loser101 Posted April 24, 2009 Posted April 24, 2009 For some reason' date=' we guys are rewarded for our jerky behavior. [b']The minute we get kind, you ladies loose interest.[/b] please don't think like that. there are exceptions!
Trialbyfire Posted April 24, 2009 Posted April 24, 2009 tassle01, he intrigues you because you enjoy mind games.
You'reasian Posted April 24, 2009 Posted April 24, 2009 tassle01, he intrigues you because you enjoy mind games. Exactly. He's figured you out.
You'reasian Posted April 24, 2009 Posted April 24, 2009 please don't think like that. there are exceptions! I'm not saying I believe that - I'm saying that there's truth behind it.
loser101 Posted April 24, 2009 Posted April 24, 2009 I'm not saying I believe that - I'm saying that there's truth behind it. mostly the immature ones I'd say, the ones you don't want anyway. for me being kind is a way to see men's reactions. the ones that know what to do with it are the ones that pass the test. the ones that take advantage... well, it's good to find out early anyway.
You'reasian Posted April 24, 2009 Posted April 24, 2009 mostly the immature ones I'd say, the ones you don't want anyway. for me being kind is a way to see men's reactions. the ones that know what to do with it are the ones that pass the test. the ones that take advantage... well, it's good to find out early anyway. You're making a guy pass tests or jump through hoops? Either you like someone or you don't - can't get any more simple than that - and to make a guy jump through hoops means you're just not that into him. Now, if you catch him doing something that you deem worthy of your trust, that's a different story...
tkgirl Posted April 25, 2009 Posted April 25, 2009 Luckily, I think this man & I never made it far enough in the relationship for me to feel as hurt and betrayed as you have described. Yes, I do realize we really have NOTHING between us. This was never a relationship from the start and it never will be. I do feel used. However, I have no tears or regret towards him. I made a mistake ... (at least I recognize this) ... I know my worth and am trying to brush my shoulders and move on. The only thing that keeps me worried is that him coming back into my life when he feels like it will be difficult to resist ... You know.. he may very well try to come back, so be prepared! You want more that what he is capable of giving you.. don't forget that. And don't fool yourself into thinking you can handle a "casual" thing because the strong chemistry you felt for him before.... It seems clear from your posts that you can't and there is soooo nothing wrong with that! I am the same way so I completely know... anyways, you deserve and want more... don't settle for his "crumbs"... stay strong!
You'reasian Posted April 25, 2009 Posted April 25, 2009 Now, if you catch him doing something that you deem worthy of your trust, that's a different story... But even if he does this, it doesn't mean **** because he didn't jump through YOUR hoop - this goes back to the whole appreciating man for a collection of parts vs the big picture.
loser101 Posted April 25, 2009 Posted April 25, 2009 But even if he does this' date=' it doesn't mean **** because he didn't jump through YOUR hoop - this goes back to the whole appreciating man for a collection of parts vs the big picture.[/quote'] so you are having a conversation with yourself now? no. I meant I am being myself and I don't play games/set people up/pretend to be cool/bitchy/etc. so the ones that prefer mindf*ck check out because they don't get a reaction.
Author tassle01 Posted April 27, 2009 Author Posted April 27, 2009 So ... I have some updates. He made some communication in the form of small talk ... lots of BS and nothing important was said. I played it verrrry cool and made some jokes, nothing heavy or serious. He hasn't asked to see me or asked what my plans are ... continue playing it cool? stop speaking to him period? initiate some kind of meeting with him myself? I am feeling okay ... not needy or desperate, just want to make the next move correctly ...
norajane Posted April 27, 2009 Posted April 27, 2009 how long will it take this man to call or text hehe ... not that I will answer anyway! But you did. So ... I have some updates. He made some communication in the form of small talk ... lots of BS and nothing important was said. I played it verrrry cool and made some jokes, nothing heavy or serious. He hasn't asked to see me or asked what my plans are ... continue playing it cool? stop speaking to him period? initiate some kind of meeting with him myself? I am feeling okay ... not needy or desperate, just want to make the next move correctly ... What outcome are you looking for here?
Author tassle01 Posted April 27, 2009 Author Posted April 27, 2009 Yes ... I did answer but after seeing his persistance over 24 hours. The outcome I am looking for I am unsure of myself but I would like to get to know him and to see him on a regular basis. I would like for us to be on one page in terms of wanting to be together and dating like normal people rather than communicating via text message and telephone ... As if we don't live 10 minutes away from each other! I really can't say if I am looking for a relationship with him, but what I do know is that I want to date him and see him ... too much to ask for?
norajane Posted April 27, 2009 Posted April 27, 2009 You went on three dates last week - Thursday, Friday, and Saturday when you had sex. Then you didn't hear from him until this weekend, but he didn't ask to see you. I don't think he's looking to date you in the same way you want to date him. If he'd wanted to date you, he would have called at some point this week and asked you out for the weekend. And he probably was out with someone else this weekend, which is why he didn't ask you out. So, knowing that he isn't thinking of you in the same way you're thinking of him, and he doesn't want the same things you want, you're better off forgetting about him as a romantic prospect. Date other people. My guess is you won't drop him, though, no matter what anyone here suggests. You'll take his calls, you'll go out if he asks you, and you'll probably have sex with him again. You'll hope that if you keep seeing him, that he'll start to fall for you and become your bf. So, I'll just tell you to do whatever you're comfortable with. Just don't stop dating other guys. Because he'll be seeing other women, too, and you shouldn't pass up other men you might like while holding out for this one. Don't make him the only man in your life when he hasn't done that for you.
MissDumperUlv2h8 Posted April 27, 2009 Posted April 27, 2009 I got heart palpitations while reading your story because I thought maybe I was the other woman. my "sort of" boyfriend acts EXACTLY like yours except he took me to Mexico! The saving grace was that your is 30 and mine is 46. The only difference is I know of no other women (doesn't mean there are none) but it sounded like you were writing about the same guy the behavior is so spot on. I'm about a step ahead of you. I did the whole ignoring thing and yep, several days later he started calling, emailing, even "bared his soul" to my best friend at a party saying he's going through a hard time right now but we care about each other and that I give confusing signals but it's all good. I finally gave in and sent him an email basically saying when someone exhibits push/pull behavior, doesn't follow through, or doesn't return messages, it makes me guarded and apprehensive about having someone with those characteristics in my life. He didn't write back but a day later called and asked to see me. I then played it cool but the communication was sporadic. He asked to see me this past weekend, I agreed thinking talking in person might be better. He didn't call till sat afternoon asking what I was doing Sunday, today. I said I was free. never heard from him. So I sent the calm breakup note today, sunday, the day he was suppose to call. I haven't heard back from the email yet. I basically said that by his mixed behavior it seemed he was wanting a friendship more than a dating thing and that was fine with me. That I just didn't want there to be any "yuck" out there. Maybe we can compare notes . I'll tell you how he responds, or doesn't. What's happend with yours?
Author tassle01 Posted April 27, 2009 Author Posted April 27, 2009 Wow missdumper ... glad we established that age difference otherwise this would be one crazy way of finding out you are "the other" woman. haha. I guess you aren't exactlly a step ahead since you are sending the breakup note? Why do that? To show him how much you actually care when he is always pulling the disappearing act on you? How long has it been going on??? Grr ... this really does sound like my situation and makes me frustrated. Our crazy men should be friends! Have you heard from him since that e-mail?? I havn't heard yet from mine ... and again, I hate waiting and wondering ... will he call ... will he not? He loves me ... he loves me not? lol
MissDumperUlv2h8 Posted April 27, 2009 Posted April 27, 2009 Well I sent the note because he had called the day before and we chatted and he had asked what my schedule was for the next 24 hours saying he wanted to see me but didn't make definitive plans, which isn't so much a disappearing act as it is flaky and annoying. I also sent it to him because I have 2 choices. To keep playing this game around his schedule, or realize it won't change so take control of the situation. Also, I want to start dating other people and didn't want it to be awkward if I ran into him. Wanted to keep my side of the street clean so to speak.
tkgirl Posted April 28, 2009 Posted April 28, 2009 hey tassle and miss dumper... I think we could start a club here! "hi, my name is Trish and I'm addicted to flaky guys" LOL!! But really... what is it about these guys that make us so crazy? it's like we knooooow we deserve better, but yet here we are.. wondering what's going on, waiting to hear from them... am I right? My situation could be the most pathetic of them all though... I still think about the guy I let "get away" but the real truth is the he let me go. And yet, here I am... still wanting to see him and it's been over two months since we even spoke!!!! He was sooo flaky... you can read some of my old posts if you want to get the whole story... it's much too long... but basically this guy confused the hell out of me. And of course I really REALLY liked him... he had soooo many really great qualities, but he could not make a decision if his life depended on it! I finally had to tell him to leave me alone... that I wanted to be with someone that knows he wants to be with me too... he just didn't know what he wanted. Of course a part of me still misses him and hopes that some day he will wake up and realize that he does want me as much as I want him... but I'm not holding my breath. Anyways... I feel your pain. I think what it comes down to how much you like this guy and what you are willing to put up with... but IMO if a guy isn't stepping up now then you may just want to cut your losses before you get too attached (like I did)... keep your options open and date other guys (like I did NOT do but wish I had) ok, so... thanks for letting me share... LOL!
amymarieca Posted April 28, 2009 Posted April 28, 2009 You seem to think that by not making a big deal of his behaviour is "playing it cool" or being "non-challant." What it really is, is you not being strong enough to stand for what you really want from a man. If a relationship is what you want, then you need to make it clear early on that you intend to date someone with the possibilty of having just that. Why do you settle for less just because you feel some sort of "chemistry"? I don't really think chemistry means having a guy you really like take another woman to Mexico and then call you months later for sex. Why do women do this stupid crap? It IS possible to find a man who is kind, considerate, and good looking who won't play these dumb mind games, like sleep around with mulitple women at the same time. Personally, if I had to settle for anything less than that, I would rather die alone.
Trialbyfire Posted April 28, 2009 Posted April 28, 2009 *Newsflash* Ladies, flaky behaviour means one of two things or a combination of both. HJNTIY or he's afraid of commitment. In either or both situations, it's time to move on. No amount of games, bending over, or anything, is going to change his actions, regardless of his words.
tkgirl Posted April 28, 2009 Posted April 28, 2009 *Newsflash* Ladies, flaky behaviour means one of two things or a combination of both. HJNTIY or he's afraid of commitment. In either or both situations, it's time to move on. No amount of games, bending over, or anything, is going to change his actions, regardless of his words. amen sister! actions speak WAY louder than words.. no more "bending over" for this chick... er, um... on second thought... LOL! but seriously, I am hoping that I finally learned my lesson with the last "flaky" aka HJNTIM and/or commit-phobe guy. I want what I want when I want it and if he wants along for the ride then great, let's have fun.. if not then I don't want to waste any more time on him! hmmm.. I'm gonna make that my new motto... kinda wordy but that's ok!
MissDumperUlv2h8 Posted April 28, 2009 Posted April 28, 2009 Well this is not my thread, but reading all the recent messages have made me feel stronger in sending the "let's just be friends" email to my flake. To which he will prob never respond but that will be easier in the long run. Or he'll do the typical, wait a couple days and then call like he never got it. Btw, mine has a 3 year old, shared custody with a woman he never married. She has moved on and is in love with someone else. He just signed the house they had together over to her which was his excuse for not returning my calls for a week.
Trialbyfire Posted April 28, 2009 Posted April 28, 2009 amen sister! actions speak WAY louder than words.. no more "bending over" for this chick... er, um... on second thought... LOL! but seriously, I am hoping that I finally learned my lesson with the last "flaky" aka HJNTIM and/or commit-phobe guy. I want what I want when I want it and if he wants along for the ride then great, let's have fun.. if not then I don't want to waste any more time on him! hmmm.. I'm gonna make that my new motto... kinda wordy but that's ok! I like your new motto! Something to live by. And yes, I've been there, done that too. Was confused for the longest of time, since this was my first flake. Finally, finally, finally, realized it didn't matter what the problem was, it was a zero sum game. So...I moved on, had fun with others, then met my SO, who was like a breath of fresh air.
Trialbyfire Posted April 28, 2009 Posted April 28, 2009 Well this is not my thread, but reading all the recent messages have made me feel stronger in sending the "let's just be friends" email to my flake. To which he will prob never respond but that will be easier in the long run. Or he'll do the typical, wait a couple days and then call like he never got it. Btw, mine has a 3 year old, shared custody with a woman he never married. She has moved on and is in love with someone else. He just signed the house they had together over to her which was his excuse for not returning my calls for a week.Okay, so it's a pattern that he takes a few days responding. What does that mean to you? It means he's got something else on the burner. I wouldn't send him a "let's be friends" email, if you don't honestly want to be friends. Silence speaks louder than words.
Author tassle01 Posted April 28, 2009 Author Posted April 28, 2009 Yep! I agree. Silence is much more powerful than words. You won't achieve much by sending this email except for looking desperate, needy and hurt. I mean ... I am SURE you have enough friends and could live without this one man beaing a friend to you. Let it go! Let him wonder! Brush your shoulders off and move on like it never happened. All these posts have also made me feel empowered ... I should follow my own advice As for my guy ... he called yesterday after a few seconds said he would call me back ... but that call never came. I am obviously beating on a dead horse here ... total waste of my time, at least I see it clearly now.
MissDumperUlv2h8 Posted April 28, 2009 Posted April 28, 2009 Well I wanted to send it because I'm going to run into him and if I don't I'll always wonder if he is going to call, have false hope et. so I sent it Sunday. The weird thing is tho, is that he called this morning like nothing was up, didn't say anthing about the "let's just be friends" letter. I asked if he's been getting my emails and he said no, he hadn't gotten anything. Part of me thinks he's just lying and doesn't want to deal. I told him it was probably in his spam folder so he's probably gotten it by now. Not sure how an office system works or why a regular aol address would be going into his spam work folder. He asked me to hang out next sunday cause it's his sons bday all weekend. Is he really NOT getting my emails? It's too weird. I have a regular aol account and he was getting them last week. I don't know how it works.
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