Problems in the bedroom

[shoesies05]

I have got a great guy, love him so much. We have been together for 6 months now and were friends for a few months before dating, and its been great. Problems occur when we get to the bedroom though and it has been a bit hard on me.

 

I guess its that he doesnt stay totally hard,or sometimes cant get it up. When he does get it up, it will go soft sometimes and then i have to give him a BJ to get hard again. Now i like that sometimes, but it gets a little old- you know? We are both college students, fyi... and he's gotten checked and the doc said that he should be good and that its probably psychological. We've had talks about it, and in the begginning it was way worse than it is now ( but part of that is just that ive kinda gotten used to it)

 

Anyways- i think it is psychological but also that our styles just clash. We both like to be in control, and im good with him in control most of the time. But he pretty much only likes to be the one on top and its very rare he likes it when im on top. Which is the way that I can easily reach orgasm... So i dont know what to do, because I enjoy being on top and wish i could do it more often without feeling like he's not enjoying it or without him losing it. Now, when i move a certain way on top he really likes it and stays hard, but im not to fond of that way lol, and also it makes him orgasm really fast.

 

I've never had these problems with a guy before ( aside from maybe the orgasming too fast in the beginning of a relationship).

 

Are there any tips from anyone out there on the whole situation?

And no- i wont break up with him over this, i care too much about him to let this be the end of our relationship so please dont tell me to do that.

and guys: have you ever had this kind of happen to you?

 

THanks

[Bejita463]

I don't have any solutions off the top of my head, but I am relatively certain that if he's already been checked out the reason he is going soft is directly because he is worried about it happening.

 

It is a vicious little circle.

[bobdole]

I sometimes go soft with girl on top as well. Depends on what they are going. If they don't do anything than slightly slide back and forth there just isn't much stimulation to the male imo. Up and down, in and out is what I and probably most males like most. If you haven't tried it yet, squat over him and go up and down.

 

Try different things as well to try to get him excited. While hes driving down the road "stimulate" him slightly reaching across with your hand. When you think hes about had enough tell him to pull over somewhere secluded and get in the back seat (assuming you have a decently sized back seat in your car) and straddle him. Different scenery can make a big difference.

 

Also, you might get better hits if this were in the sexual health and reproduction forum. Answers could be more vivid as well.

[Kaii]

You mentioned that you like it on top because you can orgasm that way but he cannot stay hard...the only advice I have is that you can technically cum in any position that he can stay hard in if you use a vibrator. This works esp. well with doggy style, which most men like because they get a view of your ass and can watch their c*ock go in and out.

 

Maybe that would be enough visual stimulation to keep his mind off whether he can stay hard or not

[amerikajin]

I have found this genuine website if your looking for love it helped me out a treat!

 

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[amerikajin]

I have got a great guy, love him so much. We have been together for 6 months now and were friends for a few months before dating, and its been great. Problems occur when we get to the bedroom though and it has been a bit hard on me.

 

I guess its that he doesnt stay totally hard,or sometimes cant get it up. When he does get it up, it will go soft sometimes and then i have to give him a BJ to get hard again. Now i like that sometimes, but it gets a little old- you know? We are both college students, fyi... and he's gotten checked and the doc said that he should be good and that its probably psychological. We've had talks about it, and in the begginning it was way worse than it is now ( but part of that is just that ive kinda gotten used to it)

 

Anyways- i think it is psychological but also that our styles just clash. We both like to be in control, and im good with him in control most of the time. But he pretty much only likes to be the one on top and its very rare he likes it when im on top. Which is the way that I can easily reach orgasm... So i dont know what to do, because I enjoy being on top and wish i could do it more often without feeling like he's not enjoying it or without him losing it. Now, when i move a certain way on top he really likes it and stays hard, but im not to fond of that way lol, and also it makes him orgasm really fast.

 

I've never had these problems with a guy before ( aside from maybe the orgasming too fast in the beginning of a relationship).

 

Are there any tips from anyone out there on the whole situation?

And no- i wont break up with him over this, i care too much about him to let this be the end of our relationship so please dont tell me to do that.

and guys: have you ever had this kind of happen to you?

 

THanks

 

I've been that guy. In fact, things were bad enough for a while that I was beginning to think that I was having physical problems associated with gradual aging. Fortunately, I've been in a great relationship the last several months now and the sex has been unbelievably good for the most part. It was clearly psychological.

 

The difference between males and females is that a female can fake it, men can't. In fact, it's difficult to have sexual intercourse at all unless the man gets sexually stimulated. It's important to just be really patient and just deal with it for the time being. Even if you don't talk about it, if he can't get off or gets soft, he's probably going to be thinking about it. I know it must be difficult, but it's important to always maintain a supportive demeanor. Understand that it's not that he doesn't find you attractive; his issues are not related to you, they're probably just inside his head (could be anything - even the color of the bedsheets or something off the wall like that). I think sometimes guys might think a bit too much in bed when they should just zone out and let' er rip!

[texman]

I have got a great guy, love him so much. We have been together for 6 months now and were friends for a few months before dating, and its been great. Problems occur when we get to the bedroom though and it has been a bit hard on me.

 

I guess its that he doesnt stay totally hard,or sometimes cant get it up. When he does get it up, it will go soft sometimes and then i have to give him a BJ to get hard again. Now i like that sometimes, but it gets a little old- you know? We are both college students, fyi... and he's gotten checked and the doc said that he should be good and that its probably psychological. We've had talks about it, and in the begginning it was way worse than it is now ( but part of that is just that ive kinda gotten used to it)

 

Anyways- i think it is psychological but also that our styles just clash. We both like to be in control, and im good with him in control most of the time. But he pretty much only likes to be the one on top and its very rare he likes it when im on top. Which is the way that I can easily reach orgasm... So i dont know what to do, because I enjoy being on top and wish i could do it more often without feeling like he's not enjoying it or without him losing it. Now, when i move a certain way on top he really likes it and stays hard, but im not to fond of that way lol, and also it makes him orgasm really fast.

 

I've never had these problems with a guy before ( aside from maybe the orgasming too fast in the beginning of a relationship).

 

Are there any tips from anyone out there on the whole situation?

And no- i wont break up with him over this, i care too much about him to let this be the end of our relationship so please dont tell me to do that.

and guys: have you ever had this kind of happen to you?

 

THanks

 

Yup...I've been that guy...it IS hard on us too, believe me. I came out of a 20 year relationship, and have found it difficult to have that level of intimacy in the very beginning. But strangely, if I really don't care at all about the other person, it wasn't difficult...I'm in a relationship know, and love her very much, and that part of out life gets better and better. I got checked out by the doc, and I know it was/is psychological. What really exacerbated it was she'd never experienced this with a guy before. She really thought it was to do with her. When, in actuality, I was/am more attracted to her than ANYONE in my whole life! It is ugly, and vicious! I think we made it past it now...only to have other issues, that I'm about to post in another forum/thread

[shoesies05]

thanks everyone!the advice was nice, and its nice to see that others have gone through this as well.

 

i do know he likes it up and down, and i do that... its just it makes him orgasm really fast.

 

ill try the vibe trick- problem is he's not too keen on having toys in the bed with us ( ive tried it before) but we talked last night and he said hed be willing to try it.

 

haha- and speaking of car sex, we totally did last night.. and that was great

=)

 

thanks again

[texman]

thanks everyone!the advice was nice, and its nice to see that others have gone through this as well.

 

i do know he likes it up and down, and i do that... its just it makes him orgasm really fast.

 

ill try the vibe trick- problem is he's not too keen on having toys in the bed with us ( ive tried it before) but we talked last night and he said hed be willing to try it.

 

haha- and speaking of car sex, we totally did last night.. and that was great

=)

 

thanks again

 

Lemme tell you something...you've already discovered the secret...and that is...to KEEP AT IT, and don't GIVE UP...simple recipe.

[shoesies05]

Thank you. He is such an amazing guy, the only thing i would wanna do is try to make the sex better. I couldnt leacve him over it. He gets afraid i will, and he always says he feels like less of a man for it. And i just try to encourage him and tell him that it doesnt make him any less of a man at all.

 

Last night when we were hanging out he was afraid it was going to happen again so he didnt want to even try. But I was just like "snap out of it, if you think that way- then it obviously wont work" and- thankfully it worked out very well.

=)

 

I think deff. part of the problem is him being afraid he wont please me... any advice for this? because ive tried telling him that he does... but it still doesnt seem to get through to him sometimes.

[texman]

Thank you. He is such an amazing guy, the only thing i would wanna do is try to make the sex better. I couldnt leacve him over it. He gets afraid i will, and he always says he feels like less of a man for it. And i just try to encourage him and tell him that it doesnt make him any less of a man at all.

 

Last night when we were hanging out he was afraid it was going to happen again so he didnt want to even try. But I was just like "snap out of it, if you think that way- then it obviously wont work" and- thankfully it worked out very well.

=)

 

I think deff. part of the problem is him being afraid he wont please me... any advice for this? because ive tried telling him that he does... but it still doesnt seem to get through to him sometimes.

 

Be assertive...especially OUTSIDE the bedroom. If he likes to please you...LET HIM...for some of us, pleasing our partner gives us MORE joy than being pleased...but...over time, you will both find a rhythm that is just perfect for you both...

 

But...again...the key is to NOT stop for fear of a 'failure'...there is NO SUCH THING. If you define your intimacy by someone cumming, or both cumming, then you're gonna be in trouble.

 

Success is being able to be with each other, without reservations, or expectations.

[shoesies05]

You're right, we do focus too much on if one another has cum or not. Even if i don't, it doesnt mean i didnt enjoy sex. And i tell him that... but hes like set on making me cum probably because sometimes it can be extremely frustrating when i dont cum because its like im still all turned on and theres nothing i can do about it and he always like falls asleep after sex lol. Though sometimes he will go down on me to make me cum, which is really really nice. And i do try not showing him how frustrated i am when i do get that way ( which really isnt very often) but he reads me so well, and i cant hide it from him.

 

But i deff. dont see it as a failure if one of us doesnt cum, i just would prefer that we both do lol. I'll try and be more assertive about things outside of the bedroom. Thanks:D

[texman]

You're right, we do focus too much on if one another has cum or not. Even if i don't, it doesnt mean i didnt enjoy sex. And i tell him that... but hes like set on making me cum probably because sometimes it can be extremely frustrating when i dont cum because its like im still all turned on and theres nothing i can do about it and he always like falls asleep after sex lol. Though sometimes he will go down on me to make me cum, which is really really nice. And i do try not showing him how frustrated i am when i do get that way ( which really isnt very often) but he reads me so well, and i cant hide it from him.

 

But i deff. dont see it as a failure if one of us doesnt cum, i just would prefer that we both do lol. I'll try and be more assertive about things outside of the bedroom. Thanks:D

 

He probably loves to 'finish you off', even if he doesn't cum. Better yet, finish yourself off and let him watch...there are no rules.

[shoesies05]

haha- he doesnt really care to see it when i finish myself off, he wants to be the one to do it, but never with toys of any sort. That another problem we have- im a bit more kinky than him... but we are taking baby steps to flow better in that way.

[You'reasian]

How about asking him for more foreplay so that when you get it on, you finish stronger?

[texman]

haha- he doesnt really care to see it when i finish myself off, he wants to be the one to do it, but never with toys of any sort. That another problem we have- im a bit more kinky than him... but we are taking baby steps to flow better in that way.

 

baby steps are good...i have a hunch he's more kinky than you think..just not admitting it, YET

 

dirty talk is good, right in his ear, hot and breathy

[shoesies05]

We have plenty of foreplay 1/2 the time now... . Its helped make a huge difference from in the beginning.

[shoesies05]

haha- he is so uncomfortable talking dirty. but has made some improvements. and maybe he is a bit dirty and doesnt show it. but why wouldnt he, if im telling him i love it dirty?

[texman]

haha- he is so uncomfortable talking dirty. but has made some improvements. and maybe he is a bit dirty and doesnt show it. but why wouldnt he, if im telling him i love it dirty?

 

It took me a while to feel comfortable, even though she said she was. Not sure exactly why, but sexuality is a very complicated subject.

[shoesies05]

Im giving it time... it'll work out, all of it i hope. If not- ill still love him, and thats more important to me.

 

Yea, see i like getting talked dirty to- just dont do it too much myself, im always afraid ill say things too dirty for im lol. But when i do talk dirty i know so far yet he's like it

[texman]

Im giving it time... it'll work out, all of it i hope. If not- ill still love him, and thats more important to me.

 

Yea, see i like getting talked dirty to- just dont do it too much myself, im always afraid ill say things too dirty for im lol. But when i do talk dirty i know so far yet he's like it

 

EXACTLY...i was afraid that what i was going to say was gonna freak her out...

[shoesies05]

haha... im sure thats why a lot of people hold back with talking dirty. because man, its so hott... i dunno how people could NOT enjoy it.

[texman]

haha... im sure thats why a lot of people hold back with talking dirty. because man, its so hott... i dunno how people could NOT enjoy it.

 

It's a paradox