Ruby Slippers Posted April 24, 2009 Posted April 24, 2009 This sucks. I just discovered a really cool band that inspires me a lot, and they totally remind me of my ex and his old band. I hardly ever find new bands I like, so this is unusual for me. We're both musicians and used to write songs about each other and play music together all the time. It was fun and sexy as hell and fabulous. We were about to start playing open mics together, and we had made a few demo recordings at my house. I have started writing again, and everything I write ends up being related to him somehow. Very annoying. Natural, I guess, but it annoys me and makes me sad. I was talking to a new friend, who does hypnotherapy, and he was telling me the best way to put an ex out of your mind is to focus on NEW things, rather than try to avoid focusing on the old. If you think "I'm not going to think about HIM", you're already thinking about him. I am trying to do that, but music brings up emotional reactions and makes me miss him a lot. Bleh.
sugarmomma Posted April 24, 2009 Posted April 24, 2009 I know how you feel. My ex and I had a cd that we loved toplay and since we broke up 13 days ago I have not listened to that cd at all. it takes time to get someone that you cared deeply for out of your mind. I even had a dream about him today and wanted to call as soon as I woke up. Thank God I didn't because that would have started everything over again. Just know that you are not alone and no need to repress your emotions trying to not think of 'him'. I think its healthy to keep someone in our hearts and knowing that eventually the pain will subside then you can focus on the pleasant memories. Now I understand that when you love someone you should let them go. In my case he had a girlfriend, so I had no other choice.
Trialbyfire Posted April 24, 2009 Posted April 24, 2009 Having similar interests or passions, really adds to a relationship. The double-edge to that what you're experiencing. It really sucks when that happens. I've had to create new memories and even completely stopped doing some of my hobbies, just to avoid the memories. Is there any possibility that you can avoid mutual genres of interest, at least until you've completely moved on?
LakesideDream Posted April 24, 2009 Posted April 24, 2009 Ruby, Sounds, Music, and Odors are three of the most powerful memory triggers. Believe me... they last a lifetime. Certain songs have "remained" emotional triggers for me for more than 40 years now. Ditto the odor of "Herbal Essence" shampoo/conditioner. For me... it's never changed.
Author Ruby Slippers Posted April 25, 2009 Author Posted April 25, 2009 Is there any possibility that you can avoid mutual genres of interest, at least until you've completely moved on? No way. Playing and writing music is my main creative outlet. When I'm not doing it, I get down and out. It keeps me healthy and happy. I guess I am just going to have to learn to deal with it. I totally agree that music is a potent trigger of emotions. I am starting to warm up to the idea of dating for fun this spring and summer. I think this might help. We'll see.
BW007 Posted April 25, 2009 Posted April 25, 2009 I wish you were my neighbor because all my life I have looked for that type of musical partner. Anyways, pour yourself into the music as a good catharsis. With my recent breakup, I have not felt like picking up the guitar because it is still kind of too raw to address yet and I don't know if it will help yet. Maybe try some songwriting exercises about random subjects, no love songs for a bit......Write a song about bowling....or spiders.....or your backyard.... or a roadtrip, you get the idea, then maybe circle back and write a song about your ex on your next album.
EmperorR Posted April 25, 2009 Posted April 25, 2009 I've had to erase my ipod because 90% of the songs reminds me of both of my exes. Time to find new music I guess:)
steve38 Posted April 25, 2009 Posted April 25, 2009 Yeah, certain songs trigger bad emotions. I recently had an ex look me up after 17 years and we chatted a bit and she kept playing old songs for me. Songs I avoided for all those years. It made me realize that avoidance is not the answer. You gotta take that stuff head on and build up some scar tissue. If a song or movie or whatever makes you sad, just keep with it and get it all out until you don't feel it anymore. Then you will laugh and feel dumb that it ever made you sad in the first place Edit: unless, of course, you don't want to move on.
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