriend. I was totally unwilling to settle for whatever I could get and that's a mistake I kick myself for daily, along with how I acted that night at dinner. We decided to break up. I was in shambles. She got her things from my apartment and left after a long, drawn out, tear filled goodbye. I don't think I slept a wink that night at all. I laid in bed all night, crying, thinking, "How did this happen?" It just didn't feel real. I decided to go over to her place the next day before she went to work and tell her I wanted to try to work things out, and that I would be willing to get her whenever I could. So I did. We both came to the conclusion that we would try to work things out but that she needed her time and space. We were going to be on a break but still talk to each other and see each other, but there would be no sex or spending the night at my place. With that, there was some hope, but I was still miserable. I could've said nothing to begin with and stuck with the break up. I constantly wonder what would've happened if I didn't go over there and tell her I wanted to work things out. But I did. That was August 30th. I didn't see her for two weeks after that. We talked every so often but it was always so casual, which really bothered me. Since then, we've seen each other here and there. I've sent her ridiculously long emails and spent all day and night long obsessing over every little thing she said back to me, wondering all the different possibilities, usually I would think the worst and keep thinking the worst. One of the things that really bothered her is that she thought I didn't want to get married or have any kids. I don't know why she would think I wouldn't want kids, because we would always talk about how we're going to spank our kids and we think the "Time out' method is such a load of BS. The marriage thing, though, I would always say how we should just be like Kurt Russell and Goldie Hawn and be together but not be married, while thinking all the while that I would marry her someday. Now, that was my own damn fault and was pretty stupid, in retrospect, but there's nothing I can really do about that now. I reassured her that I did want to get married and have children someday. Whenever we talked or emailed each other, I would be redundant in my questions and other things I'd say, just saying and asking the same damn thing over and over again. It would bother her and upset her, and that would in turn bother me and upset me. When we'd talk, I'd usually get agitated and upset her further. Sometimes there were good times, and sometimes there were pretty horrible times. Her casualness would really get to me, which she was doing on purpose, I guess. She didn't want to be affectionate with me and then continue on our break, which I can understand, but it still bugged me. She would say how she doesn't have much time for anything, but she would go out with her friends quite a bit, which was, in essence, part of the reason for our break up, but once again, it still bugged me. I hated that she would rather spend her free time with her friends over me. I'm still selfish, I guess. She would go to parties, bars, friends houses, and I would worry about her faithfulness. I wasn't sure how she was going to be since we technically weren't together, and that really got to me. One week, though, I saw her four times, which was like a godsend. We went to the beach together and ended up having sex afterwards. Since she had previously said we wouldn't have sex while on our break, I immediately thought that the break was over. The sex was absolutely incredible, easily the most intense, emotional, passionate love making I'd ever experienced. Then the next week, she spent the night, which furthered my reasoning that we were back together. I was wrong. We were still on a break. It was very misleading, and extremely disappointing. She would go back to her casualness, which would really frustrate the hell out of me. And what made things worse is that after this, we went back to not seeing each other too much. I did everything I could to sweep her off her feet. I would go to another hospital that she would sometimes spend all day at, interning, and I would leave a rose on her windshield. She'd call and say how surprised she was and how beautiful the flowers were, which would make me feel wonderful. I wasn't home when she called, so she left a message, and I must've listened to that message ten times, smiling the entire time. I wouldn't see her at all that week, which was last week, actually. This was when my waiting began to wane. My body was a battleground. My mind was telling me, "Walk away. End it completely. She's not going to come back any time soon and you're just going to remain in this pain. Walk away." And then my heart would fight against that and tell me, "You love her. You want to be with her. Deal with the pain. Wait for her." Walking away would be the easy out, the closest thing to closure I could have, and it would began the walk to recovery, the very long walk that might never really be completed. But it didn't feel right to do that. My heart would always win the arguments. Maybe that's bad or maybe it's good, I don't really know quite yet. But since we're still on a break, I had concerns about her faithfulness. Last week, we talked about that, and I asked her if she'd be ready for me to be the last guy she sleeps with for the rest of her life. She paused and said yes. I questioned the pause and she told me that she sometimes misses the chase of a new guy. I didn't think much of it, but then I got to thinking, "What if she pursues this feeling?" I tend to take things she says and dissect them to death and focus on them, mostly the bad aspects of them. Plus, she has a tendency to get a little wild and horny whenever she drinks, so whenever she does drink, I get concerned and worried. Very worried. So yesterday, I brought it up when she came home from work. I was at a friend's house five minutes away so I figured I'd go and say hello to her before she went to a Halloween party. I asked her straight up if she had been faithful to me and she said yes, and I asked her if she was going to be faithful to me, and she said yes. That made me feel better, however it didn't hit me that she was going to this costume party as Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz, only with the dress being a hell of a lot shorter than it was when Judy Garland wore it. She was also going to wear a garland but decided against that. None of that really hit me until later that night, last night, and it REALLY bothered me. To think that she was going to a party looking really sexy irked the hell out of me. I didn't know if she wanted to be admired by other men, to have them flirt with her or whatever, or if she just wanted to look sexy for herself. I could understand the latter, but the former? I don't know how to feel about her wanting to look sexy for guys other than me. Is that disrespectful? I think it is. I could be wrong. I haven't talked to her since, so I don't really know. Anyway, before I left her last night, I told her I was going to walk away and leave her be. She said it would be for the best, which continued her streak of not seeming to be that bothered by the break. I was always visibly and audibly upset about things but she always seemed to be okay with everything. I talked to her about that once and she said how she can shut things out of her mind and focus on other things, which I wish to God I could do, but I can't. Once somethings on my mind it's on my mind until it's resolved. So that basically brings us to the present. Well, not basically, it DOES bring us to the present. The past few months have been the hardest of my life. Dealing with all of this would've been substantially better if my best friends still lived here, but they don't. I've had to go through this more or less on my own, which didn't make things any better, that's for sure. At least Mary had her friends and school and work to occupy her time and her mind. All I have is my work and my other friends, who definitely help but it isn't really the same. Having someone to go out with and just hang out with in general would make things easier to deal with, but unfortunately, that's a luxury I don't have. Mary doesn't invite me to go out with her friends, partly because I never showed much interest in them to begin with, which was a mistake. Again, my stubbornness coming back to haunt me. We would always hang out with my friends but never with hers. I told her that I'm willing to fix that if she gives me the chance. I'm basically willing to fix all the mistakes I've made. We talk about things sometimes and she mentions that she thinks about the bad things in our relationship, which bothers me. There is so much good in our past, so for her to focus on the bad is just something I can't really understand. Maybe that's a typical thing to happen in a break, I don't know. I've never been in one before. Whenever things go sour, I walk away. I turn my back and just begin to move on. But not this time. I fought. I basically did everything I could in my power to make things better, to show that I'm willing to make an effort in this relationship. In an interesting case of irony, I ended up being the one making all the effort for us, whereas before it was her. I asked her yesterday if she was going to come back to me or if I was waiting for nothing. That's been my primary fear. Going through all of this, fighting for her, dealing with the pain and the sorrow and the depression and the loneless, waiting for her to come back only for her not to. I'm scared to death that she's going to like her life without me, she's going to prefer having no one to go home to, she's going to prefer hanging out with her friends and meeting new people and going out and partying. She assures me that it won't happen, but who can predict the future? I wish I could. I really wish I could. But I can't. I wonder sometimes if I'm taking all of this too seriously, but two and a half years isn't something to sneeze at, that's a good chunk of time. I've noticed that lots of breakups happen at the two and a half year marker. I'm really curious why that is. Anyway, so I'm waiting for her, but I'm not going to wait forever. I don't deserve that. I deserve better. I shouldn't have to go through this, but I guess sometimes something like this is necessary to fix things in a relationship. I only hope that's the case. I think, I truly do think, that if things work out, we'll be able to get past this and get on with our lives, together. I really cannot imagine living the rest of my life without her. She's my favorite person in the world. I was once hers. I want to be that again. I guess only time will tell. I can be a patient person, but in situations like this, it's very hard. I get agitated and antsy, I want a quick outcome, I want her to be with me whenever she has free time, but it can't happen. I know it can't happen but that doesn't mean I can't hope for it. She told me to not expect anything. I told her that we aren't going to have sex anymore and that she can't spend the night anymore because it was incredibly misleading for that to happen in the first place. Walking away from her, though, is so incredibly hard. I want nothing more than to be with her, to talk to her, but I can't let myself. I have to wait for her to come around, or at least hope for it to happen. Sooner than later, of course. It was getting to the point when I was getting bothered and obsessing by every little thing, and I was getting sick of it. Plus I just want her to make a little effort in this, which she hasn't really done. I guess that's poetic justice, though. I want her to be affectionate and loving, but that can't really happen during a break, I suppose. She tells me that she loves me but never really mentions anything about missing me too much or anything beyond that. I really don't know how she feels about me or the situation. But there is one thing that is definite. I'm in love with this woman and I'm not going to let go of her. Not until there is no hope, and I don't see that happening any time soon. At least I hope not. That's basically it. Sorry it was so long, but you WERE warned. Twice. Anyone have any thoughts or words of advice?
jalexy Posted October 20, 2003 Posted October 20, 2003 i really wish i could read that, but cant. can you summarize that for me and i would love to give you any ideas i have
Author UCFKevin Posted October 20, 2003 Author Posted October 20, 2003 Well, you could just read the last couple paragraphs I guess, that's the most important stuff.
cindy0039 Posted October 20, 2003 Posted October 20, 2003 It sounds like you need to use this "break" she's taking to really look hard at the things that she doesn't like about the relationship and to try to figure out how to correct them. I'm sure she's not too willing to just accept your word that you've changed overnight. Maybe she felt that she wasn't getting the freedom to be herself that she deserved so she's taking this time to do that. You have no right to have any say about what she wears for Halloween or when she goes out. If she wants to dress sexy, that's her business. If you can't accept the terms of her break, you have every right to call it off and walk away. But it sounds like she's telling you that she definitely still loves you and wants things to work out. I'd say just be patient and continue the dialogue with her in a calm manner and try to work through the issues.
moimeme Posted October 20, 2003 Posted October 20, 2003 I read a good chunk of your opus and what jumped out at me was the number of 'I told her X but I really think/hope/believe Y' stuff. It sounds as though you may still need to do work on understanding yourself so that you can be emotionally honest with her. You also say you think she's focusing on the bad things too much, however if she is to consider a life with you, she has to be able to deal with the bad of you as well as the good. Sometimes the latter is not sufficient to outweigh the former. I think more people need to seriously examine the extent of the 'bad' before signing up to spend a lifetime with someone because it's that which can eventually kill a relationship.
Author UCFKevin Posted October 20, 2003 Author Posted October 20, 2003 I suppose so, but when she focuses on the bad, it's like seeing a movie that you laugh at almost all the jokes but a few jokes just fall flat, and thinking about only the bad jokes afterwards. Maybe I just don't understand. I couldn't pretend to understand the female mind. But I'm not really expecting her to just forget about the bad and think everything will be fine. Relationships take work, obviously. I think I'm pretty much emotionally honest with her, within reason, of course, I'm not going to say that she's pissing me off and I want her to make a decision right then and there. I just have to be patient...but I can't wait forever. It isn't fair to me.
moimeme Posted October 20, 2003 Posted October 20, 2003 It's not about amount, it's about quality. Say you go to a funny movie with 1000 funny lines, but there's a 'joke', complete with visuals, about a rape or child molestation. Do you say that it was a wonderful movie? Do you say that just because there were 1000 funny lines, the horrible bit was excusable? I'm not saying that you did anything that bad; what I'm saying is that a few bad things can indeed trump many good ones, depending on what the bad ones are.
Leikela Posted October 20, 2003 Posted October 20, 2003 Kevin, This is your first serious relationship so of course you made all the mistakes this time around. I think that's par for the course. You learn from it and don't make the same mistakes twice. Usually we've hurt one another too much to stay together the first time around but hopefully in your case your girlfriend will be able to get past all the hurt. You really hurt her a lot by not caring about her friends and family. She gave you 100% and you gave her little in return. She loves you but is wary to be with you again in fear that you'll just get back into the same rut again. The fact that you offered to change your ways and be interested in her friends/family was good but because she didn't take you up on that right away may be an indication that you hurt her beyond repair. She probably thinks (and has good reason to) that you are only offering to do this because you want her back. Here's the thing... You losing her has made you see HOW you need to change. You need to address these issues on your own and change them from inside of you. How come you are so selfish? How come you didn't give a rats ass about her family or friends? You seem to have the tendency to be depressed and to be your own worst enemy. These problems come from within YOU. Mend YOURSELF first and then you'll be able to have a healthy, lasting relationship. It seriously needs to come from within YOU first. You'll find that once you're happy with yourself, everything else comes easily. I wish you the best of luck with everything!
Author UCFKevin Posted October 20, 2003 Author Posted October 20, 2003 It wasn't that I didn't give a rats ass about her friends and family, it was just that I was so apathetic about it all. This whole thing has really opened my eyes to how I'd gotten to be so damned comfortable in everything. I never really knew anything was too wrong during the problems, which I guess isn't too uncommon. I'm totally willing to change, not just for her, which is what she's afraid of (like you said, with good reason) but for myself. It isn't good to be like how I was. I just hope she realizes I'm not just doing it for her. I guess I probably screwed up on the whole Halloween costume thing too. I dunno, call me old fashioned, but it bothered me.
jezebelle Posted October 20, 2003 Posted October 20, 2003 All I'm hearing is "woe me, look at all my problems", but I'm not hearing you take any responsibility for the things that have happened. Sorry, but it definately takes two to tango. It sounds to me like there have been times when you weren't there for her, and it'll take her a long time to trust you again in that aspect. You're very luvky and should take this time to not only think about the things you want, but also the things you can give to her in return. Work on your insecurities. So what if she dresses a little sexy for a halloween party? She says she loves you, doesn't she? Why can't you trust her?
Author UCFKevin Posted October 20, 2003 Author Posted October 20, 2003 Because I have trust issues. Always have. Stems from the first relationship I had, kinda spread into my psyche. I'd love to get over it but I can't. Plus she tends to get a little wild when she gets drunk. But as for my problems, where'd you get the impression that I'm not working on them? I've gone over to her house plenty of times since then, getting to know her family better, I'm communicating with her and being open and honest, being willing to go out and do things, we've only hung out and done nothing like once. I've done all I can, I think. I know the things that I did wrong and I have/am working on them, I'm not ignoring them or am blind to them at all. But my insecurities are a problem right now. This situation just brings it out of me and I wish I could control that but I can't.
MIKEY Posted October 20, 2003 Posted October 20, 2003 Kevin--it sounds to me like you two have different interests--she seems to want to go out and you like to stay in. The only way you could make thta work is if you go and do things she likes but just not for the sake of doing t--you need to actually find enjoyment in it---
Author UCFKevin Posted October 20, 2003 Author Posted October 20, 2003 --which I'm perfectly willing to do. Or at least try. The HILARIOUS irony is that whenever we get together nowadays, she's always so tired. But when she goes out with her friends, she can stay out until 2 in the morning having a blast.
Guidette82 Posted October 26, 2003 Posted October 26, 2003 I'll be honest...I did NOT read all that...I got some basics though...I will say that if you are even considering waiting for someone, DON'T. I just broke up with a guy..he broke up with me because he is still in love with his ex and thinks they are meant to be together. I did everything in the world for him..i was almost like the perfect girlfriend..yet he still hangs on to the past. He says there is no "connection" between us, but in all honesty, I think he is losing a chance with someone who would be so much better for him and to him (and I DO NOT mean that in a conceided way) because he is still clinging on tho the past. If things are meant to be with her, it'll happen..don't hold off your life and risk a chance with the woman who could make you so much more happier....Don't ever give up hope but don't put yourself in a situation where you could get hurt more...live your life and know that GOd will make all the right decisions for you..even if some of the suck for a while..it'll all be for the best in the end!
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