SummerLady Posted April 24, 2009 Posted April 24, 2009 I am just seeing that I am down. I always put on the happy face for everyone but its not true. I am stressed to the max. I am gaining weight and I am just blah... I have these tremendous highs and all time lows, I can't freakin stand it. Its not about the marriage ending as much as all the change, I hate change......I have been asked out and I thought I was ready but I am not sure that I am as I have anxiety about it. Not due to the end of the marriage, how about the pure fact that I have not dated in 10 years. I do not need to gain weight so I need to get a hold of that I am very happy with my body now but all this anxeity makes it hard to not eat out of frustration and boredom, the well is dry there is no happiness now......I know it will get better but I feel so down and then up and then down. God!!!!!! Enough:sick:
PWSX3 Posted April 25, 2009 Posted April 25, 2009 Could you be eating because you are afraid of dating & maybe if you are fat then people won't see you as being attractive??? Just throwing that out their, sometimes it can be for reasons you aren't even thinking of..... You don't have to date, wait until things settle down, get back into being happy with YOU....
Gunny376 Posted April 25, 2009 Posted April 25, 2009 Its your internal dialog that conversation we all carry on in our heads with ourselves each and everyday ~ all day long ~ and sometimes through the night. With some self discipline and training you can actually do something about this, and not only should but must. Reduce Stress and Improve Your Life with Positive Self Talk Develop the Positive Self Talk Habit! About.com Updated: November 1, 2007 About.com Health's Disease and Condition content is reviewed by the Patterns of negative or positive self-talk often start in childhood. Usually, the self-talk habit is one that’s colored our thinking for years, and can affect us in many ways, influencing the experience of stress to our lives. However, any time can be a good time to change it! Here are some ways you can stop yourself from using negative self-talk and use your mind to boost your productivity and self-esteem, and relieve stress. Notice Your Patterns: The first step toward change is to become more aware of the problem. You probably don’t realize how often you say negative things in your head, or how much it affects your experience. The following strategies can help you become more conscious of your internal dialogue and its content. Journal Writing: Whether you carry a journal around with you and jot down negative comments when you think them, write a general summary of your thoughts at the end of the day, or just start writing about your feelings on a certain topic and later go back to analyze it for content, can be an effective tool for examining your inner process.Thought-Stopping: As you notice yourself saying something negative in your mind, you can stop your thought mid-stream my saying to yourself “Stop”. Saying this aloud will be more powerful, and having to say it aloud will make you more aware of how many times you are stopping negative thoughts, and where.Rubber-Band Snap: Another therapeutic trick is to walk around with a rubber band around your wrist; as you notice negative self-talk, pull the band away from your skin and let it snap back. It’ll hurt a little, and serve as a slightly negative consequence that will both make you more aware of your thoughts, and help to stop them! (Or, if you don’t want to subject yourself to walking around with a rubber band on your wrist, you’ll be even more careful to limit the negative thoughts!)Replace Negative Statements: A good way to stop a bad habit is to replace it with something better. Once you’re aware of your internal dialogue, here are some ways to change it: Milder Wording: Have you ever been to a hospital and noticed how the nurses talk about ‘discomfort’ instead of ‘pain’? This is generally done because ‘pain’ is a much more powerful word, and discussing your ‘pain’ level can actually make your experience of it more intense than if you’re discussing your ‘discomfort’ level. You can try this strategy in your daily life. In your self-talk, turning more powerful negative words to more neutral ones can actually help neutralize your experience. Instead of using words like ‘hate’ and ‘angry’ (as in, “I hate traffic! It makes me so angry!”), you can use words like ‘don’t like’ and ‘annoyed’ (“I don’t like traffic; it makes me annoyed,” sounds much milder, doesn’t it?)Change Negative to Neutral or Positive: As you find yourself mentally complaining about something, rethink your assumptions. Are you assuming something is a negative event when it isn’t, necessarily? (For example, having your plans cancelled at the last minute can be seen as a negative, but what you do with your newly-freed schedule can be what you make of it.) The next time you find yourself stressing about something or deciding you’re not up to a challenge, stop and rethink, and see if you can come up with a neutral or positive replacement.Change Self-Limiting Statements to Questions: Self-limiting statements like “I can’t handle this!” or “This is impossible!” are particularly damaging because they increase your stress in a given situation and they stop you from searching for solutions. The next time you find yourself thinking something that limits the possibilities of a given situation, turn it into a question. Doesn’t “How can I handle this?” or “How is this possible?” sound more hopeful and open up your imagination to newer possibilities. Elizabeth Scott, M.S. You might want to read up on the subject, just Google "Self Talk" and there are several good books on the subject by the same name. A classic is titled "The Power Of Positive Thinking" and although originally published in the 1930's its re-printed each and every year since. Its got to be in its up-tenth edition. You would appear to be a prime candidate for Anthony Robbins' material. And, based upon what you've posted I would think you would greatly benefit from what he has to offer. Just Google his name to see if you would be interested. For now? "As we permit ourselves to think, we believe, as we believe? We become!" "Most people are about as happy as they make their minds up to be!" ~ Abe Lincoln (His wife suffered terribly from mental illness and made his life HELL! His oldest son was one of the first casualties of the War Between The States, and when she lost her youngest ~ she seriously lost it, when she lost her husband, they had to put her away.)
TaraMaiden Posted April 25, 2009 Posted April 25, 2009 There is a famous quotation from Star wars, spoken by Yoda... "Do or do not. There is no try." You cannot pretend to be happy. It makes you feel worse. You are either happy or you are not. And really, happiness is a transitory emotion. Nobody can constantly be happy. You may be serene. You may be content. You may have inner joy. These, one can cultivate and imbue into the mind as constants. But happy? ALL the time? Don't worry. That cannot be done. Things are as they are, because they are as they are. Change what you can. Accept what you cannot. and cultivate contentment in both cases.
Gunny376 Posted April 25, 2009 Posted April 25, 2009 You're right TaraMaiden! Its a choice! But You can choose to see the glass half empty or half full!
Author SummerLady Posted April 25, 2009 Author Posted April 25, 2009 Could you be eating because you are afraid of dating & maybe if you are fat then people won't see you as being attractive??? Just throwing that out their, sometimes it can be for reasons you aren't even thinking of..... You don't have to date, wait until things settle down, get back into being happy with YOU.... Yes this sounds like it, self sabbotage, this is def it. You know why? I went out last weekend where I got hit on several times and it made me feel vunerable. Since last weekend I have put on 5 pounds. Everyone kept telling me you look so good, so what did I do, tried to ruin it. Thanks for the input. Now that I am aware I can take the next step. Thanks again:)
Loxx Posted April 25, 2009 Posted April 25, 2009 I am just seeing that I am down. I always put on the happy face for everyone but its not true. I am stressed to the max. I am gaining weight and I am just blah... I have these tremendous highs and all time lows, I can't freakin stand it. Its not about the marriage ending as much as all the change, I hate change......I have been asked out and I thought I was ready but I am not sure that I am as I have anxiety about it. Not due to the end of the marriage, how about the pure fact that I have not dated in 10 years. I do not need to gain weight so I need to get a hold of that I am very happy with my body now but all this anxeity makes it hard to not eat out of frustration and boredom, the well is dry there is no happiness now......I know it will get better but I feel so down and then up and then down. God!!!!!! Enough:sick: I can so relate SummerLady. Going out- Go out with no expectations, as a outlet for fun only. It will help to releave the anxiety of the dating. I also am struggling with this not have dated or looked at woman like that in 10 years also. In Regards to eating. Eat as much as you want but just make sure to get the junk out of the house. Go Caveman when your in these moods. What i mean by Caveman is eat only things cavemen would have eaten in their time. Believe it or not if you do this you will probably loose more weight by increase your metabolism. Fruits during the day and afternoon, Vegs if you have to eat something late night, and Meats. Here are some healty ways i control my diet. Cravings: What i Eat in place: ICE Cream Bowl of Ceral with Milk Candy Natural Cholcolate Chips Rice Cakes - Flavored More Sweets Jello - with Fruit Bread Natual Whole wheat Rice Brown Rice - No buttler Meat Lean Meat, Beef Jerky great snack If you have anything in particular you crave i can probably give you a good substitute
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