Nikki Sahagin Posted April 25, 2009 Posted April 25, 2009 I've always been a bit of a cynic.....and though I try to extend my trust to people, I often find most people proving me right.... I get on very well with men and I have a lot of close male friends. Because they see me as a friend, it cuts through the bull and they tell me the truth. They admit to cheating on girlfriends they've been with for 2, 3, 4, 5 years plus etc. The same with many girls I know. This is even the case with relationships that seem water tight and with people who seem genuine, sincere and generally 'nice' as well as those that are a little rough around the edges. It is also not an age issue, yes some are 19/20, but others are 30/40. Because it seems to be widespread, I wonder, do MOST people secretly cheat? They are just better at not getting caught? Or is really a minority that cheat?
jwi71 Posted April 25, 2009 Posted April 25, 2009 I have NEVER cheated on a GF nor on my stbxw. Its a simple question of morals, values and integrity. Its not about doing the right thing when the world is watching...its about doing the right thing when NO ONE is watching.
mark982 Posted April 25, 2009 Posted April 25, 2009 yes, i think a good majority of people cheat.alot has to do with alchol being involved.i'm damn sure my wife has,but i can't prove it.
carhill Posted April 25, 2009 Posted April 25, 2009 Using the strict criteria of infidelity (the emotional and/or sexual prioritization of another over one's partner/spouse) I would opine the majority of people will have crossed this line at least once in their lifetime. I know I have. Add to that having or supporting interactions which might impel an otherwise committed person to consider cheating (if one is single) and you have a pretty substantial portion of the population. Tell me, OP, if a man is shopping with his wife and sees a nice young lady like yourself and makes a suggestive comment or, even more subtle, has suggestive thoughts and/or expressions which at that moment prioritize the young lady over his wife, is he cheating? Interesting, isn't it? I can say I know many men like this. Personally, I find such behaviors distasteful, but do know they exist. Do they meet the definition of your OP?
Trialbyfire Posted April 25, 2009 Posted April 25, 2009 Most, albeit not all people, have consciences. If they feel the need to hide opposite gender interactions from their SOs, they've cheated, in one way or another. This is lying by omission. As to whether the majority of people have cheated, I don't know and don't care. I'm just interested in whether my SO, will or won't and I have a comfort level that he won't.
sadintexas Posted April 26, 2009 Posted April 26, 2009 I'm not going to consider EA's in my answer, nor non married partnerships because that would only take the number higher and really is more subjective; however, soley considering married PA's, I'd say a greater number cheat than the statistics show. I only base that on my personal experience. In every married relationship I know of, there are only a couple that I do not know for a fact that a PA occurred by one or both parties to the marriage. When I realized this some years ago, I felt really naive for thinking fidelity is possible. I got over the shock, lol, and still think it's possible, I just don't think it's the norm. I think it's the other way around. I didn't cheat on my xH, but he cheated on me. I'm not wired to cheat, but I'm only one half of the equation .
fooled once Posted April 26, 2009 Posted April 26, 2009 No, I don't think most people cheat. I think most people have morals and ethics. Then again, I could be wrong. I really think the younger generation (under 35) have been raised by getting everything they want and have no idea how to be real adults. Yep, people cheat. But I would bet more honor their vows or honor their partner enough to NOT cheat. I believe if they felt the need to cheat, they would be honorable and end the current relationship first.
OpenBook Posted April 26, 2009 Posted April 26, 2009 I think most MM cheat (or will cheat) on their W's at some point in their marriage, if it lasts more than 5 years. The propensity to cheat is built into the male DNA. I think about 35% of MW cheat as well, again if they have been married 5+ years. I don't believe humans are built to stay married and faithful to one person their entire lives. Cheating increases the CS's ability to tolerate the marriage. It also decreases the BS's ability to tolerate the marriage. An unresolvable conundrum.
Lizzie60 Posted April 26, 2009 Posted April 26, 2009 I agree with OB.. most if not ALL men will cheat, in a long-term relationship... 5+ Methink that men.. who just entered a new relationship and are still in the 'honeymoon' phase will not cheat.. same with 75+ men who cannot hold it hard enough.. but for all the rest.. they DO cheat..
39388 Posted April 26, 2009 Posted April 26, 2009 Not everyone cheats, but way way too many do. And yet, according to the Journal of Couple and Relationship Therapy, approximately 50 percent married women and 60 percent of married men will have an extramarital affair at some time in their marriage. http://www.catalogs.com/info/relationships/percentage-of-married-couples-who-cheat-on-each-ot.html
Trialbyfire Posted April 26, 2009 Posted April 26, 2009 Nikki, are you trying to rationalize what your b/f did? If so, what difference does it make what other people do? What impacts on you, is who you choose to partner with. Avoid people with little to no personal boundaries or moving boundaries, who NEED a lot of external validation, who are selfish, "grass is greener" types. Add in that they treat you right by priortizing you, where you return that prioritization, and you have the recipe for a potentially successful relationship. As always, there are no guarantees in life. So...you can either live it like some kind of paranoid, cynical and cowardly individual or you can give a reasonable amount of trust to someone who gives you reason to trust them, through a combination of words and actions. Even if they do cheat on you, you will survive and learn another important lesson about what red flags to look for.
Chrome Barracuda Posted April 26, 2009 Posted April 26, 2009 I'm a man and I dont cheat. ...I'll tell you why. A person only cheats for a myriad of reasons, ego. bad relationships conducting an exit affair to get outta it, narcisistic, and self destructive. A person with bad boundries, issues, bad self esteem and ample opportunity will do it. There was times when i was in a relationship and I had a chance but i didnt do it, because i was happy and content with myself not to do anything stupid. and i was mature enough to act and say no. Everyone is different...
Chrome Barracuda Posted April 26, 2009 Posted April 26, 2009 Chrome .. are you in a relationship? *chuckles. Not at the moment lizzie. why you ask?
Lizzie60 Posted April 26, 2009 Posted April 26, 2009 Because you say.. I'm a man and I don't cheat.. it's hard to cheat if you're not in a relationship... I think you're fairly young.. not sure how old you are.. and I'm not sure if you had any long relationship... but if a guy only has short term relationship.. then yes I would believe if he says he doesn't cheat.. because no relationship has lasted long enough for him to get out of the 'honeymoon' phase..
bobdole Posted April 26, 2009 Posted April 26, 2009 Male, 27yrs old. Been in 3 relationships 3-4 years long each. I don't cheat and can't imagine myself ever cheating. I've been cheated on before and know what it feels like and as a result I can't put anyone through that. I'm not saying I don't want to cheat sometimes but I have a rational brain that can overpower my hormones/genetics. If the urge to get some elsewhere (the only reason for that happening was I was getting near zero at home, I've always felt strongly sexual to my partners) got to awefully strong I would end the relationship and eventually then try to find what I needed elsewhere. I wouldn't cheat while inside the relationship though.
Chrome Barracuda Posted April 26, 2009 Posted April 26, 2009 Because you say.. I'm a man and I don't cheat.. it's hard to cheat if you're not in a relationship... I think you're fairly young.. not sure how old you are.. and I'm not sure if you had any long relationship... but if a guy only has short term relationship.. then yes I would believe if he says he doesn't cheat.. because no relationship has lasted long enough for him to get out of the 'honeymoon' phase.. LOL. I'm single now that is correct but even when I was in a relationship (S). I didnt cheat, I didnt have that compunction to cheat. I'm only 28. young yeah, stupid, not really. I mean if I needed to go and bang some other chick I would respectfully break apart and then started banging. There's no reason for me to cheat.
tami-chan Posted April 26, 2009 Posted April 26, 2009 Chrome .. are you in a relationship? lol....too funny
Chrome Barracuda Posted April 26, 2009 Posted April 26, 2009 lol....too funny what is it so funny about the question she asked?
mental_traveller Posted April 26, 2009 Posted April 26, 2009 Stats show that about half of married people cheat at some point - 60% of men and 40% of women. Common sense suggests that for unmarried people the numbers are even higher. So I would guess that 60-70% of people in relationships cheat at some point. Personally if I feel the need to cheat, I just end the relationship so I'm single & free again. That's harder if you are married, and a lot of people seem to prefer to stay in a relationship and have a bit on the side.
mental_traveller Posted April 26, 2009 Posted April 26, 2009 I agree with OB.. most if not ALL men will cheat, in a long-term relationship... 5+ Methink that men.. who just entered a new relationship and are still in the 'honeymoon' phase will not cheat.. same with 75+ men who cannot hold it hard enough.. but for all the rest.. they DO cheat.. I don't think it's all, because there are two types that have no reason to cheat. The first type is the guy who remains genuinely in love and turned on by his wife/gf, even way after the honeymoon period. You can tell this type because he doesn't even notice other hot women when his wife/gf is around, and they are still having sex a lot, don't fight much if at all etc. The second type is the horny but honest guy, who will tell a woman if he wants to sleep around, or is now into someone else. Why cheat when you can just say "I can't stay monogamous anymore - do you want an open relationship or shall we go our separate ways?", or "Sorry but I'm not satisfied anymore". Neither of these types have any desire or incentive to cheat, hence they don't.
tami-chan Posted April 26, 2009 Posted April 26, 2009 Stats show that about half of married people cheat at some point - 60% of men and 40% of women. Common sense suggests that for unmarried people the numbers are even higher. So I would guess that 60-70% of people in relationships cheat at some point. Personally if I feel the need to cheat, I just end the relationship so I'm single & free again. That's harder if you are married, and a lot of people seem to prefer to stay in a relationship and have a bit on the side. Easier said than done, you are right-Oftentimes the dissatisfied partner will have to deal with the crying, the guilt trip from the other...people who opt out of their relationships are often looked at as "mean, unfeeling, selfish, etc". So most people have to devise a "exit strategy", when all one needs is to tell the other the truth. But "just tell the truth"...is never a simple case of "just"...
OpenBook Posted April 26, 2009 Posted April 26, 2009 The first type is the guy who remains genuinely in love and turned on by his wife/gf, even way after the honeymoon period... The second type is the horny but honest guy, who will tell a woman if he wants to sleep around, or is now into someone else. And how many guys do you know who are like this????
Chrome Barracuda Posted April 26, 2009 Posted April 26, 2009 And how many guys do you know who are like this???? I know personally a few guys who are honest with theirs. Now. I told my friend that after a long time after lying about being faithful and honest he started being honest with himself and with females. but he still pulls alot of girls because they think they can change him. and they fall for it hook, line and sinker. stupid girls.
tami-chan Posted April 26, 2009 Posted April 26, 2009 I do not know many men, but have heard of and/or read about many men who are very successful, good-looking, self-assured, confident, powerful who cheat. I guess, they feel entitled ( I know, it's so wrong). Men who are er...not confident, no strong sense of self, not so successful, not good looking are probably just too grateful that they are in a relationship that cheating is farthest from their mind. The kicker is this: When those loser types cheat...ugh!!!!!!
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