ninjafight Posted April 25, 2009 Posted April 25, 2009 Hi every one I’m new to this place but I’m in need of advice My girlfriend has just broke up with me and I’m at my wits end This is my 1st major break up, I am in my mid 20s and from the age of 11 till 20 I was overweight and I mean big time. For years I was alone I never had a girlfriend or even kissed a girl. But when I was 20 I started to lose weight with diet and working out (And no beer) I lost 200 pounds in a year and and i became a lead singer and guitar player for a rock'n'roll band. And from that I meet my go she was 18 at the time and was just like me, loved the music TV films that I liked. We were so in love.i'drive to pick her up every day from her college then take her for coffee and then take here back. For 2 years we were just made for each other... then it all went wrong, In this time my band was taking off with record deals video shoots touring and in this time girls where around me all the time (which was a shock to the fat kid who got turned down from the school dance by the girl with the peg leg and eye patch who said she would not go with a fatty) But I never cheated once!!!!! Never had the offers all the time but turned them away, But she changed she lost her style and stopped been the same as me. Her parents broke up and she changed. She became very confrontational everything became a fight but I knew she needed me more than ever she would cry at night and I would just hold her till she fall back off to sleep. But in the space of a year I had some bad time's my mom ran up a debt of half a mile my parents broke up and my mom had a heart attack and my dad had a mental break down. I quit the band (which still hurts) so I could get a full time job to look after my mom and gf.i was so low at this point but I never got the support from her which I gave when she had her hard times. And to top it all are love life stopped she said she just did not like doing it any more (which sucks but there more to life that sex right) so I just got on with it and delt with it The 2 years went passed and I got a place with a friend my 1st place with a friend I hope are love life would come back and it did not I hope she spend time with me at my place which she did not. All she did in this time was complaining about how much she hated my place. My flat mate got a house and I had to move home as I could not afford the place so I said with the spare cash I had from paying no rent checks I try'ed to take her to Paris but she did not want to go all she seem to want to do was watch tv.I started a new band which is going really well started a new job and was saving for a place of my own but i noticed that the girl i loved 4 years ago the girl I use to hold to sleep and play guitar for her when she was sick had changed. Gone was her own style to be replaced by dress of the cat walk her music and film tastes had changed she started to like sports and would text her friends about the teams scores. And on the final night we where together we went to a club to see a few friends of mine who promoter gig and put records out. I got her and her friend free tickets to the club but as soon as she got in there she hated it so she stormed off to a retro bar I went after to her and asked her to come back to the club as my friends where going to put are record out and get us back on tour which I love doing But she started to fight again I asked her not to do it in front of her friends but she just told me to go it was over. Sooo sorry my story’s long but I just want to know if I been in the wrong here. I'm not perfect myself I have down moments about my weight and get tired from work. but how can I move on I still love the girl I meet 5 years who I still believe is in there somewhere.. Please help Ninja [FONT=Calibri][sIZE=3] [/sIZE][/FONT]
Chinook Posted April 25, 2009 Posted April 25, 2009 Sometimes people just grow away from us. It looks to me like your ex did grow away from you without either of you realising it. You have to understand, when someone dumps you - they came to that decision maybe months before, definitely weeks before. They didn't just get up one morning and think 'I'm done with this'. Events, feelings and situations will have led to it over the course of time. You may have actually nothing to do with her decision - nine times out of ten, the decision is about THEM not you. You're the baggage they need to leave behind. In my book, when someone can hurt you that badly, they don't deserve any more of your time, energy or love. So what do you do...? - Take a little time to let it sink in. Talk to a close friend about it - ask the friend to be patient with you (you will need it). - Make time to do things with your friends... initially you won't feel like it but it's essential you don't stay holed up in the house the whole time. - Start going back to the gym. Start slowly and gradually increase. Exercise is great for increasing the 'feel good' hormones. - Don't contact her. If she contacts you, keep responses objective and minimal... no need to be rude but she's not entitled to know how you're doing, she chose to walk out of your life so she gave up any right she had to know what is happening with you. - Dont blame yourself.
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