Vivid_29 Posted November 3, 2003 Posted November 3, 2003 That a boy!!! This site is very liberating and the people are wonderful! I bet she is beautiful! Alot of those foriegn women are very exotic looking. It hurts now and I'm sure you'll never forget her, but in time, you'll see the pain will ease. Just hang in there and remember, we're all here for you.
Author Aonz Posted November 4, 2003 Author Posted November 4, 2003 Originally posted by Vivid_29 It hurts now and I'm sure you'll never forget her, but in time, you'll see the pain will ease. Just hang in there and remember, we're all here for you. Thanks Vivid_29 I'm glad I could to talk to someone about this. I've haven’t really told anyone how deeply I felt about her. It’s harder when I’m at work - everything seems to remind me of her. When I’m there I keep getting flashbacks of the time we spent together and I have to face the grim reality that she really is gone. When she first started I conducted her training and now I’m actually training her replacement. I bet she is beautiful! Alot of those foriegn women are very exotic looking. Her name means 'beautiful' and strangely enough is actually Gaelic (Irish) in origin My name means 'floor' in Russian
Vivid_29 Posted November 4, 2003 Posted November 4, 2003 Dude - I know exactly what you are going through! My ex of 2 1/2 years, split up 3 months ago and to top it off, we work together, in the same office, sit in the same chairs, use the same computers. You know how hard it was for me to be in the elevator with her? I used to have to put my hands in my pockets to bind myself. Come to find out, she was feeling the same way, too! Weird, eh? Now, here we are, in the month of November, and I just view her as a regular employee. Feelings change, just as the seasons do. You're gonna be alright...
Author Aonz Posted November 7, 2003 Author Posted November 7, 2003 You'll never guess who I saw while I was driving into town this morning - ok maybe you will. Yea it was her, I was driving along and at that exact same moment I was thinking of her; there she is crossing the road right in front of me. She somehow looked more beautiful now than I remember. She saw me too and waved, I just smiled and waved back but I couldn't stop because of the traffic. For a second I thought I was seeing things, it was so weird. If that wasn't strange enough later she came into work, she said she was in town and just wanted to say hi and see how everyone was doing. I didn’t get a chance to talk to her properly because it was really busy at the time and I couldn’t get away, I wanted to talk her so much but I didn’t get the chance. Seems odd that we keep crossing paths like this; do you think it’s a sign or just coincidence? I miss her so much it hurts I still think about her everyday.
Vivid_29 Posted November 7, 2003 Posted November 7, 2003 That's really a strange coincidence how you ran into her. I bet it made your day, but at the same time, probably reopened that wound. I don't know if I can say that I believe in fate. I just let mother nature take its course.
Author Aonz Posted November 16, 2003 Author Posted November 16, 2003 Hi me again I'm doing better now well it doesn't hurt all the time anymore, but I still miss her. The work Xmas party is coming up soon and I know she’s been invited but I'm not sure if I should go or not. Don’t get me wrong it’d be wonderful to see her again but I don’t know what effect it will have on me. I still love her and I probably always will. None of this is her fault - it’s all me I fell in love with her while she remains oblivious. I just wish things had been different I wish I could have been a better man for her. Oops i'm gettin a little OT Do you think I should go? I know this is a terrible thing to say but it would be easier if I never saw her again. But I feel I’m been selfish if I stay away, she might wanna see me again I don’t really know.
Goatsbreath Posted November 16, 2003 Posted November 16, 2003 Ok, stop it!!! This has been going on long enough mister. You talk about this girl like you were dating her. Like you were lovers or something. What do you think she would think if she saw this forum. She would think you were nuts right----I mean thats my interpretation. I think you have turned this little head game of yours into a novel. Your deeply involved in something that never existed...., she was an aquaintance, a work buddy. Stop living this nonsense day to day,....you have to escape. If you keep building her up every day and never open yourself up to the other possibilites in the world then your always just going to be that guy.......that guy that just keeps falling down. Start to notice something else for goodness sake. You have built a shrine for her in your head- hell maybe in your basement even KNOCK IT DOWN AND MOVE FORWARD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
moimeme Posted November 16, 2003 Posted November 16, 2003 Aonz - This is only a crush. It is an infatuation - a make-believe love for somebody you never really even knew at all. Shake yourself up, boy. Get out of this - I agree with GoatB that you are way too wrapped up in this figment of your imagination. Quit dwelling on this person. Get into a relationship with someone who lives in your city, who you can actually get to know. It is easy as pie to fall in love with somebody you don't know. Now get about the business of knowing somebody real and quit torturing yourself over this person.
Author Aonz Posted November 16, 2003 Author Posted November 16, 2003 Originally posted by Goatsbreath Ok, stop it!!! This has been going on long enough mister. You talk about this girl like you were dating her. Like you were lovers or something. What do you think she would think if she saw this forum. She would think you were nuts right----I mean thats my interpretation. Ok i kinda knew that was coming Maybe i m insane, do insane people actully know they're insane? lol Don't worry i'm only jokin KNOCK IT DOWN AND MOVE FORWARD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You are right though. Originally posted by moimeme This is only a crush. It is an infatuation - a make-believe love for somebody you never really even knew at all. I can see now looking at it from another perspective that sadly your probably right it was never really anything. Just me being stupid again Doh! I don't think i'll bother goin to the Xmas now. There always borin anyway probably because i don't drink (for a number of reasons you don't really wanna know). Is there anyway i can get all this thread deleted?
moimeme Posted November 16, 2003 Posted November 16, 2003 I think it's a good thread for you to reread and see how overly wrapped up in this gal you've been. Maybe it'll help! good luck!
amerikajin Posted November 16, 2003 Posted November 16, 2003 Hey, easy on the boy!!! Just because he posts his private thoughts anonymously doesn't mean he's insane; it means he probably does spend too much time thinking about her that could otherwise be invested in finding better prospects. I would agree that it isn't healthy, but don't call him insane just because he thinks about her alot. I think all of us have, at one time or another, really, really liked someone to the point where they just won't leave our heads. I know I have, and I know I'm not nuts. I also eventually realized (as Aonz probably will in his own time) that it wasn't healthy, and that there are many more fish in the sea - and yes, Aonz, you should probably just move on and deal with reality. Scope out other chicks and quit wasting your time with this nun. Now, if Aonz begins doing things like stalking her or trying to get her phone number and so on...then that might be crossing a line. I think a guy draws the line by letting the woman draw it for him. If she says no, then no means no, and it's time to move on. You can think about her, but that's as far as it should go. And I'd agree that, over time, you need to practice some form of extinction so that you can erase her from your memory. Sometimes crushes can be overwhelming...doesn't mean we're insane. Just means that we should stop thinking and start getting off our asses and making things happen.
moimeme Posted November 16, 2003 Posted November 16, 2003 The only person who used the word 'insane' was Aonz. And he was joking.
Goatsbreath Posted November 16, 2003 Posted November 16, 2003 I think if someone did or we implied it,.....then it was a figure of speech. Like.....your going to drive yourself mad if you dont stop this nonsense. Insane, nuts, whatever. He needed to here it that way because I don't think empathy is a good strategy in this type of situation.
Bronzepen Posted November 17, 2003 Posted November 17, 2003 Helloooo I have one simple question..... You said that she was in love with another person BUT maybe she is in the same situation that you are in. Maybe this person doesn't love her back OR more like in your case, she doesn't know how this guys feels about her. Either way.....who cares. Also, work on your self esteem. Make what you think is negative about yourself a positive. How do you know she won't go out with you? You don't do you. We are not all beautiful but that doesn't mean we can't be with a beautiful person. You seem to have called yourself out before even coming up to the plate. Don't make excuses for not asking her out. Do this. Call her up. Say, "Hey, you stopped by the office the other day to say Hello but I didn't get a chance to talk to you. How about we meet for coffee and catch up on old times?" I am sure you can get her new work number. If she agrees then your on. If she says no or makes up something then it's off and you move on. When your having coffeee (whatever your drinking) ask her out to something. Make sure to let her know it's a date and not 2 friends going out on the town. Remember don't set yourself up for failure. If you think "She is not going to go out with me." then your right, she is not going to go out with you. Think positive.
Author Aonz Posted January 15, 2004 Author Posted January 15, 2004 Hi again, just wanna give you an update. I feel a lot better now and but looking back at the things I posted I feel a little embarrassed As you lot said it wasn't love, it was just infatuation. How could I love her I hardly knew her? (I only knew her for just over 2 months) and she didn't really know me at all. I think i could have fallen in love with her if she'd stayed longer so really it was for the best that she left when she did, for me anyway. She told me so much about herself but I hardly told her anything even though she did ask (wish I had now). Now I’ve forgotten a lot of the things she told me and I really regret that, that’s one of the things I don't like about myself I don't pay enough attention to the things that matter and I seem to forget the little things that are most important. I know it’s sounds stupid and a little creepy (?) - I mean we were just work colleagues nothing more and that’s all I ever was to her, but she’ll always be a special person to me and even it isn’t love I do care about her. This is probably the first time I’ve thought about her in the last few weeks (with Xmas an’ all) but a program on the Moscow Theatre Siege in 2002 just came on TV and it reminded me, it was something we once talked about. I know I’ll never meet anyone like her again as we all unique but maybe someday I’ll meet someone who I can feel the same way about. Weather anyone can feel that way about me I don't know but thats another question.
amerikajin Posted January 16, 2004 Posted January 16, 2004 Just a tip. Don't get feelings for someone you haven't begun to date yet. Easier said than done, I know. We all get that feeling that some women were just made for us, but the truth is that's not healthy thinking. That leads to obsession and all kinds of wacky stuff. Try to think about ways in which you can gradually cultivate a relationship. There are romance coaches out there who can help. Some are crap, but some are actually pretty good.
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