James C Posted April 23, 2009 Posted April 23, 2009 My GF (well ex) dumped me a while ago and it was the worst time of my life trying to get over her, i hit really bad depression, i'm still not fully over her... One of the reasons she said it didn't work between us is that she saw me as more of a best friend rather than a boyfriend. See i don't know if i should try NC or not cos we actually are brilliant friends.....well we were, since the break up she has been constantly lying to me. I did want to be friends with her still but now i am unsure... She was such a huge part of my life, honestly the best relationship i ever had, so many brilliant memories, and we never had a single fight...ever! And the amount of things we had in common was unreal...i know i sound vain sayin this (i really don't mean to be) but i don't think she will ever meet another boyfriend she gets along with so well. We both did lots of things for the 1st time together too. I've never had a girlfriend like her, she was amazing, i thought we were going to last a really long time, so did all of our friends too She was cleary over me and ready to move on quickly as after only 3 weeks she had moved on to someone else, i've NEVER been the jelous type but its very different with her. But on the other hand we are not a couple anymore, she is entitled to meet new people. She is also a very shy girl and doesn't really speak up unless she is comfortable with you, she has recently started talkin a lot less around me when we are alone and its like when we first met when she was really shy around me. As our relationship grew i felt i could talk to her about anything, which i did and she did the same with me, We talked every single day, even when we broke up...today has been the 1st day in almost 8 months we haven't spoken to each other. I really do wanna stay friends with her but the lying is getting out of control and really upsetting me, the only thing left that she has stuck by is when she said she still wants to be friends. Unfortunatly i think thats the end of that chapter. It was fun while it lasted, really fun, best time of my life (honestly). Its really hard to let go of it all and move on, i'm getting choked up now just writing this... Just lots of different things going through my head and wanted to get some of them out there to see what others think...
Sonic_chaos Posted April 23, 2009 Posted April 23, 2009 Hi James, I feel my situation is very similar to you but on a shorter time scale. My ex is very much like your ex.. And if i was to show a picture of when i first met her to now, some people would have a hard time telling it was the same person. I helped her get over alot in her life as well as illness, its just a shame that when i needed abit of help, it didnt come. The best friends bit, i also got too. She thought that i was more like a best friend then a boyfriend. Now i semi argued a point that, relationships just cant be bf and gf. They have to be where you can talk about anything and everything. So the best friends bit, for me is an added bonus. It means we was connected more then just love, we was connected through all the sences and more. Especially more trust. And thats a number 1 thing you need. I dont know your situation but it seems as though she is lying to try and protect your feelings. like not telling you everything, just what she wants you to know about her. See thats really why best friends after the relationship really doesnt work well. You and her still have an emotional attachment somewhere and that gets complex. As feelings and emotions get in the way of your best friend judgment. So say if another female best friend came up to you and said.. "hey, do you like this dress" which was abit ranchy and very scares on material. We would give our honest opinion.. if your ex was in the same dress, i know i would try and put her off best possible. Not because it looked bad on her, in fact it probably looked stunning on her. More the fact that other guys would find her so attractive which would make you jealous.. I dunno if that would be the same for all guys but that would be my feeling. im not sure how long the break up was, but she found someone else after 3 weeks.. sheesh.. It screams rebound.. If she really really loved you the way she said she did. she would stay single till she was completely over you. That is the case with me. She didnt leave me for another. and its been 3 weeks to the official break 8 to the "i think its a good time to break" type convo and hasnt even thought about engaging in another relationship at that time. I guess abit more info is needed on the above.. I dunno to be very honest. Im only trying to be friends with my ex so if there is a chance we can work things out, we are on netural ground. but if i knew she had moved on and she didnt want me as a boyfriend then i would have to go NC and just keep on with my life. its a complete mind f**k to look at your ex and know that she is being happy etc in front of you... Look at it this way, she knows that if this one doesnt work out with her current boyfriend she always has you as a fall guy to pick her up and put her on the striaght again. And im sure that would make you feel even worse.. Maybe she is ok as a distance friend.. Maybe a text or an email every now and again.. ie dont loose contact with her. but as a close best friend, i think it could play with your mind too much.. Good luck
NinaP Posted April 23, 2009 Posted April 23, 2009 Hi James, I know this is hard but try not to put your ex on a pedestal, its hard not to do as the dumpee as we are so blinded by the breakup and its hard to picture a new life without the SO. But the truth of the matter is she has moved on and is lying....yes i do think she is telling white lies to protect your feelings, because it very hard to come out and give you the blunt truth, but try not to hear what u want to hear...ya know accept you guys are over...you have some wonderful memories and have experienced something some ppl will never or dont allow themselves too.... for whatever reason it wasnt working for her anymore, not all realtionships last forever but doesnt mean they were a waste or not filled with love....you just have to know this time is for u everything u feel is normal and the next person u let in the love will be that much greater and stronger.... maybe one day u guys can be friends but not until u would be completely comfortable knowing she is romatic with another person, and trying to substain a friendship now ill only prolong ur healing from the intial break up.... better to of loved and lost than to have never loved at all : ) take care
Author James C Posted April 23, 2009 Author Posted April 23, 2009 Thanks so much for the advice guys, its after REALLY helping me Its after opening my eyes so much, i feel so much better, seriously thank you so much.
shoesies05 Posted April 23, 2009 Posted April 23, 2009 What kind of lies is she tell you? Id say that is important... im sure some of them are to protect your feelings. Well- anyways, id say be more of distant friends for right now. Its hard trying to be close to someone when you still have romantic feelings for them, especially when it seems they dont for you anymore. Have a bit of distance will help you get over her. No contact? If you want to stay friends I'd say keep it for only a couple of months then slowly progress into talking more often. But really this isnt necessary if you can handle being distant friends that dont share too many personal things for a while. Your choice. Whether or not you should still be friends with her i dont know how to answer because I really dont know what she is doing and what you are doing. If shes intentionally hurting you, then no... dont be friends with her. If its hurting you too much to be her friend even without her doing anything wrong, then id say do the no contact advice i said earlier. Its really tricky becomming just friends with someone you love.
Recommended Posts