SoulSearch_CO Posted April 22, 2009 Posted April 22, 2009 When a guy you haven't been dating very long has mentioned marriage more than you, but then a day later swears up and down that he NEVER wants to get married? I'm just trying to get a read on my BF. We've been together for 3 months. We get along pretty dang well. Very compatible personalities. We only have a few sticking points when it comes to our opinions about life - but we seem to compromise pretty well. I LOVE the communication level with him - it's the best I've ever experienced with a man. We're both willing to apologize and/or let things go. But every once in awhile he'll let slip with some comment about getting married. He likes to tease me (God, I hope he's teasing) and tell me things like my mom would have to make the wedding cake (she's not a baker...LOL) - some rectangular thing with white icing. He says he'd fire the photographer because why do you need pictures? "You were there." I can't even say that he's necessarily teasing me to get a rise out of me because he actually doesn't get much of a reaction from me because I don't know HOW to react. The reason I don't know how to react is because he has said that he really doesn't agree with marriage. He never wanted to get married growing up. The only time he considered marriage was with his ex and he says he thinks a big part of that was pressure from her. We've had talks about how we feel about marriage in general and we're both on the same page that it's an antiquated and - quite possibly - useless ritual. I don't want to get into a debate about this - I'm just letting people know where we both stand so you can understand my confusion. So what is this? He's very level-headed and after my failed marriage, I seem to be more-so in regards to relationships, too. I'm 29, he's 30. How am I supposed to react when he jokes about this kind of stuff? (I usually actually laugh because his comments are pretty dang funny...anybody seen "My Big Redneck Wedding?" He sounds like some of those people with the jokes he makes.) I've been separated from my X for a year, now - we finalized in August. So I'm definitely not anxious to jump back into another marriage. But maybe a guy could decode what this is. I generally don't bring up marriage/weddings at all because he told me he wasn't interested in that stuff.
Treasa Posted April 23, 2009 Posted April 23, 2009 Tell him you're definitely not interested in getting married either! I'd be like, "Whoa, no kidding! Not getting on that train again!" For starters, you've only been together for a few months. Secondly, if this guy was pressured before, you definitely don't want to go in that direction. He might change his mind when you've been together for a longer period of time. Or maybe you'll decide you're happy enough with him and don't need to be married. But for now, I'd recommend you have no desire to get married again, and just see how the relationship pans out. For the record, my boyfriend and I have been together for five years next month, and I don't see an engagement happening anytime soon. I'm just fine with that, because I don't even know how I feel about marriage. Something about it just feels kind of weird to me.
dreamergrl Posted April 23, 2009 Posted April 23, 2009 I've got no clue, but I'd love to hear some male responses. I'd be wondering the same thing, what does he mean?!
Trialbyfire Posted April 23, 2009 Posted April 23, 2009 It's like flirting with danger. He's toying with the idea right now, on the fence, off the fence. It's like a personal mind-eff, taking you along for the ride. I would react the way you've been doing, with no response. For that matter, I wouldn't even take him seriously, if or until he commits to the idea. Actions to words. Words are waaayyy too easy.
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