Ayla Posted April 22, 2009 Posted April 22, 2009 Hi Again -I have written the full story on another thread. But a simplified version - my bf broke up with me very suddenly a month ago - we were living in a different country. There were no warning signs. His reasoning is that he wanted to be single and did not have to be responsible to someone else for his actions. A week before we broke up he told me that what we had was better than most. 2 days before we broke up - we were talking about future plans etc. 3 days after we broke up he slept with someone that he met the week before we broke up...apparently "just sex". - when he originally met her they basically had nothing to do with each other. I found out about this the day after he slept with her, he came to see me before I left the country and was so cold and mean, later that day on the phone he admited to sleeping with her. Both the day that he broke up with me and the day after he selpt with her, I pushed him to tell me he did not love me. But he couldn;t. It was only on the phone when i tod him that I hated him and that he should be ashamed he said that he did not love me. Still at this point he had told no one that we had broken up. Anyway - it has been 3 weeks since that day and I have not heard from him. I have sent him a letter and a message telling him that I do not hate him and that I would like to speak with him, and still nothing. It feels to me that he I have the feeling that he is seeing this s**t that was "just sex". I have no proof for this feeling - but it is my gut feeling. Although my gut is also telling em that he loves me...I do not know why that is either. I believe that he will regret his decision one day, but by then it will be too late. My question is this...Do rebound relationships like what I think he is doing last??? Does he really not care about me at all?
NinaP Posted April 22, 2009 Posted April 22, 2009 hello.... as hard as it is try not to concern yourself with what he is doing y a know...easier said than done i know! this time is for to rflect upon the relationship take the lessons from it.... worst case scenario IF he is seeing her...then take comfort in the fact what begins messy ends messy.... u cant think he doesnt care...he wouldnt of been with u so long if he didnt but these thoughts will consume you because you still dont have the answers for why the break up happened...but u have to try and move past these thoughts itl wll only hurt u and drive u nuts he is no longer ur priority, u r number one now... ppl get scared become irrational, especially guys..... i know how u feel i really do and its so easier to give advice than take it....but inanswer to ur main question no i dont think rebound relationships last they form to fill the void of the ex....and that soon dies soon he will see the grass is not greener...but try and get urself to a point where u r not waiing to hear from him cos as tough as it is to hear he may not come back and ur life should not be put on hold..... i waiited 2 months torturing myself, for him to tell me he know what he is doing is selfish but he would rather do this now then do something silly than when we are togther down the line WTF so he wants to see what is out therestroke his ego then come back to me that is NOT love or if it is for him its not the love i want.... i hope u can feel more positive soon and believe everything happens for a reason......x
Peter_pan Posted April 22, 2009 Posted April 22, 2009 yes they do. my ex is with the guy she chose over me (knew him 3 weeks) and she is still with him over a year later. so yes.
ATR Posted April 22, 2009 Posted April 22, 2009 You need to define what type of rebound relationship it is: If it is one where the dumper/dumpee gets into it because they feel they need someone to get attention from as they are no longer with their ex's then no, it will not work (normally only lasts through the honeymoon period) However if the ex has dumped you, gone onto someone else straight away, they have more than likely already emotionally detached themselves then they can work. But then again they might see flaws in this person when they compare him/her to you, and seek your attention (i.e. not commited to their new relationship) Allot of evidence shows that rebounds DO NOT work. Some rebounds can last up to 2years sometimes, but will very rarely ever work out "forever".
Chinook Posted April 22, 2009 Posted April 22, 2009 Sorry, harsh as this sounds, your ex broke up with you exactly so he COULD go and have sex with this other girl... he was being truthful to you when he told you he didn't want to be answerable to anyone for his actions. What he actually meant was 'I want to be able to go sleep with this girl and I don't want you giving me crap about it'. Does this seem like the action of someone who loves and cares for you..? The answer is of course, no. Someone who walks out of your life, makes a VERY specific decision to sever the ties with you so that you do not figure in their future and you do not count in what they are saying or doing. Additionally, this guy is a real piece of work. He is only marginally better than a guy who would actively cheat on you because his INTENT was there before he dumped you. Someone like that does not love you, does not have your best interests at the forefront of their mind... so even if this relationship doesn't work out, why oh why would you really want him back...?!!
Sonic_chaos Posted April 22, 2009 Posted April 22, 2009 From my own person experiences from mates doing the rebound trick they dont work out, but that is only what ive seen. i remember a mate doing excatly what he is doing. As soon as he came out a long term relationship, jumped straight into another with a girl that just at first wanted no strings attached sex. That a month later started to grow abit more and after the initial, OMG what has happened. My ex doesnt love me anymore type thoughts, Soon the rebound was gone. He doesnt regret it though, And i dont think she did either. But the rebound moved away and that was that. Weeks later he got with another girl and needless to say, last october married her after 7 years of being together. I also have been toying with the idea of trying to heal myself with a rebound just sex relationship. But i could never forgive myself if my ex found out, as i love her so much and miss everything we used to do. Not because of loneliness just because i loved her so much. that would hurt her more knowing that i just needed sex. And even though it would be nice to feel wanted/hugged/kissed/touched etc it wouldnt be right. Having said that, my previous ex *which was a b*tch and really hated the way she was treating me* after we broke up i went on holiday and came back refreshed. When on a online dating site were i actually found my ex. And i dont regret it at all. Still dont. but i dont class it as a rebound relationship, as i loved her the moment i saw her and knew we was right..
Chinook Posted April 22, 2009 Posted April 22, 2009 Sonic, I'll let you into a secret... there are very few women who can do the actual 'no strings sex' relationship on a long term basis. I have several friends who started out FWB with a couple of guys and within weeks we'd have the 'what do you think he means by this?' kinds of conversations and when I pointed it out, they ended them because they knew the guy wasn't into them. From your point of view, you need time to have space and distance from the split with your ex. Engaging in a situ of 'just sex', feeling how you feel about your ex, is likely to make you feel like crap.
EmperorR Posted April 23, 2009 Posted April 23, 2009 my ex fiance is sitll with her rebound 8 monthslaterr
Author Ayla Posted April 23, 2009 Author Posted April 23, 2009 Thanks everyone for your words, advice and previous experiences. I am not sure what made all this happen, and it was rather sudden. If the interntion was there - he hid it really well, I am usually the first person to pick up on the smallest change. Like I said I have no proof that he is with this person or not. Our mutual friends have not seen him with anyone- so i am not 100% sure...however I know he slept with her. He said he wishes he had been stronger for me and us. So I don't know - but you are right, why would I want to be with someone like that who can do that to me. It really really hurts though. I never ever thought eh would do this to me. In fact a few days before we broke up he was talking about marriage and what we were going to do in the future. I am not sleeping much, and not eating much either - but trying to move forward. I have moved back to my home country and have a job interview in 3 hours. So hopefully something good will happen.
andy2009 Posted April 23, 2009 Posted April 23, 2009 My question is this...Do rebound relationships like what I think he is doing last??? Does he really not care about me at all? Every relationship has some problem, you should give him a chance.
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