samsungxoxo Posted April 24, 2009 Posted April 24, 2009 Ok this is might sound way off the wall but how about if you discovered that your partner cheated on you with a member of the same sex. Would your reactions differ than if it was the usually heterosexual infidelity or the same way. I mean ok that must suck big time. I recall a woman's story of how she catches her husband in bed with another man. Ok that's mess up, disgusting too. :sick: Ok I don't know why for some reason some guys if you were to question them about this, they say they would jump in and thus not consider this infidelity that much (catching their girl with another woman that is). While for us girls we would just be shocked and disgusted if we discovered our man was with another man.
MichiganMan222 Posted April 24, 2009 Posted April 24, 2009 It depends if the woman was a small little petite sexy thing or a rugged butch.
carhill Posted April 24, 2009 Posted April 24, 2009 Betrayal is still the same. A good friend's wife left him for another woman and, trust me, he wasn't thinking about threesomes...
MichiganMan222 Posted April 24, 2009 Posted April 24, 2009 Betrayal is still the same. A good friend's wife left him for another woman and, trust me, he wasn't thinking about threesomes... That's not what I meant at all and I'm dead serious. I've been cheated on before and I know that there are tons of emotions that fly around. Along with the pain, heartbreak, anger, etc, there is an ego dynamic. Some guy is able to give her more than I can give her (that's what it feels like). Well if I caught her with a very feminine partner, I would still feel all the pain, heartbreak, anger, etc, but as far as ego, I would know that she had a desire for something it was impossible for me to deliver. However, if it were a masculine female, it would be just like another guy. So on a scale from one to 10 with 10 being the horrible feeling of catching your girl in the sack with another man, I would say catching her with a very feminine partner would be more of an 8 or 9, while a masculine partner-still a 10. I don't know if that makes sense, and its never happened to me, so its just a hunch. I could be completely wrong. The last thing I was implying was a threesome. Personally, I have no desire for threesomes and would NEVER share my partner. Thankfully, she feels the same way.
carhill Posted April 24, 2009 Posted April 24, 2009 First answers are usually the best answers when emotions are concerned. I learned the first response technique in MC. Feel the emotion and process it as honestly as possible. No watering down/rationalizing/sanitizing. If my wife did what the OP described I would feel betrayed. Simple as that. I wouldn't quantify it on a scale or compare a woman's tongue to a guy's dickhead being in there. For me, it's not about the sex. YMMV, of course
MichiganMan222 Posted April 24, 2009 Posted April 24, 2009 LOL perhaps. I guess I'm not expressing what I mean very well. Let me try again: When I was cheated on, I went through a lot of dread. The dread of being lied to and deceived; the dread of knowing I would never experience the enjoyment I had with girlfriend (all the good times, memories, etc); and the dread of being replaced by someone she thought was better than me (the ego thing). That last dread would be absent in the situation the OP described because it would feel like she wasn't so much replacing me, but looking for something in addition to me. So to describe the scene: I walk in and do everything exactly the same as if it were another guy. I go crazy, pack my **** and leave forever. BUT, I would walk away a little less deflated and feeling like I was worthless and not good enough.
carhill Posted April 24, 2009 Posted April 24, 2009 OK, fair enough. For me, it would be the same, regardless. Wouldn't matter if it was a Shetland pony in the bed. Hope that makes sense
serial muse Posted April 24, 2009 Posted April 24, 2009 I don't think I would feel any less betrayed - cheating is cheating, no matter who it's with. I think my initial reaction would be the pain and anger at the betrayal. And I would go through the same process of reevaluating our time together, how much of it was lies, what were the "signs" I must have missed, what didn't I know, I thought he meant it when he said "xx" - all that stuff would be the same awfulness and pain. However, I see Michigan's point...I also think there would be a point, and it wouldn't happen until a bit later in the grieving process, when I would tell myself that he wanted something I just wasn't and I couldn't do anything about that. And there is actually some comfort in that, when you get yourself into an endless cycle of beating yourself up for not being "good enough" or "sexy enough" or "smart enough" or whatever to keep your partner from cheating. Speaking from experience. So yes, I think it would make a small difference in that respect. Wouldn't make the lies any better or the pain of loss any less, but it would make the self-recrimination slightly less painful, I think.
Lizzie60 Posted April 24, 2009 Posted April 24, 2009 Eventhough betrayal is betrayal.. I can see that people would think it's not as bad as cheating with an opposite gender. I've known a guy who caught his W having sex with another woman.. he said he was shocked but not as angry as if it would have been another man.. He thought it was more sexual 'curiosity' from his W.. Never happened to me.. so I can't say how I would feel.. really.
AAlike Posted April 24, 2009 Posted April 24, 2009 Ok I don't know why for some reason some guys if you were to question them about this, they say they would jump in and thus not consider this infidelity that much (catching their girl with another woman that is). While for us girls we would just be shocked and disgusted if we discovered our man was with another man. see I don't know about this - I highly doubt that any guy in a real relationship would revert to "dude that's hot" mode when it's someone that they love. For me, if I were to CATCH my girlfriend having sex with someone else, the gender certainly wouldn't matter - whether guy, feminine woman, or "bulldyke" or what have you. a lie is a lie, and unless this was discussed in advance to be permissable in the relationship, cheating is cheating. HOWEVER - I think a much, much larger percentage of men would be receptive to the concept of their girlfriend ASKING to have sex with another woman versus another man - mostly because of the reasons that MichiganMan cited...they can put an experience with another woman in the perspective of being "recreational" or "experimental", whereas her asking for another man would be a blatant slap in the face.
angie2443 Posted April 24, 2009 Posted April 24, 2009 Ok this is might sound way off the wall but how about if you discovered that your partner cheated on you with a member of the same sex. Would your reactions differ than if it was the usually heterosexual infidelity or the same way. I mean ok that must suck big time. I recall a woman's story of how she catches her husband in bed with another man. Ok that's mess up, disgusting too. :sick: Ok I don't know why for some reason some guys if you were to question them about this, they say they would jump in and thus not consider this infidelity that much (catching their girl with another woman that is). While for us girls we would just be shocked and disgusted if we discovered our man was with another man. I think this is a situation of fantisy versus reality. The male fantisy is that the woman would want the man in bed with her and her female friend. The reality is that the woman who is cheating with another woman doesn't want the husband involved. I'm not talking about planned threesomes here. That is a differant story. I wanted to add that I don't think most men think that if they caught their partner with someone else they'd want to jump in. I think most men understand that it would be a indfidality and would hurt. Some men, though, do seem to think they could hop right on in.
Lostgurl Posted April 24, 2009 Posted April 24, 2009 Ok this is might sound way off the wall but how about if you discovered that your partner cheated on you with a member of the same sex. Would your reactions differ than if it was the usually heterosexual infidelity or the same way. I mean ok that must suck big time. I recall a woman's story of how she catches her husband in bed with another man. Ok that's mess up, disgusting too. :sick: Ok I don't know why for some reason some guys if you were to question them about this, they say they would jump in and thus not consider this infidelity that much (catching their girl with another woman that is). While for us girls we would just be shocked and disgusted if we discovered our man was with another man. Cheating is cheating. If one partner wasn't aware of the other sleeping with another, regardless of gender then it's the same thing. If a couple was open about the persons bi-sexuality, and there was an agreement of some sort, like if the partner knew what when and how the said act was going to happen, well it really wouldn't be cheating i guess eh? But how often would that scenario happen?
Chrome Barracuda Posted April 24, 2009 Posted April 24, 2009 Pain is pain and to tell you the truth I would be even more confused because I felt she was a sham, everything she said was more of a lie.
Dexter Morgan Posted April 24, 2009 Posted April 24, 2009 If a gf of mine cheated on me with another woman....I'd still leave her, but honestly, I wouldn't be as hurt. Don't ask me why, I just don't think it would bother me as much. Maybe it would be because I'd think she has major issues or something...i don't know.
sotired Posted April 24, 2009 Posted April 24, 2009 It would hurt and would probably cause me to question myself as a woman..You know there would be rumors that I 'turned' him gay...etc. But I would rather him cheat with a man than a woman if I had to pick one.
Lostgurl Posted April 24, 2009 Posted April 24, 2009 It would hurt and would probably cause me to question myself as a woman..You know there would be rumors that I 'turned' him gay...etc. But I would rather him cheat with a man than a woman if I had to pick one. You can't compete with another penis. It is uncomparable. So I really don't understand why you'd question yourself. It's not your fault you don't have a wiener I don't know if i'd sleep with a woman. Sometimes i want to try it. I get an urge. Other times I think of it and feel sick at the thought of it.
sotired Posted April 24, 2009 Posted April 24, 2009 You can't compete with another penis. It is uncomparable. So I really don't understand why you'd question yourself. It's not your fault you don't have a wiener Exactly...That's why I'd rather him cheat with a man...because then it's not like I got dumped because some chick was better or whatever. I just know every time I hear of a man who has a girl cheat on him with another girl, people make comments like "He was so bad in bed he turned her off to men for good!" Which usually isn't the case, but I live in the South...logic gets thrown out the window here.
Lostgurl Posted April 24, 2009 Posted April 24, 2009 Exactly...That's why I'd rather him cheat with a man...because then it's not like I got dumped because some chick was better or whatever. I just know every time I hear of a man who has a girl cheat on him with another girl, people make comments like "He was so bad in bed he turned her off to men for good!" Which usually isn't the case, but I live in the South...logic gets thrown out the window here. Haha! The same goes for the north. I think two women sleeping together would go down alot better than finding out your man is gay all the way. ~ That would make me question myself for sure, like you said. Most guys who found out their mate was sleeping with another woman would probably welcome it!
Randombrad Posted April 25, 2009 Posted April 25, 2009 My wife lied to me and went on a date with another woman and ended up making out with her, she felt guilty and told me the next morning....I showed her to the door. Sure we got back together in a couple days, but my immediate reaction was...get out, don't pass go, and don't try saying goodbye to the kids on the way out.....
lostsunsets Posted April 26, 2009 Posted April 26, 2009 Random Brad, How do you know that she only made out with her? In face unless you had her take a polygraph, it would be virtually impossible to know if it stopped at making out. I would have printed off a local polygraph testers info off the internet. Sat her down looked her in the eye and say, I know you would mind, so I scheduled a polygraph test for next week. I think I need it to move beyond this. You have to look at her face. If there is fear in her eyes, you need to consider having a test done. If she did it with a woman, she could have done it with another guy or another girl. Or she could have gone all the way. It would not be so much more to find out she had sex with the woman. What it would do is show that she doesn't have and issue lying to you.
Randombrad Posted April 26, 2009 Posted April 26, 2009 Well I don't really know 100% that was all she did, but she did bring it to me and didn't wait for me to discover it, and I also emailed the OW asking about her STD status since wifie had admitted to having sex with her and her husband (total fabrication of course) and OW came back with nearly the same story my wife gave me about what happened. Wifie hadn't talked to her by that point either, she'd just left the house, and her phone had 'kinda gotten broken' that morning Only time will tell if she can stay honest, I'm keeping a close eye on her so far and she knows it. It's been about 3 months so far.
Mimolicious Posted April 29, 2009 Posted April 29, 2009 Cheating is cheating but DAYUM! with the same gender, it's like double the pain. Personality and sexuality were not rocking the boat.
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