Graduate Posted April 28, 2009 Posted April 28, 2009 I have finally decided to forget about my ex and walk away from the drama that is trying to stay his friend. My problem: We live in the same apartment complex, which means that I usually run into him on a daily basis and ALWAYS see him at the pool on weekends. I have decided on NC last thursday and so far have done everything I can not to run into him, which included me staying away from the pool over the weekend even though it was hot and I would have loved to catch some rays. Now I got the impression instead of helping me forget about him and move on, NC is forcing me to think about him way too much because I am constantly thinking about where he might be right now and how not to run into him at communal places. I especially hate that I have to change my whole schedule and weekend routine in order not to see him. So I am wondering whether I am going about this the wrong way and should just continue living my life without going out of my way to avoid him. What do you guys think?
EmperorR Posted April 28, 2009 Posted April 28, 2009 NC is the most difficult thing at the beginning but it gets better day after day, at first you will havehtese feelings always on your mind etc. etc., like when you give up any addiction the cravings are intense at the beginning.
Author Graduate Posted April 28, 2009 Author Posted April 28, 2009 HI emperor, thanks for the reply, but I am not sure what you are trying to say. Do you think I should continue staying away from the pool and changing my schedule in order not to run into him, or should I just go about my life and not make schedule dependent on his whereabouts?
Meaplus3 Posted April 28, 2009 Posted April 28, 2009 Now I got the impression instead of helping me forget about him and move on, NC is forcing me to think about him way too much because I am constantly thinking about where he might be right now and how not to run into him at communal places. I especially hate that I have to change my whole schedule and weekend routine in order not to see him. The feelings your having here will pass the longer you keep up with NC. No contact will break the emotional connection and that will help you to move forward. The start of NC is tough but, it's does get easier and it's so worth sticking to. Best wishes. Mea:)
9Lives Posted April 28, 2009 Posted April 28, 2009 I have finally decided to forget about my ex and walk away from the drama that is trying to stay his friend. My problem: We live in the same apartment complex, which means that I usually run into him on a daily basis and ALWAYS see him at the pool on weekends. I have decided on NC last thursday and so far have done everything I can not to run into him, which included me staying away from the pool over the weekend even though it was hot and I would have loved to catch some rays. Now I got the impression instead of helping me forget about him and move on, NC is forcing me to think about him way too much because I am constantly thinking about where he might be right now and how not to run into him at communal places. I especially hate that I have to change my whole schedule and weekend routine in order not to see him. So I am wondering whether I am going about this the wrong way and should just continue living my life without going out of my way to avoid him. What do you guys think? it is really up to you. i have to do it because it has been hard to let go. I dont want to get hurt anymore and being in his life is like helping him move forward easier. I couldnt handle the friendship thing either. It really is what I have to do. You can keep doing your thing. If it does not bother you to bump into him and you dont want to change your schedule, then dont. NC is for people who need it. If I didnt have all these feelings, I wouldnt do it. I would just be cool and not worry about all this stuff. It is your call.
Author Graduate Posted April 28, 2009 Author Posted April 28, 2009 You can keep doing your thing. If it does not bother you to bump into him and you dont want to change your schedule, then dont. It DOES bother me to bump into him. For the last month, ever since we agreed to be friends, I have always anxiously hoped and feared running into him, and hanging out at the pool at weekends has always been mainly about whether he will come and talk to me or not. But I am feeling so pathetic about it, and I am angry at him for not wanting to make plans with me because he feels "I will see you at the pool anyway" when I asked him to hang out with me last week. We are supposed to be friends and have been hanging out every weekend for the last month, but only once has this been due to previous plans, usually it was just because we ran into each other at the pool and then one of us would say something like "do you want to hang out later". Last thursday we went to a ballgame and when I asked him later if he wanted to make plans for the weekend, he said "no, I will see you at the pool anyway." That really shocked me, because for some reason we started kissing at the game. I think I initiated it, but we kissed for most of the game, including hand-holding, laughing and hugging when we got back. Stupid me actually thought this meant we were getting back together. Well, I thought this right until I asked him whether he wanted to make plans to hang out on the weekend and he gave me the line about seeing me at the pool anyway. This has given me the strength to finally start NC and stay away from the pool. Obviously he is waiting to see if some better offer comes along and is only willing to hang out with me, if he has nothing better to do. So I stayed away from the pool to show him that he can't count on me being around and waiting for his highness to show up. This was the first weekend in months that we did not hang out either as friends or more. Today I learned that he did not show up at the pool himself last weekend. I guess he had better plans after all, while I had a miserable weekend staying inside and out of his way. This makes me feel even more stupid and pathetic, because he probably doesn't even know I am avoiding him and I could have just relaxed at the pool as usual. So now, with all the background info, what do you guys suggest I do?
Author Graduate Posted April 30, 2009 Author Posted April 30, 2009 Sorry for the doublepost, but does anyone have some advice? I keep alternating between "Just go and live your life" and "No, the only way to get over him is to stay away from him, even if it inconveniences your life at the moment". Would love to read some opinions.
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