How do I stop being jealous and worried he's going to find someone better?

[Spicyv]

How do I not be the one who chases?

 

My boyfriend and I have been dating for over 16 months... He was married before (he's 26 I'm 27 - unmarried with 5yr old daughter). His wife left him and went back to Australia (they met on the Internet knew eachother for 5yrs - she came to America and 9 days later they marry). Anyways he has abandonment issues and says he doesn't want to get close to anyone or do what he did in past relationships. We live together but it's always up and down.

 

Last year I caught him on some websites (one was dating and I caught him chatting to girls and exchanging pictures ect. I don't know if I'm wasting my time because whenever we have a little riff he gets distant and I worry he'll talk to girls again and find someone else. Personality wise he's my dream man, but I'm not sure if him being left scarred him for life.

 

In his old relationships he said he was romantic but he just doesn't do that anymore. I know he was like so posessive of his wife and other girls, but I don't feel much of that. I feel like he's almost just settling for me. Yet the other day he got mad I wore a short skirt...

 

I promised him I'd never leave and I know he cares about me and loves me. I feel though he takes me for granted and I'm always too available for him.

 

How do I boost up my ego and get him to chase me without it seeming like I'm leaving him or trying to find someone else... Because right now I feel like the girl who's there before he finds the "one"...

 

Right now he's out and about driving with his 19 yr old friend... Should I care that he stays out so late? I know he doesn't smoke or drink, but I feel left out. How should I act? Should I not care?

 

sry about the random questions I just have so many and need good advice. If anyone can help me more pm me.

[The Studmuffin]

Anyways he has abandonment issues and says he doesn't want to get close to anyone or do what he did in past relationships. We live together but it's always up and down.

 

What exactly do you mean by this? Because it seems to me it's not such a smart idea being with someone that explicitly says he's not ready to get close with another person... especially if that is what you're looking for. And seems you are.

 

Last year I caught him on some websites (one was dating and I caught him chatting to girls and exchanging pictures ect. I don't know if I'm wasting my time because whenever we have a little riff he gets distant and I worry he'll talk to girls again and find someone else.

 

As for this, that's something you shouldn't have to put up with.

 

I say he has to make up his mind about putting his past behind him and opening himself to someone else. I say you make up your mind whether you're willing to continue trying to break into his glass bubble and hurt yourself in the process.

 

It's normal you're afraid about losing him and him cheating, if you don't trust him, and if he's distant and doesn't open up to you.