sugarmomma Posted April 24, 2009 Posted April 24, 2009 Why do I feel bad for ending the relationship with the guy who lives with his baby momma? I know that deep down I had to do it for me and not to hurt him. Also usually when I break up with a guy he starts begging me back but its been 2 weeks tomorrow and he hasn't. I think it may be my ego or my low self esteem or a combination of both. Why do I want someone who is in a relationship in the first place? Well I really don't because I ended it. I just want him to choose me I guess. I told him to work it out with her and get back to me. Now my ego is saying " he's never gonna come back now", which may not be a bad thing. I took away his supply so he was really upset when I ended it. I have had a couple good breakups where we were able to be civil and mature but he is acting like a big baby. Getting all fussy and punishing me with silence. Such a bummer.
Owl Posted April 24, 2009 Posted April 24, 2009 OK...how does he punish you with silence after you break up with him? If you're breaking it off with him...there should be silence. He's focusing on the life he's got in front of him...you're no longer part of that life. And this is what you should be doing as well, rather than speculating that he's somehow "punishing you" by giving you what you asked for. What are you doing to help yourself cope with this change? Working out? Spending time with family and friends? Filling the time that you used to spend with him in some other fashion? Focus on you...not him.
bentnotbroken Posted April 24, 2009 Posted April 24, 2009 Why do I feel bad for ending the relationship with the guy who lives with his baby momma? I know that deep down I had to do it for me and not to hurt him. Also usually when I break up with a guy he starts begging me back but its been 2 weeks tomorrow and he hasn't. I think it may be my ego or my low self esteem or a combination of both. Why do I want someone who is in a relationship in the first place? Well I really don't because I ended it. I just want him to choose me I guess. I told him to work it out with her and get back to me. Now my ego is saying " he's never gonna come back now", which may not be a bad thing. I took away his supply so he was really upset when I ended it. I have had a couple good breakups where we were able to be civil and mature but he is acting like a big baby. Getting all fussy and punishing me with silence. Such a bummer. Are you serious? From the bold parts, you are the one acting like a baby. Your ego isn't the only thing involved here. We are talking about the lives of other people, sshheessshhh! You want the ego boost of dumping him and then him begging you to take him back. You really do have some major self esteem issues. Maybe you should be working in that instead of pining for someone who wasn't available( and you told to beat it)to begin with.
Stepone Posted April 24, 2009 Posted April 24, 2009 Usually when you break up with someone, you say that they come begging after a short while. That's because usually when you break up with a man, he doesn't have a family to distract him from missing you..! Usually he has nothing if he doesn't have you! It's a bummer - am feeling it too - usually they are sitting all lonely in a room and missing you. This man is busy with his kids and possibly even trying to give it one last shot with his woman...... NC is hard because you just have no clue what he is thinking However from what you said before I think as he does sleep alone, it could be that is lying there every night craving you in his arms.... The upshot it, he knows where you is. Either he is not that bothered that you broke up, or he is devastated in which case he will be at your doorstep.... until he stops being a coward and does the right thing, you aren't interested! Don't feel bad. This way you get to know one way or another how he feels about you. The proof is in the actions! Now go do some yoga, grab some cocoa and watch a good film!
bentnotbroken Posted April 24, 2009 Posted April 24, 2009 Usually when you break up with someone, you say that they come begging after a short while. That's because usually when you break up with a man, he doesn't have a family to distract him from missing you..! Usually he has nothing if he doesn't have you! It's a bummer - am feeling it too - usually they are sitting all lonely in a room and missing you. This man is busy with his kids and possibly even trying to give it one last shot with his woman...... NC is hard because you just have no clue what he is thinking However from what you said before I think as he does sleep alone, it could be that is lying there every night craving you in his arms.... The upshot it, he knows where you is. Either he is not that bothered that you broke up, or he is devastated in which case he will be at your doorstep.... until he stops being a coward and does the right thing, you aren't interested! Don't feel bad. This way you get to know one way or another how he feels about you. The proof is in the actions! Now go do some yoga, grab some cocoa and watch a good film! Or he was lying out of his pie hole from the beginning. The only thing he is craving is doing others wrong.
RecordProducer Posted April 24, 2009 Posted April 24, 2009 You want the ego boost of dumping him and then him begging you to take him back. You really do have some major self esteem issues. Maybe you should be working in that instead of pining for someone who wasn't available( and you told to beat it)to begin with.I think you misunderstood her mention of the ego element. The ego is usually silent when we feel nothing for someone. If she didn't love him, she would acknowledge that he doesn't care about her and that would hurt, but she wouldn't be obsessing and posting about it. She loves a man who's involved and she was hoping that if she broke up with him, he'd decide to leave his baby mama and choose HER. She said deep down she knew she had to do it for her and not for him. But anywhere above deep down, she did it as a tool to get him - and it's a goof and fair tool; either sh*t or get of the pot. Of course, in this case there's another woman and a child involved; she should've never gotten herself into it. Sugarmama, apparently he chose his baby mama for now. It's only been two weeks, it's too soon, but I wouldn't have my hopes high. Keep NC. Frankly, I wish he stayed with her, because they have a child and I don't think a cheater is a good partner anyway. Start moving on. By the way, if he is wicked enough, he is keeping NC to make you miss him, because he knows that you probably miss him even more than he misses you (you're alone, he has a family). So when he contacts you in a few weeks or months, you'll be more than happy to become #2 again. If you're wise, even if he contacts you and says he wants you back and starts promising whatever, tell him "When you leave your wife, I might take you back, IF I am still available." If you buy his promises and start seeing him again, you will only teach him that he can have you both - and then, he'll never make up his mind. As somebody on this board told me once: men don't listen when you talk, they see what you do - if you talk, you show weakness. Show him what your point is. In this case, if YOU listen to HIS talk (promises), you're showing weakness.
bentnotbroken Posted April 24, 2009 Posted April 24, 2009 I didn't misunderstand her. I see something differently than you do.
Reggie Posted April 24, 2009 Posted April 24, 2009 Major bummer, dude. Get back in the saddle and look for a new conquest.
Author sugarmomma Posted April 24, 2009 Author Posted April 24, 2009 I think you misunderstood her mention of the ego element. The ego is usually silent when we feel nothing for someone. If she didn't love him, she would acknowledge that he doesn't care about her and that would hurt, but she wouldn't be obsessing and posting about it. She loves a man who's involved and she was hoping that if she broke up with him, he'd decide to leave his baby mama and choose HER. She said deep down she knew she had to do it for her and not for him. But anywhere above deep down, she did it as a tool to get him - and it's a goof and fair tool; either sh*t or get of the pot. Of course, in this case there's another woman and a child involved; she should've never gotten herself into it. Sugarmama, apparently he chose his baby mama for now. It's only been two weeks, it's too soon, but I wouldn't have my hopes high. Keep NC. Frankly, I wish he stayed with her, because they have a child and I don't think a cheater is a good partner anyway. Start moving on. By the way, if he is wicked enough, he is keeping NC to make you miss him, because he knows that you probably miss him even more than he misses you (you're alone, he has a family). So when he contacts you in a few weeks or months, you'll be more than happy to become #2 again. If you're wise, even if he contacts you and says he wants you back and starts promising whatever, tell him "When you leave your wife, I might take you back, IF I am still available." If you buy his promises and start seeing him again, you will only teach him that he can have you both - and then, he'll never make up his mind. As somebody on this board told me once: men don't listen when you talk, they see what you do - if you talk, you show weakness. Show him what your point is. In this case, if YOU listen to HIS talk (promises), you're showing weakness. I think you are right on with this opinion. You totally understand where I'm coming from. He knows that I miss him a lot but he will have all the power if I break down and call him. I will not pick up that phone send a text or anything else. I was just venting but like you said RP he has chosen her for now and may stick it out. I am okay with that but it doesn't change the fact that I miss him terribly. I am not listening to his promises. I listen to actions and that is why I had the strength to end it in the first place. RP I hope have my hopes too high at all and I think he may be a little wicked I appreciate all your comments and feedback.
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