Viking Posted April 26, 2009 Posted April 26, 2009 So, say you go on a first date, when is it appropriate to ask the girl whether or not she'd like to go out with you again? Do you wait until the end of the date? Or do you ask her a few days down the road? If I'm going to ask a girl out and it turns out I really enjoyed myself, I want to know when it is appropriate to ask her out again without being creepy or needy. Is that an appropriate thing to do at the end of a lunch date (if it is the first date)? What is the timing, or more importantly, what is the best timing on this sort of thing? Thanks!
carhill Posted April 26, 2009 Posted April 26, 2009 If you've had a good time on the date and feel mutual chemistry, it's not needy or creepy to ask her out again right then and there. Near the end of the date, say something like "Wow, I had a great time. I'd love for you to join me for dinner on (weeknight). What kind of cuisine do you like? I was thinking (your favorite food)." Regardless of the answer, smile, embrace her and say goodbye whilst looking into her eyes. It's key not to show disappointment if she does not immediately accede to your invitation. Confidence.
Flamenco81 Posted April 26, 2009 Posted April 26, 2009 I like this question because I am sort of also thinking about this. I am going out with a girl on Monday that I think is really cute and would definitely want to date more. But we both have our work schedules and limited availability, so I feel that if I could set up a second date that same night it would be best. I would avoid having to be texting or calling back and forth and trying to fit it in her schedule several days down the road. I think I'll do that. If the date is going well, I will have already casually asked her availability for the week, and towards the end I would mention about doing dinner. Hopefully we can leave it set that same night, and I don't have to be playing the "give a couple of days", then call and all that.
Author Viking Posted April 26, 2009 Author Posted April 26, 2009 Thank you Carhill. Reason being, is that I'm going out with the Canadian girl that I posted about a week or so ago, as she asked me to come up so we could go out for lunch. I've just been nervous since last night because I want the date to go well because, for lack of better reasons, she's really gorgeous and looks like the kind of girl I normally would go after, and she said yes to a date. Sooooooo, I want to know or be able to have something that I can say without saying something like, "Uh, I had a good time, let's do this again" like I did once. I'd rather be able to say something like what you wrote, but be pretty confident about it. I just hope she isn't a high maintenance girl. We'll see!
carhill Posted April 26, 2009 Posted April 26, 2009 A key point is to share your preference. She can accept or decline or provide an alternative. Her: I don't know my schedule yet Me: I understand. What evenings in the past couple weeks have you usually been free? Her: xxx Me: Sounds good. Check your schedule when you get home and let me know tomorrow and I'll make reservations for us. Her: (perhaps) I may not know for sure for a few days. Me: No worries. Sounds like you're pretty busy. (smile) Thanks for a great evening. (says goodnight). You've expressed interest and willingness to accommodate her and shown sensitivity to her schedule. You've also communicated a boundary, that you're not a doormat. All done with a smile. If she's interested, she'll call tomorrow with her schedule (women are never truly that busy when they have their eye on a guy, trust me), or she won't and you'll have your answer. If she goes dark and you hear from her in a week or two, just be honest: Me: I haven't heard from you so assumed you weren't interested. No worries. So, you're free for dinner tonight? (This is her last chance to garner any of your time) Be aware other men are smoother talkers than I. I'm more direct. It's a function of age and experience and being jerked around by many women
carhill Posted April 26, 2009 Posted April 26, 2009 I've just been nervous since last night because I want the date to go well because, for lack of better reasons, she's really gorgeous and looks like the kind of girl I normally would go after, and she said yes to a date. OK, probably gross, but this might help you handle things a bit better. Just imagine her sitting on the toilet constipated during her period. Does that put things into perspective? No matter what a woman appears like, she's still a regular human being just like you. She has insecurities about her appearance and may even be thinking the exact same thing about you, that you're so hot and why would you be interested in her. Remember, how a woman appears and how she feels are two completely different realities. The one you need to understand and engage is the latter one.
Author Viking Posted April 26, 2009 Author Posted April 26, 2009 Thank you again Carhill! Being direct, with possibly more words , will likely be the best idea it seems. That way my interest is indicated and it's not left to the "that was nice, but I think you're only trying to be a friend to me...". Also, I don't want to end up texting her a lot either to set something up. Oh, I also don't want to come off as a "friend", but rather someone that she would think is a potential boyfriend. I think that will be achieved best through flirting, right?
carhill Posted April 26, 2009 Posted April 26, 2009 Fewer words and more actions would be my goal. Being chatty with girls robs you of your penis.
colosseum Posted April 26, 2009 Posted April 26, 2009 Fewer words and more actions would be my goal. Being chatty with girls robs you of your penis. Lol yes Carhill; tell it like it is.
Trialbyfire Posted April 26, 2009 Posted April 26, 2009 Viking, one way of looking at asking the same night, is that you can quickly filter out the gamers, from the honestly interested ladies. If it takes you playing dating games to hook someone's interest, you're in for a rough ride. Also, sometimes people confuse friendliness and a flirtatious nature, with an honest connection. If a girl turns you down the same night, she's not honestly feeling it. This means you're not going to waste anymore time on someone who's not interested.
Land Shark Posted April 26, 2009 Posted April 26, 2009 I ask as soon as I decide I want to see her again. As long as I can tell she's having a good time, too, there's no reason to be cagey about it.
MissConduct Posted April 26, 2009 Posted April 26, 2009 At the end of the date is the best time, not days later that's playing a game. You want to act on the moment and make sure you are both on the same page and nothing says same page more than agreeing to see each other again before the first great date has even ended.
Author Viking Posted April 27, 2009 Author Posted April 27, 2009 UPDATE: So, I did what was suggested and towards the end of the date we were standing there looking at the water and I turned to her and told her I was having a good time out with her. She agreed and I told her that I would like to see her again as I like her. I asked if she'd like to meet up again and she said...YES! She drove me back to my car and I re-asserted the fact that I would like to see her again and she told me she would like to but to "keep in touch" (I assume that means yes, please come back) as I told her that I have a busy two weeks, but would work something out. Overall, it went quite swimmingly! When we met earlier, she had a friend there with her so that when I met them, they'd be able to tell if I was a legit character I'm sure. We had lots to talk about and it wasn't a boring day (spent 4.5 hours with her and was lots of fun) like the last girl I took out (1.5 hours and not fun). Thanks for the advice. I'll probably be coming back for more depending on where this goes!
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