wiseup Posted April 22, 2009 Posted April 22, 2009 After throwing me under the bus almost 4 weeks ago (a week after he told me he irreversibly broke up with his wife and regretted not having done it sooner to be with me) and having been NC ever since, he and I had classes together yesterday after a 2-week spring break. At the end of the class, I glanced over his seat and saw that his ring was back on. I hadn't seen him wearing a ring for the past 2 months or so and now it's back on. For some reason I immediately felt this rage. After the class, I walked out to the elevator. He was there, waiting for it. I didn't know what I was thinking, but I took the stairs right away. We were on the 8th floor. There were only 2 people, him and me and I took the stairs immediately. I almost slammed the door in his face. After that, I felt kinda empowered cuz I had the courage to walk away from him for the 1st time. But now that I think about it, I think I did it only cuz I was really angry. So apparently things are working out well at home now. After having turned my world upside down, he really is focused on working things out with his wife. I know I shouldn't feel this way and that he probably is doing the right thing, but seeing that he actually is trying really hard to salvage their relationship and it seems like everything is going well, I felt my heart was ripped apart all over again. I guess I am just venting, not really sure what to make of this.
NoIDidn't Posted April 22, 2009 Posted April 22, 2009 Vent away. He is still married so I don't understand why you got so upset, but I DO understand why you got upset. Its just a vent. No one is going to die from it.
sugarmomma Posted April 22, 2009 Posted April 22, 2009 He also could have put the ring on just to get a reaction out of you and cause you pain. It seems as though when a man sees that we will settle for being the OW they will try to see how much pain we are willing to tolerate by doing things that they know will hurt us. I understand what you are going through because I dumped the guy I was seeing who was living with his baby momma. I am so angry at myself for settling for such a crappy arrangement. I'm not sure how long you were in it but I could only handle 3 months of the pain. I guess I am starting to love myself a little more since I was able to quit him. The only thing I could suggest is to be good to yourself and go ahead and feel all the feelings that come along with this kind of a mess. I am still hurting and I haven't seen him since the 9th of this month. I miss him but I don't miss the pain that came with being with him. At least I am standing on my principals by saying "try to work it out with her and get back to me" also "take as much time as you need, no pressure" as I am working on my own issues. I wish you the best. It is hard but you can get through it.
Island Girl Posted April 22, 2009 Posted April 22, 2009 I can say that if my husband had an affair and during the times of troubles he took his ring off - if there was a time of re-dedication he BETTER had put that ring back on his finger and leave it there. I'd be watching to catch him without it since it apparently is symbolic to him as to his sincerity in the relationship.
Owl Posted April 22, 2009 Posted April 22, 2009 There's no way for you to know WHAT is going on "at home" for him right now. Don't dwell on it. Simply focus on the fact that he threw you under the bus. STAY mad at him. Use that anger to remove him from your life. Anything less is going to cause this whole "affair" (pun intended! ) to continue. Is there any way you can limit seeing him at class? Sit someplace further away from him, and enter late/leave early so there's no overlap times for the two of you to end up face to face?
sugarmomma Posted April 22, 2009 Posted April 22, 2009 I can say that if my husband had an affair and during the times of troubles he took his ring off - if there was a time of re-dedication he BETTER had put that ring back on his finger and leave it there. I'd be watching to catch him without it since it apparently is symbolic to him as to his sincerity in the relationship. Dang IG! You can't watch a person 24/7. Spouses can be sneaky and some take their rings off as soon as they hit the door to go out. Spineless, heartless and just plain ole trifling. I don't think I will ever marry again. If I do he would have to be close to a saint. Now what are the odds of that?
Island Girl Posted April 22, 2009 Posted April 22, 2009 Dang IG! You can't watch a person 24/7. Spouses can be sneaky and some take their rings off as soon as they hit the door to go out. Spineless, heartless and just plain ole trifling. Yes some do. But clearly he had it off and that meant something to him. And now having it ON means something as well. One doesn't need to be around 24/7 to keep their eyes open and I know if my husband and I were working through infidelity he better expect me anytime/anywhere. ESPECIALLY if his former mistress was someone he still saw due to work or school. You better believe it would be well known that I can pop up and that all signs of propriety should be readily apparent.
sugarmomma Posted April 22, 2009 Posted April 22, 2009 Yes some do. But clearly he had it off and that meant something to him. And now having it ON means something as well. One doesn't need to be around 24/7 to keep their eyes open and I know if my husband and I were working through infidelity he better expect me anytime/anywhere. ESPECIALLY if his former mistress was someone he still saw due to work or school. You better believe it would be well known that I can pop up and that all signs of propriety should be readily apparent. Too Funny!!!
Island Girl Posted April 22, 2009 Posted April 22, 2009 Too Funny!!! Yes, funny! And yet so true. To be honest, I am a woman - I can be way more sneaky, manipulative, and crazy than he could ever be. And my husband knows it. That may be WHY he is a saint! Sorry Off Topic OP.
sugarmomma Posted April 22, 2009 Posted April 22, 2009 I have used anger many times to get out of a bad situation and I would say use whatever workd for you. Hang in there and when you see him, be unapproachable and mean mug him.
Author wiseup Posted April 23, 2009 Author Posted April 23, 2009 Now that he really is moving on to his old life. Like I never meant a thing to him. I guess I know the entire time that he wanted both of us. He said he's unhappy with her and we connected emotionally. I was the 1st person that he opened up to about lots of things. Nonetheless, he isn't willing to change his old life. It hurts.
Chrome Barracuda Posted April 23, 2009 Posted April 23, 2009 Yeah it does suck but you have a frsh chance at life, why waste it with a married man who cheats on his wife? why not be with someone who can be devoted to you?
BrotherD Posted April 23, 2009 Posted April 23, 2009 Owl was right... You dont know whats going on at home...dont dwell on it. As far as the ring thing, married people are funny about announcing their "love" to the world. And when they have affairs, the ring is also used for leverage to scare you, confuse you and remind you that the MP is in control not you...If the ring and what it stands for was so important, (and valid) they wouldnt have EVEN LOOKED AT US! So if you want to fantazise or concoct up scenarios of whats up over at their house, remember that! Again if their "love" was all that, you would have never caught his eye...
Lizzie60 Posted April 23, 2009 Posted April 23, 2009 He'll probably be back.. soon.. You should get someone else quick.. to show him his 'loss'.. Move on.. unless you just want some fun..
shoesies05 Posted April 23, 2009 Posted April 23, 2009 Yeah it does suck but you have a frsh chance at life, why waste it with a married man who cheats on his wife? why not be with someone who can be devoted to you? I totally agree with this. Move on from him. It what you need if you want to be happy. And dont go to another married guy, please!
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