bac Posted April 27, 2009 Posted April 27, 2009 every man wants to have sex with me only for 3-5 times I am trying to find a man on line. I am in 40s and my men in 40s. I think I look pretty and sexy but I am introvert and shy. The problem is that every man I meet for coffee likes me and wants to have more dates with me. Then in 4-5 dates without sex we are finally having sex. Then in 3-5 dates when we are having sex the men totally lose any interest in me. They do not want me at all. I wonder what could be the reason for that because it happens to me once and once again. I really do not like that kind of rejection and I wanted to continue dating all of them (not in the same time:) I am trying to figure out why it happens. I need a male opinion whether what I think is right. 1. Because the men are looking for females on line they have too many choices and they just move from me to their next favorite girl. Other words they are normally moving from one female to another in a while trying to find a special someone and by the way having some fun with girls who are not special. 2. My communication problems related to be introvert and shy. That is the worst thing because I was trying hard to change myself about that and nothing has really worked. 3. I did not have an orgasm with the men but I have enjoyed and liked sex much more than my men. I did not lie them about having orgasm. Anything else?
BobSacamento Posted April 27, 2009 Posted April 27, 2009 Yes number 1 sounds right. Chances are, in their minds, they found something better.
sotired Posted April 27, 2009 Posted April 27, 2009 Why keep meeting men online if it isn't working for you? I'd say both 1 and 3. 3 made it sound like the men didn't enjoy it. Do you express that you are liking the sex or just lay there? A lot of guys have issues with women they can't get off....gives them a complex. But by 40 I would think you know what it takes to make you come....
Chicago_Guy Posted April 27, 2009 Posted April 27, 2009 Isn't it possible that the problem has nothing to do with sex? Maybe they didn't like the way you treated them or perhaps they thought that you weren't that into them or were dating someone else? There's more to dating/a relationship than just sex.
bobdole Posted April 27, 2009 Posted April 27, 2009 Not trying to be rude, but maybe you're bad or uninteresting in bed? Please don't take offense but just roll the idea around in your head for a minute or two and consider/reflect on it.
Trialbyfire Posted April 27, 2009 Posted April 27, 2009 bac, like in one of your last threads, I'm going to ask you why you're having sex with men when you're not at the comfort level to orgasm. If you lose someone because they're unable to wait, these are the kinds of men you want to lose.
MN randomguy Posted April 27, 2009 Posted April 27, 2009 Maybe they're not looking for a LTR? They want sex, get it and don't want the LTR, So, they break it off before it really develops.
Author bac Posted April 27, 2009 Author Posted April 27, 2009 Not trying to be rude, but maybe you're bad or uninteresting in bed? Please don't take offense but just roll the idea around in your head for a minute or two and consider/reflect on it. May be I am. But I do not know what do you mean? Any specifics or examples about what good and interesting girls do in bed? The only boring thing that I know about me in bed that I do not fake an orgasm.
Author bac Posted April 27, 2009 Author Posted April 27, 2009 bac, like in one of your last threads, I'm going to ask you why you're having sex with men when you're not at the comfort level to orgasm. If you lose someone because they're unable to wait, these are the kinds of men you want to lose. Are you a male that you ask this question? Because if I wait for my comfort level I am going to have sex in my next life. But I am not sure that there is such a thing as next life for any of us.
Sam Spade Posted April 27, 2009 Posted April 27, 2009 To be honest, I would love to live like this at least for a couple of years. But, now that I'm in my 30s, I take it for granted that women never want just casual hookups. I don't like it, but the point is that my dating behavior has adjusted accordingly by assuming that if there is sex involved, this means at least giving it a shot to see if it would evolve into actual relationship. My guess is that if you're that introverted and shy, you probably don't communicate your needs/wants/expectations at all, so it's an easy out for the guys. Waiting too long for sex is hardly going to change anything unless you take a look at yourself and try to figure out why are you attracting certain kind of guys or what could be doing to turn them off. If you're pretty and good looking, then it must be something in the behavior etc. Also, honesty is not the best policy. The first few times you have sex with anybody it is usually not that great no matter what, so no need to dwell on this until later (if things don't improve).
Trialbyfire Posted April 27, 2009 Posted April 27, 2009 Are you a male that you ask this question? Because if I wait for my comfort level I am going to have sex in my next life. But I am not sure that there is such a thing as next life for any of us.No, I'm female. Are you saying you've never had an orgasm?
Chrome Barracuda Posted April 27, 2009 Posted April 27, 2009 After the sex you got to have the guy who's interested in you after the sex. Are you intelligent or ignorant. like one of those ditzy blondes from the bad girls club or something?
yadungon Posted April 27, 2009 Posted April 27, 2009 All those men want is your body. Stop letting them get it. why would you make sex with a guy you onlt dated 5 time. At least like a 3+ month.
Trialbyfire Posted April 27, 2009 Posted April 27, 2009 All those men want is your body. Stop letting them get it. why would you make sex with a guy you onlt dated 5 time. At least like a 3+ month. Ummm...is every woman a carbon copy of the other? When you try to clock it generically for everyone, it's not only not going to work out, it makes no sense. Most women know when it's the right time for them, as long as they trust what their body is telling them to do. No woman should be ashamed of having sex, as long as it's what they really wanted to do and not because it's expected, thus driven by fear of loss or from some misplaced need for validation.
sotired Posted April 27, 2009 Posted April 27, 2009 They obviously don't want her body because they dump her pretty quick. You sound very inexperienced...maybe that is the problem? Or like another poster said there isn't anything deeper that the guys can connect with. I would ask one of the guys you were with. If you do it in a mature way you might get the truth.
carhill Posted April 27, 2009 Posted April 27, 2009 Do you orgasm through masturbation? Do you have male friends with whom you can relate? This goes to #2, in that, if you would naturally attract a man who connects with you on an intellectual and emotional level, and he sees signs of a black hole there due to your introverted nature, he's won't hang around. I'm one of those guys and I would've said #2, for me. I also wouldn't have pushed for sex because we never would've developed any intimacy unless you're willing to open up. IMO, a woman in her 40's should know her body and psyche pretty well and be able to attract men who are compatible with her. I'm a bit older than you and was a "late bloomer" so I can empathize. You appear to be doing the reverse of what I did, by becoming sexual too soon. I became emotionally involved too early and that was unhealthy. There needs to be a balance of emotional intimacy and sexual intimacy, as well as compatibility, for a healthy relationship to proceed and grow. You're getting the guys in the door with sex (pretty much a no-brainer) but can't close the deal. Guess you'll have to work on yourself some more. MC (counseling) helped me.
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