Awesome84 Posted April 23, 2009 Posted April 23, 2009 I wrote this when I used to be in love with a MM. Granted we were friends for years before he got married. And I loved him before then. I ALMOST became the OW but was strong enough to let it go. That's all over and done with but the pain still remains. I know I know. I know that what this is ISN’T real. I know that I will get hurt. I know. I know that in the end, I won’t be there. I know that I am imagining your love for me. I know that I am being a bit nieve. I know that you truly don’t care enough. I know that your love isn’t there. I know that one day this will all end. I know. I know that guys like you don’t exist. I know that being nice to me is all an act. I know that everyone has a motive. I know that I am still learning. I know that in the process, I get hurt. I know. I know that I am imagining we have a lot in common. I know I am imagining that there is spark. I know that friendships die like this. I know that we may not ever be truly friends. I know. I know that even though I think it might not be real, I know that I wish it was. I know that I really do care for you deeply. I know that you may care just a little bit, But I know It’s not enough. I know that I have morals and standards. I know that I can’t deal with being your side dish, I know that you will never leave for me, This I know. I know that maybe I might love you, But I also know that you more than likely don’t love ME.
Author Awesome84 Posted April 23, 2009 Author Posted April 23, 2009 I fixed it. For those of you who tried to read it before I fixed it. It was hard to read because I copied and pasted it from a MS Word Doc.
sugarmomma Posted April 23, 2009 Posted April 23, 2009 I was really having a hard time today wanting to call the x who has a girlfriend. I just even woke up from a dream about him and even in the dream he was unavailable. I am really having a hard time because I got some bad news about my finances and I wanted tocall him and cry. I read this and haven't been able to stop crying yet. It is so true and I just have to accept that. I am so glad I didn't call and I turned my phone off because I really can't deal with people at all today. I really needed this. Just shook me to the core because it is so true. Everytime I feel like calling him I am gonna read this. Thanks Awesome!!
confusedinkansas Posted April 23, 2009 Posted April 23, 2009 My PA has been over for years now -- He does creep into my mind from on occasion (actually saw him driving yesterday - so he has been on my mind a bit today) Thank you SO much for putting this here. It is all SO true for my situation as well. NOW, I push him to the back of my mind again:D....Where he belongs!!
Author Awesome84 Posted April 23, 2009 Author Posted April 23, 2009 Glad I could help. I read this today and realized that I had to post it. I am not currently an OW but alot of times I come to the OM/OW forum but don't post anything. But it interests me in reading other people's stories without judgement. I still love him but keep him at a far far distance and we are in different cities now. He calls sometimes to see how I am doing. And he found me on Facebook. I contemplated not accepting him as a friend. But when I did, the pain came back when I saw pictures of him and his wife.
Stepone Posted April 23, 2009 Posted April 23, 2009 Was considering starting a thread here tonight begging for advice on how to get through this NC time - it's been 15 days now and am in the most intolerable pain of my life. But that poem is all the advice I need for tonight. Thank you for reminding me why I ended it. Thank you for showing me I am not alone. Thank you for removing him from this pedestal I have him on, if only for these few moments. He used to come round this evening every week for a quick fumble before picking the girls up from dancing and I am feeling so lonely without it - "lunch hour" syndrome I suppose in your language! I still instinctively hoover round and spray on perfume....... Wish I had your talent for outing and expressing the truth! Post more poetry!
Recommended Posts