delajoonal Posted April 24, 2009 Posted April 24, 2009 i know i should be happy...stbx is gone, MY lawyer started the 'official' paper work last night...stbxh got the pention paper work rolling, etc. so IT is really happening...where did i think it wasn't???? in my diluted mind somewhere, romantizing, reminiscing, dreaming, etc...what a crock of crap! what hurts the most, he is not leaving me for anyone...but for HIMSELF.. he had the 3 week online EA, she broke it off, i hired a PI, no sign of anyone including her for a month.. he says, " i just want to take care of me(himself) and move on with MY life!"...selfish rat:sick: so what gives? he really just stopped loving ME? then how do you continue to make love to your wife, 4 times in one day even, just before this all started...so how do you, men or women do that? if you no longer love your spouse? is he still in LUST with the OW, maybe even more forlorned because SHE broke IT off...it never came to fruition. he got a glimpse of those dang 'butterflies' in the stomach...and now needs more? i thought i was a good wife, (is this weird to say) i am very pretty...i am told i look like i am 28, not 43, i take good care of myself, work out etc...i cook, keep an immaculate house, give awsome h***, i don't effing get it..what MORE could i have done? what happened? i think i am still in denial of his computer addiction....WHY can't i get it through my head, his computer IS HIS WIFE and has been for years... he even admitted, life should NOT be this difficult( what was so difficult, i have NO clue) ...he said, he just wants to go to work and come home and play his video GAME! and that's that! end quote. why does this hurt so much, why am i crying, :lmao:WHY can't i just GET IT! why can't i just HATE HIM? its OVER...O-V-E-R! do you know his own brother kicked him out of his house yet again... his brother said, my stbxh has 'BAD ENERGY":sick:...LOL... which would not sound so weird if my BIL was a wheat germ eating hippie....BUT he is just as regular mainstream american as anyone... so what a weird thing to say... BUT..i get it....stbxh is angry, depressed, bitter, mean, all those negative contestations and more... what i am even more angry at..is the/my tears :lmao:come at the most inopportune times...driving, in the market....oh man, i can't take IT, i am NOT even PMSing...so why am i hurting and crying SO MUCH MORE these last few days, then ever before in the last 2 months? and i mean FULL on sobbing out loud crying can't catch my breath crying..LOL did i finally realize IT IS REALLY OVER? am i scorned, humiliated, etc... all of the above and more...LOL i am looking forward to moving out of this crappy house, it is so depressing all by myself now...after years of memories, the kids playing, son is 22 years old now and moved on years ago...holidays spent here with family, OMG..am i doing this to myself...or is it all part of the grieving process??? i thought i did THIS last month when HE left... i am just a complete mess, black mascara running down :lmao:my face ALL the time...gross...puffy face...sun glasses every where i go now:cool: i mean really, how am i suppose to attract a NEW MAN with this new black mascara puffy face look i have aquired... well, i certainly hope you ALL are having a better day then i... cause mine just S****! thank you LS Angels for taking time to read my sob story...not sure what i would do with out you all..or how i would have even got this far. i always follow your good advice coupled with my heart and gut, so far, i have not been steered wrong...THANK YOU ALL AGAIN:love:
searcher Posted April 25, 2009 Posted April 25, 2009 delajoonal I wish I could offer you some words of inspiration...but I can't seem to find them today. Just know that your not alone. I know how hard it is for you. I pray for a better future for all of us.
pelicanpreacher Posted April 25, 2009 Posted April 25, 2009 Your stbx got rejected by his OW and his pride has been wounded. He thought he was all that but found out that he wasn't. Now the two year old in him is tantruming and needs a punching bag ... namely you! "My OW doesn't love me so I don't love you, blah, blah, blah"! You need to ignore his railings and put as much physical, spiritual, and emotional distance between you as possible. Hurt him in the pocket so badly in your divorce that the next time his ego's narcissism blooms the scar of your retribution reminds him to beware of what he does to others lest he be reminded even more harshly in the future!
fooled once Posted April 25, 2009 Posted April 25, 2009 Some men could screw a corpse. Sex does not equal love or liking with some men. This isn't about YOU --- this is about what a selfish, prick he is. You won't be able to make sense of it. Don't try to. Focus on YOU and healing you.
Author delajoonal Posted April 25, 2009 Author Posted April 25, 2009 Seacher, thank you for taking a moment for me..I KNOW how much pain you yourself are in right now...i am truly sorry for you as well..and also Pray we BOTH, all of us find some happiness at the end of this nasty dark tunnel called DIVORCE:( pelicanpreacher... OMG! you are so right on spot with the whole, tantrum cause his OW rejected him...i swear, i knew that from the very moment IT happened..i could just tell ..you just right...my stbx does not wear his emotions on his sleave...so THAT whole 'break up' whatever you call it...was REALLY hard for him to hide..i just knew it! and you are right, he is going to get it in the alimony payments, with out too much detail, i am entitled to life time alimony...or until i remarry...so OUCH, that has too hurt, BUT he is NOT contesting it...HE knows how much he is hurting me...yesterday we got to the good stuff.. the 2 pentions AND a 401K...but it still hurts..i can't cuddle money, among other 'fun' stuff....LOL... fooled once...you too are right, cause i asked my stbxh how he could have done this, the whole sex thing, his reply, "I'm a MAN!" ok then..so there you have it...i guess i still don't get how men can do that..especially my overly sensitve stbx...i mean one of his favorite movies is Steel Magnolias...LOL..so i NEVER thought of HIM as ONE of those kind of men...but i guess men are men...no offense, K, cause I LOVE MEN..LOL thanks again all...your responses mean the world to me and i appreciate your time as well...and honesty....its like getting a big ol' hug and a kick in the bum at the same time...LOL:love:
PWSX3 Posted April 25, 2009 Posted April 25, 2009 delajoonal, just wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you...... It is one heck of a big roller coaster & just about the time you think it levels out there it goes again, straight up or straight down..... Just like everyone else I didn't believe it could get better, I just didn't see how it could, but it does.. PLEASE just focus on you. I remember ladyjane telling me; don't spend that energy on them when you could be spending it on you & it took me a LONG TIME to finally figure that out. Sounds like you have a LOT to offer a good person so make sure you are in a good place so that can happen.....Focus on you, work on you..... HUGS!!!!!!
Author delajoonal Posted April 25, 2009 Author Posted April 25, 2009 PWSX3 Thank you ! your words brought tears to my eyes...really...so sincere and kind...all of you:) you are right, i have to focus MORE on me..i do try...everyday, do something nice for someone less fortunate, charity, etc. i have also had a very dear friend this past week in need of my support, so it was nice to put my love and energy into someone who deserves IT and needs ME:) i hope you are right, PWSX3, i hope THERE is someone out there that will want to spend time with ME and not a computer, and just appreciate me... funny you brought up LadyJayne, i have been told by many members, that my original post reminded them of her...it was the whole my husband started flipping out when i stopped making his lunches everyday...i was just too tired and working so hard myself, he needs 3 meals a day to take to work,he works LONG Hours... so he just kept saying, why can't you make me sandwhiches anymore?....LOL..it was so weird..anyway... he still gripes about that...BUT after reading about LadyJayne, i realize IT was a way to validate him and my love for him...and after really asking what the whole sandwhich deal was with stbx, he said JUST that...he felt like i didn't love HIM anymore?.. anyway....that part is in the past, right:o my lesson for the future. hey, by the by, did you have a nice time at, i think you said, PJ Changs? hope you and the 'friend' had a FABULOUS TIME! YOU deserve IT too! if you haven' gone yet, well then , i hope you have a Fabulous time..LOL take care and thank you again for your well wishes and time;)
Gunny376 Posted April 25, 2009 Posted April 25, 2009 First off! Quit feeling sorry for yourself! Yea its Hell, get over it! Yea It hurts like a "Mothertrucker" You're not the first and your sure as Hell ain't going to be the last! I wouldn't wish divorce on my worse enemy! It gets over when YOU make the decision? I done with this ~ I over this @sshole! Get busy with your life and live it to its top! Play Van Morrison's song from "Bright Side Of The Road" from the movie Michael over and over and over! Get yourself busy living or get yourself busy dying! Just that plain and simple!
Gunny376 Posted April 25, 2009 Posted April 25, 2009 Quit beating yourself up! The first person you need to fall in love with? Is yourself!
Intricategirl Posted April 25, 2009 Posted April 25, 2009 Turn the situation around. Right now, you're focusing on him still. "He is not leaving me for anyone...but for HIMSELF", "he just wants to go to work and come home and play his video GAME!", "stbxh is angry, depressed, bitter, mean, all those negative contestations and more". That's a lot of talk about him. But what about you? Even when you do talk about yourself, it's in relation to him. Trying to figure out where you fit into HIS puzzle. What about you? What are you going to be able to do that has nothing to do with him? Play with your new sewing machine for hours on end? Head on a road trip some weekend to a place you've never been before? Take a class in blacksmithing or stained glass, just because it's cool?? Try not to think in terms of "Well, I can shave my legs whenever I want now" or "I can eat a whole tub of French Onion dip because nobody's around to complain about my breath" because those still have something to do with him. It's about his reaction to something. Instead, have fun for you. I don't know how old all your kids are, but if he gets any visitation, you've got a built-in babysitter. Use it! And like a friend told me a few days after my split- you'll be lonely sometimes. Like I told her, I was already lonely. Something tells me I'm not the only one on that big, huge boat.
PWSX3 Posted April 25, 2009 Posted April 25, 2009 Ya, go for a trip & come visit me!!!! I'm not to far away & the mountain air would do you some good!!! Intricategirl is right, but I also know how hard it is the think that way because I did the same. You focus so much on how the other person made you happy & not on how you can make yourself happy..... Funny how we can let someone else have so much control over "OUR" lives. It is the weekend so get out & enjoy....... By the way the date is tonight, I'll let you know how it goes.
Nomad1 Posted April 25, 2009 Posted April 25, 2009 Delajounal - The answer to your question is really simple, but you are in a fog right now and can't really see it. The psychology behind it is that, some people want what they can't have and don't want what they can readily have. You have shown him your neediness. He sees you as an undesirable liability. Everything you have said so far suggests huge loss of self-esteem. You are questioning your own worth. If you think that you are worthless you will act accordingly, especially around him. He will continue to treat you as though you were worthless. BUT, you are not worthless! Wake up! You do not want this man if he promised you the world! You must stop all interaction with him. COMPLETELY stop. It is hard at first, but you will see that your anger will subside and you will gradually regain control of yourself. You will regain a sense of your identity, gradually but surely. Draw a line now between you and the past with that man. Don't accept any bids for friendship. He is worthless. Assign him to the dustbin of your history! As to new relationships. The more confidence you exude the more desirable you shall become. You sound very nice and loving. You deserve better. As to the awesome h*** you give, hey I am envious of the next lucky guy you will meet! ;-)! Nomad1
Intricategirl Posted April 25, 2009 Posted April 25, 2009 Nomad, you're right about the friends thing. I told my ex last night that I really don't want to be friends because there's nothing in his personality I would make friends with. He said, "Yeah, you can't trust me." I told him, "It's not about trust... but you're right. I can't." My friends cheer for me. My friends want to see me happy. My friends would go out of their way for me. They celebrate when I celebrate and cry when I cry. And they do not intentionally inflict pain upon me. In fact, they go out of their way to try and remove pain. My ex is the opposite, and if he was anyone else, I wouldn't waste my time with them. So I agree. Get rid of the ideas that you've been hanging onto about him. Whoever you fell in love with doesn't exist anymore. If you can see him like he is right now, you might just find you don't want much of anything to do with him.
Author delajoonal Posted April 25, 2009 Author Posted April 25, 2009 PWSX3.... as always, YOU seem to know just where i am in this 'grieving' process... i remember reading some of your posts past, and you said, just when you think you are on your way, smiling, laughing, out with friends, etc...living life again...Whamo! IT (grief) hits you again...i think you said, like a rollercoaster ride.... THIS is what is exactly what is happening to me. i have been busy busy, taking care of a friend in more need than i, doing my usual everyday, stuff, out meeting new people, not romantic interests, just people in general, i've been genuinly laughing and having fun with friends, even enjoy TV and movies without my mind wandering and at some point NOT even knowing what i am watching...YOU all know what i mean right..LOL ...so just when i get to the point of HEY, i am SO on my way out of this dark pit...BAM, i am down again...its like grieving death...it is just so effin' painful:( anyway, PWSX3...its just like you said...so i am very thankful someone understand what i am actually feeling.:pthank you for that. p.s. that mountain air sounds AMAZING! i LOVE LOVE the outdoors and the ocean ...i hope you have a Fabulous weekend with your 'friend' and well, at least one of us gets to take in on that yummy fresh air and sunshine and a favorite restaraunt..LOL i do have plans tonight to see a move with a gf, so i am looking forward to that, my new serger will be here in a few days, so NEW projects are in the works... just trying to let every one know i appreciate ALL your responses and advice and i am working 'them' the best i can...i am an overly sensitive fool that is still in love with her husband..sorry, or should i apologize for that? so, maybe IT will take me longer to get out this FOG than the average person...but i am trying and i hope you all can continue to bare with me...this site and all you members are very important to me, so thank you:) as for dating, i am SOOOO far from that...most of you are right, i need to find ME and get to KNOW ME again before i can even think about another man right now...i need to move on from my stbxh and work on ME ...than maybe one day, down the road, someone will pop out and hey...who knows..LOL ...but not anytime soon. right now i am enjoying my female friends, no not in a weird way..LOL:bunny: today is better than yesterday:) thank you all again... have a FABULOUS weekend!
Intricategirl Posted April 25, 2009 Posted April 25, 2009 just trying to let every one know i appreciate ALL your responses and advice and i am working 'them' the best i can...i am an overly sensitive fool that is still in love with her husband..sorry, or should i apologize for that? Don't apologize for any emotions you feel. You're allowed to have them and you're even allowed to be hurt, angry, happy, weepy, sensitive, raging, and the rest of the seven dwarves too. I don't think there necessarily needs to be a timeline on how long you're allowed to feel crappy about this. It's a major thing in your life, and as long as you start progressing towards getting over it at some point, I wouldn't worry too much. Even if that point is a few months or even years away... (And it's okay to still be in love with him. But make your legal plans in the meantime to take care of yourself on the levels where emotions don't get too much play.)
Author delajoonal Posted April 26, 2009 Author Posted April 26, 2009 intricategirl..... thank you so much for your response. i guess you could tell i felt a little 'kicked to the curb' with some of those posts to my current pain level its' ok, everyone has a right to their opinion AND i know they are trying to help me MOVE on..i know we all have our best interest at heart...and we all just want to see each other move on with our lives and start living again... BUT there are days that just pop up out of know where, still...and i am just floored with tears and emotions i CAN"T control...but it isn't every day anymore...thanks to this group, everyone has helped me more than i can every say... i was married for 14 years, we NEVER even had a break up or break or anything in all that time...so i am still in shock mode too...alone..i am not sure i even remember being alone? i had my son at 21 years old, then i got married...so i have had a full house for 20 plus years...THIS will take time to get used to being alone, trying to find who I AM as well, again...and get over the fact that i NEVER thought i would be divorced...especially since i still love dh/stbxh.. so just hope everyone can bare with me, cause i really NEED you all right now, as well as i hope i can be of some comfort to someone else too;) it has been only 2 months today exactly, when my stbxh admitted to the EA... but we reconciled in between, then seperated, and he moved in and out twice...so...the last 2 months have been such a rollercoaster ride..from h***...ack!...LOL...i still can't get my heels dug in far enough to get a grip on anything much yet:o anyway...thank you again for taking a moment to let me know you understand. i try to think of your posts often too, honestly, cause you seemed to have moved on so smoothly and just pick up where you left off 13 years ago...gosh, how amazing...i am thinking tho, did you have somehere in your mind that you knew this was coming and so you started preparing for it(divorce)...or were you blind sided as well? you just seem so strong and KNOW exactly what you want and what you need to do;) i used to think I WAS strong too...but wow, divorce can do some damage to the strongest person:eek: i have always had great jobs that i love, and hobbies that i love...you know A LIFE...other than my son and my husband... BUT, really, i was happy being ALL and doing ALL those things.. so in reality, i still want to just be a mom and wife as well as have my job and hobbie..you know what i mean...i just can't get in the mode of JUST ME NOW.. but i will, i know...in time. ok...sorry to ramble on again... take care and thanks again so much!
Intricategirl Posted April 26, 2009 Posted April 26, 2009 In some ways I was blindsided. In a lot of ways I knew. And I knew from very early on. The night after we married, he told me, "I think I made a mistake." It took him 13 years to figure out how to get out of that mistake. What I didn't realize at the time was how big a mistake he was. From our very first date on, he was always wanting someone or something else. I'm just not sure he knows what he wants, but I am very sure I'm not it. And I spent the last 12.5 years of our marriage knowing that at some point, this was going to break my heart, but I stayed and tried, and I can say that I acted as honorably as possible. Hell, our marriage vows didn't say "'til death do us part." They said "as long as love shall last." We made it about 12.5 years longer than I expected. And though he left badly, I think it's the only way he knew how. I'm not as strong as you think. I've dropped about 17lbs in one month and it's not slowing down at all. I literally asked him to keep an eye on me because I can see myself slipping into anorexia as a way to control *something* in my life, and I'm forcing myself to eat at least a meal every day so I can tell him that yes, I'm eating. I've started taking melatonin and it's great for calming the thoughts in my head long enough to get to sleep, but I still wake up at five each morning thinking, "Damn. This is my life from now on." I regret not having a more recent family photo, and know that if I had I'd be crying over it anyway. I obsessively check the bills so I won't accidentally forget one. And I dress to the nines because I'd kill to have him tell me that he thinks I look good (which he has) or that he thinks he made a mistake (which he hasn't). And that would let me smash his f*cking face in it all. The best advice I ever got was from my boss who told me that I absolutely should not hold back the tears. I was choking everything back and trying to hold everything in, and it just made me feel like hell all the time. I took her advice and cried when I felt like it. In the school parking lot with all the parents looking on, wondering why I was crying so hard I was practically screaming... As I was driving... At home as I was working out... And a funny thing happened. Pretty soon, I realized that almost as soon as I started, I didn't feel like crying anymore. Like ten seconds later, I'd wonder what I was being such a baby about. lol Take some time, and let your emotions come, even if they don't make any sense whatsoever. Indulge them a little bit. But don't think that I'm strong and that you need to be on any sort of false timeline of recovery. In a lot of ways, I envy you. It sounds ugly to say and I bet you'd say you want to trade with me, but at least your hurts. What kind of wife am I that my husband leaves and I'm over him this quickly? It gives me serious doubts about my ability to love anyone in the future.
Author delajoonal Posted April 26, 2009 Author Posted April 26, 2009 ;)Intricategirl.... wow! thank you for sharing all that with me...you made me laugh out loud..really, the whole "And that would let me smash his f*cking face in it all. ...LMAO.. i am glad you finally got to cry and let IT out..i am telling you tho, thos tears, come at the worst times..LOL...but also, the working out literally helps so much...i think the endorphins get going and get us happy, so NO tears can break thru that happy time...ya know:confused: i too have lost weight...the beginning, 2 months ago, was the worst, i had friends calling and bringing me food everyday, i dropped so much so quickly, like you...but for some reason the last 2 days, i am HUNGRY..LOL i am eating again...not big meals, never did that anyway, but a half chicken sand which here and some vegis there, etc...my new kick, peanut M&M's...LOL...i gotta watch those little suckers tho..LOL so, i was right, you are a STRONG woman...how else could you have endured your husband saying those awful words the day after you got married...and to last 13 years... well, if no one has said this to you lately, "I AM PROUD OF YOU!"...we may not really KnOW each other...but from what i have read about you...you are very strong and you are going to be better than fine...you will proly excel in your classes and learn more about being a maintenance man then the one you have for your buillding now..LOL BUT seriously, please watch the food...eat at least some tiny little meals SEVERAL times a day, ok;)...power bars, or even the ensure canned milkshake things...just to get some nutriants in you...your kids need you strong and healthy... you know what i wish everyday, that this group of ours was in one place, so we could meet in person and just hang out, drink coffee and just TALK for hours and share stories...but, God gave us the internet so that we could ALL come together in time like this;) feel free to email me anytime, if you wanna chat privately, OK. woman to woman...not that the men here aren't FAbulous, cause they are, a few in particular are amazingly senistive and SO KIND... have a great SUNDAY K;)
PWSX3 Posted April 26, 2009 Posted April 26, 2009 Tears are good, that is God's way of cleaning you from the inside out!!!! Don't you always feel better after crying???
Author delajoonal Posted April 26, 2009 Author Posted April 26, 2009 PWSX3... you are SO right...crying to me is better than holding IT in and internalizing all that darn pain.. you know. my stbxh does that, he holds in EVERYTHING, does not wear his emotions on his sleeve, and he IS NOT a manly gruff type man either...so go figure. anyway, sometimes a good cry, or even a little short jag can help release those toxins clogging the brain and stuff...and make it easier to carry on with your day...just to release some tension..right;) ok all, have a great weekend... anyway one have any great plans for Sunday? get to see your kids? go to a movie, out to lunch, etc... love to hear some fun sunday stories:p
sugarmomma Posted April 27, 2009 Posted April 27, 2009 I just had to respond to your story. My stbxh left me 18 months ago and it knoocked all the wind out of me. I was totally in shock for like for first six months while trying to reconcile with him. He abandoned me physically, emotionally, sexually would not tell me he loved me or anything. I thought I was gonna die. We had been married 3 years at the time. I later found out that there was someone else but he kept denying it saying that he left because of me. After trying to work things out with him for six months I got a suggestion from a friend tonot make nay major decisions while I was in so much pain (so I decided against a divorce at that time). I started to work on myself reading all kinds of books about what a healthy relationship looks like and found out how dysfunctional and unhealthy we were for each other. I would be fine at work but as soon as I would walk out the door the tears would come nonstop. I agree with the other posters, do not suppress your emotions, they will not be ignored! I stopped all contact with him after the six months and got the courage to file for the divorce 15 months after he decided to end it. By this time I felt stronger, healthier and like I had healed a lot. Did a little dating in the interim but nothing serious. My divorce will be final in the beginning of May and wouldn't you know, he has been calling with all this small talk. I guess he didn't think I would go through with it because he knew I loved(and still do) him. I do not want him back. I can't keep focusing on the past when I have a bright future ahead of me and so do you. I can't tell you when the pain will stop but I can say when I totally stopped focusing on him and what him and the new woman were doing, I started to heal. I am a christian so I truly believe in the power of prayer. It really helped me. I don't want him back and one day you may feel the same way. I wish you the best!! Just keep your head up and keep a lot of positive energy around you!! No negative people allowed!!
Author delajoonal Posted April 27, 2009 Author Posted April 27, 2009 sugarmomma... thank you so much for sharing your story with me... everyones stories, opinions, and advice have helped me a great deal. my stbxh OW broke it off with him over a month ago...he still wants a divorce...i agreed...it was killing me...BUT, HUGE but...LOL the last few days, i seem to falling in the, "i am excited about my new life and living alone" department..LOL i love him with all my heart, BUT, we are simply TOXIC together, we cannot communicate...we are fabulous together sexually...but other than that...we can chat here and there...he gets a headache if he talks too long....no kidding, he is such a weirdo intrivert..LOL he has a horrible addiction to the computer, one video game in particular... and i think it finally hit me yesterday, honestly, i will NEVER come first...that darn computer will! our problems started 7 years ago....when he started THAT video game.. anyway, he says he wants to be alone...he never has lived alone..i knew this was going to happen, i put off marrying him for a year...cause i knew in the back of my mind, this turkey would have a mid life crises at 40, we got married when he was 25, and leave me..... anyway, my alimony is HUGE..LOL..along with pentions, 401k's etc..' AND he is actually being very generous and kind to me...which makes it very hard at times now...cause i just want to hop in bed with him..LOL you know....how do you go from being a wife for 13 years, to a friend/roomate?....LOL anyway, i do see myself with a brighter future, don't get me wrong, i still battle tears nightly, BUT i no longer have ANY angry moments, about his online EA with OW, or the fact that he is a selfish pig and destroying our covenant of marriage, i too have a huge faith in God. but like i said, this past weekend, something changed in me...i am seeing so much clearer on how the D is really the best for both of us, and i can see myself really excelling at my job and hobbies....once i get out of this toxic environment...about one month to go now. ok...so i have rambled on again..LOL...sorry.. but i thank you so much sugarmomma for sharing with me..IT gives me hope..also, just re-affirms what everyone says.. as soon as you move on, and TRULY LET GO...here they (X's) come again...LOL...isn't IT so true... take care and thanks again, you sound like a realy sweet gal!
PWSX3 Posted April 27, 2009 Posted April 27, 2009 My divorce will be final in the beginning of May and wouldn't you know, he has been calling with all this small talk. I guess he didn't think I would go through with it because he knew I loved(and still do) him. It is funny I am hearing this more & more. My former wife did the same thing, about 3 weeks before the divorce that "SHE" wanted was to be final she started texting, emailing me then when I needed to exchange paperwork with her she wanted to talk...... Like my counselor told me; you can't go back to the same old thing & if the other person isn't working as hard on themselves as you are on yourself then it won't work it will just be another round of the same crap!!!
Author delajoonal Posted April 27, 2009 Author Posted April 27, 2009 PWSX3... hi there... thanks for posting about what your XW did...that IS strange that they want to come back when ALL is said and done...right? maybe some people can, like you said, if THEY are working on themselves, therapy, IC, etc...and start a NEW, not start over, but new... like dating again...if you find you still both love each other, hey why not...as long as MC and IC are in tact weekly..LOL cause you are right, PWSX3, anyone would just end up right back where they started and who can go through THIS more than once...OMG..NOT ME...LOL i get the feeling, my dh will do this same thing...he is already showing signs here and there...but once i make up mind, and move on, i tend to just keep moving on...i can't say for sure...but how can right..LOL i am so glad things worked out for you and you are happy with your 'friend' and her boys...sounds like you all have a great time together...that is so important..to find people you can laugh with and just be comfortable with..NO conflicts, etc. oooo, almost forgot..how was 'the weekend'?... sure you had a FABULOUS TIME! take care..........
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