colosseum Posted April 22, 2009 Posted April 22, 2009 I think most heterosexual males will agree with me when I say that for us, interest is pretty black & white; we either are or are not (yes we date, but we can tell pretty quickly whether it's something we want to continue or not). Is it like that for women as well? I just saw a couple of posts that said that women will sometimes play hard to get if they're not interested, but will make it easy if they are interested. I ask because I've been interested in a couple of girls, but I can't tell where they are. Frankly, I don't think I have a chance because they're not very overt in how their expressions. But if I were to give myself the benefit of the doubt, I would say the girls are 1. entertaining the idea (is this ever a stage for women--"trying out" a date?) 2. playing hard to get (why I don't know) 3. just really shy. I know; not much of a benefit, right? If I wanted to be honest with myself I think I'm just making these theories up about how they feel, but ladies: Please help me understand how ladies think about men they are interested in: would you be all over him? Would you play hard to get, and why? Would you test him to see if he's up to stuff? Is there some interest-level scale of types?
shoesies05 Posted April 22, 2009 Posted April 22, 2009 I assume you are interested in someone (s) and this is why you are asking. For me personally I'm either interested in a person or not, but there are of course different levels of interest. There's the: hmm... he's hott the: He's hott and smart The; He's hott, smart, and we connect the: need to get to know him better the: i wonder what he'd look like on top of me the: this guy is amazing! is he interested in me too? etc, etc, etc... Generally- id say its tough for a guy to know if a girl is interested unless he asks her out. And i know that takes balls and all, but thats really the best way to know because every girl is different. Some will jump you at the sight of your "hott abs" or when she learns you love dancing and are really good at it. Then there will be the ones who will wait for you to make the move... in the end, always best to take matters into your own hands. And about playing hard to get: ive talked to a bunch of my guy friends, and they love it when girls play hard to get... as long as it isnt always that way. Thats proly why we do it, to keep you interested for a little while and to test you out a bit.
Bluebird In My Heart Posted April 22, 2009 Posted April 22, 2009 It wouldn't be much of a challenge if we just fell to the ground, lifted our skirt up and screamed, "Take me now, now, NOW!" ...now would it?
Bluebird In My Heart Posted April 22, 2009 Posted April 22, 2009 To answer your questions: ...Please help me understand how ladies think about men they are interested in: would you be all over him? Not really, to be honest. The more I saw him as a man with true potential, the less likely it would be for me to jump all over him. I wouldn't want to come off as too easy to get, or for him to think I lack discrimination. The way I think of it, if I'm into him a lot - they'll be plenty of time to show off my mad swinging-from-the-chandelier skills when the time is right. Would you play hard to get, and why? For me, it's not playing a game, or playing hard to get - it's a genuine interest in not getting too attached until I feel I know him better. Would you test him to see if he's up to stuff? No. I'd just like to get to know what he's all about. He wouldn't get to know the wonder that is me , unless we take the time to that, no? Is there some interest-level scale of types? Either I'm into him, or I'm not.
Taramere Posted April 22, 2009 Posted April 22, 2009 Is there some interest-level scale of types? I'll try: 0 Creeped out by, and want to get away from asap. 1. Not particularly keen on, but can tolerate being in the company of for a couple of hours so long as others are present 2. No noticeable chemistry, but like and would be friends with. 3. Chemistry, but too many doubts about individual to encourage romantic overtures. 4. Find attractive. Would be responsive to overtures despite one or two red flags - but with caution. Would not pursue if I suspected a sudden loss of interest. 5. Find attractive, like very much and have a generally positive, trusting feeling towards. In the event of a sudden apparent loss of interest, would make one effort to make contact in case there had been some misunderstanding.
Jersey Shortie Posted April 22, 2009 Posted April 22, 2009 Sometimes I am just shy which I think comes off as hard to get. Seriously though, I think men like a challenge even if they complain about it.
39388 Posted April 22, 2009 Posted April 22, 2009 Sometimes I am just shy which I think comes off as hard to get. Seriously though, I think men like a challenge even if they complain about it. Theres nothing wrong with being shy. SOME men do like a challenge, even when they complain about it. Do not count me among them. I'm sure there are quite a few men who enjoy the hard to get and game playing. I enjoy it about as much as hitting my head against a well. It wastes my time and is just too stressful for me. The couple women that clearly did this did nothing but leave me down and feeling hopeless by building things up and tearing them down. When people make themselves impossible to reach on the phone I end up frustrated and confused and I almost want to give up.
39388 Posted April 22, 2009 Posted April 22, 2009 It wouldn't be much of a challenge if we just fell to the ground, lifted our skirt up and screamed, "Take me now, now, NOW!" ...now would it? I wouldn't want that at all. They can be slow in revealing things. No problem at all. It's when they make themselves impossible to reach or when they play hot and cold about whether they even want you around. That is what I fear and what can make me discouraged. I know many disagree with me here. From reading this board, men and women seem to do these things about an equal amount.
Island Girl Posted April 22, 2009 Posted April 22, 2009 SOME men do like a challenge, even when they complain about it. Do not count me among them. Let's just imagine how many men a woman could find attractive in her average dating life. Let's say this woman isn't "hard to get" which would then mean she is "easy to get". So Miss Easy To Get is just that -- any guy she has been attracted to or remotely interested in has GOT her. And THAT would be attractive to you --- or not matter to you? So when you imagine Miss Right, she is 30 and has been with, what, hundreds of men and that'd be just hunky dory? C'mon man, she IS easy after all?
39388 Posted April 22, 2009 Posted April 22, 2009 Let's just imagine how many men a woman could find attractive in her average dating life. Let's say this woman isn't "hard to get" which would then mean she is "easy to get". So Miss Easy To Get is just that -- any guy she has been attracted to or remotely interested in has GOT her. And THAT would be attractive to you --- or not matter to you? So when you imagine Miss Right, she is 30 and has been with, what, hundreds of men and that'd be just hunky dory? C'mon man, she IS easy after all? No, you're misinterpreting my post. I don't want "easy" like what you say. I just want someone who communicates well and is honest. I don't need perfection or anything close. Is that too much to ask for? In fact, I'd like it if she would say "not interested" rather than stringing me along. As I said, what bothers me are things like phone games and not telling me the truth. When someone tells me X and means Y, there are likely to be hurt feelings. Maybe you can explain this to me. A number of people I've talked to tell me how they had to keep asking and asking the woman out until she said yes and eventually got married. I look at a "no" as a "no". In my life, when I have asked for anything after being told "no", there is usually a major argument when I ask for the exact same thing again, which of course I don't get.
donnamaybe Posted April 22, 2009 Posted April 22, 2009 I think people are confusing a simple "wait and see how things go" attitude with game playing. I think the OP meant the game player types. I agree. It's a bore and so high school. If I'm interested, I'm not going to pretend I'm not. That's just immature and manipulative.
39388 Posted April 22, 2009 Posted April 22, 2009 I think people are confusing a simple "wait and see how things go" attitude with game playing. I think the OP meant the game player types. I agree. It's a bore and so high school. If I'm interested, I'm not going to pretend I'm not. That's just immature and manipulative. Very well said.
monkey00 Posted April 22, 2009 Posted April 22, 2009 From dating experience, I've noticed that there are 2 types of girls: Type A) is the one that plays hard to get and uses the busy line. However she'll make some effort on her part to call you up or pick up the phone when you call and will call you back if they miss a call. Type B) is the one that plays never to get. And she gives you a busy line, never picks up the phone, never calls back - simply means she's not interested. I think a good practice to follow is if you try to set up another date with a woman..she makes an excuse, OK so you counter-offer with another day and time. If she makes another excuse again or she claims to be busy the rest of the week, then simply leave the ball in her court. You can say it straight out, or tell her to give you a call when she's free. Dating just requires a thick skin you have to build over time unfortunately.
MeMyself&I Posted April 22, 2009 Posted April 22, 2009 I think people are confusing a simple "wait and see how things go" attitude with game playing. I think the OP meant the game player types. I agree. It's a bore and so high school. If I'm interested, I'm not going to pretend I'm not. That's just immature and manipulative. I agree with this too. But it's also relative. Not every person responds to "hard to get" or on the flip side "obviously interested" the same way. I think it's a gut feeling thing. I show my interest throw out flirts make it clear I want to see the guy until I feel he may be backing away from me (by avoidance or less contact at his initiative). Then I slow down MY communication and let him show me he is still interested. I don't know that it is hard-to-get cause I've made it obvious I'm interested already and if he believes I'm flaky enough to change that over night then I feel he must be insecure (although it does happen). I've sworn a guy was in to me and then turned around and he is gone. Could be lots of reasons for this. But what I'm saying is that in all relationships professional, romantic, parental, friendships etc. we each have to assume different roles sometimes. To remain the same is to make things stagnant and one role doesn't meet every situation. There's a time in a relationship to be flirty, serious, strong, etc!! I think it's a good idea to let someone know you are interested. The key is to also let them know that you they would be an addition to your life not your "whole" life. When I see my girlfriends struggling with or analyzing a potential date/boyfriend/relationship and why they haven't called, why it didn't work out, etc., I remind them that the person doesn't make or break them and that they are the same, awesome friend, woman person they were before that person. Anyway............I digress!! lol I think somebody else said above that it's the difference of whether it's natural behavior for survival and success in a relationship or if it's based on manipulation.
samspade Posted April 22, 2009 Posted April 22, 2009 Don't waste time on girls who aren't showing clear interest. Hard to get is a waste of your time. When a woman is interested, you'll know. The hard to get ones will either come around or find someone else's time to waste. If YOU are putting in the effort and they're not responding, next her. Plenty of fish in the sea.
39388 Posted April 22, 2009 Posted April 22, 2009 Don't waste time on girls who aren't showing clear interest. Hard to get is a waste of your time. When a woman is interested, you'll know. The hard to get ones will either come around or find someone else's time to waste. If YOU are putting in the effort and they're not responding, next her. Plenty of fish in the sea. Excellent point. I need to make sure I next her quickly if I find her playing hard to get. I don't expect her to always be on the other end of the phone, but intentionally making herself very hard to reach means it's time to move on.
CommitmentPhobe Posted April 23, 2009 Posted April 23, 2009 The only women that play hard to get with me are the one's I'm not attracted to. I kind of pre-empt it within 5 seconds of meeting them It's really quite funny to watch them at it actually. Generally women, in my experience don't play games like that. They'll give you green light if they're interested The ones you've got to watch out for are the ones showing a lot of interest very quickly without meaning it at all. The really flirty ones. Although I've learned how to completely turn that round on them
Trialbyfire Posted April 23, 2009 Posted April 23, 2009 Don't confuse women who are playing hard to get, with the ones who are inherently hard to get. One is a gamer, the other is someone who's careful about who she gets involved with.
White Flower Posted April 23, 2009 Posted April 23, 2009 Please help me understand how ladies think about men they are interested in: would you be all over him? Would you play hard to get, and why? Would you test him to see if he's up to stuff? Is there some interest-level scale of types? TBF said it very well. Some will be all over him if they are forward; others will wait for him to make the first move because they are shy or just being 'proper'. Some will play hard to get because they were taught to by their mothers while others will play hard to get because they simply are. What do you mean by 'up to stuff'?
39388 Posted April 23, 2009 Posted April 23, 2009 Don't confuse women who are playing hard to get, with the ones who are inherently hard to get. One is a gamer, the other is someone who's careful about who she gets involved with. Ok, so I would say my ideal woman is *inherently* hard to get while I want to avoid women who *play* hard to get. Why does "hard to get" have multiple meanings? Who can I blame for that?
Jambalaya Posted April 23, 2009 Posted April 23, 2009 For me, it's not playing a game, or playing hard to get - it's a genuine interest in not getting too attached until I feel I know him better. That describes it perfectly for me. There's an element of dignity and fear of embarassment, fear of rejection thing too. Self preservation. However, over the years I've had enough of chasing. It's nicer to be chased.
Jersey Shortie Posted April 23, 2009 Posted April 23, 2009 Don't confuse women who are playing hard to get, with the ones who are inherently hard to get. One is a gamer, the other is someone who's careful about who she gets involved with. Agree. I think some men would consider me hard to get but it's not always because I don't like a guy. If I am not interested at all, you will know for sure.
Trialbyfire Posted April 23, 2009 Posted April 23, 2009 Ok, so I would say my ideal woman is *inherently* hard to get while I want to avoid women who *play* hard to get. Why does "hard to get" have multiple meanings? Who can I blame for that? But of course, blame the gamers!
Sam Spade Posted April 23, 2009 Posted April 23, 2009 It wouldn't be much of a challenge if we just fell to the ground, lifted our skirt up and screamed, "Take me now, now, NOW!" ...now would it? Challenge-shmallenge, I'd love that!
Sam Spade Posted April 23, 2009 Posted April 23, 2009 I really don't understand the concept of "hard to get". There are reasonable, well-mannered things men can do whle courting a woman, and if they are not reciprocated with signs of interest, it is time to move on (not to try harder.)
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