Where did I go wrong?

[bartman22]

A little background first...I am a good looking guy in college with a good job and future prospects. If anything, my personality is my downfall as I tend to be a little shy and play the "nice guy".

Anyways, I was at a party a month ago and noticed a girl who couldn't stop staring at me so I went over and introduced myself. We hit it off and talked for a while until she had to leave, at which point she gave me her number. I waited a few days and called her up to ask her out to which she said yes. We went to a sporting event where we talked for about three hours and discovered that we had a lot in common. One thing that I noticed was that she kept eye contact with me the entire time and moved close to me on several occasions. We also shared a drink at the game. I took her home later where we played with her pets for a little while and talked some more. Her roommate was there so I didn't want to make her feel awkward by kissing her so we hugged and I went home.

We texted back and forth for a few days after that and she made it clear that she had a great time and definitely wanted to do something again. So, about a week later I called her and asked her to get dinner to which she hesitated for a little while until she said that she "didn't think we should get dinner". This caught me completely by surprise so I basically left the ball in her court by saying to call me if she wanted to do something. She called me the next day and asked me to go with her for a run which I did. At the end of the run I made the mistake of bringing up the dinner situation to which she kind of beat around the bush about and didn't really acknowledge.

In the week since then, we have been texting back and forth a little...just small talk, nothing special. I decided that I'd like to talk to her about what's going on so I called her two days ago and left her a voicemail asking her to go for another run. She has not called or texted a response to this yet. I am giving her the benefit of the doubt as next week is exam week and she could be busy studying. However, I would imagine that she would have the common courtesy to respond in some shape or form over a two day period.

 

My question is where did I go wrong? Was I too pushy in that short of a time frame (<1 month)? Did I come across as too needy or too accessible? And finally where do I go from here? I don't want the flame to be extinguished completely and want to try to get things back on track. Any help appreciated

[Joker77]

A little background first...I am a good looking guy in college with a good job and future prospects. If anything, my personality is my downfall as I tend to be a little shy and play the "nice guy".

Anyways, I was at a party a month ago and noticed a girl who couldn't stop staring at me so I went over and introduced myself. We hit it off and talked for a while until she had to leave, at which point she gave me her number. I waited a few days and called her up to ask her out to which she said yes. We went to a sporting event where we talked for about three hours and discovered that we had a lot in common. One thing that I noticed was that she kept eye contact with me the entire time and moved close to me on several occasions. We also shared a drink at the game. I took her home later where we played with her pets for a little while and talked some more. Her roommate was there so I didn't want to make her feel awkward by kissing her so we hugged and I went home.

We texted back and forth for a few days after that and she made it clear that she had a great time and definitely wanted to do something again. So, about a week later I called her and asked her to get dinner to which she hesitated for a little while until she said that she "didn't think we should get dinner". This caught me completely by surprise so I basically left the ball in her court by saying to call me if she wanted to do something. She called me the next day and asked me to go with her for a run which I did. At the end of the run I made the mistake of bringing up the dinner situation to which she kind of beat around the bush about and didn't really acknowledge.

In the week since then, we have been texting back and forth a little...just small talk, nothing special. I decided that I'd like to talk to her about what's going on so I called her two days ago and left her a voicemail asking her to go for another run. She has not called or texted a response to this yet. I am giving her the benefit of the doubt as next week is exam week and she could be busy studying. However, I would imagine that she would have the common courtesy to respond in some shape or form over a two day period.

 

My question is where did I go wrong? Was I too pushy in that short of a time frame (<1 month)? Did I come across as too needy or too accessible? And finally where do I go from here? I don't want the flame to be extinguished completely and want to try to get things back on track. Any help appreciated

 

She sounds flaky. In my opinion, asking someone out to dinner isn't a big deal, but that's just me. She could have another guy lurking in the shadows and wants to see how that goes before she commits to you. Who knows.

[loser101]

I don't think you went wrong anywhere, dinner is no big deal. who knows what's on her mind. I wouldn't really push it anymore, I think you created enough opportunities

[samspade]

While I don't think this was the source of her flakiness, for future reference, don't do dinner dates. They are too long and often awkward. Do something casual like drinks or an activity. Running is actually a pretty cool idea, but maybe after the first few dates.

 

Other than that, you did right by approaching her and calling her to ask her out. Don't worry too much if she is not available. Just find another girl who is. They're out there.

[MeMyself&I]

She could have another guy lurking in the shadows and wants to see how that goes before she commits to you. Who knows.

 

I don't think you did anything wrong. I think she may very well like someone else but be trying to keep her options open.

 

I'm in this situation right now. I really like a guy. He is a little hard to read, not sure what he wants and could totally not be into me.

 

SO...........

 

My friends have encouraged me to keep dating other guys and respond to other guys when they are interested but It's hard because I like the other guy. But if I focus on him I may get hurt and miss out on a really great guy out there like she may have done with you if you've had enough and move on.

 

I'm not trying to lead any other guys on or hurt them. I sincerely hope to have a great relationship and don't want to put all of my efforts into one guy that may not be reciprocating my feelings.

 

So I think joker may be right. Course there are other possible reasons.

[dreamergrl]

My vote is she's seeing someone else.

[Island Girl]

She could be dating other people or at least one other person.

 

But I also think you have stretched contact out too much and didn't "strike while the iron is hot".

 

When she let it be known she had a great time on your date, why did you wait a week to call her to make another?

 

If I were in her shoes I'd read this as not too interested and so I would concentrate on the guys who really seemed to be into me.

[neverdonethis]

Wondering along with Island girl...Maybe she interpreted that week of not calling as you not interested.

[bartman22]

She could be dating other people or at least one other person.

 

But I also think you have stretched contact out too much and didn't "strike while the iron is hot".

 

When she let it be known she had a great time on your date, why did you wait a week to call her to make another?

 

If I were in her shoes I'd read this as not too interested and so I would concentrate on the guys who really seemed to be into me.

 

I didn't cal her because she told me that she was gonna be really busy with school for the next couple of days. Therefore I gave her some space to deal with that. Also, I really doubt there's someone else because I'm friends with her bestfriend and she hasn't mentioned anything. She actually encouraged me to ask her out. It just feels like she suddenly lost interest but I may wait for exam week to be overwith and call her up.

[Island Girl]

I didn't cal her because she told me that she was gonna be really busy with school for the next couple of days. Therefore I gave her some space to deal with that. Also, I really doubt there's someone else because I'm friends with her bestfriend and she hasn't mentioned anything. She actually encouraged me to ask her out. It just feels like she suddenly lost interest but I may wait for exam week to be overwith and call her up.

 

If I were in your shoes I'd have told her that I didn't want to bother her while she was busy with school and make plans RIGHT THEN for the next date.

 

Or at least tell her, "I'll give you a call on Thursday so we can set something up."

 

And FYI it would be out of line for her best friend to talk to you about the relationship.

Her loyalty is going to be, and should be, with her best friend.

[bartman22]

If I were in your shoes I'd have told her that I didn't want to bother her while she was busy with school and make plans RIGHT THEN for the next date.

 

Or at least tell her, "I'll give you a call on Thursday so we can set something up."

 

And FYI it would be out of line for her best friend to talk to you about the relationship.

Her loyalty is going to be, and should be, with her best friend.

 

Gotcha, well is it out of line for me to dig a little deeper with our mutual friend? In doing so, I'm afraid word would get back to the girl.

 

Also, any advice for what I should do from here on out? I'm worried that if I don't do anything it'll be over, but at the same time I don't want to sound needy. I'm considering texting her within the next two days saying something like, "Haven't heard from you in a while, hope your doing well. Wanna take a break from studying and hang out sometime this week?"

 

thoughts?

[MeMyself&I]

Gotcha, well is it out of line for me to dig a little deeper with our mutual friend? In doing so, I'm afraid word would get back to the girl.

 

Also, any advice for what I should do from here on out? I'm worried that if I don't do anything it'll be over, but at the same time I don't want to sound needy. I'm considering texting her within the next two days saying something like, "Haven't heard from you in a while, hope your doing well. Wanna take a break from studying and hang out sometime this week?"

 

thoughts?

 

My advice is DON'T bring it up to the mutual friend. It's HER best friend. It's going to get back to her and you will look needy and manipulative. If the friend brings her up you can say something simple back but DO NOT initiate it or at that point start pumping the mutual friend for feed back/information.

 

I think your text sounds good. I would make it the last attempt until you hear back from her as you are giving her the benefit of being busy with classes. But if she still doesn't respond, I think you have your answer.

 

I still have a strong feeling she is unsure of another relationship and isn't sure what she wants. I don't think it's that she doesn't want you just that there may have been someone before you that got her emotions going first.

[Island Girl]

My advice is DON'T bring it up to the mutual friend. It's HER best friend. It's going to get back to her and you will look needy and manipulative. If the friend brings her up you can say something simple back but DO NOT initiate it or at that point start pumping the mutual friend for feed back/information.

 

I agree with the above.

 

I don't think text is a viable option for communication in the initial stages of a relationship.

 

I would call and if you get voice mail - don't say "haven't heard from you in a while".

Just say "I hope your week is going well. Want to take a break from studying and hang out? Give me a call back so we can set something up."

 

You should approach things very sure of yourself until you know different.

[amerikajin]

A little background first...I am a good looking guy in college with a good job and future prospects. If anything, my personality is my downfall as I tend to be a little shy and play the "nice guy".

Anyways, I was at a party a month ago and noticed a girl who couldn't stop staring at me so I went over and introduced myself. We hit it off and talked for a while until she had to leave, at which point she gave me her number. I waited a few days and called her up to ask her out to which she said yes. We went to a sporting event where we talked for about three hours and discovered that we had a lot in common. One thing that I noticed was that she kept eye contact with me the entire time and moved close to me on several occasions. We also shared a drink at the game. I took her home later where we played with her pets for a little while and talked some more. Her roommate was there so I didn't want to make her feel awkward by kissing her so we hugged and I went home.

We texted back and forth for a few days after that and she made it clear that she had a great time and definitely wanted to do something again. So, about a week later I called her and asked her to get dinner to which she hesitated for a little while until she said that she "didn't think we should get dinner". This caught me completely by surprise so I basically left the ball in her court by saying to call me if she wanted to do something. She called me the next day and asked me to go with her for a run which I did. At the end of the run I made the mistake of bringing up the dinner situation to which she kind of beat around the bush about and didn't really acknowledge.

In the week since then, we have been texting back and forth a little...just small talk, nothing special. I decided that I'd like to talk to her about what's going on so I called her two days ago and left her a voicemail asking her to go for another run. She has not called or texted a response to this yet. I am giving her the benefit of the doubt as next week is exam week and she could be busy studying. However, I would imagine that she would have the common courtesy to respond in some shape or form over a two day period.

 

My question is where did I go wrong? Was I too pushy in that short of a time frame (<1 month)? Did I come across as too needy or too accessible? And finally where do I go from here? I don't want the flame to be extinguished completely and want to try to get things back on track. Any help appreciated

 

Meh, it's a college girl. It could be anything.

 

I don't know if waiting a week to call her was necessarily a bad move considering the age group we're dealing with her, but if it were me I'd probably just ask her out to a date one more time and then put the ball in her court. Looks like you may have already done that. I wouldn't contact her anymore. Stop texting her and see if she texts you. If she does then just keep it short and maybe one last time see if she's interested in coffee or a date or whatever. If not, then definitely move on. Don't let her waste your time.

[moman]

If you have any self-resepct, you will leave this flake alone. You're busy with other women, right?

 

Forget her, you have better stuff to do with your time than to chase around a flake.

[Chinook]

You know I agree with a couple of posts above - seems to me that she's seeing someone else. She can't spend her evenings with you because they belong to someone else. Running is a pretty 'safe' activity which can't be misinterpreted as anything other than running. If I were you, I'd leave her alone to get her head straight. If you keep calling you'll come off a bit desperate. If you back off it will give her time to think. If she doesn't come back, you have your answer. Some you win, some you lose.