mopar crazy Posted April 26, 2009 Posted April 26, 2009 I have one exBF on my FB that I Friend Requested. My H knows it but never said anything. This ex and I do not have a sexual past. The R was short lived as it was LD and he met someone local but we remained friends. This morning I get a Friend Request from a guy that I was in a more serious R w/. It was sexual, and I was falling in love. It lasted several months. However, he decided that he was still in love w/ an ex and we were getting too serious and he wasn't ready. BS, he wanted to f@ck around. His ex was M to someone else. Oh well. I went on w/ my life even though it hurt like hell he broke it off. We also remained friends and partied together after it was over. We ran around the same group of friends. We were friends b4 we dated. My H also hung out w/ him but I never seen H there when I was there. Should I deny his FB friend request? It's been almost 20 years since we broke it off. He is M and has children. I'm honestly shocked that he wants to be friends on FB. My H is still sleeping so I can't ask him how he feels about it. If an ex of my H did a friend request it would be depend on which ex it was. If it's a manipulative bitch that was trying to hook up w/ him again I would say no. If it was his first GF in HS and college I would say yes. If it was his xOW from 6 years ago HELL NO! Should I just wait and ask my H what he thinks about adding him? It would be totally platonic, I have no interest in starting anything w/ him now that we are both M and have a family.
jerbear Posted April 26, 2009 Posted April 26, 2009 AT 20 years the past should be water under the bridge. Since you have concerns about this then Ignore the request.
Author mopar crazy Posted April 26, 2009 Author Posted April 26, 2009 Thanks Jer! I'm only concerned about it b/c I don't want my H to be upset if I added him. I can't hide the fact that I added him since my H is also on my FB. I guess I'm at the point where if I can't add an x to my FB w/o him getting upset is just proving that his jealousy issues need to be addressed. I understand he would become upset if I added my first love from 22 years ago b/c he actually contacted me via email and IM 9 years ago actually wanting to have an affair. So, I will not be adding him. Every time I see a FR I hope it's not him. I don't think he will be adding me b/c of the situation that happened either. I'm sure he knows I told my H. His nephew M my niece so there is going to be probably some contact w/ him throughout our lives b/c of this reason. Needless to say we were both at their wedding and I think it was awkward for both of us. If he wouldn't have done what he did 9 years ago we could have probably had a friendship again. I think about who I would want my H on his FB if they were an ex and like I said, it would depend on the person.
headlesschicken Posted April 26, 2009 Posted April 26, 2009 eek, can of worms! large and messy can of worms. really nothing good can come of accepting the friend invitation on facebook. but a lot of bad things could come of it. if just unwanted attention and advances from him. i'd say let the past stay there! you say it would be totally platonic because you're both married but.....you don't know his intentions. so that's why i say no. the fact that you'd feel bad if the situation were reversed says a lot.
Author mopar crazy Posted April 26, 2009 Author Posted April 26, 2009 eek, can of worms! large and messy can of worms. really nothing good can come of accepting the friend invitation on facebook. but a lot of bad things could come of it. if just unwanted attention and advances from him. i'd say let the past stay there! you say it would be totally platonic because you're both married but.....you don't know his intentions. so that's why i say no. the fact that you'd feel bad if the situation were reversed says a lot. TBH, I don't think this advances from him. If it does turn into something like that I will block him from FB. I spoke to H about it and he said do what I want. I added him as he was a friend b4 we became involved. If I feel things get inapporpriate I will block him. I don't think it will though.
sotired Posted April 26, 2009 Posted April 26, 2009 Would you feel ok if your H added a girl he felt that way about? If so and he doesn't mind, then it really doesn't matter. I don't understand why you'd put the temptation there though. I don't really understand social networking sites. *shrug*
Art_Critic Posted April 26, 2009 Posted April 26, 2009 I don't think it will though. I myself would never ask an old Girl Friend.. sex or no sex to be my online friend on facebook.. I can't imagine any happily married man friending women he used to go out with 20 years ago.. Be careful of him... me thinks ulterior motive
Author mopar crazy Posted April 26, 2009 Author Posted April 26, 2009 Would you feel ok if your H added a girl he felt that way about? If so and he doesn't mind, then it really doesn't matter. I don't understand why you'd put the temptation there though. I don't really understand social networking sites. *shrug* Like I said b4, if his exGF from HS and college asked him to be his friend I would not have a problem w/ that. His ex fiancee would never ask for a FR so that does not concern me. However, if the xOW would FR and he accepted her then yes, I would be upset. No temptation here. I doubt we will even converse as it is. Maybe he just wants to be nosey. I don't know.
Author mopar crazy Posted April 26, 2009 Author Posted April 26, 2009 I myself would never ask an old Girl Friend.. sex or no sex to be my online friend on facebook.. I can't imagine any happily married man friending women he used to go out with 20 years ago.. Be careful of him... me thinks ulterior motive I doubt very much he has any ulterior motives but I will take your advice and be careful. Thanks Art!
Liquid Posted April 26, 2009 Posted April 26, 2009 Should I just wait and ask my H what he thinks about adding him? It would be totally platonic, I have no interest in starting anything w/ him now that we are both M and have a family. Use your brain, woman. What's the benefit of accepting him? What are the potential risk? Is it worth it?
Author mopar crazy Posted April 26, 2009 Author Posted April 26, 2009 Use your brain, woman. What's the benefit of accepting him? What are the potential risk? Is it worth it? What's the benefit of accepting him? Nothing really besides watching his kids grow. I use to care for his oldest in the nursery where he took his son for daycare. It's kind of neat seeing him all grown up. Potential risk? I'm not worried about that. I don't think him adding me is going to cause any harm. I guess my concern was how my own H would react. I asked him what he thought about accepting him. If he would have said he didn't feel comfortable w/ it I would not accept him. I think his FR was totally harmless but even so I didn't know how my H would have reacted if I added him w/o speaking to him first.
Author mopar crazy Posted April 26, 2009 Author Posted April 26, 2009 Mopar, you question shows sensitivity to your H feelings. Why not let this go until you and he have a chance to talk, then proceed? bent, I already spoke to H and he said "Do what you want to do." He left it up to me. I could have hit that ignore button just as easily as confirming him but TBH, I kind of wanted to see how grown up his kids were getting.
Author mopar crazy Posted April 26, 2009 Author Posted April 26, 2009 You and your family are the only ones that matter. There is one ex I wouldn't mind seeing how his life has progressed. The last I heard he married a girl with the same name as me. I guess he just couldn't get over the magnificent Bent. Oh, I know that:)
whichwayisup Posted April 26, 2009 Posted April 26, 2009 No ex's allowed on facebook, and that should be a rule with any married or committed couple. I don't see the point of opening that door..Ex's aren't in your daily life, so why add them into your online life on facebook or any other social networking site.
whichwayisup Posted April 26, 2009 Posted April 26, 2009 he said "Do what you want to do." He left it up to me Uhh, if you said this to him, that would mean "DON'T add that person." It is possible he's doing this to you, and inside it does bother him. Or, just ask yourself how you would feel if a woman he fell inlove with but the R didn't pan out due to whatever reasons, wanted to be-friend him on fb. Would you be okay with that? Seriously, make the rule NO ex's allowed.
Author mopar crazy Posted April 27, 2009 Author Posted April 27, 2009 Uhh, if you said this to him, that would mean "DON'T add that person." It is possible he's doing this to you, and inside it does bother him. Or, just ask yourself how you would feel if a woman he fell inlove with but the R didn't pan out due to whatever reasons, wanted to be-friend him on fb. Would you be okay with that? Seriously, make the rule NO ex's allowed. I totally understand where you are coming from WWIU. And ya know I totally respect your advice and opinions. If he had an ex that wanted to be on his FB it would honestly depend on who it was. But, I can tell you this much, it wont be the xOW. I don't care if his GF from HS and College wanted to add him. I really wouldn't care and that is the truth. The only one I would care about and actually say no is the xOW. I know she wont add him though. She would be stupid to do that.
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