Aerorobyn Posted April 23, 2009 Posted April 23, 2009 I have so much stress in my life right now, but this breakup has got to be the most stressful thing in my life, as well as the most emotional. This guy wasn't even my first love...but he's the only one I felt was The One. This Saturday (the 25th) will mark the 6 week mark of our breakup. I've been back in NC for 10 or 11 days now, though I still see him twice a week (Tuesdays and Thursdays) in class. But we do not speak. At all. It pains me. Really, truly, a lot. I've accepted that things are over, and having NC has helped me some. But it will never help me completely. Nothing will help. I've packed everything away that he gave me, but that doesn't do anything for me. I've gone out on two dates since, and I've talked to other guys, but I always see his face! I always think of holding him, kissing him, hugging him. I only want him. I want this guy. I don't need him at all--I know I'm capable of living without him. But I don't want to! I'm still so in love with him. I honestly thought he was The One for me. There was something different about him, something I truly loved. What makes it worse is, I go on my Myspace and Facebook, and I see three of my friends have recently reconciled with their ex's. THREE! The longest amount of time for those three and their breakups was 6 months. The other two had a shorter breakup time-frame (2-4 months). WHY can't I have a second chance? Everybody else seems to get at least one...why not me? I thought he loved me too, but apparently not. He hasn't tried contacting me at all (except a Happy Birthday email last week)...and he ignores me in class. Jesus. I just want him back. I just want one more try at things. But deep down I know it will never happen...and it's killing me. I'm really sucking at life right now. I can't go on like this much longer. I don't want anybody else, I don't want to fall in love again. Only with him... It seems every other man out there comes running back, asking for a second go at things...why wont my ex? Love hates me.
GorillaTheater Posted April 23, 2009 Posted April 23, 2009 Stick to NC. In the long run it's the one thing that will leave you sane and with self-respect. But mainly I wanted to post to let you know how glad I am that you're still with us and hanging in there. Hugs, Robyn.
anne1707 Posted April 23, 2009 Posted April 23, 2009 I don't need him at all--I know I'm capable of living without him. Robyn It still so early in the break up and whilst doing NC, it is made harder because you see him in class but just think of what you have said above. You don't need him. You can live without him. As for all those "reunions" on MySpace etc well they are in the absolute minority and will very likely fail. If you look on the Second Chances forum in here you will see there are loads of people not getting back together. Forget about them and focus on yourself. It is good that you have had a couple of dates. The fact that they did not work out is also fine. It is still too soon for you but at least you got took that chance and showed that you want a life. You will meet someone else. Someone who loves you and wants to be with you more than anything else.
Author Aerorobyn Posted April 23, 2009 Author Posted April 23, 2009 Gorilla-- Yes, I'm still here. I can't bring myself to do that right now, especially since we just found out my great-grandmother doesn't have much longer. Putting my family at two funerals back-to-back wouldn't be very pleasant. But in all honesty, I don't know what to do. I honestly can't cope with things, but at the same time I don't want to end my life when I have family I'd be leaving behind. Anne-- What do I do from here? I've been trying to focus on myself. I've done everything I could to help me get my mind off of things, but the thought of him is constantly weighing me down. I know it has only been a month, but...I think a year from now I'll still be feeling the same way. My aunt recently told me to keep some hope alive, that he may come back. But I doubt it. That's what hurts...is that I know deep down I will never get that second chance. The he doesn't/didn't love me enough to give "us" another shot.
wuggle Posted April 23, 2009 Posted April 23, 2009 Robyn , look deep into my eyes, TRUST ME, things will get better. I would be willing to stake my fur on it. You will get over this guy, and you will find someone else you love even more. I know it doesn't feel that way now, but it is true. Stick with it , get out there , and wait for your future husband to smile at you. p.s eat lots of chocolate then go for long runs
anne1707 Posted April 23, 2009 Posted April 23, 2009 It sounds hard, even impossible, but you really do have to just force yourself to get up and function. Over time you will realise that you are not just functioning, and that you are actually living. You will find that you have gone for an hour without thinking about him. From that time on you will begin to get stronger and more positive. Don't think about what your aunt has said - I am sure she means well but you cannot live like that hoping for something that will probably never happen. You need to live for yourself not him.
Author Aerorobyn Posted April 23, 2009 Author Posted April 23, 2009 The only reason my aunt said that was because of the things my ex said when he broke off. Like, he didn't really sound like he knew what he wanted. At first he said that he "hopes we're not over forever" ...And then, after I made him angry with all of my begging, he said, "yes, its done forever; just move on with your life" ...She seems to think he said that because he was angry. But I don't know. I tend to think that the actual truth comes out in anger. I've been living life the fullest that I can at the moment. Those two dates didn't work out, no...but they're new people in my lives now, as friends. I really don't want to be back out on the dating scene. I mean--there's one guy I wouldn't mind going on a date with, but it wont happen. And I don't see how I could ever trust a man again. Sheesh--my ex was telling me how much he loved me and wanted to marry me just two hours before he broke it off. If love can change so drastically within a two hour time frame...then I really don't want to fall in love again.
wuggle Posted April 23, 2009 Posted April 23, 2009 ....then I really don't want to fall in love again. Love is wonderful, fantastic, crap, rubbish, red, pink, black, cold, hot. It is everything in life that is worth living for. For now, for you, it's crap. At some point in the future it will be wonderful again. Look after yourself until love finds you again and don't be scared when it does. Always keep yourself open to the possibility of wonderfulness, no matter how long you have to wait. (oh and don't eat TOO much chocolate, you'll be running forever )
dt311unity Posted April 23, 2009 Posted April 23, 2009 I just wanted to let you know that I am right there with you right now. You can read my post titled "words of wisdom" in the "breaks and breaking up" page. My girlfriend and recent fiance of 5yrs. decided she needs to figure things out with herself and ended our relationship. The last two weeks of my life have been hell. Trouble sleeping, eating, and just everyday thinking has been my life for the last few weeks. It's been extra hard because she doesn't really know what she wants and still seems like there is hope for us in the future. Last night I told her on the phone it would be best if we didn't talk until next week. It's too hard for me when we do because I love her so much. I choose her and thought we would be together forever. I know I will get through this and so will you. Whether we end up back with our exes or not there is always something to live for. We are both capable of living on our own and being happy. That is what life is about, being happy and enjoying yourself. It won't be easy but everyday you need to think about yourself and what you can do to make yourself happy. I started reading, working out more, and trying to catch up with old friends that I haven't talked to for awhile. Trust me we will be fine. It's just going to take some time...
anni1979 Posted April 24, 2009 Posted April 24, 2009 First off - hugs hugs hugs hugs. Big hugs. Lots of them. You poor thing... I can't believe you have to see him twice a week. I've been NC for 5 weeks now, and yesterday I saw his tiny little (new) profile pic on facebook (I missed deleting a couple of his comments on some of my older pictures). Anyway, seeing that little picture had me distraught and crying - I can't imagine having to see him twice a week! I'm not going to say anything about how you can get through this, it just takes time, etc. All I want to say is: that sounds really really really hard. And I'm sending you big big hugs.
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