I am 26 and in love with someone who took my "V". But he wont meet me now ?

[FlipFlop26]

My boyfriend and I started seeing each other last year - 1st April. We went around for a while. I asked him if this wa going to lead to marriage and he said why think marriage. After 2 months, I lost my "v" to him. After abt 4 months, he told me he will never think on the marriage front since there is not point in thinking about it. He said this because we come from diff. religious backgrnds. He made it clear that he will marry someone his folks select. I tried to breakup with him on numerous occasions but he wouldnt let me. In the meanwhile, he started a secret friendship with one my frnds and colleague. emailing her all day, chatting up with her etc. I confronted him. He denied anything was on and refused to show me chatlogs. Few days back I discovered they have become very close friends and he lied to me. They talk every single day for hours. He still refused to divulge into details. I told him I'll breakup if he doesnt give me the details. He accepted it but still didnt tell me anything about her. He says its becoz he is getting married to the girl his parents selected for him very soon. I am going to France for 2 months tomm and its our anniversary too and still he wont even meet me before I leave. So much is wrong. he wont marry me; i dont know his equation with this gal; he wont even meet me when I am leaving for so long and he says he might get engaged in the meanwhile. My trip got delayed and now he is engaged and suddenly he has gone into the frnd mode very swiftly. Suddenly behaves only like a colleague shud.

 

I still cant help but love him. And he doesnt even want to meet once before I leave. when I will get back I am worried he might be engaged to be married ? I am really stressed. I cant get over him. He was the love of my life. And he doesnt even care to show me the chats; meet me; nothing at all!!

 

*******DO you think he ever loved me at all ? I am feeling so hurt. I have been told by friends he was using me for sex. Its not a good feeling for someone you love, you know? Help me..understand the situation from your persepctive pls?

[LucreziaBorgia]

He was the love of my life.

 

One day, when you are with someone who loves you and shows you every day how special you are to him you will realize that this guy isn't and never was the love of your life. He was just the guy who cut you loose so that you could find the love of your life.

 

It will take some time to purge your mind of him, and to stop idealizing him. Right now you are in love with the image of him you created in your heart: an image that blinds you to just how horrendous this person is for you.

 

You have to literally retrain your mind to get over him. It starts with purging. Every time you think of him, write it down. Write down everything. With time you'll find that you have less and less to write, and then you can start with purging your visualization of him. When he pops in your mind, force yourself to think of something else. What I do is imagine that the thought is a piece of paper and I will rip it down, ball it up and throw it away and force myself to think of other things. Eventually it will become second nature and then one day you'll get through entire days without thinking of him. Then weeks, then months.

 

Then you'll be ready to consider love again.

 

Give yourself time. Stop thinking in terms of getting him back, and think in terms of flushing him away like the waste that he is.

[FlipFlop26]

Thank you so much for your reply. I know he might not be good for me. but I just wanted to know for once if he ever loved me at all ?

 

the technique u suggested for purging him out is really good. wish i didnt have to do this...I was looking for marriage with him....which is why I was with him for so long...I thought his mind would change....but it didnt even flicker....he was certain and still is...he doesnt even feel bad about losing me....not even missing me...

 

ON second thoughts......I am 27 already and all my friends are getting married...heck even he is getting married and am wondering when i will find love now....it feels like am in the end of the line....

[LucreziaBorgia]

People can feel what passes for love at any given moment, but once the moment is over so are the feelings associated with that moment. Would it make you feel any better knowing that maybe for a time, he did think he loved you? I can tell you this - given his treatment of you, it isn't any sort of love that you are thinking of or are looking for.

[andy2009]

After 2 months, I lost my "v" to him.

don't worry losing V is a not big deal now a days

 

After abt 4 months, he told me he will never think on the marriage front since there is not point in thinking about it. He said this because we come from diff. religious backgrnds. He made it clear that he will marry someone his folks select.

 

If he really loves you, religion couldn't be problem. There are many examples of cross marriage.

 

I tried to breakup with him on numerous occasions but he wouldnt let me.

Be strict on this and go NC forever.

 

 

I am feeling so hurt. I have been told by friends he was using me for sex

 

it seems to me too. Be strong, believe me there are many good guys around. wishing you

[FlipFlop26]

Guys guys guys!!! guess what - while i was trying so hard to figure out why he doesnt love me or marry me.....and being upset over everything...

 

He sms'ed me :

 

his sms : i think today we both came out in the open and fought a lot. why dont we have some fun till I have time before marriage.we have time.

 

my sms : ( I was stunned. Didnt undertsand what to say, then thought let me try to understand this jerk ) Asked him "why the sudden change in plan ? how much time do we have ? "

 

his sms : 6-8 months. lots of sex. no rules. after our fight we cnt be a normal couple. there was no love involved. so lets make most of the situation and be FWB.

 

my sms : oh so u may still go and talk to married woman and I am not supposed to ask u questions

 

his sms : no rules.no questions. no expectations. we'll just have sex. U were tryin to break up with me so I think seperation is very easy for u. We shud make use of this and hook up. and when I get married just break up again.

 

LOL...can u believe this

 

I was posting everyday on sites to get over this jerk ...trying to understand why he couldnt love me?? but hello; he just wanted to BED me.it became so bloody apparent today. i couldnt see it all this while. I was blinded by an image i had created about him.

 

Just wanted everyone to know; how kind God has been to show me the light. I am not even feeling bad about anything now. I am actually very glad....THANK GOD!!! I am so relieved.

 

Thanks to the both of u for giving me those thoughtful answers...

[Juristhea]

Guys guys guys!!! guess what - while i was trying so hard to figure out why he doesnt love me or marry me.....and being upset over everything...

 

He sms'ed me :

 

his sms : i think today we both came out in the open and fought a lot. why dont we have some fun till I have time before marriage.we have time.

 

my sms : ( I was stunned. Didnt undertsand what to say, then thought let me try to understand this jerk ) Asked him "why the sudden change in plan ? how much time do we have ? "

 

his sms : 6-8 months. lots of sex. no rules. after our fight we cnt be a normal couple. there was no love involved. so lets make most of the situation and be FWB.

 

my sms : oh so u may still go and talk to married woman and I am not supposed to ask u questions

 

his sms : no rules.no questions. no expectations. we'll just have sex. U were tryin to break up with me so I think seperation is very easy for u. We shud make use of this and hook up. and when I get married just break up again.

 

LOL...can u believe this

 

I was posting everyday on sites to get over this jerk ...trying to understand why he couldnt love me?? but hello; he just wanted to BED me.it became so bloody apparent today. i couldnt see it all this while. I was blinded by an image i had created about him.

 

Just wanted everyone to know; how kind God has been to show me the light. I am not even feeling bad about anything now. I am actually very glad....THANK GOD!!! I am so relieved.

 

Thanks to the both of u for giving me those thoughtful answers...

What you're feeling is just an emotional attachment to the guy to whom you lost your V to. This is unfortunately normal for us girls.

 

Sharing a little bit when I lost my V, I was completely attached to my boyfriend and I was exactly everything he despised in a girl: jealous, clingy and needy. At first I thought he was trying to drive me away but then I realized that he really did keep his word that nothing would change after we do the deed.

 

You deserve better girl! Ignore this guy and make him wish he could've been serious with you.

[Enema]

I'm glad you're finally over it, now please... go NC and do not contact him again.

 

Also, if you're going to credit god with getting you out of this mess, you should probably also credit him for getting you into it.

 

oh that god, such a cheeky matchmaker.

[Juristhea]

I'm glad you're finally over it, now please... go NC and do not contact him again.

 

Also, if you're going to credit god with getting you out of this mess, you should probably also credit him for getting you into it.

 

oh that god, such a cheeky matchmaker.

LOL at cheeky matchmaker bit!