bluewolf17 Posted April 27, 2009 Posted April 27, 2009 Hi all, My ex and I broke up end of February after 3 1/2 years. We are mid twenties, and had a pretty solid, drama free relationship. We had been fighting a lot recently, mostly due to his lack of being able to hold onto a job, or see that he has potential. I pushed him to try school, and he always had excuses. I work full time, and go to school full time, so it was starting to get resentfull to come over to his place, and find that he hadn't done anything all day (like every other day). So in February we had a heated argument and broke up. (I dumped him). Then, a week later, I was so sad, I begged him back. At that point, he said "he didn't know, didn't know if he wanted to try, etc". He said he was depressed. So I told him he can be with me, or not be with me, and I cut of contact. For 4 weeks we didn't talk. The day before I leave for Vegas, he calls and texts. I was weak, and ended up talking to him for over an hour, and it was great. He kept bringing up good memories of the relationship, and talked about if we tried again, we would have to be nicer to eachother. We talked again when I got back from Vegas. Then he contacted me and wanted to meet up. We went out and had a great time, then a week later, we went out again. I ALWAYS LET HIM initiate seeing eachother, and talking. Neither one of use is dating. The last time we went out (last Thurs) I told him I wasn't interested in being "just friends", and I wanted to know if he thought this was heading towards a reconcilation. He said he has thought about that. He said we both wanted the break up, and that it's no ones fualt. He just said we can take it slow, but we are broken up. Then he informs me he is going out of town on my birthday (but acted like he didn't know it was my birthday. NOTE-Since breaking up, he was accepted to my college, and is working towards finishing his degree, so I felt like he is taking steps towards progress). Also he joined Facebook, and immediatly friend requested me, even though he hates social networking sites.... So, my question is, after our last day, I haven't talked to him. He called and left no message, and sent a text. I made it clear I didn't want to be friends...what's next? Do I just ingnore him unless he says he wants to be with me? I feel like everytime I see him, I just want to see him more, and am sad when he doesn't call. Please help!
Sonic_chaos Posted April 27, 2009 Posted April 27, 2009 Very confusing situation there, And i feel for you at this time. It sounds like he doesnt fully know what he wants. He wants you around but whats to be friends. maybe he is trying to feel his way again. I take it you both still love each other? and the feeling is mutual on that side also? There are a few ways you can look at this, One.. go along with it and be friends but move very slowly with it and hope that the spark comes back and you become a couple again within a few months.. Two, you could write him a hand written letter explaining your feelings and that its all or nothing. I personally think that if you really want to reconcile with him, take option one.. Then if you get the feeling thats all he wants as being friends.. Then i would slowly but surely become distant and then tail it off, till you no longer speak to him. Or just go NC.. depending on the impact you want to give him.. Either way the ball seems to be in your court. He seems to be doing all the chasing and initiating the contact, which means he is interested. I dunno if he is the type of guy to lead people on or he is kinda striaght talking no messing type person.. Being jobless does take its toll *speaking from experience due to loosing my job and my girlfriend very close together* and it seems he is making good progress back into getting active again. like i said i dont know your ex, but he seems to be trying to test the water with you.. And it also depends what you want and feel is right.. I know you have nothing to lose that you already havent lost if you go with the option 1 up there.. Good luck which ever way to choose to take it
Author bluewolf17 Posted April 28, 2009 Author Posted April 28, 2009 Thank you, Sonic C. It's a hard line. Seems like some people think you go to NC right after you break up, others say hang in there. And people (Like me) read too much into little calls and texts, always hoping the next one is "baby I miss you so much, can we try again?" I am trying to go slow, and respect that he is sorting things out, and being honest. I don't want to stay in this gray area forever, so eventually we will either reconcile, or I will just have to tell him we can't talk anymore. It's a matter of when I reach that point, I suppose. I spoke with my ex on Monday night ( he actually called on Sunday, but I didn't respond). He wanted to chat, and see how the move is going (I am moving in with some friends). I tried to end the conversation without trying to make any future plans (I am always afraid he will say no, and I will be hurt). Instead he says things like "well call me later this week and maybe we can meet up this weekend or Thursday again". We have seen each other the past two Thursdays and had a lovely time. I decided I would just wait for him to contact me to make plans, etc. I figure since he is the one "thinking things over", should I let him do all the work? I mean I am the one that put it out there that I want to try again..what do you think?
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