Author LoveLace Posted April 26, 2009 Author Posted April 26, 2009 I feel the best thing you can do is relax. Let him have the crush for once... turn the tables on him subtly! I have been trying this approach. Like the day I pretended to not notice him at all, if he was right next to me, right behind me, whatever, no smiles or eye contact at all...then he randomly appears right in front of me, leaning over the desk and looking right at me...I"m like, "OH! Hey, what's up!"...hehe...I take advantage of interaction with him here and there, but I also like to play the I-dont-even-know-you are-there game. Those are the times when someone keeps claiming that he stops what he's doing to watch me walk away...however my co-worker that liked him really pssd him off with her immature games...so I'm not so hot-and-cold that I come off that way, I am a hard worker and when I'm working, I'm working...so even if opportunities present themselves for eye-balling or talking, I avoid them completely if I"m in the middle of doing something, or if he is too, of course. I want it to show that I am the hard worker that I am, because I'm proud of that. I don't want him or anyone else to think I'm there for social hour.
Author LoveLace Posted April 26, 2009 Author Posted April 26, 2009 Hey LL, What happened with Dan? Oh god, the idiot will just always manage to find a reason that convinces himself I am not good enough for him. And I know it's total b.s. He has no idea how good enough I am for him. He'll never figure it out and he'll never stop breaking my heart with his ego and his complex about "being tied down". I realized it's HIS issues that are hurting me, not ME. The way we were will never, ever, change, and I have no control over it, and he refuses to take some damn control, so it's never going to be what it always seemed to have potential for. You always rooted for him, Ariadne, and I'm glad because not even I can root for him anymore. So if a cute Dr. at work is checking me out a lot, then I have a guy like Dan who job hops and complains about all the big fck-ups he's made in his life, it's like duh, I can do better. I got tired of hearing about how he partied away his baseball scholarships, could have went to the big leagues, blah blah blah, this past time around I just realized how negative of a person he is, not only about relationships but about his life in general; I don't see the ability for him to move forward, with anything, because he seems very distracted by a past that he can't go back and change. I pictured him as my beer-bellied, remote-hungry, lazy husband on the couch sayin, "Yea I could have played in the big leagues...".....ugh!
Ariadne Posted April 26, 2009 Posted April 26, 2009 I pictured him as my beer-bellied, remote-hungry, lazy husband on the couch sayin, "Yea I could have played in the big leagues...".....ugh! Well, that's too bad. I think you are a great catch and you are going to be a very dedicated wife to any guy. And the doctor, good luck there.
Land Shark Posted April 26, 2009 Posted April 26, 2009 So if a cute Dr. at work is checking me out a lot, then I have a guy like Dan who job hops and complains about all the big fck-ups he's made in his life, it's like duh, I can do better. I got tired of hearing about how he partied away his baseball scholarships, could have went to the big leagues, blah blah blah, this past time around I just realized how negative of a person he is, not only about relationships but about his life in general; I don't see the ability for him to move forward, with anything, because he seems very distracted by a past that he can't go back and change. I pictured him as my beer-bellied, remote-hungry, lazy husband on the couch sayin, "Yea I could have played in the big leagues...".....ugh! In spite of all that, the only reason you aren't together is because he was missing one ingredient: he wasn't willing to commit to you. If he had that one thing, you'd be with him, and all these other things would still be true about him. What do you think about that?
Author LoveLace Posted April 27, 2009 Author Posted April 27, 2009 In spite of all that, the only reason you aren't together is because he was missing one ingredient: he wasn't willing to commit to you. If he had that one thing, you'd be with him, and all these other things would still be true about him. What do you think about that? I think I'm glad to have realized those things now, as opposed to later. I spent all the time I knew him pointing out his positive characteristics, so much so, that I realized I missed the negative ones. If him not wanting to committ is what caused that, then whatever, with or without that I would have made those observatons eventually. I had to force myself to think of what it would really be like to be "stuck" with him and only him, all the time...and now that I know him well enough to realize exactly how that would be, it was enough to make me think sheesh...NO. His positive things are only satisfying on a temporary basis. Knowing that, it no longer matters if he didn't want to commit. And if he suddenly did, I would have to be reluctant and ask myself if I could truly live with the things about him that I think need major improvement. I've seen too many people who go from being crazy about each other to being disgusted by each other. So if I see that potential as his GF already, even though I loved him, I would have to go with my gut instinct. If a guy was willing to make effort to change some things then it might be different. But even that would be risky. So I feel lucky to realize it's good he didn't want to commit. He goes weeks/months at a time without work, for gosh sakes. As FWB it hardly effects me but as a GF, that would get old, really quick. His wonderful personality and romantic charm wouldn't be able to outweigh that after while, anymore. H*ll, for all I know, he's aware of that just as much as me and it could be the very reason he won't get too close. But his reasons are not even important to me, whatever they are.
imani Posted April 28, 2009 Posted April 28, 2009 I started to think he might be interested when a)a co-worker has caught him checking me out, majorly, more than once and b) I catch him staring at me all the time. c)he talks to me more...but most of all, it's what other a couple of other co-workers have observed...one girl said he stopped what he was doing to watch me walk by, then when he knew he was busted doing so by her, she said he looked like a deer in headlights...maybe he's not thinkin about me as much I've been thinkin about him, but I'm pretty sure if it was me that had the nerve and the opportunity to ask him out, I'm pretty sure he wouldn't say no. I just don't want to be the one to do it, really. By the way SG, the co-worker of mine he dated once...SHE asked him out. Had someone pass him a note or something, which apparently he wasn't very impressed by, but he called her anyway. But she had a damn boyfriend, so everytime he tried to call, she acted funny or had to hang up fast. Supposedly, it really hacked him off and he was clear that he doesn't play those games. She knows what's going on and she's always trying to make me jealous and make it seem like they are great buddies...the co-worker observed that if she talks to him, he acts kind of rude and doesn't appear to want anything to do with her. It actually impresses me because it tells me he's more mature than she is. If I were you, I wouldn't have told my coworkers anything about you having a crush on this guy, especially if he's a doctor. Some women can be very vindictive. They could also have a crush on him, and become jealous if he pays any attention to you. They could also try to sabatoge you in some way by telling lies or playing mind games. Yes, very "high school" but you do have some women still behaving this way in their adult life. It also would have been better that they didn't know you like him because you could find out all kinds of interesting things when no one knows you have a crush on the person.
Author LoveLace Posted April 28, 2009 Author Posted April 28, 2009 If I were you, I wouldn't have told my coworkers anything about you having a crush on this guy, especially if he's a doctor. Some women can be very vindictive. They could also have a crush on him, and become jealous if he pays any attention to you. They could also try to sabatoge you in some way by telling lies or playing mind games. Yes, very "high school" but you do have some women still behaving this way in their adult life. It also would have been better that they didn't know you like him because you could find out all kinds of interesting things when no one knows you have a crush on the person. Well, I only my 2 closest friends there that I had a crush on him. I haven't spoken to one girl much about it since telling her, but the other one has been my source of info as far as what happened between he and the other gal. How the other gal found out, I'm not sure, I think she just may have overheard or picked up on it. She ALREADY is playing the high school games. When she mentions his name around me it's ridiculously obvious she's trying to make me jealous, and every single time, I act like I didn't hear her and I change the subject fast, or I start doing something else. I refuse to discuss it with her, or even acknowledge him to her. Otherwise, I am refraining from discussing it with anyone, other than the 1 woman I trust. She has actually helped because she's the one who sees him check me out when I don't know it....and she's the one who saw him be totally rude when the younger gal was trying to be friendly with him..and I know she doesn't speak to the other gal about it, because for a while, she didn't even realize it was the same guy she liked before, until I pointed him out. She sees he and I look at each other and interact and thinks it's "so cute" and she keeps telling me to be more aggressive, because she's apparently observing his attraction to me. But I know what you mean about being able to feel him out more if no one knows...well, little too late for that. But it isn't like so many people know that I can't still try and do that. I'm on a mini-vacation right now, so it's still going to be a few days before he and I even work together again. But that's totally ok. I already only work part-time there, I sord of like the fact that he may possibly be wondering where the h*ll is she?! My schedule is so all over the map that he can't possibly know when I'll be around again.
sid3 Posted April 28, 2009 Posted April 28, 2009 You'd like to think he's wondering where the hell is she, but maybe he's only flirting for fun. It's hard to tell the difference. I've found my gut instincts are usually spot on when it comes to figuring out whether or not a member of the opposite sex is in fact 'interested'. What do you think about that, has your gut instincts been right most or even all of the time? Having a crush is always an exciting time. Keeping the mind from obsessing takes a reality check every now and then. I'm in a similar situation. It's hard to stop the wondering:lmao: chemistry is some strong stuff
Author LoveLace Posted April 29, 2009 Author Posted April 29, 2009 You'd like to think he's wondering where the hell is she, but maybe he's only flirting for fun. It's hard to tell the difference. I've found my gut instincts are usually spot on when it comes to figuring out whether or not a member of the opposite sex is in fact 'interested'. What do you think about that, has your gut instincts been right most or even all of the time? Having a crush is always an exciting time. Keeping the mind from obsessing takes a reality check every now and then. I'm in a similar situation. It's hard to stop the wondering:lmao: chemistry is some strong stuff I'd say only fun for both of us, at this point, it might just stay that way, who knows. My gut instinct has not always been correct. In fact it's let me down many times. So I really don't pay attention to instincts anymore...just to what I see before my eyes...and I see us checking each other out on a constant basis..in that aspect I believe there is definite chemistry. But I can't assume beyond that, yet. He could have a personality that I totally clash with. So far I get that he's a kind, smart and hard-working guy so of course that's a good start. The more difficult part is judging weather or not he KNOWS I'm interested...I've let him catch me looking at him a couple of times, to try and make that clear, but being at work I need better opportunities for trying to find out his interests and more about what kind of guy he is. Once I can do that, it should be a total green light for him, I would think. But until that opportunity arises, I'm enjoying the butterflies in my stomach when I see him 1st thing in the morning, and enjoying the eye games.
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