gypsy_nicky Posted April 23, 2009 Posted April 23, 2009 Hi, been browsing these forums for a while decided to join now. Looking back at my past relationships, Ive had a common denominator with most of the women Ive gone out with: Every time I ask them out I don't get a straight "yes" or "no" its usually "Ill get back to you", "Ill think about it-let you know soon". Its always something in between. My first ex and the succeeding ones (not many btw) always answered me with the mentioned statements when asking for the first date (I don't come on hard just ask them casually). I'm very perplexed by this. My good mates tell me that when the girl answers this way its usually a "no" in a gentler way, but I'm quick to refute in saying that I've gotten together with some of the women who gave me this sort of answer. Why does this happen? Am I approaching wrong or do I give off some negative vibe? Attractiveness not strong enough (not saying I'm ugly)? (btw, I'm posting this because i recently asked a woman out and I got the same response again!)
beautiful2see Posted April 23, 2009 Posted April 23, 2009 well first of all, how long do u know them b4 u ask them out?
Author gypsy_nicky Posted April 23, 2009 Author Posted April 23, 2009 forgot to answer this one. I guess not really very well (maybe a little bit more above acquaintance) but well enough to ask them out?
beautiful2see Posted April 23, 2009 Posted April 23, 2009 forgot to answer this one. I guess not really very well (maybe a little bit more above acquaintance) but well enough to ask them out? Maybe u should start 2 know the girls better, and actually sit down n have a convo with them b4 asking them out, and may i ask where do u meet them at
Author gypsy_nicky Posted April 23, 2009 Author Posted April 23, 2009 Well I do know them well enough I guess-I do get convos from them. That's why I ask. Are you getting at "friends first" then ask them out? Is there like a longevity feeling out period before asking (weeks to months)? I thought were just supposed to put things on the table and wait for a yes or no. I meet them through work, uni or friends. Meeting women at clubs and bars, not really cos I don't frequent paces like that
LucreziaBorgia Posted April 23, 2009 Posted April 23, 2009 It might be your body language. Exactly what do you say and how do you say it when you are asking a girl out? Think back to the last time, and remember how you were standing, what your hands were doing, the direction of your feet, your eye contact, etc. Sometimes a certain set of body language signals will get you a 'no' or a 'half no' every time.
Author gypsy_nicky Posted April 23, 2009 Author Posted April 23, 2009 I never really paid attention to body language, what I can remember with the recent one is my hands were behind my back. Can you cite examples?
Ruby Slippers Posted April 23, 2009 Posted April 23, 2009 It's a nice way of saying no. They don't want to go out with you but don't want to hurt your feelings. There is probably something off with your approach: when, how... something.
Author gypsy_nicky Posted April 23, 2009 Author Posted April 23, 2009 I understand its a nice way of saying no. But then how do you explain some of the women that I manage to hold a steady relationship with when initially asked for a first date they're fickle?
samspade Posted April 24, 2009 Posted April 24, 2009 Don't ask. Suggest, as in "we should go out next week." Asking is seeking permission. Tell her what you think you two should do, and if she doesn't want to, she'll say no. And when you suggest a date, make sure it's with a definite time/place/activity. "I'm checking out the art exhibit next Tuesday, you should come along. It'll be fun." (Unless you are talking about the asking for the number part of it...then just say "give me your number, I'll give a call" and leave it at that til you call her.) When you deliver an imperative instead of asking permission, you will get a more definite "yes" or "no thank you." And you will be more masculine doing it.
Chrome Barracuda Posted April 24, 2009 Posted April 24, 2009 Yeah mayn you gotta change your tatics, read their body language, read their expressions, if you feel the signals are coming in loud and clear just ask. if not, then dont. They often say that a woman within the first 10 minutes of meeting you knows she's gonna give you the drawers. If you want to be in them drawers you gotta do things differently, do you exhude confidence and are more aggressive in your approach?
mr.dream merchant Posted April 24, 2009 Posted April 24, 2009 Carry a gun on you like Loc Dog from Don't Be A Menace In South Central While Drinking Your Juice In The Hood, you'll most definitely get them digits.
Author gypsy_nicky Posted April 24, 2009 Author Posted April 24, 2009 Don't ask. Suggest, as in "we should go out next week." Asking is seeking permission. Tell her what you think you two should do, and if she doesn't want to, she'll say no. And when you suggest a date, make sure it's with a definite time/place/activity. "I'm checking out the art exhibit next Tuesday, you should come along. It'll be fun." (Unless you are talking about the asking for the number part of it...then just say "give me your number, I'll give a call" and leave it at that til you call her.) When you deliver an imperative instead of asking permission, you will get a more definite "yes" or "no thank you." And you will be more masculine doing it. I don't usually ask for the number just straight out ask them out. This my friend is what I think what's wrong with my approach. I couldn't pinpoint it. I think its permissive what I used to do, "do you wanna have coffee some time". I'll see how it goes. Btw, can it also be your physical appearance plays you down, that's why you get a no or a fickle answer? (I'm not implying I'm ugly, just that most average looking guys do have to try somewhat harder like their homely peers because were in-between in the looks department).
Loxx Posted April 24, 2009 Posted April 24, 2009 Dont ask them. Be playful and intrested in them, they will let you know if they want to go out. Well i think most woman. That didnt sound like great advice. Let me rephrase it. Just like every situation man or woman, you must build Rapport with them first before they want to go. Playful Humor is the best way to build rapport with a woman, in my opinion. Confidence in yourself. Not the condifence many people mix up with arrogance. Confidence helps others feel comfortable in social situations. My guess is your not giving off the right vibe. Too serious? Make her laugh and smile and once you have some rapport with her then ask.
tkgirl Posted April 24, 2009 Posted April 24, 2009 I don't usually ask for the number just straight out ask them out. This my friend is what I think what's wrong with my approach. I couldn't pinpoint it. I think its permissive what I used to do, "do you wanna have coffee some time". I'll see how it goes. Btw, can it also be your physical appearance plays you down, that's why you get a no or a fickle answer? (I'm not implying I'm ugly, just that most average looking guys do have to try somewhat harder like their homely peers because were in-between in the looks department). well, you said most of these girls end up going out with you... become your girlfriend etc... so you must be doing something right! it must be the way you ask them out that... like you are unsure you about it... that lends to their unsure response. Or another thing is maybe these girls are really interested and don't want to come off to eager. I know I've acted like that before when a guy I really like would ask me out... it's sort of a game but I wanted to make it sound like I had other options, you know? Thinking about it now I'm sure it must have been very frustrating for the guy not knowing what was up with me! So I say don't worry about it... it could just be that these girls really do like you a lot.. so it's a good thing!
colosseum Posted April 24, 2009 Posted April 24, 2009 It might be your body language. Exactly what do you say and how do you say it when you are asking a girl out? Think back to the last time, and remember how you were standing, what your hands were doing, the direction of your feet, your eye contact, etc. Sometimes a certain set of body language signals will get you a 'no' or a 'half no' every time. Like the above post, you're doing something right. Maybe it's just the approach. I know girls may respond that way when you (any approaching person) comes off a bit too strongly (maybe too eager, desperate) but they still want to consider it. That's why the body language--what you say and how you say it and what your posture is like--is pretty important. Just as an example, if you're really leaning in, looking into her eyes, and opening your stance toward her, while a conversation may be carrying on it may come off as pretty intense/overwhelming. (oh I've done that before and it's been pretty miserable, haha) But if you're laughing, casual, and more relaxed about it, they may be more receptive. That said, while you may not be able to conceal every bodily expression (nor should you want to--it's natural!) being aware of it is an important first step. But again, you're doing something right--you're not NOT getting with ladies...
Author gypsy_nicky Posted April 30, 2009 Author Posted April 30, 2009 Like the above post, you're doing something right. Maybe it's just the approach. I know girls may respond that way when you (any approaching person) comes off a bit too strongly (maybe too eager, desperate) but they still want to consider it. That's why the body language--what you say and how you say it and what your posture is like--is pretty important. Just as an example, if you're really leaning in, looking into her eyes, and opening your stance toward her, while a conversation may be carrying on it may come off as pretty intense/overwhelming. (oh I've done that before and it's been pretty miserable, haha) But if you're laughing, casual, and more relaxed about it, they may be more receptive. That said, while you may not be able to conceal every bodily expression (nor should you want to--it's natural!) being aware of it is an important first step. But again, you're doing something right--you're not NOT getting with ladies... Yeah I just realized my body language tends to display how I'm feeling i.e if I really like a girl my body language gives it away too quickly. ok so I'm coming off too strongly. Do women view this as desperate? Surprised about that. I do ask casually but.
cyril's fan Posted April 30, 2009 Posted April 30, 2009 I never really paid attention to body language, what I can remember with the recent one is my hands were behind my back. Can you cite examples? I'm not a big fan of the hands behind the back. No offense but that seems a bit rigid to me.
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