sallymax Posted April 27, 2009 Posted April 27, 2009 So I'm old enough to know better, but can't seem to get anywhere with that. I met someone a little over a year ago, and we had some strange at first sight thing I've never experienced before. He said he "belonged' to me, and I grew to feel the same way, but there was a drastic age difference. He's 28, 17 years younger, and hasn't much life or dating experience. But we are some strange kindred same. I'm his first longish adult involvement (he had a traumatic breakup in his teens) but his life goals require someone younger, as well as more life experience, so we parted ways this past easter. We tried over Christmas, but fell back in. He'd been withdrawing towards the end. Sort of feeling the restrictions of long term practicalities. He's not sure if he's capable of a relationship with someone his own age after all this time, but feeling a need to try, which I understand. He wants a family and kids long term. On the other hand, this is my first "colors brighter, weak in the knees" thing I've had in my entire life, and it's hard to let go of, and in someways the most painful break up I've ever had. I think I let myself be more vulnerable and open than I can ever remember. So it's shaking me. We're in an agreed NC situation for a few months, with the supposed hope of being friends. I have enough wisdom to realize that this isn't likely or realistic. And I suspect I'm still in denial, since I keep wishing he'd come back someday, which isn't where I want my thoughts to be. It's also hitting all my self doubts about aging, and looks and self worth, etc. And just general loss. And just basically sucks. He had some failings too, but I really did love him. One thing about age is learning to take bad with good, and realizing that wonderful has some costs. Any other viewpoints would be appreciated
loser101 Posted April 27, 2009 Posted April 27, 2009 unfortunately I don't have anything encouraging to say to you. the fact is that he wants a family and he can't have that with you. he is worried about not being able to find someone his age but that's probably not the case, there are so many different people out there. I am going through a similar situation as you, I had to let my ex go, he is much younger and his plans for the future require him to have complete freedom. it's hard because he was prepared to put his life on hold for a while but of course it's something that's too much to accept from someone. it is what it is. you have to take bad with the good as you said. then there is aging yes and the worry that you won't find anyone else as good as him. however, you didn't expect to meet him, did you? so why do you think you can predict what's lurking around the corner?
Author sallymax Posted April 27, 2009 Author Posted April 27, 2009 Thank you. I think it's the emotional swings that are hard. Sometimes it all makes perfect sense, and I'm almost relieved it's done. And other times there is all this loss. I recognize the situation, but I'm more used to a very intense few days, and then relief. This keeps coming back more than usual. Quite annoying.
Juristhea Posted April 28, 2009 Posted April 28, 2009 Thank you. I think it's the emotional swings that are hard. Sometimes it all makes perfect sense, and I'm almost relieved it's done. And other times there is all this loss. I recognize the situation, but I'm more used to a very intense few days, and then relief. This keeps coming back more than usual. Quite annoying. My boyfriend's ex was 7 years older than him, with 2 kids. I don't know why he even started to go out with her for 6 months. Before I became his girlfriend a couple of months ago, I was the bestfriend he always went to when he was troubled and he would talk to me about his problems with this then-girlfriend. He never got to the point of thinking of breaking up since I knew he really loved her. A couple of months ago, she broke up with him with the reason that he needs to find someone else who will make him happy and who's single. Moving on is probably the best thing that you can do right now.
MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted April 28, 2009 Posted April 28, 2009 There is a good possibility I'll be in your position in a few short months. The man I am seeing is 11 yrs younger, and has no kids. I can't have anymore kids. If he decides he wants a family, he will probably stay with his wife (even though the marriage needs a lot of work). I'm prepared for the heartbreak, I will have to deal with it because we work together, very closely.
Juristhea Posted April 28, 2009 Posted April 28, 2009 It's never easy, heartbreak, especially if you see your partner or potential partner happy with someone else. The best thing would be to probably move on and get on with your life.
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