these_issues Posted April 26, 2009 Posted April 26, 2009 ....I know that NC is whats best for him. as much as i want to talk to him. its me not letting him move on. I dont see it that way. But Ive been doing a LOT of reading on here, and according to everyone.. Thats pretty much what it is. I cant, in any way possible, give him any sort of false hope. Even though I dont know what the future holds, and i do sometimes miss him.. I cant let him know that. I cant say "I dont know." I have to be strong. I honestly do care about him. a lot. I always have. and So I care about what is best for him. and .... Ive come to realize through my readings that..I've got to let him move on. To be happy.and I really hope that someday he can be. I cant have him holding on, and not healing. thats horrible. Even if that means... he calls me names and says I dont deserve anything but unhappiness and that Im a cheat, & a liar.. etc. etc. ***SIGH*** IT SUCKS more than anything to be called all these things. To have someone hate you. But I guess..... all i can do is say "well.. what can i expect?" I guess from his point of view, and probably a lot of yours, that I deserve this. and... maybe some day I will be able to live with that. (Im willing to accept it for my actions.) as in saying, right now, that all I want to do is talk to him. BUT ALAS, ....this sucks. just wanting to talk. hoping we could maybe someday be friends.. and realizing after 5 hours on here(lawl).... that it's not going to happen. Anyways. Im going to be the *big girl* here. and do the right thing. As much as ya'll are against ex-gfs, ...you've at least gotta give me credit for that. Its going to be difficult. Im going against everything in me. But it's the right thing. Right for him. and thats what matters here.
loser101 Posted April 26, 2009 Posted April 26, 2009 there will be a day when he stops hating you and you may even hear from him. I know that because it happened to me recently. I was going out of my mind when the boy wouldn't talk to me, just cut contact or curse and shout and not accept the real reason for the break-up. then a week ago he got in touch and we met up to have a beer No, we are not friends but he is feeling much better as a consequence, I do too.
loser101 Posted April 26, 2009 Posted April 26, 2009 why? there are lots of reasons why relationships ends and there are times when one person is more passive or is in denial so the decision to break up has to be made by the other party. only a complete bastard would enjoy that, it really is bloody horrible to hurt someone.
Riffmeister General Posted April 26, 2009 Posted April 26, 2009 Hi these_issues I've read all your posts, and this is a really interesting read for me. I can read this as if you were my ex, and what's fascinating is what you're going through. I'm not optimistic enough to think that my ex is suffering as much as you are. I expect she's glad I'm off her case so she can get on with her new(ish) relationship. However, she recently replied to an email I sent to tell her I was dropping some stuff of hers off at her work in a really friendly way, as if we'd agreed to be friends. Couldn't believe she'd think I would want to reply. I did email her a while back to say I regretted saying some things in the heat of the moment, but I made it clear it wasn't a peace offering, maybe she took that the wrong way. In any case, I've not replied. So from the other side of the fence, I can tell you that leaving him alone is the kindest thing you can do, but you're kind of damned if you do, damned if you don't. Not contacting him will make him feel like you don't care at all and you're forgetting him, and even though that's not true, the alternative is worse, in my opinion. Her emailing me like that, asking how I was etc just made me angry and miserable, as it reminded me of what I no longer and will never have. I was so determined not to get any hopes up, but then seeing her new updates with pics of the new b/f just destroyed me yesterday. I know she wants to be friends with me, and I think that would make me happy eventually, but I know that can't happen until I genuinely don't want to be with her and don't care. Don't see that happening until I meet someone else really. If you've let him know you'll be there for him when he's ready, leave him to it. Best times since the break-up for me was when I had NO contact with her, no reminders, complete cut-off. You've probably come to that conclusion too, but as hard as you find it not talking to him, think how hard it is for him, and how much harder false hope will make things. Hope you don't think I'm busting balls here; I'm not, but I'm going through what your ex is, and I think this would be what I'd want.
EmperorR Posted April 26, 2009 Posted April 26, 2009 there will be a day when he stops hating you and you may even hear from him. I know that because it happened to me recently. I was going out of my mind when the boy wouldn't talk to me, just cut contact or curse and shout and not accept the real reason for the break-up. then a week ago he got in touch and we met up to have a beer No, we are not friends but he is feeling much better as a consequence, I do too. Yep he will stop hating, but hearing from that's different, I don't hate my cheating ex fiance, but I'll never ever contact her again even if she was the last person on earth.
playlislay Posted April 26, 2009 Posted April 26, 2009 Just wanted to say thanks for your thread. I now kind of understand where my lovely ex was coming from, even though I still feel that we could have worked through our problems (well, MY problems) as we loved each other very much. I guess, from what you have written, that is how he might have felt and handled the situation. If he didnt brake it off, then who would have? To be honest (off the topic here), I think I needed him to finish with me in order to understand where I was going wrong and what I can do (or could have done) to solve it. It took me three months to work out all of my wrongs in detail and depth, all of which I have learnt from. Its just a shame that he wont give me another chance. ( He too was devastated by having to leave me. I know this from his expressions and the way he drunk himself silly (his way of dealing with problems-yes, not the greatest of attributes!). But he stayed strong, done NC without telling me (this REALLY hurt by the way as I didnt understand why he would talk to me one minute then ignore me the next), hasnt even replied to my detailed apology (not happy with that one I must say!). But I have to admire him for being so strong. I hate him for not giving in and getting through our problems, but at the same time I respect him for being so god damn brave! (I love you C.D.J!) Thank you!
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