empty906 Posted April 27, 2009 Posted April 27, 2009 Let me run this situation by you. The short - OW from the past calls to ask me to help her cover up a current affair which her husband just discovered. She wanted me to pretend to be the OM so her husband could threaten me an not the real OM, who is her husband's friend (he wouldn't recognize my voice). If her husband doesn't talk with the guy personally he will divorce her tomorrow. Part of me thinks she's full of **** and she knows she can ask me for help and I usually do it. Part of me knows her husband is a physically violent man who is abusive towards her and choked her last night in front of their children. Therefore he just might be serious about leaving her. Should I have gotten involved in her love triangle to help her stay married? Why should I risk her husband finding out I was the one making the call and risk my family but gain nothing? I was in love with the OW and would have done anything for her then, but I have moved past all that now and simply don't want back in. But I also don't want to see her separated from her children and see her abused more. She needed to know if I would help her...or not. I thought about it for about an hour today before telling her no. What would some of you done?
Author empty906 Posted April 27, 2009 Author Posted April 27, 2009 LS rearranged my title so it doesn't read correctly anymore. ???
White Flower Posted April 27, 2009 Posted April 27, 2009 Hi empty, I think you were right not to get involved. She put you in an awkward position to say the least and a dangerous position to say the most, including your family. Your family comes first and you did the right thing by saying no to her. Why does she think she can hurt you by getting you to cover for another OM??? She sounds like bad news. I'd stay away from her. Good luck. Oh, and about LS changing your name? Maybe it was too much info and they're just protecting you?
sadintexas Posted April 27, 2009 Posted April 27, 2009 My xH was NPD and abusive. I had to fight hard to get out of my marriage. If he's threatening to leave her, it's a blessing in disguise if he's abusive to her. It's better for him to want the divorce than for her to try to leave him. Neither is ideal or safe in this type of situation, but why would she want to keep this marriage intact anyway? Don't know what to tell you, but you have to do what's right for you. Not only would I not feel comfortable getting personally involved in her life any further with regards to any infidelity, I wouldn't want to enable that marriage to continue.
bentnotbroken Posted April 27, 2009 Posted April 27, 2009 That is a load of crap. She is a user. She is trying to cover her behind. She was in a relationship with you while in an abusive relationship and now she is having another A while still in a supposed abusive relationship. She needs to be found out. Stay out of it. I would say to tell her H, but if he really is what she says, your family doesn't deserve to be pulled into her mess. Tell her to grow up and take a hike.
Author empty906 Posted April 27, 2009 Author Posted April 27, 2009 Her marriage ending is a good thing, in my eyes. He's a jerk and she needs to get away which is why I think she keeps having affairs. Is she trying to get caught? At one point her husband got close to finding out about me and I backed way off. I wonder if she had something to do with his finding out about us? Hmm... bentnotbroken: Telling her to grow up and take a hike is hilarious but I don't think I could even muster that much less say it. Still funny though. White Flower, she is bad news. After reading all of your responses I agree with you and see that she needs to remain a memory and not get back involved with her drama. You all are right and I see it, she is a user.
bentnotbroken Posted April 27, 2009 Posted April 27, 2009 Then telling her to put on her big girl panties or some grown up britches won't work either:rolleyes:
sotired Posted April 27, 2009 Posted April 27, 2009 Wow that is a situation that can end bad. Would really suck if her husband snapped and came after you. Is it an option to cut this nut job from your life??
2sure Posted April 27, 2009 Posted April 27, 2009 First, even if her H divorces here for infidelity, she will not lose her kids. For custody to be taken from a mother who wants her kids - would take proof that she was unfit . REAL, DOCUMENTED paperwork regarding incarceration (current) Institutionalization, etc. Its not always a good thing - but its true. So, she is making that up as part of her "poor me" story. Who knows how much more of it is true? If her H is choking her in front of the kids because she is cheating...but she doesnt want to leave....has she considered not cheating as a solution to her woes? She is a drama queen. Stop enabling her.
lkjh Posted April 27, 2009 Posted April 27, 2009 Dude, shes not trying to get caught and her H probably isn't that bad either. As bent not broken said, she is a user. Tell her H the truth and let his "friend" deal with him. Do not be used.
Lizzie60 Posted April 27, 2009 Posted April 27, 2009 It's really all up to you.. if you think you can do it without being caught (and putting yourself in danger) well maybe I would do it.. it's hard to say. But then.. what if you cover up this time.. and she gets caught again and again... What will YOU get in return? ONLY YOU can make that decision..
serial muse Posted April 27, 2009 Posted April 27, 2009 LS rearranged my title so it doesn't read correctly anymore. ??? LS automatically removes words like "help" and "advice" from thread titles, because they're too generic...if they didn't do that, there would be umpteen parallel "please help me" and "I need your advice" threads; it would be too hard to distinguish them for the folks who do want to respond and try to help. So it's to encourage people to be more specific about what they want advice on. Re: your topic - are you still married? If so, I don't see the upside to you getting involved in her drama. Actually, I'm not sure there's an upside either way, but the downside is potentially much, much bigger if you are still married.
Dexter Morgan Posted April 27, 2009 Posted April 27, 2009 Let me run this situation by you. The short - OW from the past calls to ask me to help her cover up a current affair which her husband just discovered. She wanted me to pretend to be the OM so her husband could threaten me an not the real OM, who is her husband's friend (he wouldn't recognize my voice). If her husband doesn't talk with the guy personally he will divorce her tomorrow. good, let it happen. You are not responsible for her getting in trouble. What would some of you done? would have told her to f##k off.
stampdaddy Posted April 27, 2009 Posted April 27, 2009 It's really all up to you.. if you think you can do it without being caught (and putting yourself in danger) well maybe I would do it.. it's hard to say. But then.. what if you cover up this time.. and she gets caught again and again... What will YOU get in return? ONLY YOU can make that decision.. maybe murdered by a violent BS... If it is even in the cards, why play the hand??? Stay away
Woggle Posted April 27, 2009 Posted April 27, 2009 Put on your best pair of sneakers and run as fast as you can away from this situation. You are putting your safety and maybe even your life in danger.
jj33 Posted April 27, 2009 Posted April 27, 2009 You made the right decision. What makes you think that even if he spoke to you he wouldnt abuse her the minute he hung up the phone? Its a bad bad situation and you getting involved in her web would only make it worse.
Mr. Lucky Posted April 28, 2009 Posted April 28, 2009 Part of me knows her husband is a physically violent man who is abusive towards her and choked her last night in front of their children. Interesting that she can't call the police but she can call you. Tells you everything you need to know about her values and judgement... Mr. Lucky
wildsoul Posted April 28, 2009 Posted April 28, 2009 First, I'd have told her HELL NO, and added that if the H came to me I would tell him the truth about the OOM. Second, I'd be closing off all lines of communication with her. Permanently.
Montclair0011 Posted April 29, 2009 Posted April 29, 2009 Avoid like the plague. Sad though. She needs to find some friends to help her out of her mess of a marriage, but not you.
RecordProducer Posted April 30, 2009 Posted April 30, 2009 The answer is absolutely NO. No, you shouldn't sacrifice for her. Even if he doesn't hurt you, he'll want to meet you, talk to you, ask you questions... Why do you need this? You need to help her because she doesn't want to leave a husband who's abusive and she's a serial cheater? Why doesn't her lover take her (and her kids) and save her from the abusive husband? Next thing, she'll move in with you and keep seeing the other guy.
Athena Posted April 30, 2009 Posted April 30, 2009 If her husband doesn't talk with the guy personally he will divorce her tomorrow. What would some of you done? So -- what happened? Did the abusive H divorce her? I bet not... he was just trying to put pressure on a liar to get to the truth. I think her H should find out that not only is his W a serial cheater (and divorce her a$$, not beat it up) but he should also find out that his so called friend is betraying him to. As for me? Nope, I wouldn't have agreed to lie for her and cover up her serial cheating b*ll$hit
Athena Posted April 30, 2009 Posted April 30, 2009 Part of me knows her husband is a physically violent man who is abusive towards her and choked her last night in front of their children. Therefore he just might be serious about leaving her. But I also don't want to see her separated from her children and see her abused more. Now what makes you think she would not get custody of her children? Is that what she was trying to 'sell' you? That he would take her kids from her, and only YOU could save her?! Sheesh! Anyway, isn't it more likely that the courts would not like his choking her in front of their kids?!! She needed to know if I would help her...or not. I thought about it for about an hour today before telling her no. She's got some nerve! How about if she asked you to murder her H too?! grr... she created this mess, he has found her out, so she needs to come clean with him... that is the RISK she was WILLING to take when she started out on her umpteenth affair with his friend... oh... and btw... it was no mistake, her choosing his buddy to cheat with -- that was a calculated move on her part!
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