AdrianaLima Posted April 22, 2009 Posted April 22, 2009 My boyfriend,well now should I say ex-boyfriend,recently asked me for my hand in marriage. We've been dating for five years now. We've been having our ups and down like every relationship go through. We recently took a break in early January because their was too much fussing and I had things within myself that I know I needed to change for the better. We began to get things back on track again somewhat. So last month, he asked me to marry him. And I said yes. A few days later, I evaluated everything and felt as though I still didn't fixed my internal problems as I wanted to, and I didn't want to bring these same old issues into our marriage. Although when he asked me to marry him, he poured out his feelings to me and told me how he was willing to accept the good and the bad, etc. But I just wanted some re-assurance for myself that I was decent or good enough for him, because he's an amazing guy. So after I thought about everything, I told him no.Well,I didn't necessarily say no to him, I said I want to but just not right now. Which really hurt him. Like to the extreme!!! He said, "It's made up in my mind who I want to spend the rest of my life with, obviously we aren't on the same page". I was just telling him that I want us to be happy. I also said to him ''Sorry for wanting to better myself for you". So after a few days after I told him no, we talked on the phone for a few hours. I then told him if he think I'm fine the way I am, then lets do it and become one. But he told me he don't know if its real or not, which I told him that it was. He decided that he just want to be friends with me for a while cause he don't want to get hurt anymore. I know he still has feelings for me, and that we'll eventually get married, but I'm having a extremely hard time trying to cope. I beat myself up emotionally, day in and day out constantly over this. I just wanted to us to be happy you know.Any advice will be really appreciated. Thanks to all.
Sonic_chaos Posted April 22, 2009 Posted April 22, 2009 Adriana, Im not sure there is much i personally could add to this, All i know is that if you didnt feel comfortable with the marriage proposal then, you needed to explain to him them bits. One major thing is for us guys is fear of rejection when popping the question.. After plucking enough courage to get down and ask can be a major thing.. But to be honest, if i was popping the question and my ex told me that is wasnt the best idea at the moment, like she did. Id respect her for having the balls to tell me it wasnt the best. Rather then just go into it knowing that it might not come out right in the end.. And yea it took abit for her to come tell me but she told me it wasnt the right time.. * i personally proposed to try and show more commitment while our break up was still hovering in limbo, which looked like desparation, Altho it was fair from it* But i respect her more for it... I think his confidence had took a beating for the time being so has backed off with the just friends comment. You wasnt willing to go two feet first rather then dip your toe in essence so he has pulled back to show you that he is really hurt by it.. Sometimes male pride is a sucker.. he should just get on with being in the relationship and then try another time. If you both want to get married in the future then i dont see it a problem to wait that little bit longer so your both "straight" in your lives before doing it. I waited too long before doing it, and i really regret not asking her before but like your situ i hope to be just friends and carry on were we left off and do excatly the same as you.. take car and wish you all the happiness
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