Kristine Posted April 27, 2009 Posted April 27, 2009 For those who don't wait until marriage, how far into dating someone do you do the deed? Particularly if you're really interested in someone? I'm trying to gage things for myself because my history is sketchy. 1st date raped me, he disagrees, but didn't respect my no and I gave off signs I didn't know I was giving, like accepting an inventation to his apartment meant I would sleep with him (was 19 and unaware of those things). The 2nd time I was horny and it was 2 months into dating. But what's the standard time frame? I'm not easy but I'm not a prude either. Though in my ideal world I would have been able to wait until marriage, that's just unlikely to happen. So what time frame would you suggest, how long do I wait to sleep with a guy I'm really interested in? How many months, dates, etc? Thanks for the help.
AlektraClementine Posted April 27, 2009 Posted April 27, 2009 I've no idea what is standard timing. I read a lot of LS threads that seem to indicate that people wait at least a few dates before having the sex. And I've even heard some opinions that when you give it up on the first date it can't work out long term. That said, my current boyfriend and I did it on the first date. We've stayed together for a while now (over a year). Now, I couldn't tell you whether or not that complicated things or had no effect on it whatsoever. Another thing to consider is that I am 31 and for me at least, the nature of sex and dating changed a lot from my 20s to now.
Author Kristine Posted April 27, 2009 Author Posted April 27, 2009 Well I'm in my thirities now myself. 35 to be exact. I was married for 8 years in my twenties and well I'm hoping to end up married again truthfully. So I want to be respectable about my timeframe.
Enema Posted April 27, 2009 Posted April 27, 2009 "How long do you wait" is answered by women in 99% of cases. Men are generally, "As quickly as possible!" I would not bother to continue dating someone if I wasn't getting some type of heavy action after say... 4 proper dates.
carhill Posted April 27, 2009 Posted April 27, 2009 OP, do you have a sense of when things are "right" with a man? When you feel safe, validated and secure with him? When his physical affection matches up with your emotional connection with him? That's very individual, both to each person and to the couple dynamic. You could be one way with one man and completely different with another, and vice-versa for the man. I didn't feel 3 months was too soon or too long, when dating my wife. For me, true intimacy and attraction takes time. I might sense physical attraction early-on, but true emotional and sexual intimacy takes longer, for me. You and your man likely are different. Knowing yourself is the best advice I can offer. Oh, BTW, I waited until I was 35 to lose my virginity because I had preferred waiting for marriage. That's overrated. Take it from someone who tried
nothappyjan Posted April 27, 2009 Posted April 27, 2009 See I am 23 but I dont view sex as a right for the guy who took me to dinner but a privelege and something that is special and meaningful. To me i couldnt imagine having sex without going out for months and being very emotionally connected its just how I am, theres no way I could have sex on the first 6 dates i'd by hyperventilating at just the thought. I am quite good looking and get a lot of interest from guys and they all seem to be quite patient, maybe cause i am good at spotting the ones in it just for sex- actually those guys dont seem to go for me much, maybe they can sense that I'm too much work for them just to get laid. It's all about comfort level and what works for you, if i lose guys on the way, they werent the right match for me anyway so its no loss. For your situation I'd say after the first 3 dates a guy wouldnt think of it as just a one night stand so go for it if you feel ok to do that.
alphamale Posted April 27, 2009 Posted April 27, 2009 So what time frame would you suggest, how long do I wait to sleep with a guy I'm really interested in? How many months, dates, etc? you both sort of play it by ear. sometimes you'll have sex on the first date, sometimes it may take 2 months. its a mutual activity and requires mutual consent. in my experience on average it usually happens around the 3rd to 6th date mark - assuming you both are sexually attracted to each other.
Sam Spade Posted April 27, 2009 Posted April 27, 2009 About a month or so, or within 3-6 dates... I'm usually not in such a hurry, but there is no reason to wait any longer.
Trialbyfire Posted April 27, 2009 Posted April 27, 2009 There's only one time frame you should listen to. The one from within you that says, "Yes, it's time, I'm going to tear his clothes off!". Any other time frame is either a form of rationalization from fear of loss or caused by external pressure. Don't listen.
39388 Posted April 27, 2009 Posted April 27, 2009 I'd never do it with someone until I know her well. It may be several months, but there is no particular amount of time.
SoulSearch_CO Posted April 27, 2009 Posted April 27, 2009 My current BF, it was our second date. We're sorta long-distance, though. And had been talking to each other for 2 months before that. My first long-term relationship (failed marriage), I had never had intercourse before and I waited 3 months...but there were quite a few dates before that. So it's hard for me to say. I honestly think with my current BF, the second date was too soon...even though things have turned out well (been together 3 months since).
Scottdmw Posted April 27, 2009 Posted April 27, 2009 If you're not going to wait until marriage, I'd say wait until you are pretty sure you know the person well, both the bad and the good, and love them _without_ the sex. If you have sex early you may later on find out things about the person you don't like, and you're kind of "stuck" because it's much more painful to break up then. The fact that so many abusive people have significant others that stay with them speaks volumes about this--everybody seems nice when they're on their best behavior. And, it wouldn't hurt to know what their expectations would be if a birth control failure occurred. Scott
yeex Posted April 27, 2009 Posted April 27, 2009 I don't know but whatever you do, if you do it early, don't get too attached. You still need to progress the relationship one step at a time. My last experience, we did it on the second date and I got all goo goo and made a fool of myself. Oh well, I am willing to play the fool in order to gain experience.
reservoirdog1 Posted April 27, 2009 Posted April 27, 2009 It's kind of like asking "how long is a piece of string". There's lots of different variables and it's impossible to give a simple answer. I'd generally suggest waiting a few dates. Having said that, however, with my present GF, we did the deed the first night we met, and it's going great so far. I don't see any correlation between jumping in the sack early and the relationship ending quickly. Sometimes it happens that way, sometimes it doesn't. Just go with what feels right and what you're happy with, without worrying about what it MIGHT do to the relationship in the future. There's no way to predict that anyway, so why bother trying?
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