When I am interested in a guy, I get too nice but I am naturally an assertive person

[dvsxx6]

Whenever I talk to someone now, I believe that I have to respond "with the right things." I remember I'd sometimes end up saying things that I regret or things that don't even make sense or are even relevant to what the person is saying [iE they are explaining a story to me and I say "oh you must've felt [this way or that way]" and they were like "yeah" [just to save my face and their face] when I knew that I didn't even mean what I said! I think it's because I am under a lot of pressure and stress from school and for some reason, that causes my mind to clog up, makes me turn inward and look at my flaws, and causes me great anxiety.

 

I have anxiety when I talk to others. For example, as of late, people could notice that my voice sounds shakey and my mannerisms are a little fidgety. I always try to think about my response before the person even asks a question, or I play out a fictional dialogue in my head which gets me feeling pretty nervous.

 

But the catch is that I am naturally an assertive person. I am the kind of person that speaks my mind to friends and tell them like it is [no sugar coating], I tell people off if they do me wrong [iE. loser guys that I have briefly dated who wanted to get back with me, I tell them that they are a waste of my time and to never, ever contact me again.] I know that only when I have a conflict or there's a problem situation is when I speak my mind. I want to learn to share my feelings w/ new people as well [sometimes I see people including themselves in convos which I think is rude, but I don't want to feel like they won't want to talk to me.]

 

Also, by nature, I'm pretty bubbly, friendly and warm. I have a very welcoming demeanor to all and many people smile at me throughout the day. The thing is, I think that I might seem too excited to talk to people more than they are to me. My looks are what initially attracts them but then when they see that I"m too excited or interested in them, they freak out. I think this goes back to being too nice.. I think I have acceptance issues. The thing is my perception of self is a lot different than how others perceive me. [i've only recently found this out through self-analysis.] It's hard to distinguish the two sometimes cause if I feel that I"m a certain way and try to act that way, wouldn't people view me that way too [iE. if I'm extra assertive to compensate for my lack of a self esteem wouldn't people see me as assertive?]. Right now I am working on various areas in my life: stopping my self-pity [for stress/situational factors], social comparisons, etc.

 

I used to have a balance of being sweet but not overly sweet yet, sarcastic witty and assertive. I feel like I'm being too sweet now. I want that balance back. Do people like sweet people or do they just get taken advantage of? I don't wana be a bitch, but I noticed that when I was more vocal and assertive, seemed like more people respected me. I still want to be ultra-femmenine yet be sarcastic, witty, fun and sexy. I also don't want to take my life too seriously like how I have been.

 

I'm looking at http://www.ehow.com/how_4722291_stop-being-nice.html Ehow "How to stop being so nice" but the only step I fit into is #3, which is "IF YOU RESCUE OTHERS FROM THEIR ACTIONS, YOU'RE PROBABLY TOO NICE."The #3 only applies because I am a psychology major and I enjoy talking and helping people.

 

Anyway, thanks for reading if you've made it this far. I really appreciate any feedback in advance.

[TaraMaiden]

I think you think too much and read too much into others' reactions to you.

I would seriously consider a meditation.

You need to still your mind, I think you are too much in your head.

 

I recognise this, it is something familiar to the way I used to be.

 

_/l\_

[IzzyRocks]

I think I understand where you're coming from dvsxx6. I think in some ways I am the same.

 

Its not that I aren't being myself, I AM a nice person. In a friendship level I open up pretty quickly and am a warm generous person as in I will invest alot of time helping people out etc.

 

Some guys just shy away from that, and I think I am being too full on- when its the total opposite, if I were interested in a man/woman relationship sense I hold back alot more and need winning over.

 

But I dont think I should change. I am what I am and eventually people will come to understand me and accept me for it.

 

I have a huge circle of people who I would consider great friends and know they feel the same way about me.