subi99 Posted April 24, 2009 Posted April 24, 2009 Heres the deal, and its pretty confusing i guess so bear with me. My best friend and I recently came open about having feelings for eachother. I really like this girl, and i know that it is pretty mutual, but she just recently broke up with her boyfriend of two years. The kid she broke up with has been nasty to her. He lied to her for 6 months about smoking weed, then recently left her for another girl. Now, hes trying to get back with his ex, and has even begged me to let him go to prom with her. He constantly calls her, and after not talking for a week or two, shell talk to him now. She tells me she likes me, and I really feel like she does, but shes also told me that she still loves him. Im pretty worried, along with a lot of her friends, that they will end up back together. Nobody likes the kid after what hes done to her, and nobody wants her to take him back, but she still loves him, which is expected i guess after two years. She tells him she wants to stay apart, but how can i make her lean towards me? and how can i convince her not to be with the kid? after all, he has put her through hell. I, along with all her friends, don't want her to fall back into this trap again.
AdrianaLima Posted April 24, 2009 Posted April 24, 2009 Well if she has really strong feelings for this guy, it's going to be very difficult for you to try to convince her to not be with him. She needs time to heal, so she can figure out exactly what she wants. She may like you, but her heart is still with the other guy. So don't get too attached to her. She recently broke up, she's vulnerable, and you're there to give her some attention that she's in need of, because of her lonliness. So don't get too close to her.
Author subi99 Posted April 24, 2009 Author Posted April 24, 2009 Yeah, I especially dont want to see her hurt again. Hes trying to pull guilt trips on her and she keeps telling him no so he keeps getting pissed. Since theyve split, hes hooked up with this one girl numerous times. The girl he just broke up with asked him how he would feel if she hooked up with someone, and he said hed put the guy in the hospital. So i hope he doesnt find out hah. Do people say that a lot/will he work out of it you think? I feel like hes just trying to get into her head, cause hes done it before. He cant take what he dished out.
colosseum Posted April 24, 2009 Posted April 24, 2009 I know where you stand, because I've been there before. But frankly man, I think you should try to drop this one for your own sake. AdrianaLima is right: you're giving her the attention she needs, and going to be the crutch she uses to lengthen the healing process. You don't want to be that crutch, for your own happiness/enjoyment and for her own sake--you want her to walk straight w/o a crutch. This is a difficult situation because you like her but want this drama to stop. Unfortunately, she's in a rebound and she's looking for attention, and this stupid ex of her's is not going to let this drama stop. You really want to be part of this? Honestly in my opinion, bite the bullet and don't be her crutch. If anything, be really tough with her; tell her she has to stop talking to him, talking ABOUT him, and that you really don't want to deal with this. This will definitely make her reflect and figure out what she wants, and maybe even want to chase after you--the good guy. IMO, you should just move on and pick some other really cute girl to be with. Don't try to be her hero or savior, that's only going to hurt YOU more in the end because you're going to be in the midst of all this drama. You don't want to be--you just want to have fun. Hope this helps. Best of luck to you.
jadelil25 Posted April 24, 2009 Posted April 24, 2009 The best thing you can do is be there for her as a friend and nothing else. She is going to need all the good friends that she can get for the moment to help her and support her through her heartbreak. This is going to take her some time to get over him and if she loves him she is not going to see the bad and want to get back with him. Also because she still loves him and wants him it means that she is not ready for another relationship. She either wants to get back with him and if she doesnt she needs to be single for a while. She needs to get over him, have fun with her friends and enjoy being single for a while. Also because she is a good friend you should leave it at that and find someone else. It is not good to get in a relationship with a friend, it can work out and be good but there is also the very strong chance that it will not work out which means you will loose a girl friend and a good friend. She will appreciate you more if you be there for her as a friend, listen to her and comfort her and have fun with her as just a friend. It is the best thing to do.
manugeorge Posted April 24, 2009 Posted April 24, 2009 You can't *convince* her of anything. Neither can any of her friends. She is her own person, she can decide, in her own time, who she really wants to be with. It's hard watching loved ones make bad choices or decisions, it's like watching a train wreck about to happen but not being able to stop it. But that's the way life works, people, adults, are ultimately responsible for their own lives, train wrecks and all. All you can do is just be supportive as a friend, so that when the other shoes drops with this ex of hers, which it eventually will. She will have friends around her to comfort her. Which is not to say you should wait around pining for her, live your life too.
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