Twist Posted April 23, 2009 Posted April 23, 2009 So I don't know where to start. I guess let's begin by saying that I want another chance. I want to keep my relationship going with my now ex-girlfriend. I guess let's go into a little history. This is a long distance relationship. We met online. We've been seeing each other for more than two years. I've visited her many times and shes come here a few times too. Before the break up I did what I shouldn't have done. I flooded her with spam, calls, msgs and just being pathetic. I also constantly said that I want to change etc. I know hopes of getting back together are becoming slim because of it. I also realised a little too late about what was wrong in our relationship. I started trying to fix what was wrong but by that time she was already in the "I don't know if I still love you" phase but I was unaware of this. So I must have came off as desperately trying to change to save what's already broken. I knew some thing had to be done because if I sat around and did nothing I would lose her. I had planned to go visit her to try to show that there's still life in this relationship. But when I told her everything went downhill. Which lead to the break up phone call. During the call I tried to play it cool because I knew it was coming. We argued a bit and pointed fingers. But I tried to calmly switch the subject so that we didn't break up arguing. I told her that I still love her with all my heart and that this hurts a lot. I told her that I didn't mean that I would change because I can't change who I am but I have learned from my mistakes and become a better man because of them. I told her I was sorry for everything I've done. ( I actually said I was sorry for this I was sorry for that, pretty much a list of everything I knew I did wrong ) I told her that if she wants to take me back at any point I'm willing to come back. She says that she still wants to be friends and I told her that I would love that too and that she could turn to me for anything. I don't know if I did it right...... this is my first ever break up and it hurts like hell. I tried my best to make it so that I still have that chance to get back with her. I was crushed with so many emotions, mostly pain. So I don't know if I did the right thing. I don't know if it was in the right direction to slowly move myself back into her heart. What should I do? Should do NC? She says she still wants to talk to me a lot and be friends. Do I ignore her and make it look like I'm busy and just leave short sweet responses? I don't know what to do from here. Sorry for my grammar mistake and spelling I'm not in the mood for reading back what I wrote. Sorry I don't know why the site is making this post to a huge wall-of-text.
madgun68 Posted April 24, 2009 Posted April 24, 2009 Twist, Never try to be a friend to an ex you want a second chance with. Your head will not be in the right place for a friendship. Not only that, but by becoming a friend allows them to keep you around while they're free to explore other people. It allows them to keep a part of the relationship with you while seeking others to fulfill the rest. (It might even reach a point where they'll try to tell you about their new love interests.) Your best bet is to either go completely NC or extremely limited contact. The best chance any ex has of coming back is to feel your absence and what has been lost. If you are going with LC, make sure to keep responses short. Not sweet, but not rude either. (Almost business-like.) Let her feel a distance that can't be measured geographically. And don't respond to anything right away.. Always wait at least a couple of days before responding. In the mean time, focus on you. Reconnect with friends.. hobbies.. whatever. Who knows.. You may even realize one day that you don't want her back. Good luck.
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