You'reasian Posted April 28, 2009 Posted April 28, 2009 I don't think he's looking to date you in the same way you want to date him. If he'd wanted to date you, he would have called at some point this week and asked you out for the weekend. And he probably was out with someone else this weekend, which is why he didn't ask you out. So, knowing that he isn't thinking of you in the same way you're thinking of him, and he doesn't want the same things you want, you're better off forgetting about him as a romantic prospect. Date other people. My guess is you won't drop him, though, no matter what anyone here suggests. You'll take his calls, you'll go out if he asks you, and you'll probably have sex with him again. You'll hope that if you keep seeing him, that he'll start to fall for you and become your bf. So, I'll just tell you to do whatever you're comfortable with. Just don't stop dating other guys. Because he'll be seeing other women, too, and you shouldn't pass up other men you might like while holding out for this one. Don't make him the only man in your life when he hasn't done that for you. She only dates nice guys
tkgirl Posted April 29, 2009 Posted April 29, 2009 Well I wanted to send it because I'm going to run into him and if I don't I'll always wonder if he is going to call, have false hope et. so I sent it Sunday. The weird thing is tho, is that he called this morning like nothing was up, didn't say anthing about the "let's just be friends" letter. I asked if he's been getting my emails and he said no, he hadn't gotten anything. Part of me thinks he's just lying and doesn't want to deal. I told him it was probably in his spam folder so he's probably gotten it by now. Not sure how an office system works or why a regular aol address would be going into his spam work folder. He asked me to hang out next sunday cause it's his sons bday all weekend. Is he really NOT getting my emails? It's too weird. I have a regular aol account and he was getting them last week. I don't know how it works. I completely understand you wanting to put "closure" on this relationship... plus it's hard to just walk away from someone you had feelings for and never talk to them again. I think it's definitely ok to "clue them in" why this relationship no longer works for you. But instead of the "let's still be friends" email.. that he may or may not have gotten... probably confused him anyways... call him up on the phone, or maybe even meet with him. Keep it simple... what I told my ex-flake was that it seemed we were in "different places and wanted different things" and he did seem to really get that. I knew he wasn't wanting a "real" relationship with me from the beginning practically, but I kept holding on to some kind of hope that he'd change his mind... that if we hung out a little longer we could finally get closer etc... it just didn't happen. It was hard but I had to finally walk away... and it felt damn good to stand up for myself and what I want. Of course there are times that I still miss him, but then I realize I wasn't ever getting from him what I know I want in a relationship... anyways, good luck... to both you.. and tassle!
Trialbyfire Posted April 29, 2009 Posted April 29, 2009 tassle, I'm glad you're seeing it clearly. He couldn't have given you a stronger message. "You're not a priority". MissDumper, the guy is jacking with you. What do you need for him to do, to make it clear to you that he's a selfish jerk?
Author tassle01 Posted May 2, 2009 Author Posted May 2, 2009 I know it has been a few days but I wanted to post the updates to my original post and share my experience and hopefully get some good insight. I decided to basically confront him because I really could not deal with the nonchallant conversations and meaningless contact both emotionally and mentally. It was a lengthy conversation but in an effort to make a long story short ... he told me he was not ready for a relationship at this point in his life due to work, family things and I assume his recent difficult breakup. He said he cares for me very much and that we have amazing chemistry and maybe one day it would happen between us. This however, was not enough for me ... I resisted his offer to be friends because at this point it's not enough for me and I needed to be honest with myself ... well ... this was this past Wednesday ... 48 hours & a bottle of champagne later ... I called him late at night and wanted to see him ... he said he was tired and was going to sleep but in my state I pleaded with him like a little girl and utterly embarassed and degraded myself by saying I only wanted a few minutes of his time ... that I wanted a kiss ... that I wanted to see him. He kept saying that I can't always have my way and he was very tired and I needed to respect his wishes. I just wouldn't give up and in the end I appologized for my behavior but ended up not seeing him anyway. I feel very upset with my self and how I handeled the situation. I know I should have never called him in the first place after he said he could not provide me with what I am looking for in terms of seeing each other on a more serious basis. He was also upset that I called him so late at night and said "we could have seen each other if you had called earlier" ... I guess he felt I was calling him as a booty call or something. At this point I don't know how to handle myself because I don't want him to see me in a negative light and I am not sure if the best option is NC or make an attempt to be friendly with him ...
tkgirl Posted May 2, 2009 Posted May 2, 2009 blame it on the champagne... you probably would not have acted that way had you been sober, right? I'm sure he realizes you weren't in the right frame of mind.. and you shouldn't worry too much what he thinks of you, anyways.. what's done is done and you can't change it. Right now all you can do is try to learn from it and move on... keep taking care of yourself and realize you deserve way more than what you were getting from this guy.
Author tassle01 Posted May 2, 2009 Author Posted May 2, 2009 Yep ... blame it on the champagne! Although, that shouldn't be an excuse for calling him and acting so needy. Is it in my best interest to leave him alone and who knows maybe he will pop up on my radar again one day by initiating the contact himself or should I make the effort to be his friend?...
Cherished Posted May 2, 2009 Posted May 2, 2009 At least you know where you stand with him. He told you clearly he doesn't want a relationship with you. Yes you were foolish (champagne or not) and call to beg him to see him, but that is really beside the point. I would completely lose contact with him. I doubt you will hear from him for a while now after the "champagne" phone call....please no contact, even if he does contact you. You have to be strong. Your feelings for him are clearly stronger than his are for you. He is sexually attracted to you, and vice versa, but he can feel that very easily for another girl and remember that guys can have sex with a woman without feelings whereas women tend to get attached emotionally. So your best bet is to cut off contact for good, you'll never get what you want and you'll never be happy with him, always sad after he f**ks you and then you don't hear from him for a while.
tkgirl Posted May 2, 2009 Posted May 2, 2009 At least you know where you stand with him. He told you clearly he doesn't want a relationship with you. Yes you were foolish (champagne or not) and call to beg him to see him, but that is really beside the point. I would completely lose contact with him. I doubt you will hear from him for a while now after the "champagne" phone call....please no contact, even if he does contact you. You have to be strong. Your feelings for him are clearly stronger than his are for you. He is sexually attracted to you, and vice versa, but he can feel that very easily for another girl and remember that guys can have sex with a woman without feelings whereas women tend to get attached emotionally. So your best bet is to cut off contact for good, you'll never get what you want and you'll never be happy with him, always sad after he f**ks you and then you don't hear from him for a while. yep... NC all the way! do NOT try to contact him and say you want to be friends now... believe me, from someone who's been there, it will NOT work... you most likely will end up hurt again. You want more than what he has to offer you... time to cut your losses and move on. Easier said than done but it's what you have to do. I repeat, do NOT try to contact him again... and if he does try to contact you, don't respond... you'll thank me.. oh, and yourself... later!
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