How do I get over her?

[Aonz]

Hi, I realise my situation doesn't compare to most of the posts here but I would welcome any advice you guys can give me.

 

I've fallen in love with a girl at work, unfortunately I don't think the love is reciprocated but I think she considers me a friend although she has never actually said so. My feeling kinda crept up on me slowly and I didn't realise until it was too late. You see she's leaving for another job in a week and I probably won't see her again.

 

I know she'll be happier in her new job but I just wish that she wasn't leaving. The thought of never seeing her again tears me up inside. I’m not only going to miss her presence but her friendship as well - she was one of the nicest people I have ever met and the only women i've ever felt so strongly about.

 

All I can think about is her i really believe I truly love her and when she is finally gone, I know its goin to hurt like hell.

 

Sorry for the depressing post.

[VASH THE STAMPEDE]

Why don't you talk to her??

Does she know you have feelings for her??

[Aonz]

Originally posted by VASH THE STAMPEDE

Why don't you talk to her??

Does she know you have feelings for her??

 

I do talk to her I could talk to her all day but i haven’t been able to tell her how i feel. I've always had low self-esteem and I don't see what others especially women would like about me.

 

I was thinking about asking her if she wanted to go watch a movie or something but I just don't get the feeling she likes me in that way.

 

Unsurprisingly I’m not the only guy who wants to take her out, about half a dozen guys have asked her out in the last few weeks but she's turned them all down. I'm not sure what or who she's waiting for but it can't be me.

[Iamhappy]

Unsurprisingly I’m not the only guy who wants to take her out, about half a dozen guys have asked her out in the last few weeks but she's turned them all down.

 

Are you sure she's single?

 

Maybe she has a policy against dating guys she works with.

[Aonz]

Originally posted by Iamnotnothing

Are you sure she's single?

 

Yea i'm sure she's single, from what she's told me i don't think shes been dating since she broke up with her Ex about 12 months ago.

 

Maybe she has a policy against dating guys she works with.

 

Those guys don't work there.

[Iamhappy]

i don't think shes been dating since she broke up with her Ex about 12 months ago

 

Maybe she isn't ready to date yet.

 

You could speculate from now until sundown about what's going through her head. Maybe it's time you stop trying to read her mind.

 

Once you talk to her, you'll be better able to discern whether or not she wants to be more than friends with you.

[Aonz]

Originally posted by Iamnotnothing Maybe she isn't ready to date yet.

 

You might be right after all she was with the guy for 4 years.

 

You could speculate from now until sundown about what's going through her head. Maybe it's time you stop trying to read her mind.

 

Once you talk to her, you'll be better able to discern whether or not she wants to be more than friends with you.

 

You are right ofcourse but its easier said than done.

[Goatsbreath]

Do you know all these other guys that have asked her out. Have you seen them or could they be made up guys for all you know. I mean, maybe she does like you. Maybe she tells you about people asking her out so you might wake up and crawl out of your shell.

 

This is my advice- get a backbone and ask her if she wants to do something sometime. Tell her you will miss not being able to work with her and you guys should get together sometime outside of work. Theres a million ways you could approach this and only one way gets you nothing-sitting on you hands never knowing.

 

Whats the worse thing that happens- she rejects you but atleast you know and can move on past the thoughts of what if. Right now this woman is just in your imagination and your mind is fathoming all the possiblities- ask her out and she turns you down she immediately gets kicked out. Rejection is a good thing and displaces the other what if feeling and you get over it faster. Ask her out.......cuz you never know- she might say yes.

[Iamhappy]

You sound really confused - yes, I know I'm stating the obvious.

 

On the one hand, it seems like you really do want to talk to her about your feelings and you just want someone to tell you it's ok to do so.

 

On the other hand, you're putting up a pretty good fight as to why you shouldn't talk to her.

 

You are right of course but its easier said than done.

 

I know it's easier said than done, but you are the one who said the following:

 

I've fallen in love with a girl at work

 

The thought of never seeing her again tears me up inside

 

she was one of the nicest people I have ever met and the only women i've ever felt so strongly about

 

No one likes to be rejected, but by not talking to her, you don't give her the chance to tell you otherwise. In essence, you are rejecting her before she can reject you.

 

If worse does come to worse and she tells you she's not interested, you never have to worry about seeing her in the workplace again.

[Aonz]

Originally posted by Goatsbreath

Do you know all these other guys that have asked her out. Have you seen them or could they be made up guys for all you know. I mean, maybe she does like you. Maybe she tells you about people asking her out so you might wake up and crawl out of your shell.

 

I haven't met 'em no but when i'm working a few guys have come up to me and asked about her. I don't think she would lie but then it does seem a little strange that she would tell me about these things.

 

This is my advice- get a backbone and ask her if she wants to do something sometime. Tell her you will miss not being able to work with her and you guys should get together sometime outside of work. Theres a million ways you could approach this and only one way gets you nothing-sitting on you hands never knowing.

 

I thought someone would say that but i know its true.

 

 

Originally posted by Iamnotnothing

You sound really confused - yes, I know I'm stating the obvious.

 

On the one hand, it seems like you really do want to talk to her about your feelings and you just want someone to tell you it's ok to do so.

 

You’ve managed to analyse me pretty well

 

 

Originally posted by Iamnotnothing No one likes to be rejected, but by not talking to her, you don't give her the chance to tell you otherwise. In essence, you are rejecting her before she can reject you.

 

If worse does come to worse and she tells you she's not interested, you never have to worry about seeing her in the workplace again.

 

Originally posted by Goatsbreath Whats the worse thing that happens- she rejects you but atleast you know and can move on past the thoughts of what if. Right now this woman is just in your imagination and your mind is fathoming all the possiblities- ask her out and she turns you down she immediately gets kicked out. Rejection is a good thing and displaces the other what if feeling and you get over it faster. Ask her out.......cuz you never know- she might say yes.

 

Your both right, as you say i have nothing to lose now i might as well find out.

 

thanks again and if somehow this all works out i'll owe you one

[amerikajin]

Hey I posted a long response on your other thread. Check it out.

[Aonz]

Well i just found out she's in love with someone else

 

I really think i loved her and pain is almost unbearable.

[amerikajin]

Aonz,

 

At least you don't have to worry about this anymore. You can move on to someone who's more available. In the future, try not to build someone up to be something they aren't. I'm sure she's a very nice and attractive girl, but there are loads of them around. It does take time to find one, but they exist, and there's more than just one.

 

Hang in there.

[Aonz]

Originally posted by amerikajin

Aonz,

 

At least you don't have to worry about this anymore. You can move on to someone who's more available. In the future, try not to build someone up to be something they aren't. I'm sure she's a very nice and attractive girl, but there are loads of them around. It does take time to find one, but they exist, and there's more than just one.

 

Hang in there.

 

I know man - I see beautiful women every day but I'm just not interested in them. To me she's the most beautiful girl in the world and no other women even compares to her. I know it might sound stupid but its the way i feel.

 

i didn't mean for this to happen it just happened, i didn't plan it and certainly wasn't expecting to feel the way i do right now.

 

Tomorrow is the last day i'll work with her, i know i might fall in love again with someone else but i also know it ain't ever goin to the same.

[amerikajin]

Well we all do it, so I'm not in any way ridiculing you. Sometimes it's easy for us to let our passions get in the way of our thinking. You see a beautiful girl, and then you realize that there's a kindness about her, throw some intelligence into the mix and WHAM! You're in love. I know. I've been there. We've all been there - even the big studs who get chicks every weekend.

[Aonz]

Originally posted by amerikajin Well we all do it, so I'm not in any way ridiculing you. Sometimes it's easy for us to let our passions get in the way of our thinking. You see a beautiful girl, and then you realize that there's a kindness about her, throw some intelligence into the mix and WHAM! You're in love. I know. I've been there. We've all been there

 

I didn't think you were ridiculing me man, sorry if my tone gave you that impression

 

I’m glad I could tell someone - somehow it makes it easier. Thanks for listening (reading) Amerikajin.

 

even the big studs who get chicks every weekend.

 

You mean like you?

[amerikajin]

No...not quite. Not my style.

[Aonz]

I’m fell like a fool for letting this happen to me; I should never have aloud myself to fall in love with her.

 

My heart is breaking - all I can feel is a constant aching in my chest and all I can think about is how sad I’m going to be now she’s gone.

[Aonz]

Originally posted by Guidette82

Guess I was a little late on that one..SORRY!!

 

Well, if you think you love HER, wait 'til you meet someone who loves you back...THAT is the best feeling in the world. It'll come...just be patient, be confident and let IT find YOU!!!

 

I dunno man i fear i might be alone forever.

 

It’s my own fault i always fall for the girls that are at the top of the "Apple Tree"; too high for me to reach.

[UCFKevin]

Everyone thinks they'll never meet anyone else right after a break up during the worst of times. That'll pass. Don't worry.

 

If you found one, you'll find another.

[Aonz]

It’s a week today now since she left, I still think about her a lot and i'm missing her like hell.

 

It’s harder when I’m at work where everything reminds me of her, I keep expecting her to walk in with her usual smile and cheer me up.

 

My thoughts are full of regrets about things I should have said and some things I shouldn't have said. Why is it we only thing of these things when it’s too late?

 

I’m not the only one that misses her, a number of people have told me that it’s just not the same now she’s gone. There was just something about her that made people happy and the funny thing she doesn’t even know that she has this effect on people.

 

Looking back I think it would have been impossible for me not to fall in love with her. To me she was perfect just the kind of person I could have spent the rest of life with.

 

All I have now are my memories of her; she was like a light in the darkness that shone all too briefly.

[Vivid_29]

I just skimmed through all the posts, so if all of this has been discussed before, please bear with me -

 

Aonz -

 

Hang in there, buddy, and stop beating yourself up over this. Did you ask her to keep in touch?

 

You said that she is in love with someone else; Do you know if she is involved with anyone? Come on, man. Don't focus all your hopes and dreams on one woman. This world is filled with beautiful women and I'm sure you you'll land one.

 

Why would you say that she is on top of the apple tree? Shouldn't you feel that you are right next to her, and if not, above her?

 

Sorry if I come off as harsh and blunt, but it's really sad to see you upset over this...

[Aonz]

Originally posted by Vivid_29 Hang in there, buddy, and stop beating yourself up over this. Did you ask her to keep in touch?

 

I've spoken to her on the phone this week, she rang work and I answered. She just wanted to know how everyone was doing. I just asked her if she was ok; if she was enjoying her new job that it just wasn’t the same here without her. She said she missing everyone, she didn’t specifically say she was missing me.

 

At the end of the call she said was going to be really busy so she didn't know if she'd be able to ring again but she said she'd try.

 

You said that she is in love with someone else; Do you know if she is involved with anyone?

 

Its a bit complicated she told me she's in love with this guy from back home (that she hasn’t seen for like 6 months), but she also told me she’s single so I’m not really sure what to think.

 

Come on, man. Don't focus all your hopes and dreams on one woman. This world is filled with beautiful women and I'm sure you you'll land one.

 

I know I shouldn't but atm I’m just not interested in other women all I can think is that they’re not her.

 

If I’m being absolutely truthful I must admit she isn't the most beautiful women I have ever met, although she is very pretty and very desirable. But it wasn't her looks that I fell in love with, it was her personality her inner beauty.

 

I’ll tell you a little about her. She came here from a war torn country about 10 years ago after her father abandoned her mother with her, her sister and two brothers. She came to a new country and had to learn a new language without any professional tuition. She’s seen things I can’t even imagine - people been killed, houses destroyed and she could have easily been killed herself. Yet she remains remarkably upbeat and positive about everything. She has a very bubbly personality she’s always joking about stuff but you can have a serious conversation with her, she’s very bright a lot brighter than she thinks, she has class yet she’s modest and doesn’t spend her money on designer labels, she’s also a kind and very loving person.

 

I may meet other more beautiful women but none will ever compare to her.

 

 

Why would you say that she is on top of the apple tree? Shouldn't you feel that you are right next to her, and if not, above her?

 

There’s nothing special about me, I’m truly unremarkable - I’m not cleaver, I’m not good looking and I’m not even funny.

 

Sorry if I come off as harsh and blunt, but it's really sad to see you upset over this...

 

I know I need to forget about her and move but she is one of those people you just don’t come across very often and then I don’t want to forget her. I’m still glad I got to know her even with all the pain, knowing her has made me a better person.

[Vivid_29]

She must be a very special woman to have made such an impact on your life. Glad to know it.

You said that she is from a war torn country - She must be from Serbia or Croatia, perhaps somewhere in former Yugoslavia.

[Aonz]

Originally posted by Vivid_29

She must be a very special woman to have made such an impact on your life. Glad to know it.

You said that she is from a war torn country - She must be from Serbia or Croatia, perhaps somewhere in former Yugoslavia.

 

Your right she is very special I don't think I’ll ever truly get over her. But I think talking to the people here has made me feel better, I don't feel as bad today.