Love_Listener Posted April 27, 2009 Posted April 27, 2009 I'm 23 and have noticed a growing trend in my life - my standards keep going up. When I was a kid, I found most actresses to be incredibly attractive but not so much anymore. Keep in mind I am by no means a 10, actually, I'm probably pretty average looking and have not had opportunities with gorgeous women. Of the women I've dated, I've often had to learn to love them - which has worked out fine, even though my friends think their hot. For some reason though I only feel real attraction for very beautiful women. So my question, has anyone else experienced this? Has the media given us these unrealistic expectations? For me, I just wish I still had that boyish ability to just love someone.
Jaytb Posted April 27, 2009 Posted April 27, 2009 you know, it's a good question. In my best estimation, that's probably correct. I find many women attractive even if they aren't model looking, and I barely pay any attention to mass media.
carhill Posted April 27, 2009 Posted April 27, 2009 The media has raised my standards for discerning the dearth of quality in media IOW, in my world, media influence is a non-event. People are real; media is a bunch of electrons, just like this message board. Real love is between real people in the real world. I've met enough people from "media" to know they shyte just like you and I. There's nothing special about them, other than they're popular or maybe rich. Hey, good on 'em. Still gotta shyte; still gonna die. OP, learn to love yourself first and be happy with your life, then find a woman to share that with. With the right one, all this media and attractiveness horsepucky will be so yesterday you can't even imagine. Good luck
Sam Spade Posted April 27, 2009 Posted April 27, 2009 Yes - every time I watch TV i catch myself thinking "Why can't I get a girlfriend like this here hot chick?" (The last in line being the goth girl from "Breaking Bad" ). So then it takes me a couple of moments to switch back and remember how cute my actual (non-imaginary !) girlfriend is. It took me months to realise that she's actually striking, just because she doesn't fit the mold of the currently peddled imagery. There are few things that I hate more than left-wing extremits shouting media this, media that, but I have to agree that constant exposure to TV-style hotness can **** with your brain.
knaveman Posted April 27, 2009 Posted April 27, 2009 No doubt the media has a very specific idea of what "beautiful" is. And our judgment can be skewed by this. But who is to blame? The media for presenting the image or us for placing value in what the media shows us? They may decide what to show as beautiful but I decide what I find beautiful.
Joker77 Posted April 27, 2009 Posted April 27, 2009 Without a doubt. I think a lot of women measure what a guy should be by what they view on television. They think guys should be sporting the six pack abs, frosted tips, and 100k salary.
SoulSearch_CO Posted April 27, 2009 Posted April 27, 2009 Without a doubt. I think a lot of women measure what a guy should be by what they view on television. They think guys should be sporting the six pack abs, frosted tips, and 100k salary. Frosted tips??? Are you serious, dude? The only guys I've met IRL that had frosted tips were gay...or in denial of being gay.
Trialbyfire Posted April 27, 2009 Posted April 27, 2009 Without a doubt. I think a lot of women measure what a guy should be by what they view on television. They think guys should be sporting the six pack abs, frosted tips, and 100k salary.Attraction isn't that simple for women. Sure, you'll find some that are solely driven by media influence but you'll also find that many are driven by their foundational upbringing, whether they acknowledge it or not, are even conscious of it or not. For example, myself. My Dad, who is my hero, whereby I'll always be his little princess, is tall, lean, fit, intelligent, witty/funny, charming, courteous, respectful, successful, polished, with A LOT of integrity and honour. He's dark-haired with dark eyes. Guess what my fiance is like? While their facial features aren't the same, where my fiance has a primarily Greek heritage, therefore, is more dusky, there's a definite similarity, in type of man. My ex-H was similar, except for the integrity, honour, and some notches down in respect, something I rue to this day, in not being as selective as I should have been.
sotired Posted April 27, 2009 Posted April 27, 2009 I don't pay attention to celebrities because I have a life. There are actors and such I think are good looking, but I don't dismiss a guy because he doesn't look like Brad Pitt or whoever is considered the "hottie of the day" Having a type is fine....but you just sound incredibly shallow....But of course lets blame the media...I'm sure someone will jump in and blame it all on porn. Looks fade....and I think most of the older celebrities with their botox and face lifts are the saddest people around.
Jaytb Posted April 27, 2009 Posted April 27, 2009 I'm sure someone will jump in and blame it all on porn. http://www.moviesforguys.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/01/startrek2khan.jpg POOOOOOOORRNNN!!!! (Man I wish this place had inline images.)
sotired Posted April 27, 2009 Posted April 27, 2009 LOL! That would make the perfect avatar for a certain poster...
LucreziaBorgia Posted April 27, 2009 Posted April 27, 2009 I think the media has warped our perceptions of attractive, rather than raised it. In fact the media has managed to supplant natural attraction, and has replaced it with pre-fab unreal expectations.
marlena Posted April 27, 2009 Posted April 27, 2009 I think the media has warped our perceptions of attractive, rather than raised it. In fact the media has managed to supplant natural attraction, and has replaced it with pre-fab unreal expectations. Pre-fab is right. Faces are beginning to lack character or distinctiveness. There is absolutely nothing unique about them. Beauty is wrapped in a plastic membrane under which all women are clones of one another. Sickening is what it is. It does not move me at all. I'd rather see an interesting face in National Geographic than the million Paris Hiltons populating the planet.
OpenBook Posted April 27, 2009 Posted April 27, 2009 Media (in the relatively brief time it's been around) has always promoted a high standard of beauty, because that's what sells products. "If you use Product X, you too can be as attractive as Cheryl Tiegs." One encouraging trend I've noticed in the media, though, is the celebration of older women. I don't know if this is a cause or a result of the media. I'm just glad it's happening! :bunny:
marlena Posted April 27, 2009 Posted April 27, 2009 One encouraging trend I've noticed in the media, though, is the celebration of older women. I don't know if this is a cause or a result of the media. I'm just glad it's happening! I agree and applaud the efforts of Dove and L'Oreal I think in this refreshing trend because "We are worth it."
Sam Spade Posted April 27, 2009 Posted April 27, 2009 Attraction isn't that simple for women. Sure, you'll find some that are solely driven by media influence but you'll also find that many are driven by their foundational upbringing, whether they acknowledge it or not, are even conscious of it or not. For example, myself. My Dad, who is my hero, whereby I'll always be his little princess, is tall, lean, fit, intelligent, witty/funny, charming, courteous, respectful, successful, polished, with A LOT of integrity and honour. He's dark-haired with dark eyes. Guess what my fiance is like? While their facial features aren't the same, where my fiance has a primarily Greek heritage, therefore, is more dusky, there's a definite similarity, in type of man. My ex-H was similar, except for the integrity, honour, and some notches down in respect, something I rue to this day, in not being as selective as I should have been. Genious ! 90% of all women would fall for a guy with the above description. So, by extension, should I assume that if your father happened to be chubby drunk with body odor (but no honor) we could expect to find these traits in your fiance as well ?
Trialbyfire Posted April 27, 2009 Posted April 27, 2009 Genious ! 90% of all women would fall for a guy with the above description. So, by extension, should I assume that if your father happened to be chubby drunk with body odor (but no honor) we could expect to find these traits in your fiance as well ?Ah yes, take it to the most superficial level. Okay, here's the superficial response. You might be surprised at how many women have partners who are chubby, drunk, with body odor. I can't say I would be attracted to this type of man but then, I wasn't raised with this type of father. People are comfortable with the environment they're accustomed to, which is driven by their foundational years. Otherwise, why do some men and women seek out abusive partners? Sure, people can say they want someone with integrity and honour but what happens when they're held to the same standard of ethics, by their partner? They don't much like it and many can't walk the walk, just talk the talk.
carhill Posted April 27, 2009 Posted April 27, 2009 People are comfortable with the environment they're accustomed to, which is driven by their foundational years. Otherwise, why do some men and women seek out abusive partners? Boy, is that a truism if I've ever read one. Nearly every significant relationship in my life has aligned with it. The trouble is, the incompatible ones with abusive pasts cover up their history with the same coping mechanisms which they use to rationalize their own world and it can be exceedingly difficult for a young person to see through it prior to getting emotionally involved or attached. TBH, TBF, I've met very few women who didn't have abuse/trauma in their history, and it crosses all socio-economic lines. Count yourself lucky, as I have. I think, the more that people in general buy into media hype, the more we leave ourselves open to continue the cycle of abuse and objectification.
Trialbyfire Posted April 27, 2009 Posted April 27, 2009 carhill, don't take this the wrong way but I wonder if you're not drawn to EU types, since there's a strong element of caregiver/need to emotionally save, in you. In being this way, you're going to draw all kinds of women but will only be attracted to women who need this. As for the OP, attraction isn't love, attraction can stand alone and also can be a subcomponent of romantic love.
Sam Spade Posted April 27, 2009 Posted April 27, 2009 Ah yes, take it to the most superficial level. Okay, here's the superficial response. You might be surprised at how many women have partners who are chubby, drunk, with body odor. I can't say I would be attracted to this type of man but then, I wasn't raised with this type of father. People are comfortable with the environment they're accustomed to, which is driven by their foundational years. Otherwise, why do some men and women seek out abusive partners? Sure, people can say they want someone with integrity and honour but what happens when they're held to the same standard of ethics, by their partner? They don't much like it and many can't walk the walk, just talk the talk. So, okay, I'll buy it. But if this reasoning is correct, just because you've been lucky with your parents doesn't mean that you have any higher level of self-awareness than people who have been raised in crappy families. *Every* family is disfynctional in its own way. Adults are people who get over it. True, there are not very many adults out there, many stay hooked on their childhood hangups for life. Chalking it all to your upbringing is the devinition of avoiding personal responsibility. That's just a micro-version of "society made me do it" .
Trialbyfire Posted April 27, 2009 Posted April 27, 2009 So, okay, I'll buy it. But if this reasoning is correct, just because you've been lucky with your parents doesn't mean that you have any higher level of self-awareness than people who have been raised in crappy families. *Every* family is disfynctional in its own way. Adults are people who get over it. True, there are not very many adults out there, many stay hooked on their childhood hangups for life. Chalking it all to your upbringing is the devinition of avoiding personal responsibility. That's just a micro-version of "society made me do it" .I'm uncertain where you get the impression it's a "higher level" of self-awareness. My level of self-awareness is probably duplicated A LOT, with LS types who can be from any walk of life or family situation, who tend to internally question. So get that assumption out of your head! I agree that people are capable of "getting over it". I don't agree that most adults, beyond the introspective, do "get over it" or even are aware they have something to "get over" and many don't care enough to "get over it".
Jersey Shortie Posted April 27, 2009 Posted April 27, 2009 I think the media has warped our perceptions of attractive, rather than raised it. In fact the media has managed to supplant natural attraction, and has replaced it with pre-fab unreal expectations. Most excellent and articulate repsonse. I totally agree. I don't think this is a simple case of not knowing fantasy from reality. I think 99% of people do. But it doesn't mean that people don't still want to have what the market sells to them. I always say "Advertising works for a reason". Even thought we are all grown adults capable of rational thought, advertising plays on emotion and imagery to connect us to it. I think the media has unfortunetly twisted what beauty is, making it more cartoonish and systmatically both unattainable and vastly common at the same time.
Jaytb Posted April 27, 2009 Posted April 27, 2009 systmatically both unattainable and vastly common at the same time. It's one or the other, unless the principles of quantum mechanics could somehow apply in this situation. I'm open to all viewpoints in this debate, but please provide more specifics to back up your argument.
carhill Posted April 27, 2009 Posted April 27, 2009 carhill, don't take this the wrong way but I wonder if you're not drawn to EU types, since there's a strong element of caregiver/need to emotionally save, in you. In being this way, you're going to draw all kinds of women but will only be attracted to women who need this. I love European women Seriously, yes, I examined this aspect of my psychology in MC. TBH, I think there's a duality at work, in that, and I think media does play a role in this, emotional available women don't find my particular brand of "vibe" to be attractive because it controverts their upbringing and messages from society. It will be the rare emotionally available (I don't use EA since it denotes a problem area here LS) woman who sees the mix of, as another poster so aptly put it, gay traits, combined with traditional strong male traits, as attractive. I've reflected very carefully on this matter, with the help of our psychologist, and can't think of one instance where I dismissed such a woman because I didn't find her attractive, and my attraction runs far beyond the physical, which is what media attempts to manipulate. IMO, since media is profit-driven and seeks to generate that profit from our most basic drives, it will always attempt to appeal to aspects of our psychology which controvert our intelligence and common sense. Just like the quintessential Don Jaun, it panders to our emotions, and very successfully, I might add
Jersey Shortie Posted April 27, 2009 Posted April 27, 2009 Just like the quintessential Don Jaun, it panders to our emotions, and very successfully... Didn't I say that minus the Don Juan reference mister! It's one or the other, unless the principles of quantum mechanics could somehow apply in this situation. I'm open to all viewpoints in this debate, but please provide more specifics to back up your argument. Well I have no clue what quantum mechanics but I don't understand why you are confused by my statement. The media protrays a beautiy ideal that is only met through a team of make up artists, lighting, re-shoots, and photoshop. At the same time, they make all the girls look the same and don't celebrate diversity of beauty. So it becomes both unattainable and vastly common at the same time.
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