I can't stop lying and it's ruining my life.

[hoping2heal]

I've recently come to terms with the fact that I am a compulsive liar. I have been diagnosed with ADHD and I have no idea wether the ADHD just compounds the problem for me or what. I'm currently in counselling but this is ruining my life! I feel helpless to my own lying! I am deeply in love with my partner and all he wants is for me to be honest with him, after 9 days of honesty I started lying again! It bothered me so badly that I began lying and dissapointing him I ended up in the hospital with an anxiety attack.

 

I am trying to hard to get help for lying but no one seems to have the slightest clue what causes and how to effectively snuff out lying. I think part of that is because lying is so socially acceptable. I don't want to be a liar anymore! I'm tired of being a slave to my lies!! Does anyone have any insight or was a former liar themself? What works? What can I do to improve telling the truth? I just want to be honest but I'm a screw up!

[TaraMaiden]

Compulsive lying is a form of cover up. It is a mask wishing for perfection.

Lying wants to make everything right, it wishes to placate, and looks for any way possible to give a rosy ideal solution.

but of course, you know yourself, this is impossible.

Lying is not the problem.

it is a symptom for a deeper problem.

 

What you should do, is to forget the connection between your condition and the lying.

An English friend of mine has ADHD, and he does not lie.

So think back to the first time you can lucidly remember telling a lie.

Why?

What were you trying to achieve?

did it work?

 

It may well have done.

If something is successful we repeat the behaviour, in the hope of achieving the same result.

 

only you know lying gets you into deeper and more complicated trouble.

 

Wear a small rubber band or elastic-string bracelet on your wrist.

Now do this when you talk to your boyfriend, or to loved ones who know your dilemma:.

 

Every time you feel a lie emerging, snap it against your wrist.

tell your boyfriend, or whoever, what lie you were going to say, and why. Then tell the truth.

 

Admittance. confessing you were about to lie.....This is really important.

 

The first time you do this, will be terrifying for you.

You may shake, begin to cry and even have an anxiety attack. but you will have told the truth.

 

Ask yourself - If I tell the truth, what is the worst that can happen to me?

I will not be executed. i will not die.

This is not a life-threatening situation.

I will survive this.

 

You have heard the saying "The truth will set you free"...?

It is very true in this case.

it will liberate you from the responsibility of having to protect everything and cover for al the mistakes.

 

*Snap!*

Tell the truth.

And keep telling the truth.

keep snapping.

Initially, your wrist may get pink. it may even be sore.

 

This heals.

But at the same time, you will heal also... and you will gradually stop lying....

[Just Angel]

*Gives Tara a cookie for such an amazing post*

[TaraMaiden]

(I am particularly fond of hob-nobs....!)

 

_/l\_

[Meaplus3]

What is it that you think causes you to lie? Has this been something that you've done your entire life?

 

Mea:)

[sotired]

ADHD can contribute to the lying, but it's not a common symptom. Are you on medication for the ADHD? Therapy alone won't help, your brain is wired differently. I would at least explore the option and see if the meds will help with the lying portion of things.

 

It could be an OCD related thing as well.....if you feel a compulsion to lie and can't stop even though you know it's wrong, that is something I would look in to.

 

It's a big step to admit that you have a problem. Most compulsive liars I've known actually start to believe their lies after a while and are completely delusional. At least you've acknowledged it before it gets to that point.