gorillacupcakes Posted April 23, 2009 Posted April 23, 2009 We were together for almost 3 years, some of it was good but towards the end we just grew apart way too much. It will be 3 months in about 10 days and I think I've gone through the worst part. I'm no longer at a point to where I question the meaning and beauty in life, I'm re-discovering myself and finding new friends as well as getting back in touch with the friends I never saw while I was with her. We only really ever hung out with each other, we were both really jealous and controlling which I've learned from and hopefully won't ever be that way again in a relationship. She was a pathological liar and very unhealthy for me, I never had problems with anxiety before I met her. I finally found a new job, I lost the other after the break up because I was too depressed and had an anxiety attack at work. I still question who I am some days, it feels like an identity crisis but I know what I like and what makes me happy still. Did anyone else experience these thoughts after a break up, like you lost your identity? Now I only feel down when I have nothing to do and I'm alone, I don't think I'm ready to start dating although at the same time I would like to find a female companion because there is nothing better than someone to hold and share all your thoughts and feelings with. I still need a new hobby, but now that I have a job again I plan on getting a guitar and a gym membership. It's finally starting to warm up here in Michigan so I can get out to the beach, and although I know it's a depressant I finally have money to drink again. I started working at a bar/venue which I frequented after the break up which I really like so far and my co-workers are great. I messed my classes up this semester because I totally lacked motivation and concentration after the break up, hopefully I will pass them at least. There were points where I questioned my sanity and I went through a period of what felt like depersonalization for a few days, it was incredibly frightening and I hope I never experience that again. I was wondering if experiences like that are normal after a break up/grieving and if anyone else could relate. Like I stated earlier, I'm still not over everything but I can see that one day I can be myself again and I only really hurt or dwell on the emptiness or loneliness when I'm all by myself. I love life and I can't believe I ever doubted it's beauty and everything great it has to offer, but some days it's still hard to think that way. Sorry for my rambling, it just helps a bit to put it all in words. We also spoke about remaining friends but I told her to give it some time and it's been about 2 weeks since we've actually spoken. She has sent me a few text messages that I refused to respond to, and she also sent me one warning me she was going to come up to the bar I work at. Thankfully I didn't see her if she actually did show up, I don't think seeing her will help me right now. I just hope I feel 100% sometime soon, at least I can tell now it progressively gets better... and anyone who reads this that can't see that right now... rest assured, it is the truth.
Alex_M Posted April 23, 2009 Posted April 23, 2009 I know how you feel. It's when you spend thousands of days with someone, they become a part of you, your life and then suddenly they're gone. It's been 6 months since my breakup and I still feel incapable of loving someone else. I've thought about her every day for 1000+ days straight and counting. But you're right it does get better. Some days are better than others, ups and downs. Month 5 seems to be pretty bad too for some people. Sometimes it's nice taking solace in the fact that you care.
Author gorillacupcakes Posted April 23, 2009 Author Posted April 23, 2009 Definitely, just knowing you are capable of feeling this way over someone or something is strangely reassuring and comforting, because at least you know you can feel something. I know I'm a bit more sensitive and loving than some people and although it can be a bad thing in situations like this, it will be a blessing when I find somebody else who deserves it. It's like a verse from the band Maritime..."the bigger the heart, the harder that it falls in love." We just need to stay strong and keep telling ourselves at least we are capable of love, thank you for that.
sjml251 Posted April 23, 2009 Posted April 23, 2009 Right there with you guys - just waiting for it to get better - like all the way better...... Interestingly, I never really considered how all the stuff I'm feeling is indicitive of how lucky I am to be capable of such depth of emotion - thanks for pointing that out, it made me feel a little better. I did 8+ years (like almost 1/3 of my life!) with my ex and I am so frustrated by how long this is taking and feeling defeated because of how much longer I probably still have to go. 6 months??? A year??? I want to feel better now, I want to be out having fun with someone who makes my heart flutter, I want to hold someone, share a life with someone - it all just seems so far away and out of reach...... I know this is all for the best, like you, but it still feels pretty sh***y right now anyway - like my heart could care less about what's for the best. Good luck to us all and may our healing come as quikly as possible......
UCLAMike Posted April 23, 2009 Posted April 23, 2009 We were together for almost 3 years, some of it was good but towards the end we just grew apart way too much. It will be 3 months in about 10 days and I think I've gone through the worst part. I'm no longer at a point to where I question the meaning and beauty in life, I'm re-discovering myself and finding new friends as well as getting back in touch with the friends I never saw while I was with her. We only really ever hung out with each other, we were both really jealous and controlling which I've learned from and hopefully won't ever be that way again in a relationship. She was a pathological liar and very unhealthy for me, I never had problems with anxiety before I met her. I finally found a new job, I lost the other after the break up because I was too depressed and had an anxiety attack at work. I still question who I am some days, it feels like an identity crisis but I know what I like and what makes me happy still. Did anyone else experience these thoughts after a break up, like you lost your identity? Now I only feel down when I have nothing to do and I'm alone, I don't think I'm ready to start dating although at the same time I would like to find a female companion because there is nothing better than someone to hold and share all your thoughts and feelings with. I still need a new hobby, but now that I have a job again I plan on getting a guitar and a gym membership. It's finally starting to warm up here in Michigan so I can get out to the beach, and although I know it's a depressant I finally have money to drink again. I started working at a bar/venue which I frequented after the break up which I really like so far and my co-workers are great. I messed my classes up this semester because I totally lacked motivation and concentration after the break up, hopefully I will pass them at least. There were points where I questioned my sanity and I went through a period of what felt like depersonalization for a few days, it was incredibly frightening and I hope I never experience that again. I was wondering if experiences like that are normal after a break up/grieving and if anyone else could relate. Like I stated earlier, I'm still not over everything but I can see that one day I can be myself again and I only really hurt or dwell on the emptiness or loneliness when I'm all by myself. I love life and I can't believe I ever doubted it's beauty and everything great it has to offer, but some days it's still hard to think that way. Sorry for my rambling, it just helps a bit to put it all in words. We also spoke about remaining friends but I told her to give it some time and it's been about 2 weeks since we've actually spoken. She has sent me a few text messages that I refused to respond to, and she also sent me one warning me she was going to come up to the bar I work at. Thankfully I didn't see her if she actually did show up, I don't think seeing her will help me right now. I just hope I feel 100% sometime soon, at least I can tell now it progressively gets better... and anyone who reads this that can't see that right now... rest assured, it is the truth. OMG I am at that stage right now. Everything has gotten so much better and it doesn't bother me that she is with another boyfriend, but I am going through this stage you described right now. It happened like 2 weeks ago, where I started questioning just about everything and how life is so fragile and it's stupid and pointless. Deep sense of void and losing motivation to do anything. I hope this passes.
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