Isolde Posted April 24, 2009 Posted April 24, 2009 Ok. I'm going to try to be diplomatic here, because I really like the majority of you guys and think you do your best to give sound advice. I feel like for whatever reason, there's some (maybe unintentionally) condescending attitudes towards younger (under 27 or so) posters on LS. I realize that most of us haven't had a lot of experience, that some of us may be naive in certain ways, or simply not have attained the level of perspective and understanding that those in your thirties have reached. However, we're people too, with basically the same reasons for being on this site, and the same emotional needs. So the main thing I want to get across is that sometimes when younger posters try to give advice, it isn't well taken because we're young, even though in some cases our perspectives may be just as legitimate as older people's (or even moreso, given the number of trolls who frequent the site). While it's true that at times we may lack depth or wisdom, being told we don't have it is sort of like a slap in the face--like being told the sky is blue and it's our fault, or something. Also, not as often but occasionally, younger posters are ridiculed for being immature, which is really rather unconstructive. While I don't think the early twenties are the time to be focussing on marriage, many, many people my age are capable of finding and sustaining long term relationships that do require certain levels of maturity, and there is simply so much variation in how mature people from around 22-27 are. Again, I like you guys, I really do. I just wanted to provide this perspective so you understand how younger posters (or at least, I myself) feel when we're not taken seriously.
SpanksTheMonkey Posted April 24, 2009 Posted April 24, 2009 I don't even know most others ages in here dose it really come up that much?
Citizen Erased Posted April 24, 2009 Posted April 24, 2009 It long ago became obvious to me that my opinion, when different from others, would be put down to me being too young. And if I agreed with them, well then I'm wonderfully mature for my age. Just wait for the day that you too will be able to bring out the "ah, you're a bit young aren't you?" Or the thread where you can say "um, you're a little too old to have an opinion on this..."
Jake Barnes Posted April 24, 2009 Posted April 24, 2009 It long ago became obvious to me that my opinion, when different from others, would be put down to me being too young. And if I agreed with them, well then I'm wonderfully mature for my age. Just wait for the day that you too will be able to bring out the "ah, you're a bit young aren't you?" Or the thread where you can say "um, you're a little too old to have an opinion on this..." you still sleep with stuffed animals
carhill Posted April 24, 2009 Posted April 24, 2009 though in some cases our perspectives may be just as legitimate as older people's (or even moreso, given the number of trolls who frequent the site)Are you calling me old? I'm definitely condescending, so no offense taken there....
Star Gazer Posted April 24, 2009 Posted April 24, 2009 I guess it's one of those "ya have to be there" levels of understanding. The vast majority of one's maturation occurs in their 20's. Not to say that you're not mature in your own right for your age and experience level, but I suggest you come back here once you're in your 30's, and let me know if you feel the same way as you do now.
kdark Posted April 24, 2009 Posted April 24, 2009 I agree, Isolde. Being told to "wait until you are older and more mature" doesn't feel good and isn't very good advice. And I think just the fact that someone has come to this site regularly and has regularly posted well thought out and connstructive arguements/advice speaks volumes about that persons maturity level. We are all here out of a desire to seek information/advice on relationships, and being told that your opinion and feelings don't matter because you are too young is very belittling. I broke up with my ex because she wasn't mature enough for a serious relationship, and I was 21 and she was 26.
Citizen Erased Posted April 24, 2009 Posted April 24, 2009 you still sleep with stuffed animals Thank you very much for displaying the exact condescension Isolde was talking about in her OP. And you still hump your pillow.
Author Isolde Posted April 24, 2009 Author Posted April 24, 2009 StarGazer, that isn't the point. The point is what kdark said: We've come here to get and give constructive advice. It's not like we're throwing some sort of proverbial college party on LS and disrespecting the rights and statements of older posters. In fact, I give a LOT of weight to what older posters say, considering of course that they're all individuals and all have different experiences to offer. I'm not arguing that we still have growing up to do. I'm arguing that we still have legitimate reasons to be on this site and as such, condescending comments can make us feel awkward.
Jake Barnes Posted April 24, 2009 Posted April 24, 2009 Thank you very much for displaying the exact condescension Isolde was talking about in her OP. And you still hump your pillow. so you admit that you still sleep with stuffed animals
Author Isolde Posted April 24, 2009 Author Posted April 24, 2009 Are you calling me old? I'm definitely condescending, so no offense taken there.... Nah, you're not condescending. You tend to be very gentle with your comments, even if I don't always understand them.
Trialbyfire Posted April 24, 2009 Posted April 24, 2009 If it's any consolation to both you and C_E, I forget how old the two of you are.
MN randomguy Posted April 24, 2009 Posted April 24, 2009 I would say that I've seen a lot of two attitudes. !. My opinion is so much more valuable because I've done it wrong in the past and everyone else has to as well. 2. You are just like me when I was your age. You must think exactly as I did when I was your age. I think Isolde makes a good point to say that everyone matures at different rates. We shouldn't judge people for what they're looking for.
Citizen Erased Posted April 24, 2009 Posted April 24, 2009 If it's any consolation to both you and C_E, I forget how old the two of you are. I don't think I have ever had you bring up my age, even when we have disagreed. Now I know why, you forgot!
carhill Posted April 24, 2009 Posted April 24, 2009 even if I don't always understand them. That's the condescending part. You really need to talk to my wife. She reads my posts and says exactly the same thing, except for the gentle part OK, seriously, I'm nearly always impressed by the maturity of the younger posters, and especially by those who use complete sentences and paragraphs
Trialbyfire Posted April 24, 2009 Posted April 24, 2009 I don't think I have ever had you bring up my age, even when we have disagreed. Now I know why, you forgot! It's a symptom of old age!
IrishCarBomb Posted April 24, 2009 Posted April 24, 2009 Sometimes there is no answer. You just gotta figure it out for yourself. I agree about the condescending point though... some people prefer ridiculing over offering constructive advice.
kdark Posted April 24, 2009 Posted April 24, 2009 I guess it's one of those "ya have to be there" levels of understanding. The vast majority of one's maturation occurs in their 20's. Not to say that you're not mature in your own right for your age and experience level, but I suggest you come back here once you're in your 30's, and let me know if you feel the same way as you do now. Of course a person isn't going to feel the same after a decade of time. I'll bet you carhill feels different than when he was ten years younger. Same with any of the other "older" posters on this site. It all depends on the person. For example, because I am a male under 25 in America, I have to pay a ridiculously higher amount on my car insurance, because I am supposed to be speeding, drinking and driving, and street racing, all because that's what research has shown my age to do. Nevermind that I've never had a ticket or been in an accident since I started driving at age 16. Age isn't the end all be all that shows how mature you are.
Star Gazer Posted April 24, 2009 Posted April 24, 2009 If it's any consolation to both you and C_E, I forget how old the two of you are. I agree, at least from a style and empathy standpoint. I'm excited to see them evolve even further though... that is, assuming they even stick around long enough for us to see it.
Jake Barnes Posted April 24, 2009 Posted April 24, 2009 It's a symptom of old age! She was born when you were listening to Debbie Gibson and wearing jean jackets
Author Isolde Posted April 24, 2009 Author Posted April 24, 2009 LOL @ TBF. You know, I sort of do understand, because I feel a LOT older and more experienced than high schoolers for instance. But the difference is that high schoolers are rarely capable of sustaining a relationship, where people out of college are much moreso. One more time, I'm not trying to underestimate the changes that occur in the twenties, or ask to be considered as if I was your age, I just think that most of the younger posters who post regularly are actually looking for a serious and healthy relationship.
Citizen Erased Posted April 24, 2009 Posted April 24, 2009 Aw TBF you're not old, just older. I agree, at least from a style and empathy standpoint. I'm excited to see them evolve even further though... that is, assuming they even stick around long enough for us to see it. LS would have to leave before I do.
carhill Posted April 24, 2009 Posted April 24, 2009 I'll bet you carhill feels different than when he was ten years younger. Far, far different, like in a different galaxy. That's the cool thing about life. You grow and grow and then you die. Make it count. Right now, this minute, even with the challenges, I wouldn't want to be any other age.
kdark Posted April 24, 2009 Posted April 24, 2009 LOL @ TBF. You know, I sort of do understand, because I feel a LOT older and more experienced than high schoolers for instance. But the difference is that high schoolers are rarely capable of sustaining a relationship, where people out of college are much moreso. One more time, I'm not trying to underestimate the changes that occur in the twenties, or ask to be considered as if I was your age, I just think that most of the younger posters who post regularly are actually looking for a serious and healthy relationship. We wouldn't be here if we weren't...
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