Mind Games

[supdawg1985]

Okay, this girl I work with is starting to drive me crazy. I've already told her that I really like her, and asked her out but found out she was dating someone else. So it's been kind of awkward around her and she knows that I've noticed her and I give her all sorts of attention, but sometimes she will just ignore me. There's been times when I'm standing right next to her and she can clearly hear me talk to her, but she doesn't say a word. So I start to figure "okay I can take a hint", I mean she's already dating so she's putting up the defenses I suppose. Then there are times when she just seems to try to make me jealous so I get mad and ignore her. When she knows I'm upset with her, that seems to be the time she will actually say "hi" to me and act nice, like she's trying to get me on her good side again. I've also noticed that when I ignore her and start talking to other girls that she seems to take an interest and maybe try to get involved. Anway, there just seems to be these swings back in forth and it's getting pretty annoying. I can't figure out what she's thinking exactly, but I think she likes to stroke her ego at least.

[colosseum]

To be honest, from what you've posted, this is what I think:

 

I've already told her that I really like her...

 

She has you by your manhood, and she knows it.

 

I've also noticed that when I ignore her and start talking to other girls that she seems to take an interest and maybe try to get involved.

 

She wants your attention and knows she can get it. There is not genuine "interest" from her side.

 

Anway, there just seems to be these swings back in forth and it's getting pretty annoying.

 

There are no swings.

 

I can't figure out what she's thinking exactly, but I think she likes to stroke her ego at least.

 

This is all she wants. Period.

 

My suggestion is to drop her, leave her, move on. You shouldn't let this rude girl toy you around and waste your time, because from what I can tell, she's not interested; she just digs the attention (especially since I presume she's a pretty good looking woman).

 

Be cordial, but don't give her a hint that you care about her in that way anymore. Show her you've moved on, and please, DO move on; your precious time should be spent elsewhere.

 

Be warned though: like you noted earlier, as soon as you start talking with other girls she's going to come running after you for that attention. Don't give it to her, and it's going to drive her nuts. At that point, she'll give up or really want you badly, AT WHICH POINT you MUST BE strong with her--say you're tired of the games and her insincerity.

 

But don't wait for that. Please--there are so many better girls out there, don't wait for this girl. Move on.

 

My 2 cents; best of luck.

[MN randomguy]

Welcome to LS.

 

I think Colosseum has it nailed.

[supdawg1985]

I'm trying to get over her, but we've known each other for almost two years and she knows that I have feelings for her. To make things even more confusing we are both big Christians and she's dating a non-Christian which is pretty much a no-no for devout Christians. Me knowing that, it makes things really hard when it comes to dating so when people say "there are other fish in the sea" well that doesn't apply the same way to me, because other Christians are really hard to come by.

 

Anyway, she seems to like to play these games and if it's drama she wants, then maybe I'll give it to her. I heard her sister will be working there pretty soon, maybe I'll flirt with her and see how she likes it...

[TaraMaiden]

If you are a christian, you should not lie and play games like this.

If she is christian, neither should she, but you cannot 'control' other people's actions, you can only control yours and have conscience for what you do and should not do.

Please behave like a mature adult.

if you start playing games with her sister by flirting, you are being as silly as she is, really, aren't you?

Does the Bible not teach "turn the other cheek" as opposed to "an eye for an eye"...?

 

Let her wrestle with her own conscience.

Let her date who she wants.

Perhaps she will learn lessons, perhaps not.

This is not entirely your concern.

But look to yourself.

I think that would be best.

[You'reasian]

I'm trying to get over her, but we've known each other for almost two years and she knows that I have feelings for her. To make things even more confusing we are both big Christians and she's dating a non-Christian which is pretty much a no-no for devout Christians. Me knowing that, it makes things really hard when it comes to dating so when people say "there are other fish in the sea" well that doesn't apply the same way to me, because other Christians are really hard to come by.

 

Anyway, she seems to like to play these games and if it's drama she wants, then maybe I'll give it to her. I heard her sister will be working there pretty soon, maybe I'll flirt with her and see how she likes it...

 

The problem is that she's a gamer and you're letting her do it.

 

Separate yourself from this. No contact - and that means ignore her. Go for the other chick.

[MN randomguy]

I'm trying to get over her, but we've known each other for almost two years and she knows that I have feelings for her. To make things even more confusing we are both big Christians and she's dating a non-Christian which is pretty much a no-no for devout Christians. Me knowing that, it makes things really hard when it comes to dating so when people say "there are other fish in the sea" well that doesn't apply the same way to me, because other Christians are really hard to come by.

 

Anyway, she seems to like to play these games and if it's drama she wants, then maybe I'll give it to her. I heard her sister will be working there pretty soon, maybe I'll flirt with her and see how she likes it...

 

 

 

Matthew 7 (New International Version)

 

Matthew 7

 

1"Do not judge, or you too will be judged. 2For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. 3"Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? 4How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? 5You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye.

6"Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs. If you do, they may trample them under their feet, and then turn and tear you to pieces.

7"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. 8For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened. 9"Which of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? 10Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? 11If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him! 12So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.

13"Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. 14But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it.15"Watch out for false prophets. They come to you in sheep's clothing, but inwardly they are ferocious wolves. 16By their fruit you will recognize them. Do people pick grapes from thornbushes, or figs from thistles? 17Likewise every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. 18A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, and a bad tree cannot bear good fruit. 19Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. 20Thus, by their fruit you will recognize them.

I think this is consistent with TaraMaiden

 

If you are a christian, you should not lie and play games like this.

If she is christian, neither should she, but you cannot 'control' other people's actions, you can only control yours and have conscience for what you do and should not do.

Please behave like a mature adult.

if you start playing games with her sister by flirting, you are being as silly as she is, really, aren't you?

Does the Bible not teach "turn the other cheek" as opposed to "an eye for an eye"...?

 

Let her wrestle with her own conscience.

Let her date who she wants.

Perhaps she will learn lessons, perhaps not.

This is not entirely your concern.

But look to yourself.

I think that would be best.

 

It is hard. I'm 29 and have only had one GF for 2 months. I don't think it is loving towards her sister to punish her for what the older sister has done. Also, if the younger sister is also a Christian you are to act as a big brother towards her.

 

You can pray for them and maybe befriend the little sister. Don't play games. not only is it un-biblical, but it shows your weakness. Don't give the older sister any romantic attention, but, realize that it wasn't meant to be and remember Matthew 7:9-12. True there are few Christian women out there, but there are fewer Christian men on the singles scene. You don't have to be a Ned Flanders, Don't give her control of your manhood. That does not make you a good leader.

 

BTW,

 

Verse 15-20 I would apply saying that she will have to deal with the consequences of her decisions. You, now know that she's not serious about Christian guys, and does not care by playing games. If you see an obvious instance of her trying to lead you on, call her out on it. Do it gently though. Tell her that that you are looking for a girl that does not do that. Then, mean it.

[tkgirl]

I think this is consistent with TaraMaiden

 

 

 

It is hard. I'm 29 and have only had one GF for 2 months. I don't think it is loving towards her sister to punish her for what the older sister has done. Also, if the younger sister is also a Christian you are to act as a big brother towards her.

 

You can pray for them and maybe befriend the little sister. Don't play games. not only is it un-biblical, but it shows your weakness. Don't give the older sister any romantic attention, but, realize that it wasn't meant to be and remember Matthew 7:9-12. True there are few Christian women out there, but there are fewer Christian men on the singles scene. You don't have to be a Ned Flanders, Don't give her control of your manhood. That does not make you a good leader.

 

BTW,

 

Verse 15-20 I would apply saying that she will have to deal with the consequences of her decisions. You, now know that she's not serious about Christian guys, and does not care by playing games. If you see an obvious instance of her trying to lead you on, call her out on it. Do it gently though. Tell her that that you are looking for a girl that does not do that. Then, mean it.

 

 

wow... you "Christian" folk take dating waaaay too seriously! forget this girl.. she's not interested.. find someone who is... easy peasy!

[TaraMaiden]

Well, perhaps if we had a few more morals in society, and people were to try to implement a few more Godly and spiritual values into their lives, societies around the globe would not be as hedonistic, selfish and glib about relationships as they are today.

So many people sleeping around, and using other people just for fun, without any thought for the consequences.

A large proportion of posters here are reporting situations of breaking up, and wanting to hurt the other person somehow, or hoping they become unhappy....

 

This forum is absolutely full of people in pain.

Why are they in such pain if dating is not to be taken seriously?

 

Maybe we should step back a bit and take a good look at ourselves... and try to discern what brings us happiness and what brings us pleasure. Then do more of the first for one another, and less of the second.

 

Life becomes so much more fulfilling when we consider ways in which to make ourselves happy, by focussing on ways to make one another happy.

[supdawg1985]

Yes, I agree that dating DOES need to be taken seriously. Some people seem to be so short-sighted and just rush into things based on irrational feelings and initial attraction. As a Christian we are told to not be "unequally yoked" or not together with unbelievers because there is no way for two people to walk together when they are headed in different directions. So much needs to fall into place for Christians to find a good match...I thought I found one in this girl who went to a Christian school, but for some reason she's more caught up in some bad-boy who asked her out because she was "hot" as he says. This world can be so superficial sometimes it makes me sick to realize how bad things really are.

[You'reasian]

I found one in this girl who went to a Christian school, but for some reason she's more caught up in some bad-boy who asked her out because she was "hot" as he says. This world can be so superficial sometimes it makes me sick to realize how bad things really are.

 

People were humans before they became Christians - naturally, some instincts don't go away, even though one could live their life strictly according to the Bible.

[supdawg1985]

Yeah, well that's when discipline comes in handy. We are indeed of a sinful nature as well, but that doesn't mean we should act out our impulses. We are sexual beings and have urges but God doesn't want us sleeping around just so we can satisfy our cravings. Trust me when I say that I have found some non-Christian girls to be very attractive. It's tempting to get involved, but that's when Christians need to have a little faith and believe that God's will can be done in their lives so we will live fruitfully according to His plans. Christianity isn't just a title, but it's a lifestlye that gives the Lord control over our lives knowing that His ways are better than our own...

[You'reasian]

Yeah, well that's when discipline comes in handy. We are indeed of a sinful nature as well, but that doesn't mean we should act out our impulses. We are sexual beings and have urges but God doesn't want us sleeping around just so we can satisfy our cravings. Trust me when I say that I have found some non-Christian girls to be very attractive. It's tempting to get involved, but that's when Christians need to have a little faith and believe that God's will can be done in their lives so we will live fruitfully according to His plans. Christianity isn't just a title, but it's a lifestlye that gives the Lord control over our lives knowing that His ways are better than our own...

 

I understand what you are saying. I think God's plans are well beyond our attempts at understanding Him.

[supdawg1985]

Yup, that is why everyday I let the Lord know that I submit to Him and ask for inspiration and ambition to carry out His will. It's very hard to live this way but I believe that long-term happiness will ensue which is much greater than short-term.

 

"For My thoughts are not your thoughts, Nor are your ways My ways," declares the LORD. - Isaiah 55:8

 

This is when I get confused about how I feel and why. It definitely causes an internal struggle, and for this particular time in my life, I know that I have strong feelings for a Christian girl and I feel that is for a reason, but maybe not the one I have in mind.

 

Anyway, guess it's time to start looking for other girls, what's meant to be will happen.

[tkgirl]

me: "wow... you "Christian" folk take dating waaaay too seriously! forget this girl.. she's not interested.. find someone who is... easy peasy!"

 

and now you! "Anyway, guess it's time to start looking for other girls, what's meant to be will happen."

 

that's all I was talking about... no need to go quoting the Bible and all that. Sometimes things can just be way over analyzed.. to the point where it practically doesn't even exist any more! but what it really comes down to feelings and emotions... what is REAL!

 

BTW, I was raised catholic (yep, that does explain some things!) still think Jesus is a way cool dude and when I do pray, I leave everything in God's hands... or try to!

 

Good Luck... and God Bless!!!

[dreamergrl]

It's really really simple. She likes the attention, does what she can to get it. When she doesn't want it, she wont try for it. She's got a bf, so why even think about playing the game?